Hi-imkaiya - Kaiya

flips the fishbowl like an hourglass

Vine Leaf Shoes by Nicholas Kirkwood

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BEFORE AN EXPEDITION — ATTACK ON TITAN.

• includes eren jaeger, armin arlert, and jean kirstein.

eren plops himself down at your feet, resting his arms on the tops of his knees as he silently offers his hair tie over his shoulder. well you do it better—that’s what he insists every time you tell him to tame that own damn mane of his—but you still fall victim every time. your fingers rake through his locks, gathering them at the back of his head.

“if i see a black flare, i’m coming straight to you. i’ll kill those abnormal bastards,” he blurts out. you loop his hair through one last time, letting the elastic smack against his head as you let go. he ignores your futile pleas of don’t do that and you can’t break the formation, rising to his feet and looming over you with hands on his hips.

he reaches for the hood of your cape, pulling it down over your face and playfully pushing your head back. he wants to tell you that you’re being stupid—wants to scream at the top of his lungs that he doesn’t care about that damn formation, he only cares about you.

you pull the fabric off with a huff, turning to face eren who now sits right beside you. he’s staring, an intense gaze that makes the heat rise to your cheeks. he runs a gentle hand along your jawline, taking in your features as if it’s the last time he’ll ever have the chance to do so.

“do you realize how important you are to me?”

armin shuffles through the crowd of scouts with little sorries and excuse me’s falling from his lips. his eyes scan through the sea of black uniforms—locking onto the familiar figure that is you—and suddenly he’s shoving the rest of his way over.

“hey, don’t forget this,” he urges, holding up a ball of green fabric in his left hand. it’s his cape—yes, his. he was the one who suggested switching them, even if they are the exact same. the way he sees it—if by some god forbidden chance he were to not make it back alive—this was the closest he could get to dying in your arms. so with one swift movement, he wraps the garment around your shoulders and fastens the button in front.

“perfect,” he says, running his hands down your arms and grabbing onto one of your hands. he gestures towards the stables with his other, a sweet little after you falling from his lips as he follows closely behind. he rests a gentle hand on your lower back as you clamber onto your horse, straining to lace his fingers with yours once you settle into the saddle.

he’s so incredibly bothered by the fact that he has a different objective than you. he hopes that one of these days you’ll hop down from your horse and say screw humanity, i’m not leaving you—but that only happens inside his selfish fantasies. so armin just holds on, for as long as he can before he’s forced to say goodbye.

“be careful out there, i need you to come back.”

jean kneels before you, angrily fiddling with one of the straps that wrap around your thighs. he’s mumbling to himself—something along the lines of come on, work with me dammit! yeah, he’s a little on edge, at no fault of your own of course.

“how does it feel? tight enough?” he tugs gently on the fabric, looking up at you for confirmation. a simple nod of your head lures him to his feet, and his features soften almost instantaneously as he grabs your hand. he brings it high above your head, forcing you onto your tiptoes as he twirls you around—a little tradition he’s adopted ever since becoming so hellbent on making sure all your gear is up to his standard.

“looks good to me,” he says, smile growing wider as you mimic his movements by holding his own hand as high as you can reach. he never thought he’d be doing this—especially with that pair of turquoise eyes searing into the back of his skull, but that look on your face, it was pure happiness—and god was it ever beautiful. so now, he spins for you every time, not an ounce of grace in his movements—but charming nonetheless.

you’re brought back to earth by the sound of the commander’s voice, a familiar heaviness greeting you both. he pulls you in for one last hug, holding onto you a little tighter than the previous time.

“hey, promise me that wasn’t the last time we get to do that.”

I love all of them 🤩

✩* like or reblog if you save or use *✩

glimpse of us "cause sometimes when i look in her eyes that's where I find a glimpse of us" but its mikasa looking into jeans eyes at their wedding and imagining he was eren for a second

hey at least chess drama, art, and music don't dissapoint.

my last bit of sanity is chess and music rn

yeah... ive come to the point where every media seems useless... all the things i read are either discontinued or aren't coming out with a sequel until a year or so or more... fav shows are constantly cancelled... or the actor changes and the storyline deroutes... movies... well... half the time im disappointed. and, well, books tend to not have writing or themes i like..

i think ive become spoiled:/

Hello! I’m sending this to various accounts: At ch132, it seems that Hange wasn’t planning to say goodbye to Levi, why do you think Hange would do that and how do you think Levi would react if Hange actually would’ve gone without saying goodbye? Do you think Hange underestimate their bond or was a way to protect both of them? Also, do you think the final plane was a wink to Hange or was a way to portrait their fallen comrades? If you took the time to answer this question, thank you very much <3

Hello!!

Thanks for the ask! Let's dig into your heartbreaking questions... And sorry not sorry it sort of became a whole meta (why I am like this haha)

1. It seems Hange wasn't planning to say goodbye to Levi, why do you think Hange would do that?

Goodbyes of beloved ones are always heartbreaking in AOT. But some are just too much of a wreck to face them without feeling like nearly falling apart...

We know Hanji almost always wore their feelings on their sleeves, revealed much through their eye(s). I think Hanji was feeling too much at that moment already, while at the same time having to shut their emotions down so they could keep their resolution to walk to their death unwavering. Thus, having to say farewell forever to Levi - the one who became almost a despite-this-hell-surely-you-will-be-there-tomorrow presence at her side throughout those long 10 years, and that they had risked their life to save as well as to whom she had "secretly" asked to run away with just 03 nights ago - damn... This certainly leaves someone shaking.

However, I don't think Hanji was planning on leaving without saying goodbye to Levi. Like, I surely can't imagine the words and intonation of the "See you" that Hanji used with the kids coming out of their mouth when they were dealing with Levi - that wouldn't work with them both because their relationship was very different! And also, rather than giving any comfort or feeling of proper closure, even the "See you guys later" left the kids at a loss...

More painful than this, though, is that (imo) the group were caught off guard seeing Hanji leaving, but they also saw that Levi was on their path. And then they seem to look even more shocked when Levi lets Hanji go because it's like they all expected that Levi would somehow produce some kind of miracle that would hold Hanji back...

Back to Levihan, tho, while Hanji couldn't bring themself up to say See ya to Levi, just the fact that while they were parting, Hanji asked Armin to take care of Levi shows that he was already in their mind. And, knowing each other for so long, I think Hanji knew there was no escape from facing Levi during her last moments alive...

Then, it's only in the wisp of seconds between the kids and the point where Levi stops and waits for them that Hanji figures what they both need to hear in order for them to keep her determination, and they both be somehow somewhat spared of further pain. (Unfortunately, Yams only drew Hanji's back when they turned around and saw Levi waiting for them. I wanted to see their reaction too...)

It will forever break me that Hanji cuts Levi's unspoken protests so sharp and so ready using "You understand" as their first words to stop him. Whenever I read these words, it's like time stops, and I can't help but remember Hanji's discourse in chapter 84. Mixing them up, it's like Hanji is saying, "You understand, don't you? Everyone you meet will be parted from you one day. [And now] It's my turn." But as if this wasn't heartbreaking enough already, Yams goes and adds, "I want to look as cool as I possibly can right now. So just let me go."

This just doesn't only disarm all the confrontation and arguments Hanji knows Levi was preparing to put up, but it also makes it clear that this goodbye, this parting, has such a power to hurt Hanji that they had better not even try anything anymore. And.God.This.Hurts.

Yams, why were you like this?!

2. How would Levi react if they hadn't said goodbye?

You see, imo, one of the worst things in life is losing someone without the chance of saying goodbye to them. Death is an occurrence so abrupt already! Can you imagine the immense amount of pain, hurt, and regret of you simply losing the person you've trusted with your own life for 10 years, and who knows you deeper and longer than anyone else and reciprocates the feelings, without you at least saying or expressing anything for this person in their last minutes alive??

There would be such heavy regrets in the survivor's heart...

So it's actually bittersweet to think Hanji wasn't planning on approaching Levi to say goodbye: I tried to imagine Levi just watching Hanji just waving at him from afar (like Annie to Armin) or maybe pretending he wasn't there, and I swear I can't help but laugh with a pain in my heart because no matter the situation, in my head, Levi would have never accepted that arrangement - neither from his part nor Hanji's!

Levi's pretty terrible at accepting things (especially death and defeat) passively. Which, thank Ymir, I think Yams thought as well. He made Levi - who during most of the chapter could hardly walk or stand up straight without help - muster the strength to walk those painful meters and "ambush" Hanji. Levi saw Hanji had walked from the hangar to where everyone was at the pier, and he nearly walked all the way up there too...

And man, just like Hanji had this wisp of a moment to think of a way to halt Levi's attempt of stopping her, Levi as well has just this wisps of a moment to find something to halt Hanji's deadly walk. It hurts deeply that Levi is probably aware there is nothing he can offer or do that Hanji would accept (because the only other option available would be him going in Hanji's place to fight the Colossals) but still, he attempts to try to stop Hanji.

I can't wait to see this whole sequence in the anime...!

3. Was it underestimating their bond or a way to protect them both?

By now, with this and all the other metas also answering this question, I think it's the second in our opinions! But to whoever has doubts about Hanji and Levi's bond, just reference tell them to reread chapter 132 without bias.

To sincere readers, it's impossible to look at all these panels and conclude that what they had together (romantic or not) was something ordinary...

4. Also, do you think the final plane was a wink to Hange or was a way to portrait their fallen comrades?

To me, the plane is Hange Zoë all the way to the depths of AOT angst! Especially because Onyankopon my hero is precisely looking at Levi, and Levi is making sure to have changed his hairstyle so evidently in a way that his bangs are completely out of the way of his scarred forehead and blind eye - the proofs that the fact he (and the others) could be there alive now was because Hans saved his (and their) life first...

By fulfilling his vow and helping to save humanity as his life mission, Levi was able to face all his dead comrades with heart at ease - like, letting them go because they would finally find some kind of peace. However, toward the personal 2nd chance in life he was given by Hanji when she saved him in the forest, and the 3rd chance at the plane's departure, there was nothing Levi could do about that now that Hanji was dead. Not that they would see it as "I need to pay you back", tho - but like, I wish I hadn't lost you at all, and that you were here with me.

Hence, there is nothing to do but acknowledge that despite "Everyone you meet will be parted from you one day" and that you still have to "keep moving forward", our personal responses to tragedy should be marked because "only after these events are memorialized can we move forward". And while our lives will never be the same after this, marking this occurrence with a memorial frees us to embrace the future...

...because only the living can remember the dead.

And like Mika said in chapter 07, "If I die now I won't even be able to remember you".

A rant about Eren in the last chapter.

❗️Obviously there’s going to be spoilers.

Since I only have one friend that keeps up with aot manga who didn’t like the ending, I rant here.

Personally I loved the ending.

I think the peaceful nature of it was perfect. The chapter felt like a sigh of relief after a whole series about fighting and stress and worrying for their lives.

People are confused or angry about the fact that Eren turned “weak” and “his character completely changed” during the part he broke down over Mikasa and I just want to express how I viewed it.

First of all Eren’s “tough/cool/badass” version that we see after the time skip isn’t truly Eren. That’s not his personality that we all know. You can even see in the people making “what would the aot cast do if...” jokes on tiktok when they make two Eren’s, S1-3 Eren and S4 Eren. We know exactly what the real Eren is like from right up until season 4. He was impulsive, loud, angry, at times whiny and he never hid any of his emotions. But he was also passionate and we saw how much he cared for his friends and his goals.

Season 4 Eren was a complete personality flip, not because he grew in that direction but because he knew his future and what he had to do to carry out his goal. He had to push everyone away and shut off all of his emotions or else he wouldn’t have been able to do it. Because of this, this version of Eren didn’t even feel human, let alone like the Eren we knew.

Then Eren had to say his goodbyes and explain his plan to all his friends. This is where we start at the beginning of 139. For the first time in ages it feels like Eren is back, and he is heartbroken and exhausted. We even see Armin realising the extreme burden Eren had to carry “all alone.”

Eren is a 19 year old who’s childhood was stolen from him by the cruel world he lived in. He immediately became a soldier and never even got the chance to properly mature in his teenage years because he had so much responsibilities that were so much bigger than him. He had to deal with so much pain anyway even before he unlocked all the memories, and he even says himself that his thoughts became “incoherent.”

He is literally on the verge of a mental breakdown and when Armin brings up Mikasa, the person he loves most in the whole world and possibly would’ve ran away with if she told him she loved him, he finally snaps and shows what he’s really thinking.

Eren doesn’t want to die. Eren doesn’t want Mikasa to move on because all he wants is to live on with her. He hasn’t been able to live any sort of life his own way because he had responsibilities put on him since the day he was born.

Of course he was going to start whining about her. He’s human. Humans have selfish wants and he just wants this one thing he can never get. He sounds immature when he says it because he is immature. That whole part of their conversation honestly brings a smile to my face because of the childish nature of it.

He literally gave up his life and people are complaining because he whined a little bit to his best friend because he couldn’t be with the girl he loved. He is not “weak”, a “simp”, an “incel” or a “pussy” for this. He’s normal.

Eren Jaeger is still the best written character in AOT, and the fact we see his emotions just furthers that point for me.

Ending note: My apologies I’m not good at writing and this was not written to attack people who disliked the ending, everyone is entitled to their opinion. The only thing I will not accept is either side attacking people who don’t have the same opinions as them or attacking Hajime Isayama for how he ended his own story when he knows the characters the best.