“The Best Part About Divorce Is Two Christmases”

Marvin: i don’t sweat

Henrik: everyone sweats?

Jackie: not Marv. He never sweats

Henrik: what do you mean “he never sweats?”

Marvin: sweating is gross. So I don’t do it.

Henrik: when I first met you, I did not like you.

Anti: I know

Henrik: but then you moved in and we hung out for a bit

Anti: uh-huh..?

Henrik: it did not get better

Jackie: Why are you awake? It’s like… three am.

Marvin, drinking straight from the coffee pot: Time isn’t real, Jackie-boy. Get used to it

Anti: I need to de-stress...

*Anti leaves the room*

Henrik: where are you going?

Anti: to demolish the living room

Anti: why do people assume the worst of me?

Jameson, signing: it saves time

Anti: I’ve never been in a snowball fight before, are there rules?

Chase: what?

Anti: is there a point system, or is it to the death?

Schneep: did you have to stab him?

Anti: you weren’t there. You didn’t hear what he said to me.

Schneep: what did he say?

Anti: ‘what are you going to do, stab me?’

Jack: to be completely fair, I did deserve it.

Anti: I invited you all here because I crave the deadliest game

Marvin, nodding: knife monopoly.

Anti: i was actually going to hunt you all for sport but I’m interested in whatever the hell knife monopoly is

Henrik: Yesterday I overheard Chase saying “Are you sure this is a good idea?” and Anti replying “Trust me.” and I have never moved from one room to another so fast in my life.

Anti: how are you still alive?!

Jameson, signing: spite