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Writing shitty poetry and posting stupid stuff on tumblr instead of writing her. Look who’s making progress!

Normality

One of my best friends called me odd, whimsical, even eccentric at times. He asked me, not to take it the wrong way because I'm special hence I'm allowed to be. I was so flattered but it made me think.

I used to try so hard to be normal. I tried to be like everyone else and failed miserably. Then the coping mechanisms kicked in and I renounced every social convention - everything normal. Don't get me wrong, I never tried to be myself, but I was as different as possible. Looking back now, I was the kangaroo from the kangaroo chronicles and it was fun, it still is.

Schools of therapists tried to teach me the basic skills needed to live a happy life but not my happy life. In their arrogance they tried to mould me into one of those people I detest so so so much. Reflecting on it, it's exactly what I do with my clients. I hate it. What if they just want to be their own version of the kangaroo? Is that who I want to be? The guy living his dreams, travelling the world, trying to take as big a dump on the man and society as possible, but telling other people to adapt? And if so, how much is the right amount?

But the most pressing question is: Did I turn into one of them? I used to live by a rule, I'm not sure who said it, but knowing me, some philosopher. If you find yourself on the side of the majority, stop and reflect. I argue within the system. Just like politicians unable to see, there are different ways of doing things. Ways outside of a capitalistic oppressive society. Instead of fighting me/us on changing the world, I was lulled into their world. I have a decent job, make okay money, study in my free time and shut the fuck up because I'm fed, stressed and all in all happy.

What am I to conclude now? What can I do? What will I do? It remains to be seen. I'll start by being myself some more, even if that means running headfirst into some walls. But most importantly I'll keep using the train. It's just the best way to get around whilst being able to think.

Something tapped me on the shoulder Something whispered, "Come with me," "Leave the world of men behind you, "Come where care may never find you "Come and follow, let me bind you "Where, in that dark, silent sea, "Tempest of the world n'er rages; "There to dream away the ages, "Heedless of Time's turning pages, "Only, come with me." "Who are you?" I asked the phantom, "I am rest from Hate and Pride. "I am friend to king and beggar. "I am Alpha and Omega, "I was councilor to Hagar "But men call me suicide. "I was weary of tide breasting, Weary of the world's behesting, And I lusted for the resting As a lover for his bride. And my soul tugged at its moorings And it whispered, "Set me free. "I am weary of this battle, "Of this world of human cattle, "All this dreary noise and prattle. "This you owe to me." Long I sat and long I pondered, On the life that I had squandered, O'er the paths that I had wandered Never Free. In the shadow panorama Passed life's struggles and its fray. And my soul tugged with new vigor, Huger grew the phantom's figure, As I slowly tugged the trigger, Saw the world fade swift away. Through the fogs old Time came striding, Radiant clouds were 'bout me riding, As my soul when gliding, gliding, From the shadow into day.

The Tempter by Robert E. Howard

Almost forgot to post about the Subscription Cover i did for Over The Garden Wall # 19 ! Heeho-

I may be dying.

I always liked Bill and Bobby best. <3

But people do things to survive, and then after they survive, they can’t live with what they’ve done.

Adam Johnson, The Orphan Master’s Son (via quotespile)

Was ich habe, will ich nicht verlieren, aber wo ich bin, will ich nicht bleiben, aber die ich liebe, will ich nicht verlassen, aber die ich kenne, will ich nicht mehr sehen, aber wo ich lebe, da will ich nicht sterben, aber wo ich sterbe, da will ich nicht hin: Bleiben will ich, wo ich nie gewesen bin.

Thomas Brasch

Action alone is thy province, never the fruits thereof; let not thy motive be the fruit of action, nor shouldst thou desire to avoid action

Mahatma Gandhi