[ The Cannibal's Delight. ] [ The Lone Monarch. ]

Once again randomly remembered this story about a couple who had a small parrot - pretty sure it was a budgie - who didn't talk but learned to communicate with people in its own way. Once it figured out that people always turn to check their phones when the notification sound comes on, it started making the text message notification sound to request human attention. The parrot also liked to follow people to the door whenever guests were leaving, and would use its wings to pantomime the motions of a person putting their coat on. A very clever, charming bird.

And every once in a while it just randomly hated some people. Not for any real reason, or even reason to suspect bad vibes, but by deciding "fuck this person in particular" for shits and giggles alone. And one time when the owners had invited a new friend to their home, the bird decided that it Did Not Like Her.

So in the middle of polite conversation, the bird - who was free to roam around the apartment at the time - hopped onto the living room coffee table, right in front of the unwanted guest. And in that moment, the owners put two and two together and understood that whatever mischief the bird had decided to do, it was now too late to stop it.

But instead of unleashing the absolute hell that even the tiniest displeased parrot could be capable of, the little budgie made its little "may I have your attention please" cell phone notification sound, and once the guest was focused on the bird, looked at her dead in the eye while doing the putting-my-coat-on wing motion.

The guest did not recognise the pantomime for what it was, but she was nonetheless delighted that the parrot would do a little wing-roll dance for her. And the host couple were at first too stunned and then too polite to tell her how impressive that gesture truly was. Their bird had shown both remarkable restraint and cleverness by using its entire vocabulary of human communication just to say

"I have an important announcement: I think you should leave."

I think some people forget that some literature and some media is meant to be deeply uncomfortable and unsettling. It's meant to make you have a very visceral reaction to it. If you genuinely can't handle these stories then you are under no obligation to consume them but acting as if they have no purpose or as if people don't have a right to tell these stories, stories that often relate to the darkest or most disturbing parts of life, then you should do some introspection.

its hc time again. adding onto the popular hc of akito being talented at art and ena being talented at singing, i imagine the type of sibling they wanted was reversed, too.

ena always wanted an older sister, someone who was mature, responsible, and caring; someone who would offer her advice, guidance, and a shoulder to lean on when she was struggling or needed help.

instead, she was the older sister. and yet, she was nothing like the type of sibling she wanted or wanted to be. she was harsh and irritable, childish and prone to throwing tantrums. she couldn't even solve her own issues, let alone help her little brother with anything.

akito always wanted a younger brother, someone who was upbeat, admiring, and supportive; someone who would look up to him and be inspired by him; someone who would think of him as a role model to aspire to be.

instead, he was the younger brother. and yet, he was nothing like the type of sibling he wanted or wanted to be. he was rude and cynical, critical and averse to praising others directly. he didn't even have it in him to love himself, let alone show his sister he admired her.

they were stuck with each other, stuck with the kind of sibling that the other wanted but couldnt have. they were stuck with themselves, stuck with the image of what kind of person they could have been, what they should have been.

but in the end, it really wasnt so bad. though ena had a quick temper and easily lashed out, she was also observant and attentive, always stubbornly making sure that her brother was alright and looking after him. though akito was blunt and had a tough, aggressive exterior, he was also thoughtful and patient, always accompanying his sister when she needed it and tried to show his appreciation of her.

sometimes, ena and akito still think of how the person they never ended up being, how they never truly embodied the kind and supportive individual they so desperately wanted in their life. but then, they're reminded that that was only what they wanted, not what their sibling wanted. they're reminded of how much they love their sibling, and how much their sibling loves them. and if their sibling can love still love them despite all their flaws and imperfections, that maybe, just maybe, it would be alright for them to love themselves like that, too.

woke up and someone spilled vanilla extract all over my dash, so as punishment you strange little beasties are getting all the VANILLA FACTS i know:

vanilla is the 2nd most expensive spice in the world (2nd to saffron)

which is why more than 99% of what we call "vanilla extract" is actually vanillin (vanilla's dominant flavor compound) and is not extracted from real vanilla.

luckily, even professionals struggle to tell the difference when it comes to things like baked goods. but there is a distinct difference in non-heat treated products like vanilla ice cream. real vanilla has a more complex, individualized flavor profile.

why is vanilla so expensive? because it is a ridiculously delicate & demanding crop. complete primadonna.

vanilla beans come from vanilla orchids. these crazy flowers bloom for A SINGLE DAY and have to be HAND-POLLINATED in a process that is exhausting, delicate, and requires specialist knowledge passed down over generations.

then, if you're lucky, you get vanilla beans.

which then require months of further specialized treatment.

the entire process takes about a year and can go wrong at any stage

vanilla has been cultivated for over 800 years (possibly much longer). the first known cultivators are the Totonac, an indigenous people of Mexico.

the Aztecs used it as a sweetener to balance out the bitter taste of cocoa. it was popular in a drink called xocolatl--the precursor to modern hot chocolate!

it is only pollinated by a very specific orchid bee!!!

which is why no fruit could be grown outside of Mexico until the 1800s

Edmond Albius, born into slavery, invented the pollination method we still use today--launching a global industry when he was just 12 years old.

today, the majority of the world's vanilla is grown in Madagascar

if you want real vanilla, read the labels carefully--it's harder to find than you think!

in conclusion, those tiny black specks you see in fancy vanilla ice cream? those are vanilla bean seeds! itty bitty orchid seeds!!! they are delicious and also a PRISSY BITCH!

(src)

What Pets Write in their diaries 

Excerpt from a Dog’s Diary………8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!

9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!

9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!

10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!

12:00 PM - Lunch! My favorite thing!

1:00 PM - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!

3:00 PM - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!

5:00 PM - Milk Bones! My favorite thing!

7:00 PM - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!

8:00 PM - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!

11:00 PM - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!

Excerpt from a Cat’s Diary…Day 983 of my captivity….My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape.

In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet. Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of.. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a ‘good little hunter’ I am. Bastards. There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event.. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of 'allergies.'I must learn what this means and how to use it to my advantage. Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow - but at the top of the stairs. I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously stupid. The bird has got to be an informant.I observe him communicating with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe…for now.

miku where’s my sekai.

miku im a mentally ill young person with decent singing ability who likes music miku listen to me. miku please.

Au where instead of Damian marching right up to Bruce and declaring he’s heir to the bat, he snoops around a bit first. Talia tells him that his father is great but his favorite trainer (Jason bc I live for these two being sibs in the league even if at this point Damian doesn’t realize that’s what Jason was yet) claimed his father is a disaster. Both end up being true so Damian makes a plan to enjoy the best of his father’s lineage while avoiding the shame of his bloodline. Mission: Get Adopted!

Yes yes yes someone write a fic I wanna read it

how must the Dick -> Jason Robin switch have looked to the Gotham Rogues. it's not as if they did a formal 'attention, Robin has quit his job and will now be operating as Nightwing' announcement. like after a certain point it must have become like a Known Thing that periodically Batman gets new sidekicks. but that first changeover must have messed w people's heads right??

like. you are a B-list Gotham Rogue. You haven't seen Robin in months. You've asked around and no-one else in the circles you move in has seen him either. You're starting to get worried but you aren't sure if you have the kind of relationship with the Batman where it would be appropriate to ask after his sidekick's wellbeing. Every time he shows up Robin-less you get progressively more stressed out.

i always forget my grandma used to be a clown so it caught me the fuck off guard when she saw this

and no hesitation saying “oh it’s that creepy clown- oh he’s drinking that’s against clown code”

One way to survive in a ruined world.

+original drafts under the cut