Amadeo Amadeo

The tough thing about boundaries is that it’s not enough to state them, you have to enforce them.

I think some folks see “setting boundaries” as a kind of magic talisman to influence other people’s behavior. “I’ll tell you what I need or can’t accept, and you will act accordingly.” And sometimes that’s what happens, and that’s great! But if the other person disregards your stated boundaries, it doesn’t mean setting boundaries didn’t work.

Because boundaries aren’t about others’ behavior, they’re about your own. If the other person’s behavior doesn’t change, then yours has to. “Please don’t discuss [x topic] with me” is a request. “If you continue to talk about [x topic] then I will end this conversation/hang up/leave” is a boundary, which you must then enact. The point is less about stopping the other person (although that’s ideal) and more about protecting yourself. And you have to be committed to protecting yourself, because no one else will be.

You have to be so committed that you’re willing to tolerate other people being hurt or angry or uncomfortable. You have to accept that some relationships might change. You have to hold onto the idea that it’s all right for them to change, because the way they were before was hurting you, and you deserve to not be hurt. You gave them a choice: maintain a relationship or keep doing the thing that hurts you, and they chose to keep hurting you, so if the situation is now awkward or unpleasant that was because of their choice. Enforcing boundaries means deciding that if someone is going to feel bad here, it need not be always and only you.

There is no magic formula that will make other people treat you kindly and respectfully. But you can learn to treat yourself with kindness and respect. That’s what enforcing a boundary is.

There is a new poll at the youtube prime video page! :) <3 Voooooote! :)

Thank you all who wrote me about the poll :).

“When the handle has snapped off the basket that held all your eggs…” gone girl tier monologue

Remember: the more difficult you make it for them to realize a report is false, the more useless you make the portal.

Either way, an Orpheus who didn't turn is an Orpheus who never loved Eurydice at all.

It's so weird to realize the impact Anne Rice had on the gothic genre and vampire stories and then have the inspirations be super straight. I blame hetronormativity and SMeyer.

if you're inconvenienced by a strike, blame the boss, not the workers