Ugly, Bitter And True By Suzanne Rivecca

jenny slate, little weirds

mood

"Oh, they texted first!" This is not a line said during a girls' night sleepover.

This is in the middle of a brightly-lit set with Jihye perched on an armchair, a corner and a texting app separating her from her conversation partner. She's got no idea what the crew are saying, thanks to the Airpods nestled in her ears and unfortunate lack of lip-reading talent. She hesitates before responding, typing and then backspacing.

"What should I say..." She trails, before a newfound sense of resolve steels her. "I don't know... whatever! First I'll reply."

[TO: lucky charm] hiya~ [TO: lucky charm] i'm spring breeze!

She pauses, before sending another message.

[TO: lucky charm] are you perhaps... an E?

"do i just introduce myself?"

once yebin gets the okay from the producer sitting in front of her, she double checks the earbuds plugged into her ear before chuckling and looking down at her phone screen.

[to: ??] hi, i'm lucky charm [to: ??] i'm lucky charm because i'm pretty lucky. i'll make sure you get some of that energy today as well!!!!

"is this right?" she asks once more before laughing at her own antics. it had taken forever for her to come up with a nickname, and the one she did come up with was pretty random. did she have luck? on good days, yeah, but she wasn't that lucky of a person to claim it as a nickname. she would've chosen something to promote her upcoming album, but that would become too much of a mouthful, and she didn't want to hurt her thumbs anymore.

it's not like this video had much meaning in the first place, so she'd wait for the other to respond.

@idlingworship, filming this video

Jihye'll be honest: she's a serial 'we've got to meet up soon!'er. God only knows how many unanswered messages on Kakao she has, inbox full of unread plans asking when she's free so they can finally meet up. She doesn't feel much, if any, guilt. Chances are, they're just like her and asking for the sake of asking.

It's not like that with Eunchae, though.

Their friendship thus far's been more support coffee trucks, Kakaotalk messages and Music Bank interviews than real face-to-face time, but they'd finally found a serendipitous spot of overlapping free time to finally meet up. There'd been this perfume-making workshop Jihye'd seen on SNS, and with a minimum 2 pax for a solo class; she'd decided to extend an invite to Eunchae.

"Oh my god, I'm so sorry! We ended way later than I thought we would, but luckily traffic wasn't too bad on the way over. Did you wait for long?" Her apologies are profuse and endless, as she makes an impressive hop out of a still-moving taxi.

WE CAN GO WHEREVER YOU LIKE. with ♡, for @sunshinechae's eunchae.

Maybe she's less mysterious than she thinks. Jihye's jaw drops as the second message comes through, feeling strange at how accurate the read was. She spins around to check that the wall behind them's still up, keeping her identity anonymous, and her partner isn't peeking.

[TO: lucky charm] how... did you know....!

[TO: lucky charm] do Es know Is the moment they see them..?!

[TO: lucky charm] mbti at first sight

She's so immersed in the conversation, it takes their desperate waving for Jihye to notice the PDs holding up their sketchbook with the next prompt on it. "Oh, I actually..." She grins. "On the way here I made a playlist of the songs I've been listening to recently." Half of which belong to her. Is it chart fraud if she streams her own songs?

Deciding to look at her partner's playlist before she shows her own, she studies the songs on there carefully and hazards a guess. "I don't know why, but I feel like... it's a girl."

[TO: lucky charm] do you listen to music a lot?

yebin has to stop herself from screaming when her phone lights up with the notification of a text. when she was first told of this shoot, she didn't think much of it, but it was a lot more fun than she expected.

[to: spring breeze] i am an E! [to: spring breeze] what about you? my hunch tells me you're an I because most E's i know don't jump to mbti for a conversation starterㅋㅋㅋ

she didn't even know who was on the other side of the wall, but yebin was already having so much fun. when the producer in front of her asks her if her text is true, she nods. "it's what i've noticed! like i don't think i would have asked this person's mbti right off the bat," she confesses with another chuckle.

the producer puts up her sketchbook with the message show each other your playlists, and so she quickly goes into youtube music and screenshots the last few songs she's listened to. "okay, thankfully, i haven't listened to my own music."

there's a track from her former groupmate as well as other idols. it's a mix and match of a lot of songs, but anybody could tell that she mostly listens to fun, energetic music and kpop.

There's a tension in the silence that settles, heavy like a blanket over the room. Jihye knows she should do something as the leader, but frankly, she isn't completely convinced she'll be able to say anything suitable for broadcast to Jimin in this moment. Jimin, who's flitting about the room with a water bottle and excuses as to why she's unable to do what's expected of her, aegyo cloying.

"Yep." She chimes, keeps it as light as she can; nevermind her expressions for the past 30 minutes have looked like someone's shit in her salad. Jimin apologises to her with a pout and a blubbered explanation as she squeezes by. Mindful of the cameras still recording, Jihye smiles sagely and pats her on the back, telling her to rest and go over her parts.

Once inside the booth, Jihye straightens her lyric paper out. It's been through the wringer, having been scribbled on with her notes over the past week of preparing for it and acting as her stress ball, crumpled in her fist during Jimin's arduously long recording. She makes eye contact with the camera, and smiles awkwardly as she fits the headphones over her head.

"Ahhhhh... Okay, I'm ready." A quick warm-up, and she shows a double thumbs up to show she's ready to go. She doesn't plan on spending half as long in the booth as Jimin had, even though her parts were twice that of hers. "Do you want me to start from anywhere in particular?"

he gets it. it's an idol survival show. talent isn't really a prerequisite or even a consideration unless the superior qualities of looks and an endearing personality are missing. but there are still supposed to be limits to a human's ability to be simultaneously off-beat and unable to read the lyrics she's got right in front of her.

he's been patient, he swears. he's gone over the rhythm and delivery of each line over and over again, insisting she repeat it back to him before they even waste the time of actually recording it. it's clear she's just not cut out for the already simple job she's been given.

"okay," jaw clenched, he tries not to sound nearly as exasperated with all of the time that's been wasted as he is. "jimin — let's take a break. get some water or a snack and look over the verse some more and we'll come back to you."

his chair is on the verge of tipping over with the force with which he leans back into it as he all but gives up. the cameras still shooting only serve to sour his mood further, and he's well past the point of wondering why he'd taken this job offer in the first place. he's got deep blue now; maybe he should have just focused on that for the time being.

papers are flipped and rearranged as he draws circles and strikes through text, and then buttons are pushed and mouses clicked as his unhappy silence settles over the room. it's broken only when he looks over the shoulder of his chair, meeting eyes with the girl who'd seemed to be struggling with sitting through jimin's attempts just as much as he had been. "huh jihye, can you get in the booth?" it's not really a question with how thin his patience has been worn, but he tries to keep it friendly. it's not her fault half of the people on this godforsaken show need to be pursuing a different career.

i am not afraid of storms, for i am learning how to sail my ship.

432 words on jihye's thoughts about the antifragile album.

the hydra: starting off very strong, it's a challenge from the very first line. 'do you think i'm fragile?', jihye's credited as the sole producer & lyricist on the track. in line with the theme of the album, 'antifragile', she borrows the title from the greek myth of the lernaean hydra. for every head cut off, the hydra'll grow two more heads in its place. a very direct message to those trying to cut them down for the feminist message of 'tomboy', it's a bold declaration that future/femme are here to stay.

antifragile: their title track! for their first-ever comeback, jihye wanted to cement their voice and message and let everyone know f/f are the ones to watch. with partial production credits, it's a thrilling, upbeat earworm instrumental that sticks around in your head even if you just pass by a store playing it. the lyrics, which jihye co-wrote, are also unabashedly confident, with lines like 'i'll climb higher' showing her greed for success. even if they've been hurt in the past, it's only strengthened them.

impurities: and look, they're not perfect. they've never claimed to be- even if jihye'd like everyone in the world to think otherwise. she co-wrote this one, and for the bridge, possibly one of her favourite lyrics she's ever written, are the lines 'power stronger in adversity / i'm not afraid of the overwhelming shadow / i'll have it all, what i desire / just because it's what i am.' she's the most honest when she makes her art, and this is very much who huh jihye is.

no celestial: very, very special song to her! it's the first full song she's released that's ever been totally hers, in term of both production and lyrics. a little bit contradictory to her actual self/image, the song talks about being imperfect and embracing that, using celestial imagery. cutting off your wings, and falling down to earth with no fear, jihye personally thinks it's the song that describes f/f's the best. whenever asked what her favourite track is, it's this! no competition.

good parts: easy listening, with very straightforward lyrics. jihye's a cowriter, and one of the lines she wrote, 'everything's so blurry, but i hope it's polaroid' is a callback to one of their previous songs off i never die. self-love is easy to write about for her, because jihye loooooves herself, even the less-than-ideal parts. is it a good or bad thing if she's aware that she's not a good person all the time but chooses to keep those bad traits? who knows. she'll love herself regardless.

THE IDOL (2022) with Abel Tesfaye (The Weeknd) and Lily-Rose Depp

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