Everyone Keeps Telling Me That I Have To Stay Alive For Them, That Killing Myself Would Be Selfish Because

too much

@/horrifically //  Igor Shcherbakov, Sinichka. (oil on canvas), 2019,  // Nicole Homer, Underbelly // Daniele Valeriani // @serratedpens // Takehiko Inoue, Vagabond illustration

A message to you:

You’re pushing me away and I don’t know what to do. I care about you, I always have and I always will. Do you, do you care about me? You say you do, but then you ignore me. “I’m that way with everyone” you say, but there you are laughing, having a thirty minute conversation with another. When I try to talk to you, you barely respond; you brush me off. You’re someone I thought I’d know forever, but there you go slipping away from me. Although I’m fully capable, I don’t understand and I don’t think I ever will - because you’ll never tell me. Inseparable one minute, barely talking the next; oh, how the times change. I’d do anything to help you, and I’ve proven that. Once things got better for you, do you leave behind the ones who have helped you in the process? Is that what this is? You should surely be able to clear this up, but you won’t.

I’ve hurt my self to help you. I’ve made sacrifices to be there for you. Is that not enough? Is wanting what’s best for someone 24/7 not enough? I never asked for anything in return but honesty. This is didn’t even get.

So it’s been almost a month since you last texted me first to talk. And I realized that I shouldn’t have to question if you still want to be my friend or not. So our friendship is in your hands. Take care of it or don’t; I don’t care anymore. I love you and I’ll miss you and our close friendship but I’ve learned where I hold myself as a person. And I will never beg for someone’s attention, I will never force a friendship, and I will never keep myself in a toxic one-sided relationship. I’ve made the effort, now it’s your turn. I’ve shown you that I care, prove to me you do too. Nurture our friendship back to good health, if I really mean that much to you like you say.

I care too much about people. People take advantage of this. I get used; my feelings abused. Hopefully you won’t do the same.

There’s a chance you’ll see this but a very strong one you won’t (I assume you don’t pay attention to me as much as I do to you). If you do see this, you’ll know this is about you. I want you to see this, in fact I’ll be happy if you do.

Do what you want; it’s your life. But don’t you ever say I was the one who drifted away from you or that I was never there for you. I was, however you wernt. I still want to be friends, but a friendship can’t work if it’s only one way. At the end of the day, if you wanted to be my friend, you’d be acting like it.

- Your “Friend”

The pain of Loki from Asgard* 

Dear diary... (Trigger warning)

At 13, I hoped I would never turn 15.

At 15, I hoped I would never turn 18.

At 18 I thought that would be it. I thought I would be dead before I got to see another year.

I never wanted to make it this far.

Now I'm about to turn 20...

I hate the fact I'm still alive. I hate that after so many years of wanting to be dead, and actually trying to die, I made it to this point.

I feel so lost now. I never wanted to live this long. But I'm stuck in this world. I could never find a way out in all those years, and now I'm doomed to keep living a life I never wanted.

I wanted to die. But I'm so useless I couldn't even get that right.

Top 5 wishes for Infinity War:

1. Loki lives.

2. Loki doesn’t die.

3. Loki continues breathing/all bodily functions needed for survival.

4. Loki doesn’t, at any point in the film, find himself in a position where he is no longer living.

5. When the end of the film arrives, Loki Is in fact, not dead.

Follow my twitter here

credits: @/thealiciacook on instagram. i strongly related to the line that said ‘you would just want to uncover a reason behind all this, and there is no tangible reason you would accept as valid’

i don't think anyone really understands the levels of being passively suicidal like it doesn't matter where i am or what i'm doing i'd still rather be dead and it's so exhausting