A Little Feels Rant... I Don't Know...

A little feels rant... I don't know...

So.... I was debating if I should post this but here we go.....

This happened last night at midnight. I was laying in bed, awake, just starring at my white ceiling, not even tired.... And I just felt so alone, so bored, so unproductive..... All this questions of when will this happen or when will that happen started to bombard me and I literally started to cry..... Questions like: When will I make new friends? When will I get a boyfriend? Or when will something cool or exciting happen? Don't get me wrong, I do have friends, 5 to be exact but only 2 I consider my close best friends and I'm not so good at making friends easily and I like being single but when I see couples, I feel like I'm missing out......

I never felt like this before....

I always hope that something happens on summer but I already have this mindset that nothing will happen, nothing ever does.... My summer is so boring. Don't get me wrong, I have YouTube to entertain me but if we take it out of the equation.... I have nothing.

We might go 3 to 4 days to the beach but does days are so apart from each other that is like we didn't even go. We might go to the cinema once or twice but just like the beach, the days are to apart. We don't travel.... I have never travel out of Puerto Rico and even inside of it. We have never gone to the east part of it, we always stay in the west side. So I've never gone to Disney nor San Juan. We go shopping but I don't like it. And there's always this rare rare chance that we go to someplace cool but it doesn't happen that often....

My cousins come from California every summer but I never hang out with them, mostly because they are always going to places and hanging out with my older cousins which are 3 to 4+ years older than me and I'm 17....

I think that for me, school was better.... But I love when summer comes and getting out of school and have no stress about exams and projects but for me I think it was better. I get to see my friends and my favorite teachers and something always happened even if it was a fight, a cool new dynamic or just me and my friends going crazy about something we saw on YouTube but there was always something.....

I really don't know what got to me last night. I really hit a low point there.... And I repeat I never felt like that before.....

I just hope something happens.... Something.... It could be amazing, exciting, knowing my imagination it could be supernatural for all I know..... Something different....

But for now.... Thank you for reading my rant... I just felt that I needed to share my feelings a bit. I will try and meet someone and try and make friends with them..... Or try to do something new or try something new or..... I don't know.... I'll just keep on pushing and keep that PMA going.....

Thank You....

Adios....