You Can Literally Feel What Makes You Sicker And You Can Keep Choosing It Out Of Obligation And Familiarity

GIVE HER BACK TO ME 😭 TAKE CRISTON COLE PLEASE

the only thing you should care about is getting stronger arms and a stronger back nothing else matters

Your "non-confrontational" choices not to communicate hurt the people you don't confront btw. You're not a martyr for keeping everything inside and then running away when other people don't know what's going on with you. You just decided avoiding rejection and sparing your own feelings was easier than being honest and giving them the agency to respond and make their own decisions. You chose to hurt them so they didn't hurt you. You think your feelings are realer and more important than their own care and love for you. You were always just waiting for a sign to run.

"If they cared about me they would have–" did you tell them that? Did you let them know how you feel? How much importance you place on those requirements they don't know they have to meet? This secret criteria and secret signs for your secret feelings? Or are you making them play a game they don't know even exists?

Your choice not to communicate isn't cute. You didn't run because they didn't feel the same for you. You ran so you wouldn't have to risk rejection. You chose to prioritise your own self-protection over their trust in and love for you. At least own that.

what is it with able bodied people saying “get well soon” after you say that you’re chronically ill?? like? i am not gonna? and i once literally responded with “i’m not gonna, it’s chronic, as in permanent.” and they went like “oh well, hope you get better!” like bro 💀

A personal vent - this is my experience and may not reflect other autistic experiences.

Approximately 16% of Autistics are in full-time work.

Approximately 32% are in some form of paid work.

I am in the 16%. And it fucking sucks.

"You are doing so well!" No. I'm not. I'm mentally extremely unwell and in constant burnout. But it's either this or being homeless.

"You must be high functioning then." Besides the terminology, it's kinda a no, too. I high mask. I don't function at home. I can barely take care of myself. It's all fake.

"Count your blessings!" No. This is a curse for me because I was late diagnosed and forced to live NT for 36 years of my life. I am not coping and I am not happy on an autistic level.

I don't go out, I can't watch shows or movies because I'm too exhausted, week-ends are barely enough recovery time, I'm in therapy that's holding the flood at bay just barely.

"You should just quit." I can't. We would lose everything and in the current economy my husband's income is not enough. We'd lose the house, the cars, the cats (which are like my children). And finding another job that pays me $29+ an hour for what I do isn't easy or a guarantee it won't be worse for me.

"You are so lucky to be able to work." I'm not. Please, my sweet dumplings... understand that I'm not.

Also increasingly aware that a LOT of people "manage" getting through the 40+ hour work week by sleeping less than is healthy and relying on stimulants like coffee and energy drinks to keep them going.

For people who are unwilling or unable to do this...work really does just dominate your life. Like we really should not have to rely on unhealthy practices just to have a social life or keep on top of housework or whatever.

I know I post about this a lot but I'm so TIRED all the time and it's just so depressing that this is how we're expected to spend the one life we have.

VIDEO: Living Under Israel’s Missiles

Four boys of the Bakr family were killed by a missile strike during last year’s incursion. Their surviving family members are still scarred from the attack.

More than anyone, children bear the brunt of regular Israeli military assaults on the Gaza Strip. During the 51-day war in the summer of 2014, 551 children were killed and 3,436 were injured. But these gruesome figures say little about the psychological state of the nearly 800,000 children who have survived the periodic bombing campaigns. After the final cease-fire that ended Israel’s Operation Protective Edge on August 26 of last year, UNICEF estimated that at least 425,000 Palestinian children in the besieged Gaza Strip require “immediate psychosocial and child protection support.”

[ The physical wounds of Gaza children might have healed, but they live with enduring psychological trauma ]

It is fuckin insane the sheer disregard everyone has for covid and how utterly bizarre it feels to be actively losing credibility in people's eyes just because I take it seriously. Everyone thinks I'm being "silly" but I literally was in the middle of getting a degree in microbiology when this shit started, I was literally taking immunology and virology courses when the pandemic hit, it's not like I have a poor understanding of the topic. I've been watching the death rate and keeping up with the new variants and vaccines and symptoms and I can bring up all the sources I want but it feels useless, nobody wants to hear it, nobody gives a shit.

Details from the Sanzenin Temple // 三千院