Mia Hannah By Joelle Grace

I think it’s attractive when girls...

Yeah, that’s it.

... tbh both for me

For those of you struggling

These aren’t just for fashion. TW below cut

Trigger warnings: self harm, depression, suicide, and other sensitive content.

Hi there y’all reading this. These rings you see on my hands are not there for the aesthetics although the coloration isn’t bad if you’re looking to be glamorous.

Now that wasn’t my intention. I actually have been struggling recently with my mental health. Stress between class, the fact that I have to take a year off because my finances just are not there for school, and the fact that my meds are no longer working for me has caused me to really decline mentally. I relapsed last night and I had no support system in this time zone that was available to me. I struggle letting anyone in because I have lost people close to me because I drain them because I struggle daily with my mental health.

Well one friend could tell I was struggling more than I was letting on and she stuck with me through some of my really bad days. I received a package today with the note “I love you and I thought you could use this”.

Inside had these little rings. Her counselor had gifted one to her during the course of treatment to help with negative coping mechanisms. I was gifted these for when I want to cut by my friend who wanted to support me. I struggle daily with the urge and I fell back a few steps. These rings really help deal with the urges tonight because there is a replacement factor. Instead of physically cutting I can roll these along my fingers and get a pointed sensation without causing any damage.

I tried the ice cube replacement and it worked for a while but I used it so often that I was actually damaging myself. I tried this tonight and no matter how hard I pushed I couldn’t hurt myself but I was given that sanctification and the feeling of control I have when I cut. I wanted to post about these on this platform because I have my biggest following here.

Here is the link to buy a pack on amazon (with prime!). I was lucky to have found these. The stims are helpful for replacement and symptom management. I also use chewing stims to help with me tearing apart the inside of my mouth because of anxiety, chewing on my nails, and the skin around them. That is an example of a thicker one because I am aggressive and when I am really anxious I clench my jaw, this allows me to not trigger my TMJ symptoms because it softens my clenching. If I am anxious as well I also love the fidget cube another lovely friend of mine gave me to help calm my nerves without having to cause too much a ruckus... I love it because it allows me to ground myself with sensation or allow me to move the anxious energy out.

I really recommend these if you are struggling with self harm or symptom management like I am. These are valuable tools that I can use to self soothe and help myself make progress. Mental illness is a daily influence and right now I don’t have the energy to fight but I have good people kicking my ass to keep me going.

idaho gothic:

it’s raining. it’s sunny. it’s 50 degrees. no one wants to go outside. everyone goes outside. everyone comes inside and they are very cold.

pictures of giant wolves begin to appear on facebook. people scoff, but they hunt less and less. there are large paw prints in the foothills. there are howls in the suburbs. 

in the summer people lie around in the shade and make halfhearted jokes about how you could fry an egg on the sidewalk. you force a laugh as you quietly hide the blisters on your feet under your sunburnt fingers. so does everyone else. you can hear a faint sound of sizzling when you get too close to black pavement.

missionaries knock on your door. you answer. you see the badges. you give them a smile and tell them they don’t want you. they smile. they keep smiling. they both look the same. they smile as they buckle their helmets. that night they come back. they knock. they smile. the next night they come back. they knock. they smile. they smile.

one time you drove for forty five minutes to find something new to look at. the fog got thicker with every mile. when you finally parked on the side of a dirt road, you can hear a deep moaning from the other side of a small hill. you don’t walk over the hill. you go home. you say out loud, “strong winds this time of year.” you don’t believe it.

it’s called the gem state. maybe that’s why you keep finding mica in your hair when you wake up in the morning. maybe that’s why your bed feels like nothing but jagged points when you try to sleep.

the buildings here are old. the people are old. the sun feels old sometimes. the governor is old. he does not change. he will never change. the people will never change.

Shit this is the mood for tonight.

Sometimes you just have to listen to some sad folk music and pretend you’re in an indie coming of age film.