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Humans are space orcs: adopting a human

Ok ok ok, last humans are the weird ones, I promise! (I am also a god damn liar.)

So this ailien crew is finally retiring their beloved human/orc friend who has thrown them through the ringer so many times they’ve learned all the weirdness that comes compacted in that apex predator from earth.

It’s really sad when they have to let their human go because ofcourse besides being a space-orc their human was also space-glue and made them all love it and want to be friends forever. But their human has a family it wants to get back to and tell all these wonderful adventures they all had together. So its good bye.

But soon after the human leaves the ship and goes to their family on this fringe-y colony planet that all the races in the galaxy agree can’t be settled but humans are sending their fifth colonizing attempt anyways because fuck it, it’s what we do, the colony succumbs to a terrible natural disaster. The ailien crew rushes ba ck to save their friend (and reallynanybody) but alas, all they find is their former crew mates body clutching a small screaming bundle.

A human baby.

Well its only right to take it with them right? Yeah! To honor their friend! To have a new friend! Besides they are EXPERTS in dealing with a full grown human. A baby human has to be a breeze in comparison right? Right!

So they adopt it.

First they name it Clamchowder in honor of the human tradition of naming children in hopes of they having qualities linked to the name. It was very, very carefully selected name.

Then they discover in very rapid and horrible sucsession: Human babies don’t speak Human babies don’t walk or move much on their own Human babies do not regulate their excrement at apropriate intervals Human babies need to be interacted with and physically touched or they waste away (that was a close call untill Clamchowder latched onto Moongah the extremely fuzzy first mate) Human babies need special diet, which does not include bottles filled with engine grease. Another close call. Human babies will put EVERYTHING IN YHER MOUTH OH NO SPIT OUT THE CONTROL BUTTON PLEASE!!! And it never ever ever stops screaming, ever!

Ultimately the crew decides that this is a whole new set of problems, and even gthougb they really wanted Clamchowder to be like their dead parent they eventually realize that this is a complete different adventure.

So they become baby experts too.

My mother says that fanfiction doesn’t count as reading because “it isn’t nearly as good as the stuff that’s published. You’re not going to find something online that will win a Booker Prize.” Please reblog if you count fan fiction as reading, or if the fanfiction you’ve read is equally as good as published novels. I want to see the figures.

I work at a daycare with infants.

One of our baby girls is fat, in the 99th percentile for her age. She is super cute and sweet. Lately, she has been sick with various breathing issues, so she has been reluctant to take her bottles. Normally, she’ll take 4 ounces of formula at lunch and 8 ounces in the afternoon. Today, I was lucky to get to her take 5 all day.

There was a substitute covering a lunch break in my classroom today. We emphasized to her that we need to keep trying to get the baby to drink her bottle until she finished it. She said, “Why are you guys so worried about taking her bottle?”

My coworker replied, “That’s where all her nutrients are. She needs the nutrients and the water.”

To which the substitute replied, “But she’s so fat. She doesn’t need it.”

Thin privilege is a small, pretty baby getting better childcare because the caretaker doesn’t think she’s too fat to be allowed to eat.

this is good

y'all will circlejerk yourself to the mysticisms of faeries and elves in european countries for centuries and take it as fact but the second native americans ask you to respect our spirituality and culture suddenly you're all aetheists

[A/n  listen to video when you see the lyrics ] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mlmhMS_luX8&feature=emb_logo

Harry's Pov

*DREAM/NIGHTMARE*    *Talking*

"its your fault i am dead you could of saved me".Fred says. "no i am sorry i tried".Harry says trying to keep the tears in ."we'll it wasn't good enough".Fred  says. "I am  disappointed in you you are not my son".James potter/prongs/harry's dad says. "dad i am sorry i tried to make you proud ".Harry says sobbing. "prongslet you could of saved me but you where to slow".Sirius Black/Padfoot/snuffles says . "I am sorry i tried but they held me so i couldn't save you".Harry  says said sobbing. "Wake up harry" .Remus/moony, Tonks,padfoot, Fred,Prongs,Lilly  says . Harry starts waking up sobbing.

Draco's Pov

Hears harry's screams and sobs and goes and wakes him up."shh its okay its not real you are safe and the war is over ".Draco says . Harry bury his head into Draco's shoulder. Draco keeps murmuring sweet comforting words to harry. Harry starts calming down. "do you want to tell me what the nightmare was about Mon amour "Draco says. [A/N   french translations is my love If I got this wrong I am sorry I got my translations from google translate ]Harry  shakes his head yes and then tells Draco what his nightmare was about. "Mon amour  it was not real you know the love you  or Remus and Tonks wouldn't of made you the godfather of their son teddy ".Draco says. "ok". Harry says shyly still not believing it."Mon amour  I know you still think its your fault now do want to cuddle and me to sing a lullaby to you till you fall asleep" .Draco says calmly . "yes please dray" .Harry says shyly.  

"Little child, be not afraid Tough rain pounds harshly against the glass Like an unwanted stranger, there is no danger I am here tonight Little child, be not afraid Though thunder explodes and lightning flash Illuminates your tear-stained face I am here tonight And someday you'll know That nature is so The same rain that draws you near me Falls on rivers and land On forests and sand Makes the beautiful world that you'll see In the morning Little child, be not afraid Though storm clouds mask your beloved moon And its candlelight beams, still keep pleasant dreams I am here tonight Little child, be not afraid Though wind makes creatures of our trees And their branches to hands, they're not real, understand And I am here tonight And someday you'll know That nature is...".

Draco sings sweetly. Harry falls asleep in Draco's lap cuddling him like he was his favorite stuff animal soon Draco falls asleep  cuddling him protectively.

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Donald Trump gets attacked by an eagle.

This eagle truly represents America. What a majestic symbol.