Title » Dating Hcs

snap shoot !!

yukimiya x gn!reader // fluff // 375 words // requested

warnings: cameras

taglist — 🏷 // @asprosworld ; @mngoxbinsu ; @shinehyuk ; @trashlord-007. if you’d like to be added, send in an ask or dm!!

“woah, the birds are so pretty!”

arm intertwined with his, you curiously point out a pair of pale white birds that seem to blend in with the fluffy ivory clouds.

yukimiya hums in agreement, a faint smile etched on his strikingly handsome features. a soft zephyr dances in the air, ruffling his chestnut beret and making both your coats slightly flutter.

you’ve always liked these moments with him - even if it’s silently walking along the promenade in tandem, or sharing a mellow coffee at a tiny rural cafe, they all seem to have an underlying vigour.

maybe it’s just because you’re with him.

“hey! hey, you two!”

a loud but not impolite call snaps you from your thoughts, and both you and yuki turn to face the stranger clutching a camera adorning his neck.

“do you two mind if i take some photos? i’m trying to have a photoshoot capturing strong emotions.”

“strong emotions?” you question, glancing nervously at yuki, who reassuringly smiles at you.

“well, love is a strong emotion, is it not?” yuki helpfully supplies. “sure. we don’t mind at all, take as many as you need.”

“great! just pretend i’m not here, and just enjoy the moment.”

for a few minutes, you’re consciously aware of the camera lens pointing at you, but you soon forget it as you bask in the comfort of yuki’s presence.

it feels like no time before the photographer motions that he’s done, and thanks you two for your contribution.

“i really appreciate this. your names?”

“ah, kenyu yukimiya, and y/n yukimiya.”

your mouth falls open in shock at his words - you’re only dating - but the photographer simply laughs.

“you two are so cute together. did the whole world a favour by marrying, huh!”

and even though it’s the first time yuki and the camera person has met, they exchange knowing looks filled with something transcending human comphrension before laughing like old friends. you can’t help but smile too, too caught up in the moment.

before you know it, the photographer has picked up his camera once more, and taken a photo.

he swivels the camera screen to face you two, and there it is - your amused smile and yuki’s joyful one, captured on camera for eternity.

☆ - SEWING GLASS GC ,,, ★ ,,, MIKA KAGEHIRA x READER — @ritsufeet

6 // “secret santa”

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you sighed, fiddling with your fingers while waiting for the others to arrive. the creaking sound coming from the sewing class door entrance caught your attention and your head turned.

“oh, yer here already [name]? i didn’t take ya for the early type.” mika chuckled as he closed the door behind him. you hummed, “yeah, me neither. i didn’t take shu for the late type.” you rest your head lazily on your arm picking at the wood on the desk.

the door suddenly burst open, kuro and shu standing where the loud bang came from. “we’re here!” shu announced, a black box in his arms and kuro standing tall behind him.

“yer usually not this late, oshi-san. where’ve ya been?” mika rushes to him and tilts his head, “and what’s that box yer holdin’?”

“we’re doing secret santa, don’t ya remember mika?” kuro pats him softly on the head, “let’s get this on with. we only have a few days until christmas.”

Keep reading

SEASON OF LOVE - LOVE FLOWERS

pairing: kaiser x gn! reader

day 0 ← masterlist → day 2

he stood in the flower shop. a stranger in a strange land. michael kaiser had never bought flowers for a partner before; it felt strange and unfamiliar. looking around, unsure of what to do, he felt like an intruder. like he wasn't supposed to be there. like he didn't belong.

he felt the eyes of the shopkeeper upon him, judging him, and he felt a sudden wave of anxiety veil over his being.

it was the time of year when the flowers were in full bloom. the air was filled with the sweet scent of roses, and the streets were lined with colourful bouquets of daisies and lilies. he felt it was his duty to buy you flowers since having first heard your fondness for the delicate bloom. so why did it feel disingenuous to be standing here in middle of all the beautifully cut and arranged flowers in pretty pots waiting to be taken home to you?

"how may i help you sir?"

it was the same shopkeeper who had been inspecting him with a look of disgust or disapproval. which one it was, kaiser didn't know. but he didn't really care

"yes actually. i'm looking for flowers to get for my partner."

"a partner...so what are their favourite flowers?"

"i'm not entirely sure."

"you're not sure." he sounded so utterly disinterested it almost offended kaiser. "favourite colour perhaps?"

it finally struck him. he didn't deserve to be your romantic partner at all. he had no idea how to make a romantic gesture, how to express his feelings in a way that would be meaningful to his beloved. kaiser felt like a clumsy child, unable to speak matters of heart. but then again, even children knew their crush's favourite colour.

"see, we don't really talk about that..."

"it really isn't my place to comment...but, perhaps seek out a relationship therapist rather than just buying flowers as an apology."

how dare he? kaiser didn't need some stupid flower shop to get flowers. he didn't need this treatment. he didn't deserve it.

"as you said, it's not your place to comment."

kaiser still felt unfamiliar and like an intruder, the only difference was that he didn't care to fit in anymore. so he left. the only problem that now remained was getting you those flowers.

it wasn't long before he found himself in front of a gaping meadow. the meadow was a vision of beauty, a tapestry of colour and texture, a dreamscape of wildflowers. while the sun shone down from a cloudless sky, the air was alive with the scent of spring and kaiser felt like he was about to drift away. the grass was a lush, vibrant green, and the flowers were a riot of pinks and purples, yellows and blues. a breathtaking harmony of nature's bounty.

perfect for you.

the figure of a man, moved slowly through the meadow, his gaze intent on the flowers that surrounded him. he was picking them, one by one, carefully selecting the most beautiful blooms and holding them in his hand gently. he imagined how you would react. a bright smile for sure, he couldn't wait for that smile. like a ray of sunshine, illuminating the room with its warmth and beauty.

in fact, when he gave you those same flowers, some with their roots still sticking out, dirt under his nails, you smiled. oh you smiled so so brightly, if the sun was still out your smile would've been a fair competitor.

"for me?"

"who else?" he said sheepishly, holding the flowers out to you while looking away. it was quite unnatural for you to see him like this, but you didn't mind really.

"why would you pick them yourself? there are are flower shops for a reason..."

"i didn't like any of the flower arrangements there."

"oh yeah? so what makes your flower arrangement better." you teased. you knew he hadn't thought that hard about it but you were curious to see what he'd come up with on the spot.

"the smoothness of the petals remind me of your soft skin, under my touch–"

"is that so?" you couldn't help giggling, he looked so passionate about it, it felt unreal.

"shh i have more to say. the sweet fragrance of the blooms reminds me of your sweet smiles." he was getting closer to you now, pulling you in by the waist. he didn't even have to whisper for you to hear him.

"shut up." your body shaking with laughter, you could feel a blush burning your cheeks.

"i was reminded of the way you laugh, your head thrown back and eyes sparkling with joy, when i saw the way the petals seemed to dance in the breeze."

he leaned in, lips brushing against yours in a series of small kisses. you giggled, eyes twinkling with delight just as he had said, and you couldn't help but smile. you stayed like that for a moment, lips barely touching, and then you both burst into laughter.

the air was filled with a playful energy, and you were glad you had him with you here, close and warm. you stayed like that for what seemed like an eternity, bodies intertwined in a passionate embrace, and you knew that you had found your home.

late nights thoughts — kaoru hakaze.

the way kaoru holds you at night, firmly, while he thinks about how lucky he is to have you right there, right next to him. maybe it was meant to be, maybe all of it was random—even so, kaoru is glad that things went this way: the way where he was able to tell you his honest feelings, uncovering his whole heart to you; with words that have never been this true, this sincere before. "promise me: that you will always look out to me, so will i. you will always be my first thought, from when my eyes open until they don't shut. and if i have a dream, you will be the main focus of it." if only he realized, you are not a dream, not anymore: you're now something true, that he waited for so long. his search was over: now kaoru knew what it felt like to love someone, that he was just staring at before falling asleep. next to him, right next to his heart.

— nyakaze, 2022. do not plagiarize, repost as yours or translate. reblogs are appreciated <3

Being a writer is just 97% googling words to make sure they mean exactly what you always assumed they meant.

¡ ! ❝ REDAMANCY . . ❞

╰┈➤ ❝ [27] collapse ❞ | m. list | prev. | next

natsume sakasaki x reader smau

warning(s) : cussing, death mention, sakasaki natsume is a simp, rip mao im sorry ill write a mao fic as an apology for what i put him through one day i promise

w/c : 1.1k

wataru hibiki has, in his time at yumenosaki academy, seen many dreams crumble. he's witnessed many dreamers fall apart, give up and leave, become a shell of who they once used to be. he's familiar with this particular feeling of loss, of not remembering who you once were; who you wished to be. 

it's a common experience and he has long accepted it strikes when least expected, to the ones you least expect it to happen to, because their dreams are simply too precious– too pure, yet they're still thrown into such a distressing situation.

he wishes he could keep that view, keep looking at the world in black and white, see the evil in the good and the purity in the bad. perhaps it would be easier, less taxing on the mind.

and yet, he hesitates, finds himself looking for an exception; a fault in his theory. he feels his gaze wandering around the ballroom– black and white, filled with fraudulent faces– only to be met with the smiling face of the one who so dearly refers to him as his 'master'.

he protected natsume once, he can do it again, and yet as he truly focuses on his expression, wataru finds there is nothing to protect the boy from.

he's smiling– truly smiling, with his entire being, because natsume has found his safe place.

wataru thinks he is okay with that. as his gaze slides to the person natsume is looking at so fondly, he finds himself relieved she's looking at him the exact same way, like he himself hung the stars and the moon in the night sky. 

perhaps, perhaps some dreams won't crumble

contrary to the flourish in natsumes speech and movements, he hates social events that include the higher classes. he’s been trained for them, taught how to behave, move, interact, stand, lift a glass,.. he knows it all. he has always, always hated these. so then why does he find himself so at ease at this specific event?

because it celebrates his mother? his friends are here? the color scheme makes him feel at ease? no.

you laugh at something kohaku says and suddenly he has the answer to all the questions running through the back of his mind, and he knows it’s you and it’s always been you and it always will be you.

because natsume sakasaki gazes down at you like you are his sun and his world revolves around you; he wants to be yours– he is yours, but only if you want him to be. he thinks he would continue being yours even if you didn't desire it to be so, he simply couldn't stop following the predetermined route he is meant to take; following the course mapped out for him, much like the planets you hold so dear orbit the sun (and he hopes you hold him dear, too).

he finds himself desperately wishing soulmates were real because then his feelings would make sense because now he just feels and he doesn’t understand why.

and yet as you turn his way when you notice him walking towards you with that breathtaking smile of yours and something akin to sparkles in your eyes, his heart starts racing a mile a minute and he’s not even sure he can walk properly anymore. is this a curse? is he dying? what have you done to him?

“natsu! you were so great! i wish you would’ve seen yourself! err, well, i suppose performing was better but- not the point! ahhhh, i wish i had recorded it.. actually i think tsukasa said–”

you went on animatedly explaining whatever it is you were saying while he just stared. he wishes he could listen but he’s gonna be absolutely, brutally honest, he can’t bring himself to. his ears are ringing and his palms are suddenly sweating and holy shit has it always been so hot in here? where’s all the air from his lungs gone? why is his throat so dry? oh god you’re looking at him and what were you even saying oh go-

“natsu? are you okay? would you like to sit down for a bit? i’m sorry, i should’ve known you were tired– come, i’ll go get you some water,” you grab onto his elbow and pull him along with you universe knows where and he just lets you. 

suddenly he’s sitting in a chair and you’re fawning all over him; checking his temperature because apparently his ’forehead is too warm’ and sending mao to get some water (which he, to everyones surprise, does) while kohaku and tsukasa keep the other guests away from your unsuspecting corner and natsume just dazedly stares up at you while you gently push his bangs back with a look of genuine concern for him.

suddenly, air re-enters his lungs and his throat opens up, but the ringing and the fuzz in his brain remain. he doesn’t think you’ve ever been so close to each other before and frankly, it’s making him lightheaded. his amber eyes trace the curves of your face and he’s late to realize he could probably count your lashes if he really wanted to (he does, god does he want to) and, makeup be damned, even without it you put all beauty standards and so-proclaimed “most beautiful women in the world” to shame. 

despite the fuzz there is a singular coherent thought swirling in his brain, he thinks you’re beautiful. no, gorgeous. no, that’s not quite good either.

“you’re ethereal..”

and yet, that still doesn’t fully capture your essence. heavenly might be close. breathtaking? heartstopping? not quite.. they need to come up with a new word for you specifically because whatever high natsume is riding on, he can’t find a word good enough for you.

you’re looking at him in the eyes with an adorably flustered face and your hands are no longer messing with his bangs or touching his forehead and he’s a little slow to realize he accidentally voiced his thoughts when he sees you give him the softest of smiles; his face now feels 10 times warmer than before.

“thank you, i would say the same about you. ethereal, breathtakingly so,” your hand slides from his forehead to cup his cheek and natsume sakasaki thinks he might short circuit.

“i think i’m in love with you..”

your hand freezes and natsume begins to regret every life decision that’s led him up to this point but then he feels the soft press of your lips against his and, perhaps, he should give himself a pat on the back instead.

mao isara, however, regrets agreeing to come along the moment he walks past the curtain separating you from the rest of the guests just to see you kissing his “arch nemesis” and he’s forced to accept there is nothing, no deal, no faking; you love natsume sakasaki and he can’t do anything but watch. he turns on his heel and walks away, leaving the glass of water with kohaku and with the excuse of needing some fresh air, he exits the ballroom.

╰┈➤ synopsis ❝after yumenosaki academy resident magician and eccentric sakasaki natsume asks you to “go out with him”, you immediately shut him down. so why is he dedicating a song to you at a switch concert? and why are people whispering about you being the cutest couple?❞

✩₊˚TAGLIST : @myunghology @shionszz @ikasaeki @zephestia @1072v @drihihihi @homonatsume @lialibrary @hugs4shizu @mikctp @emikoisdead @ara-arashi @disa-ster @tjjjrsj @solemn-soliloquy @bxkugzo @buns-inhiding @calxrein @gxwesn @kzmeru @valeriele3 @444neapolitain @theloverofscaramouchie @thelocal-idiot @lunalightlyy @promisedswords @gabirii @booklover-valkyriep @mahouwoageru @kazemiya @yellowdialover @engurishu @ttsukipi @6ellyache @anndangtramcam @pocchapoccha @stxrgxzxr @tamayoris @dexocore @zhenyuus @lunavixia @taruruchi @momomijileaf // ask/comment to be added/removed! (if you’re in bold i can’t tag you)

reblog to fucking bite the person you reblog from

hi guys. valentine’s day is coming up and i have no one. i’m gonna cry myself to sleep 😭😭 anywho today i thought a lot about rin. i’m starting to feel like a homie hopper 😭

no warnings, featuring rin

itoshi rin is a shitty boyfriend on the surface. he seldom gives you attention when he’s watching soccer matches, and he really just doesn’t spend time with you. but in truth he just gets so nervous around you that he can’t even talk to you sometimes.

itoshi rin who hugs you whenever you ask. although his eyes are glued on the tv while he’s studying the techniques of other players his arms are open for you. and if you bother him hard enough he’ll pause the video and give you a kiss, but it’s hard to get him annoyed because everything you do gets him nervous, not irritated.

itoshi rin who likes to call you by your first name, he thinks it holds more meaning but in reality he just can’t bring himself to call you ‘pookie-bear’ like you suggested. when he’s feeling super bold he calls you babe, but never out loud, he’d die of shame.

itoshi rin who likes to be held by you when you sleep together or nap. he feels secured by your presence and likes the feeling of being held. although sometimes he gets anxious and hugs you a bit too tight, but it’s hard to complain because he is often too busy with his own thoughts

itoshi rin who tries his hardest to make food for you. unlike his brother he has basic housewife skills, he can cook, clean, whatever but he can’t make elaborate dishes. they always turn out tone a little messy but you can tell he made them with love because even if it isn’t the best your pans are cleaner than they were the day before.

itoshi rin who likes to buy matching couple merch. matching hoodies, necklaces, bracelets, socks, even underwear if he can find it. he likes to match with you because while he’s away he finds comfort in having things that you have.

itoshi rin who tries to listen instead of offering solutions to your problems right away. he’s begun to pick up on how your mood is affected by his responses, he knows that you get more upset when he proposes solutions and that you’re more likely to calm down if he just listens instead.

itoshi rin who doesn’t like to waste his time willy nilly but lays around with you. if you don’t let him escape from bed on the weekends he’ll stay with you the whole day. he doesn’t mind it because in his head sometimes he has to put himself first and spend time with you.

itoshi rin who has a physical album of you in his room sandwiched between his mattress and the bed frame so you’ll never find it. he keeps all the pictures from your dates in there, as well as important information like anniversary dates or things you like.

itoshi rin who sends you pictures of his feet because one time you asked for toe pics as a joke and he sent them for real. so now he just sends you them whenever he feels like it.

itoshi rin who knows how to paint nails and do basic nail art because he knows you like to have pretty nails. sometimes he’ll match with you, but while you have a whole set he might only have it on his pinkie or thumb.

itoshi rin who is surprisingly patient with you when attempting to teach you how to play soccer because he wants fo share what he loves with you. he doesn’t yell at you when you completely miss the goalpost, nor does he mock you for being bad at dribbling, but if it does peeve him he’ll yell at the blue lock boys and never at you.

itoshi rin who keeps all his promises because he will not be a liar like a certain someone you both know. if he says he’ll be there, he will be there. although sometimes if he says he won’t be there he shows up anyway because who’s gonna stop him?

☆ 𝗿𝗲𝗺𝗲𝗺𝗯𝗲𝗿 𝘁𝗼 𝗺𝗶𝘀𝘀 𝗺𝗲 - ,, 𝘀𝗮𝗲

summary: growing up best friends with the itoshi brothers takes a turn for the worst when you end up falling for sae. once he leaves for university, you don't hear from him for a while, but it's been a few years and fate has other plans for you. warnings: gn!reader , cursing , minor angst , reader is a teenager with messy teenage feelings , absolute word vomit , kind of bad writing , not proof-read ! word count: 5.1k a/n: don't ask me what this is im obsessed with sae so. also pls look away from the cringe ass title its a lyric from a niki song guys- anyways i hope this is legible

you haven't seen sae in so long.

it's all you can think about as you loiter in front of the itoshi family home, pacing in front of the door with your hands shoved into the pockets of your hoodie. you're certain your heavy, anxious footsteps are going to leave dents in the wooden paneling of their front porch—it almost makes you feel guilty.

almost only because you really weren't planning on unearthing years of buried feelings on a random thursday afternoon. 

when you woke up this morning, muted spring sunlight greeting you with its soft touch, you had decided it was going to be a good day. spring break meant you were home for the next two weeks, with no responsibilities and a lot of friends to catch up with. 

honestly, you were planning on lounging around for most of the day, going out to meet a few people for dinner, then coming back home and binging some drama on netflix until you inevitably fell asleep. 

so when you went downstairs, greeted with the scent of sweet chocolatey brownies, you wondered what the special occasion was for your mom to be baking so early in the morning. 

you shouldn't have asked—if you could go back in time, you would take the chance and stop yourself from ever asking what she was up to. you should have known she would sic it onto you.

that's precisely why you're standing in front of the itoshi home, contemplating ringing the doorbell, a small pastel blue tin full of brownies held in one hand. the other held onto the card your mother wrote to mrs. itoshi.

she's always been a sweet woman, rather sentimental in her disposition, holding onto useless trinkets from when her sons were little kids still and littering the walls of their home with so many photos.

you were up there too, chubby cheeked and missing a few teeth because that's what childhood is like. 

you grew up with the itoshi brothers, spending every moment with them because they lived right across from you and when you're kids, the people within walking distance end up your best friends.

you didn't have much in common with them—they were aloof when things were good and stoic when things were bad (as stoic as children can be) and you loved to huff and puff, dramatizing every last thing.

you like to think you grew out of your old ways, but then again, here you are losing hair and probably graying because you're too nervous to hand over some brownies. 

perhaps before university, you wouldn't have had an issue with this. 

though you lacked similar interests, you remained close friends with both rin and sae. but you were closer with rin. you were the same age and you had the same home room—and he let you copy his history homework if you let him copy your chemistry homework so there was an incentive to remain close. 

he was also a good friend when he wasn’t rolling his eyes at you, faking indifference.

plus: looking at rin didn't kick your naive teenaged heart into overdrive. 

sae, on the other hand? you avoided like the plague. 

around your first year of middle school, you realized sae made you feel...strange. it wasn't an entirely foreign feeling because it was the same way you felt while watching zuko in avatar: the last airbender. that sickening tightness in your chest while your face grew warm, palms grew clammy, until you felt like you were running out of breath. 

maybe it had something to do with the night you went camping with the itoshis. you’ve never been the biggest fan of camping, but you went anyway because they’re your best friends. it’s only right. you started regretting your decision when night arrived and all you could think about were the countless horror stories about bears destroying campsites, or crazed hatchet wielding murderers killing innocent campers. 

so you laid in the tent you shared with rin and sae, squished between the both of them, fear gripping your heart tighter than vice and making your blood run cold.

“why are you still awake?” you startle at sae’s quiet but firm tone, trying to calm your nerves just enough to respond. “how’d you even know i was awake?”

“you’re breathing way too fast for someone who’s supposed to be sleeping.”

so you begrudgingly tell him all about how you’re terrified after making him pinky promise not to make fun of you and not to tell rin. he’s silent for a moment, before climbing out of the tent, beckoning you to follow him.

and you do, though you don’t really know why. he takes you to a small clearing in the woods you’re camping out in, and you’re scared shitless, fingers curled tightly into the fabric of his hoodie but he doesn’t seem to mind.

he peers over at you, the faintest smile on his face as it points up at the sky, “the stars are easier to see here.” so you look up too, and find that he’s right—that the sky is pierced with tiny dots of sparkling light, too many to count. it’s breathtaking and you can feel your heartbeat slow down, fear melting away to make room for something more serene. sae steps closer to you and you pretend not to notice, but you do and it feels different this time, even though he’s been shoulder to shoulder with you before.

he leads you back to the tent in one piece, you both fall asleep without saying a single word to each other. the next morning, you wake up and rin seems none the wiser to your irrational fear of an untimely demise in the woods.

sae kept his promise and it makes you smile. an unfamiliar feeling sprouts to life deep inside you.

you brushed it off because sae was in high school now, sae was different now. of course you'd feel strange around him—he was older and smarter and cooler. he probably knew things you have yet to even hear about; it's fine, you told yourself, you’d get to his age and you’ll stop feeling this way about him.

but then you were going into your first year of high school and this feeling never went away. in fact, it only grew over time, like a rubber band wrapped around your heart, twisting tighter and tighter every time you looked at sae. 

every shared glance, every softly muttered greeting—they built up, growing taller and taller until it all tumbled to the ground, crashing into you without warning.

you liked sae.

suddenly having a label for these strange feelings didn't make them any more manageable or any less daunting. this label—your crush on sae—only worsened the state you were in. 

whenever you'd see sae walking down a hallway—the first two buttons of his shirt undone (despite the fact that the dress code stated they must stay buttoned), afternoon sun draped over his face, letting his long lashes cast shadows against his cheeks—you'd turn a corner, running from his sight.

you started taking a longer route around the school when you left, tired from the day's trials and tribulations, but not tired enough to walk past the field and risk seeing sae in his jersey, sweat dripping down his temple, tracing the curvature of his face before disappearing past the sharp line of his jaw.

you stopped spending so much time with the itoshis, turning down invitations to go to amusement parks and arcades and other excursions because the thought of being close to sae like you had been during that camping trip made you feel like you were drowning.

rin noticed, of course he did. there’s no way he wasn’t going to notice his best friend suddenly avoiding his home, or throwing around dumb excuses to skip hanging out with him. at first, he was certain he had upset you somehow, so he spent a while wracking his brain and trying to remember the last fight he had with you.

eventually, he realized he wasn’t the problem, but his older brother was. 

the itoshi household was a fairly calm one. until rin cornered his older brother, fire in his eyes as he asked what the hell he did to upset you. 

that’s when he realized the problem wasn’t sae either (because he had no idea what rin was even talking about—sae hadn’t seen your face in weeks), it was you. whatever was going on with you was something you were conjuring up in that overdramatic mind of yours.

so he confronted you, after school near a stairwell after catching you taking the long way home. 

“what’s wrong with you?” he asks, deadpanned and you groan, not wanting to deal with this. it’s the tail end of spring and although the flowers are blooming and the grass is a bright green, the heat of a summer to come kisses your cheeks and leaves you unbearably warm.

“there’s nothing wrong with me, rin,” you counter, rolling your eyes. “now, let me go home, i have work to do–”

“you’re avoiding me.”

“i’m literally talking to you right now.”

he clicks his tongue in annoyance and crosses his arms over his chest, “okay, then you’re avoiding sae.”

you like to think you’re something of a convincing liar, and to some degree, you are. you can get away with the occasional, ‘i forgot my homework at home, can i bring it in tomorrow?’ and ‘i don’t have my wallet on me, can you pay?’ 

unfortunately for you, none of your lies ever work on rin because he knows all your stupid tells, and right now, you stiffen at the sheer mention of sae which only goads him on. “what happened with sae? he said he hasn’t seen you–”

“you asked him?” you almost shout, incredulous at the audacity of itoshi rin. “why would you ever do that?”

“you weren’t telling me.”

“oh my god–” you groan, covering your face with your hands. if sae didn’t already notice your blatant attempts at avoiding him, he was certainly going to notice them now, thanks to fucking itoshi rin. 

rin just steps closer to you, unbothered with your deep scowl and the rage swimming in your eyes. “are you gonna tell me what’s going on with you?”

you tell him to walk with you because it’s a long story (it’s not really—you just want to get him away from the school where sae is, and you also want him near the convenience store so you can bribe him with food before coming clean). 

rin finds out about your massively debilitating crush on sae with a pack of plain chips in his hand, standing right in front of the farthest 7-11 from school.

he takes it somewhat well (meaning: he doesn’t try to beat you into the ground), but he makes it known that he doesn’t think his brother is deserving of your attention—not like that anyway. 

“yeah well– you think i woke up one day and chose to like sae?” you grumble, stealing a few of the bribery chips from him. “it just turned out that way, okay?” 

and then rin awards you with one of his billion dollar ideas, the ones that send you into cardiac arrest from sheer idiocy alone. 

“why don’t you just…tell him?”

you turn to look at him slowly, so slowly it's menacing. if looks could kill, he’d have died as soon as your eyes met his. “give me one good reason i shouldn’t punch you for that dumb fucking idea.”

he’s vaguely aware of the fact that he’s riling you up, but he also thinks your dilemma is stupid. “just confess, if he doesn’t feel the same way, then you don’t have to waste your time drooling over him.”

rin walks you home with a bruised shoulder, the bribery chips in your hands after you stole the entire bag away from him for reparations. 

by the time sae’s graduating high school, you’re head over heels for him, barely able to contain the way your heart soars at the very thought of him. it’s embarrassing and it’s horrible because sae probably sees you as some extension of his little brother—meaning sae is never going to see you the same way you see him.

so when it’s summertime and he’s packing his things up for college, you wonder if you even want to go say goodbye. as his friend, you know you should. who knows when you’d see him next? you’ve known sae for almost your whole life—you should wish him well on this new chapter of his life.

but the selfish part of you, the part of you that wants to shield yourself away from the thought of sae ever leaving, keeps you rooted to the floor of your bedroom. seeing the packed suitcases and his near empty room will only solidify the fact that he’s leaving. 

he’s not going to be around for the next year, or the year after that, and it hurts in a way you didn’t expect it to. after that, you won't be around either, most likely, so then when will you see sae again?

you don’t want to miss out on seeing sae a final time, so you push yourself to go over and say hi, trying your best not to cry because that’s lame and you’re not lame like that. 

he seems shocked to see you there, in his presence, instead of jumping through hoops to get far away from him. but after the initial shock, sae seems almost relieved to see you standing there, waiting to bid him goodbye.

“you’re here.”

you nod softly, not meeting his eyes because you know that his emerald stare is only going to coax the tears waiting behind your lashes. “i wanted to wish you good luck…have fun…at college.”

he takes a step closer and you want to take one back, but you don’t. “i will. stay safe while i’m gone.”

it makes you laugh, like he’s been protecting you—as if. but you nod anyway just to appease him and you stare at him, taking in the way he’s styled his hair and the single hoop earring on his right ear and the thin silver chain around his neck. 

now that you’re here, so close to sae, all you can think about is how much you’ll miss him. something cracks within the cavity of your chest, narrow but deep like a fissure, and you can’t read the meaning behind his slight frown or the furrow in his brows. you can’t understand the softness in his eyes when he looks at you.

he loads up his things, everyone says goodbye and you dig your nails into your palm so that you won’t start sobbing in front of sae. everyone takes turns wishing him goodbye once more, just alone. you’re the last one to go, purposefully placing yourself last because you’re nervous about being alone with him. 

you walk over, fully prepared to repeat exactly what you had said earlier. you take one look at him, sweltering heat making his hair stick to his forehead as the setting sun makes him glow orange, and it's like the fissure cracks and breaks instantly. 

you’re pouring out your heart before you can stop yourself. 

“sae- i’m going to really miss you,” you whisper, arms wrapped around yourself as the words just keep tumbling out. “and i know you probably won’t miss me as much– or at least not in the same way, because i like you and i have liked you for so long.

“i’ve liked you since i was a cringe middle schooler and i avoided you for months once i realized because i didn’t want to look at you knowing you don’t feel the same.” you take a deep shuddering breath, it takes so much work to not cry. “and now you’re going away and i’m being so unfair because here i am telling you i’ll miss you when…you were right here.”

he’s rendered speechless. you run back into the house and sae doesn’t run after you or even say anything. he doesn’t even text you. you spend the rest of summer buried within your sheets, mouth dry and heart battered and bleeding so profusely, you have no idea how to even begin fixing it. 

it takes you one year, six months and 15 days to get over the hurt of sae’s silent rejection. you’re aware you put him in a difficult position, and you weren’t expecting him to return your feelings or anything, but you did want him to say something.

you felt like a bumbling idiot throwing up your feelings all over sae’s expensive shoes, cutting yourself open just so he could see how your heart really only beats for him, only for him to turn away. only for him to leave you in silence, with nothing but the deafening sounds of your own heartbreak.

he’s made you a bit bitter towards love—making you scoff during valentine’s day and making you wince during white day but it’s only a front to hide the fact that deep down, you’re still hurting. you might have cleaned up the blood and erased the stains, but the wounds still remain, refusing to scab over and disappear altogether. 

you told rin what you did a week after sae left. he’s shit at comforting people but he took you back to the 7-11 that’s super far from your school and bought you the same bribery chips and told you that sae really didn’t deserve you. 

you wish you could make yourself believe it but you’ve found that you’ll always hold a soft spot for sae, even if most of your memories of him are buried under the immense aching of missing him and loving him.

you wait until your final day of your final year of high school to delete sae’s number off your phone. maybe he might text, you think, maybe he might congratulate you on graduating. anything from him would soothe the soreness in your chest. 

he doesn’t text and you delete his number with the hopes of forgetting him.

you and rin go to different universities, but you keep in touch. it’s easy to do that with someone who actually wants to keep talking to you. you haven’t seen or heard from sae in a while—almost three years to be exact. 

thinking of him doesn’t send a pang of something painful piercing through your heart anymore. instead, he’s more like a dull ache that settles within your stomach, remnants of a time when the sound of his name stung and thoughts of him sliced and drew blood. 

it’s a bit pathetic that you’re still kind of in love with the same guy, someone you fell for in middle school when your taste in men is supposed to be god awful. it’s disappointing that you never went through major character development in uni (not enough to finally squash your feelings for sae). 

sae wasn’t home for winter break, so you don’t expect him around for spring break either. he probably isn’t home, so you shouldn’t make a big deal out of handing over these brownies and that card. it’s just a simple transaction.

you reason with yourself for a few seconds more, fingers crossed that mrs. itoshi won’t ask if you’re keeping in touch with sae because you can’t bear to tell her you haven’t spoken to him in three years. 

silently hoping rin opens the door, you go to knock when the stairs to the front porch creak and you spin around, careful with the tin in your hands. 

it’s sae—the itoshi sae, staring at you with his head tilted and something foreign in those emerald eyes. 

maybe if you look hard enough, you can see yourself reflected in the darkness of his pupils but you don’t want to look at him like that. not anymore, anyway.

you don’t know what to say, you ran out of things to say to him the moment you told him how you felt three years ago. there’s not much more to share, there’s not much more you want to share either. 

your heart still clenches when you remember how hard you worked to get over the hurt, to clean up the blood. they’re like phantom pains, making the muscles of your chest tighten. but they can’t exactly be phantom pains if the wounds are still alive and well.

sae shoves his hands into his pockets, stepping up onto the porch and walking closer to you. the smell of his cologne invades your senses and you fix your gaze onto the lid of your tin, not wanting to look at him.

“why were you just standing in front of our house?”

you sigh, hoping he didn’t catch you pacing. “i was going to knock just now. you startled me.”

he reaches over you to knock on the door and mrs. itoshi opens the door. you hope you can hand over the things and rush out of this awkward situation but she ushers you in, along with her son, and insists you stay for lunch. 

you have no idea how to say no to her, so you say yes and stand awkwardly in the living room while sae sits on the couch, scrolling through his phone. the atmosphere is tense—it’s painfully obvious that there are unresolved problems between you both. you don’t want to be the one to bring them up, it’s no longer your responsibility. 

you eye him carefully, studying his lidded gaze and the bored frown on his face. the angles of his face have remained basically the same, though you think he’s built more muscle over the years you haven’t seen him. you know sae’s still playing soccer, much like rin, and you know he’s pursuing a career in it. 

all this you learned from the news or your mom after she speaks with mrs. itoshi—sae is a soccer prodigy or something like that. you don’t really care about the logistics of the sport, you only care about him.

he looks up abruptly, catching your analyzing stare and it makes your breath hitch momentarily before you look away, turning your attention elsewhere. 

this goes on for a few moments more, you letting your gaze wander back to sae, letting yourself indulge in the sharp angles of his face and jaw until he catches you, and then you’re tearing away from him to pretend like you were never looking in the first place.

it’s sickening and you long for the familiarity you once had with him.

every once in a while, you find yourself wandering back to that night you went camping (the only time you’ve ever gone) and every part of you yearns to go back—to be able to stand in the middle of the woods in the dead of night, staring up at the stars with sae standing by your side. 

it always reminds you that you’re not fully over him, your love for sae pulling at your hair like an annoying kid. you wish you could swat him away.

you pull yourself from your reverie just in time to find him looking at you, his phone abandoned by his side. you fight the urge to focus on anything but him, squinting your eyes at his unrelenting stare. 

he doesn’t look away. you huff and cross your arms, but you won’t look away either. 

you don't last as long as you hoped. looking at sae hurts. 

he's 20 now, and you're 18 (almost 19 in a few months) and he's still giving you that same silence even when it's obvious he has something to say.  

simply being around him is digging up everything you worked hard to bury away, dredging up years of old feelings and memories and naive love and you wish he could see into your mind so he'd understand how much of him still lingers in the corners.

you clench your jaw, hardening your stare as you decide this staring contest is utterly pointless when sae sighs, resigned.

"i'm sorry," he mumbles, just loud enough for you to hear but still so quiet, you wonder if you heard him right. 

"why-" you begin but he cuts you off, standing up and you follow suit. 

"i'm sorry for not saying anything to you that day," he clarifies, and his voice is somewhat raspy, slightly deeper and it makes your knees feel weak. 

"i'm sorry for never calling or texting and i'm-" he takes a breath, as if to consider his next words, "sorry."

sae isn't good with apologies. you figured that out the day he knocked you off your bike when you were nine, making you scrape your knee in the process. you wailed about it for hours and sae simply gave you a 'sorry that happened.' and that was that.

he bought you a strawberry flavored chapstick after that—a better peace offering.

you still think he's shit with apologies, but this one warms your heart a little.

"you don't have to apologize for that," you reply, laughing to ease the awkwardness. "you don't feel the same, and that's fine. i bombarded you the day you left—it wasn't fair to you."

you hope he doesn't dwell on the fact that you said 'don't feel the same' as opposed to 'didn't feel the same' because you do still like him (as pathetic as that may be).

but this is itoshi sae and he notices everything. at least, he notices everything about you.

when you first started avoiding him in the halls, he noticed, but he didn't say anything. when you started taking the long way to leave the school, he noticed, but he kept his mouth shut because he figured there was a good reason for it. 

when you stopped coming around as often, declining invitations to hang out, he noticed. sae didn't know what he did but he didn't like it and he missed you then, missed your face and your voice and the way you used to roll your eyes at his dry remarks. 

the day he was leaving for university, he was so surprised to find you in front of him, he almost didn't notice the nerves lighting up your eyes and making your hands shake.

then came your confession—a mess of words and feelings and so very genuine—it knocked the air out of his lungs. he didn't know what to say, couldn't come up with something good enough so he resorted to silence.

he started regretting that the moment you turned away from him. 

he didn't think he'd miss you like he did—didn't think he'd still hold onto whatever memories he had of you stored away in his mind. but now he's 20 and he's seated on the couch that you and him grew up watching TV on and he doesn't think there's anyone else in this world that could make him feel the way you do. 

sae has a lot of regrets about the way things went with you. mainly, regrets about how he handled it, about how he didn't text you or call you. you deserve better and he knows rin has probably hammered that into you but he hopes you haven't fully come around to believing it yet.

it's selfish of him, and he knows that, but he wants you more than he's ever wanted you. 

he’s been silent for so long, you start to wonder if this is the end of this conversation, but then he’s stepping forward, hand grasping your wrist. “do you still feel the same way?”

out of all questions, this was the last one you were expecting. his touch burns, smoldering against your skin and you really don’t know if you want to be honest with him—not when there’s so much uncertainty surrounding him. 

sae drags you closer, chest pressed flush against his own, emerald peering into your own wavering stare. for a moment he seems just like you: full of yearning and desire and the fact that his heavy gaze is settled on you makes something stir in the pit of your stomach. 

something twists around your heart, tighter and tighter, until you can’t help but be honest. “i do. i feel the same way.” admitting it feels like an immense weight lifted off your shoulders, even if he doesn’t feel the same.

sae doesn’t pull away, he doesn’t do anything but stare for a few seconds. 

“i always returned your feelings,” he replies, voice just a hitch above a whisper, only meant for you to hear. 

“then, why didn’t you tell me that?”

he shakes his head then, “wouldn’t have been fair to you. i was leaving and we’d be so far apart–”

“you didn’t even call me,” you remind him, frowning, suddenly wanting to twist out of his embrace. “not even during graduation.”

“i know, i’m sorry,” he says again, so soft with you like that time you went camping. you almost wish you were under the stars once more, instead of standing in his living room. “i made some fucked up decisions.

“but the way i feel about you has never changed.”

you let out a shuddering breath. sae brings your hand to his face, pressing a chaste kiss to your palm, staring at you through the fan of lashes. “i’ll take whatever you give, as long as you’ll have me—if you still want me, that is.’

you wrench your hand away from his and he falters, but you step forward and grab that thin silver chain he’s still wearing and you close the distance between you both, pressing your lips to his because it’s the only thing on your mind. 

you take him in like he’s oxygen, his hands firmly planted on your waist, sliding down to your hips; he takes your breath away. sae has this impossible need to have you closer, close enough so that it becomes impossible to tell where he ends and where you begin. he tilts his head and deepens the kiss, teeth nipping at your bottom lip but he turns soft immediately after as if to soothe the slight sting. 

you taste like strawberry—like that chapstick he bought you years ago. sae feels electric and warm and the feeling of him bursts like fireworks within your chest. sae feels like years and years of loving in silence, like shared moments hidden away from prying eyes, like staring up at the stars in the middle of the woods in the dead of night. 

you pull away and hide your face in the crook of his neck, feeling his chest vibrate as he laughs softly. sae places a hand against the small of your back.

“i really missed you,” he says, his breath warm against your ear. 

sae feels like reuniting with your other half—destined in the stars. “i missed you too.”

what even was this i just stopped studying for finals + decided i HAD to write for sae like....

yuueaueaehhhuhegggg