🐝  *  ―  𝑪𝑶𝑴𝑭𝑶𝑹𝑻𝑰𝑵𝑮 𝑺𝑬𝑵𝑻𝑬𝑵𝑪𝑬 𝑺𝑻𝑨𝑹𝑻𝑬𝑹𝑺. 

#mood

THE FLORIDA PROJECT (2017) dir. Sean S. Baker

It’s odd, isn’t it? People die every day and the world goes on like nothing happened. But when it’s a person you love, you think everyone should stop and take notice. That they ought to cry and light candles and tell you that you’re not alone.

Kristina McMorris, Letters From Home (via survivingsiblingsuicide)

tilly takes a seat next to him, legs crossed and shoulders bumping slightly. ‘‘ and what is the vibe ? darkness and misery ? ’’ it's light and teasing ‘‘ if i didn't know better, i would think you have an allergy to color.  ’’

hecrtgolden​:

‘‘ This ’’ she says quietly, trailing her finger across the ceiling ‘‘ this is where the split should be. And here, on this side - the evening sun. Lilacs and baby pinks. Yellow trickling through. and this side - this would be midnight rain. Navy’s, blacks, hundreds of tiny fibre optic lights for stars. Brooding clouds and tiny raindrops. ” A sigh escapes her lips as she jumps down from the ladder. “ That’s just how I would decorate it, if I was you. ”

@bashscmmers

the roll of golden hues came rather naturally when around matilda . probably due to the pure opposites that they’ve grown to be . in fact , her description was a pretty good indicator of their own dynamic . tilly , sunshine and rainbows . sebastian fit the broody rain and clouded aura .  ❝ i don’t know if i could tolerate that much sunshine , even if it is split . doesn’t quite fit the vibe . ❞ 

(   Kathryn Newton   +  cis  woman  +  she  /  her  )     🠒     john  hughes  movie   by   maisie  peters   is  something  that  resonates  with   matilda  yaxley.  the  shop  assistant  at  record  this!  record  shop  is  glen  ellen's  very  own   broken  bird,   who  has  been  in  town  for  twenty  years  and  while  they  are  only  twenty  five,    they  can  be  very   naive    but  if  their  friends  mentioned  them,    you'd  think  they  were  more  benevolent.   in  a  town  where  every  one  knows  everyone,    it's  hard  to  keep  a  secret,     but  i  think  the  killer  knows  that  [  redacted  ],     and  it's  bound  to  get  out  sometime  soon.   i  wonder  if  the  killer  also  thinks  of   symptomatic  by  peach  prc,     butterfly  clips,     always  chipped  nail  polish,     glitter  eyeshadow,     handmade  bracelets,     smudged  mascara,     bruised  lips   like  i  do,    when  i  think  of  them.

full name — matilda yaxley nickname(s) — tilly, tilda, millie. name meaning — battle mighty age — twenty five date of birth — march 19 place of birth — fresno, california current location — glen ellen, california, us gender — cis-woman pronouns — she/her sexual orientation — heterosexual religion — agnostic occupation — assistant at record this ! record shop education level — high school family — louise yaxley ( mother, deceased ) , daniel jones ( father ) , evie yaxley ( maternal grandmother, deceased ) , jose yaxley ( maternal grandfather )  finances — working class  spoken languages — English

medical diagnosis’ — post traumatic stress disorder, anxiety, depression, pyrophobia 

Inspired by : NELL CRAIN (THE HAUNTING OF HILL HOUSE), JANE EYRE (JANE EYRE), JO & AMY MARCH (LITTLE WOMEN), SCOUT FINCH (TO KILL A MOCKING BIRD), ELIZA DOOLITTLE (MY FAIR LADY)

TW for abuse, fire, stalking, Metal health

- Matilda was the only child born to louise and daniel, although she always craved for more. In her earliest years she begged for a sibling. She said silent prayers to a god she didn’t believe it and whispered it into Santas ear when december rolled around. She never got a sibling, no, instead her parents separated. 

- two houses, two homes, two kitchens, two phones. two birthdays, two christmases. it was FINE, but it made her sad. She wished so deeply for a nuclear family. Instead she got awkward handovers where her dad will rip her from her mothers arms and moan that she was a BITCH. 

- When Matilda was seven, her life was flipped on its head in the worst way. The divorced was being finalised and as a result, her Dad set fire to the home where she and her mother slept. He was the first on the scene, the first to pull his only child, terrified and screaming, from the burning building - ‘the heroic dad ’ the headlines went mad ‘ hero dad braves flames to save daughter ! ’. 

- It didn’t take long for his plan to foil though. The police were onto him from the get go. They just needed evidence. They watched him carefully, allowing him to lap up the glory like a dehydrated dog. Five weeks after the event, he was arrested on suspicion of pre medicated murder, malicious arson and endangering the life or health of a child. He lost custody of Matilda and she was sent to live with her ageing grandparents.

- her grandfather was already living in a care home when she moved in, the dementia had set in some years prior, and her grandmother had said she was grateful he would never know the weight of grief over their daughter. They visited him three times a week, and life with her grandparents was slow but comfortable. 

- five years later, when Matilda was almost thirteen, her father was released due to a lack of evidence. He was not allowed contact with his daughter until she was 18 and could make the decision herself, but he was still always there. she could feel his eyes watching from afar. 

- When she was eighteen he became persistant. He would show up at her school, at the house, on street corners. Begging for her attention, and when she refused he would throw out threats to her life and her grandmothers life. 

- Several months ago Matilda lost her grandmother and with that the home she lived in. She has been living with friends (sofas mostly). He is still everywhere. He comes to the record shop often, and even though he’s barred now he stands outside and waits for her.

- Still, she is almost naive ( it’s probably the trauma ! ). She has the sweetest most kind heart in the world . Queen of ‘it’s fine ! I’m okay ! How are you ? Do you need anything ? Tea ? Coffee ? A hug ? Oh no I’m not projecting I’m fine !’ 

me when someone asks how im doing lately

‘‘ yeah, i know. ’’ she says quietly, eyes facing the heavens. ‘‘ it just seems we get beat down a lot more here, huh? ’’  there is a small huff that escapes her lips as she turns back to Bash. ‘‘ you don’t reckon I could take them down? I’m tougher than I look. ’’

‘‘ fuck ’’ she mumbles. She burns with a desire to do something, anything. She was too young to do anything for or about her mother, and because of it her Dad just wonders free. Maybe she can do something now. She’s not sure what, but she has a feeling she’ll have plenty of time to work it out. ‘‘ this is fucked, bash. ’’