INTP’s & Low Self-Esteem

As an INTP, I believe that this MBTI personality type is amongst the most prone to having a lack of confidence & self-esteem, especially in youth when lower functions aren’t fully developed. Other types can suffer from this problem too of course, but because of the INTP functional order it seems that this is more likely to happen to this type than to most of the others.

Low Self Esteem Ti/Fe = overly analytical and self-critical

Ti analyzes and criticizes data in a logical way, while Fe makes sure that everyone feels involved and has their needs met. Typically, an INTP that has low self-esteem is extremely self-critical, often downplaying or even ignoring their positive qualities. Because Ti/Fe is a judging axis, this means that the person in question might judge themselves to be inferior to others. They therefore believe that they can’t form meaningful relationships or make people feel proud of them. What they should do is to not over analyze things or blame themselves when there are factors at play that they have no control over, such as the actions of others.

Low Self Esteem Ne/Si = poorly focused and stuck in the past

Ne considers all of the ideas and possibilities available, while Si uses past experiences to consider what to do next. This can mean that an unconfident but hard-working INTP might be poorly focused and therefore fails to follow through on a goal, which leaves them feeling unaccomplished. They might also be unable to move on from past mistakes which create senses of failure. What they should do is to focus on the idea that they believe is best after considering only the most suitable ideas, and should not let any failures deter them from trying new things.

INTP’s live in an extroverted SJ world that values, rewards and gives attention to activities and behaviours that INTPs usually don’t excel at. This lack of positive feedback can often drag them down emotionally, and inferior Fe means that emotions or relationships are often difficult for them. Most INTP’s want to prove that they are smart and knowledgeable about what they are interested in, but can often end up feeling ignored and unappreciated. Some INTP’s hate being proven wrong as well, as they like using logic and facts to win arguments. But they are human after all, and can sometimes get things wrong just like everyone else.

To avoid self-esteem problems INTP’s should seek to find a societal niche where they can feel like they’re being true to themselves and that they’re being valued and accepted, despite their unique traits. They shouldn’t be afraid of failure or being wrong either, and should see these things as opportunities to learn and grow.

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I am saving this just in case

how to get an INTP to like you

jokes? puns? yes please

so long as you aren’t making them for attention–we haven’t got that much attention to give

appreciate our obscure references. You don’t have to actually understand, just smile like you do

feed us

be able to hold a conversation, and also sit with us in silence

periodically supply us with books referrals, useless facts, and random trivia

yes, we are often self-destructive, but don’t smother us with your protection. Let us walk into walls sometimes, it brings us back to reality

did I mention we like food

don’t call our ideas stupid or impractical, even if they are. Gently supply advice

if we finally fall asleep, do not awaken us. Do Not.

small doses of affection at first. We are affection-starved and have learned how to operate without it. INTP will rebel if showered with affection too soon

if we come to you, don’t shut us down. We’re Fe stupid, and will take it to heart and never approach you again

really we’re cats. Just treat us like you would a cat

we’ll probably even chase the red dot

inspire us, but don’t pressure us to do better

how to snag yourself an INTP

make the first move

if we’re brave enough to approach you first and you don’t respond super well, we’re really stupid, so we’ll think you hate us

get us talking about whatever it is we love

then talk about what you love, because that’s fascinating

you do actually have to talk to us, we’re not talented enough to run a monologue

make us feel valued. I mean, don’t worship the ground we walk on, but just let us know you thought of us

don’t belittle us, even jokingly. We might laugh, but we’re actually taking it to heart

demonstrate your intellect in some way. I don’t mean your books smarts–your intellect. Are you people smart? Music smart? Street smart? Got a unique view of life? We’ll love it, absolutely eat it up

if we like you, we don’t mind being taken care of in small ways, like if you bring us a muffin from the batch you made. We might even like it. But…

don’t smother us (literally or metaphorically, please). Don’t ask us 57 times if we’ve eaten, or drank water, or if we slept. We’re not your child

you don’t always have to understand what we’re talking about; just appreciate our unique view, like we will yours

look past whatever mask we’re putting up, and let us know, through gentle words or sincere action, that it’s okay for us to just be us

really we’re just people, but also our own special person, and we like to be treated as such

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