Grey--scales - Nikki

Cass is out on patrol and sees Polka Dot Man trying to rob a Dollar General. After she shoos him away, she wanders down an aisle and soon finds the most absurd item in the store.

Cass, in full costume, approaching the cashier: How much?

Paul the Cashier, a fifty year old man who has been working night shifts in Gotham for over thirty years: Just take it. Christ.

—

Later that week:

Tim, stepping into the shower, sees this peeking out at him from behind his shampoo:

Tim: …okay

Tim, texting Cass: Did you give me a Rainbow Batman?

Cass: Pass along the Rainbow Batman for good luck

—

Jason, returning to his safe house after a long night, opens the fridge and sees Rainbow Batman standing knee-deep in his potato salad.

Jason: fuck is this

Tim, texting him seconds later: Pass along Rainbow Batman for good luck.

—

Over the next few months, Rainbow Batman circulates its way around most of the Bat-team. It bounces from Jason to Dick to Damian to Steph. Eventually it gets to Duke, who is tasked with presenting it to Bruce. He waits until Bruce is in a decent mood, then puts it on the driver’s seat of the Batmobile one night as they are all wrapping up a case.

Bruce, opening the Batmobile door: —thank you for your help, Dick. I know you’ve been busy. And Duke, I appreciate you altering your schedule for us. Steph, your intel was excellent. I’m very pleased with the outcome of this mission. You all managed to keep the insubordination at a tolerable level.

Jason, whispering to Dick: Damn, two thank-yous, a compliment, and only one passive-aggressive comment? Did he get laid or something?

Bruce, spotting the Rainbow Batman: I…

Bruce:

Bruce: This??

Bruce: Is this…

Duke, about to explain: Cass found it—

Bruce, clearly trying to process something, blurts out: Is this your way of telling me you all know about Clark?

Everyone:

Jason: called it

undercuts

[ID: A 3-page comic and an illustration of Conner Kent, Cassie Sandsmark, Bart Allen, and Tim Drake from DC Comics.

Comic Page 1

Panel 1: Cassie enters the living room, stretching. In the foreground, Kon holds an electric hair clipper.

Tim, off panel: Hey Cassie. Cassie: *yawn* Hey Tim, hey Kon. Kon: Hey Cassie.

Panel 2: Cassie touches the back of Kon’s head. Kon turns towards her, putting the clipper down.

Cassie: Hair coming in? Kon: Yeah. Cassie: Huh. I’ve always wondered how that feels. Kon: The undercut? Cassie: Yeah.

Panel 3: Cassie continues touching the back of Kon’s head, curious. In the background, Bart speeds in with armfuls of bags in street wear.

Cassie: Ooo, stubbly. Kon: You wanna try? Bart: HEY GUYS SUP Cassie: Hey Bart. Kon: Hey Bart.

Panel 4: Cassie sits by the table with Kon. Kon turns towards Bart, who’s simultaneously in the kitchen putting away his purchases and drinking water, and in the foreground doing a thumbs up holding a pillow, having changed into a sweatshirt.

Cassie: Kon’s fixing his undercut. Kon: And Cassie’s maybe getting one. Bart: Yeah you’d look great! Kon: Yeah she would. Cassie: Thanks.

Comic Page 2

Panel 1: A close up on the upper half of Bart’s face. He looks wary.

Cassie, off panel: You wanna get one too? Bart: I dunno, are you guys gonna make fun of my hair again?

Panel 2: Bart looks up at Tim, who’s hanging upside down from the ceiling and holding a phone.

Tim: In fairness, half bald would be an improvement from completely bald, kinda. Bart: Hey Tim. Tim: Hey Bart.

Panel 3: Kon turns towards Tim, who continues to hang upside down whilst smiling smugly. Cassie gestures at the back of her head, turned to Bart.

Kon: “Kinda”? Tim: Mm. Kon: Wow. Cassie: Isn’t the suit uncomfortable with the hair? Bart: In hindsight yeah but like, do I have the face for an undercut?

Panel 4: Cassie thinks thoughtfully. Bart leans his cheek against Kon’s shoulder. Kon shifts slightly to make space for Tim.

Cassie: Has there ever been a “bad” undercut? Bart: Worst case you could do wigs again. Cassie: Ugh. Tim, off panel: Batwoman says undercuts are better with suits like hers. Kon: Batwoman has an undercut?

Comic Page 3

Panel 1: Cassie and Bart look up at Tim. Kon looks at them, curious; Tim also looks at them, but disgruntled instead.

Cassie: I’ll get one if Bart gets one. Bart: I’ll get one if Time gets one. Tim: Why am I involved.

Panel 2: Cassie and Kon huddle around Bart, gesturing towards him. The trio do their best at making the most angelic expression they can muster. Tim gives them a deadpan stare.

Cassie: Think about Bart! Bart: What about Bart! Kon: For Bart, Tim!

Panel 3: Tim continues to give them a deadpan stare.

Panel 4: The deadpan stare continues. The other three cheer.

Tim: … sure? Cassie, Bart, and Kon: YEAH!

Illustration

Kon sits behind Tim, inspecting the back of Tim’s head closely, holding an electric hair clipper; Tim’s head is bowed slightly, looking down at Bart whose head is laid on his lap; Cassie lays arms crossed on Bart’s stomach. The atmosphere is easy and comfortable. They all have undercuts.

End ID.]

beautiful women named “Participate in OCD clinical trial” keep messaging me

“Are you here all night?” Jason asked, “or are you planning to, you know, be a human? I think those go home sometimes.”

High above Jason’s head, a swarm of bats entered the cave, winding among the stalactites and screeching a kind of garbled response.

Dick, however, said nothing. He remained bent over one of the long tables on the cavern floor, examining a map Jason could barely see from his own seat a short distance behind, ignoring Jason and his sarcasm both. 

Jason didn’t enjoy being ignored. 

Fine. 

“I have some tasks you could take over,” he suggested, in his least helpful voice, “if you’re in the market for an excuse to keep working. I know you make those sometimes.”

Nothing.

“I have some weapons to clean, if you want to do that. You could type out all my old cases, if that works, because I only have the originals and those are hard to work with.”

Still nothing.

“Take out the trash?” Jason tried. “Wash the dishes? I put a load of laundry in a couple of hours ago, but there’s a wool jacket in the mix, so be careful what you put in the dryer.”

Dick didn’t move. Jason was enjoying himself now.

“Write a sonnet? Map the White House?” Jason held up a finger Dick couldn’t see, like he had just remembered something interesting. “I think there’s a library on 8th that exploded a few days back, so if you could just grab the rubble from the street and rebuild it by hand, that would be great.”

No reaction. 

“Whatever,” said Jason, “I’m out of here. Get some sleep maybe? I know the whole work-to-outrun-despair routine is your ‘thing,’ or whatever, but it never looks good on you. Have you considered—”

Jason cut himself off as Dick finally turned away from the table. Looking him in the eye, Jason felt suddenly and inexplicably afraid. 

“Go on,” said Dick, quietly.

Keep reading

Bruce going through his utility belt checklist and noting who the items are for

Phone charger (Duke, Tim)

Juice box (Damian, Dick)

Fidget toys (Dick, himself)

Kindle (Jason)

Lollipops (all children 👨‍👧‍👦)

Gummy worms (Cass)

Tampon (Steph, Cass. Just in case.)

Epi-Pen (Tim)

A very small dinosaur figurine that Duke gave him (himself)

Pen and mini sketch pad (Damian)

Tootsie Rolls (if Clark stops by)

Condom

Tamagotchi (Cass, Damian)

Shrimp??? 🍤

who put shrimp in my utility belt

I mean it. We’re not going out until someone tells me who did it.

This behavior is unacceptable. This is disgusting.

Well? I’m waiting. Someone has to know who did this.

I’m serious. Who put the goddamned shrimp in here? No, no, we’re not leaving yet. Get back here. Do you think I’m joking? Do I look amused? We’re all staying right here until one of you comes forward.

I can’t believe the disrespect I have to put up with from this family

Shrimp?!

Fine, you know what? Now no one gets to go out. We’re all staying right here in the cave. How do you feel about that? Are you satisfied with yourselves? Condiment King is pouring mustard all over city hall and we’re stuck here because of your bad choices.

sometimes, Bruce just says things without a single input from that big brain of his (the justice league won’t let him forget this anytime soon)

Hi, I’m a Slut - A Slam Poem // Savannah Brown (x)

and you better watch out when he steps in

Really wanted to draw little Dick Grayson after too much work stress and ended up going on a binge. Bonus stupid commentary.

Some things never change lol (esp when these two aren’t fighting)