I Like You, Strange Man.

it might just be because im sleep deprived from jetlag rn but this r/relationship_advice post is making me cry actual tears of laughter. i read the post at first and was like yeah pretty standard whatever but im nosey so i clicked on the drawing op linked and i was not mentally prepared for it. putting it under a read more so you can get the same experience as i did

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The day i get a drawing tablet is the day i become a god

cause then my art will be of an actual good quality to look at rather then shitty pictures of my sketchbook taken on my phones scratched up camera

FUCKING PEAK

“It’s a curious thing, poison immunity. It makes my work much more efficient. Not to mention more enjoyable.”

Art i did for artfight featureing Niles G. Toliver (@undeadbard)

he's just so silly

"Not to boast but out of all of the spider based rogues, I am the only one who has the front page" Figured i should do Dr. Arachnoid cause why the hell not? i might post my Dr. Zyclone cover as well, but im going to redo it cause it looks a bit odd.

Sunken

Salazar ducked behind a bend in this cave and readied himself.

He had been in this cavern for hours and it was looking more and more dire by the moment.

It was meant to be a simple job, clear out a sunken ship and pull out whatever scrap he could find, but as usual his curiosity had gotten the better of him and now he was stuck in this underwater cave. Its entrance had been covered by the ship's hull, however he’d managed to pry the metal plating off and squeeze into the cave's entrance. His diving suit had not helped, but thankfully the helm of his suit had managed to just barely fit into the mouth of the cave.

When he had gotten into the cavern proper he had figured he’d just look around for a little while then get out but that was now impossible due to the Kuo-Toa who seemed to be taking refuge in this cave. He had managed to slaughter a good few of them, with great difficulty mind you he only had a harpoon and a small knife he had ‘borrowed’ from 1 of the bodies.

His brief respite ended when he heard the wet squelching of several Kuo-Toa approaching him. He took a breath, then as 1 turned the corner he rammed his harpoon into its soft skull, its flesh rippling as the blade pierced its forehead. In 1 fluid motion he then kicked the remains of the fishman off of his harpoon and into its comrades as he rushed forward, slamming the side of the weapon into a now stunned Kuo-Toa, knocking it out. 

The largest of the Kuo-Toa, brandishing a large serrated fishing spear and net, threw the net at Salazar and managed to ensnare him and then rushed forward, spear at the ready. Salazar then barely managed to drop, the considerable weight of his suit being used to his advantage as he ducked under the swing, then using his knife he slashed the net open, letting him in one motion ram the butt of his harpoon into the creatures chin and slash at its throat with his blade letting spray of blackish blood float in the water around them.

Using the blood and new corpse as a bit of cover, Salazar then threw his harpoon at the last fishman with all his might, it thankfully catching the man (woman? Hard to say) off guard as it went straight through its eye and out the back of its skull. 

Salazar took a breath as he sat for a moment, catching his breath. He’d never thought of himself as much of a fighter but it would seem he was rather adept at combat even despite the considerable handicap of his suit. He’d decided to keep it on, sure it slowed him down rather significantly but it was still armour and in a pinch he’d need it, besides the saltwater stung his skin and eyes. He’d be able to breathe in it sure, but that did not change the fact that it’d be very uncomfortable.

He stood up and collected his harpoon from the head of the Kuo-Toa who’d briefly become its sheath. He then pressed on down this cave hall, making sure he was listening for any sign of Kuo-Toa. While he did not hear any Kuo-Toa themselves,he did see several markings on the walls of the cave which he deduced were Kuo-Toan writing. He unfortunately did not speak Kuo-Toa so he wouldn't be able to glean its meaning but it did display an arrow pointing further into the cave. He decided to follow the arrow, at worst he’d find more Kuo-Toa but at best it might lead to an exit.

As he approached the cavern, he began to hear something eerie, a low chanting in an indecipherable tongue, most definitely not Kuo-Toa, it didn’t have any of the characteristic clicks and blubs no this was deeper more….ancient. Despite his trepidation he felt a strange compulsion…a compulsion to press on, one that he could not shake. 

The chanting got louder and louder with each step until it was all he could hear, not noticing as an inky fog filled the halls as he approached entering into a large chamber. Held within this chamber was what had to be hundreds of Kuo-Toa chanting an incantation and at the center of the room was a large obelisk, coal black with fleshy veins pulsating along its length. As he turned away to leave he found he could not look away from the piller, seemingly transfixed on it, in the back of his head he heard a voice, booming and deep.

“Come closer youngling….”

He froze, unable to retreat, he gulped pushing down a bit of vomit and slowly began to step closer to the piller, which seemed to shift and pulsate as he approached.

As he approached further the fog began to encircle him suddenly as if pulled to the ground he fell to his knees as an unearthly chorus reverberated around him, and as it reverberated he began to understand the chanting's meaning.

“Come now take the step…..Don’t look back there's nothing left…Souls are bound, hearts are gone…. Now fall before Lwyn’thorahn!”

As the incantation was complete, the Kuo-Toa plunged blades into their hearts ripping them out, as they did this the obelisk glew a crimson red. Suddenly the fog coalesced into large tendrils which enveloped his suit, ripping into it, and tearing the glass off the front of his helmet, the tendrils filling his mouth and eyes with a blackish tar which melted the skin and flesh.

Everything went dark as he screamed in agony. Wishing and hoping for death he heard 1 voice in his mind

“Death is not what awaits you young one” a familiar sounding voice echoed in his mind

He looked around and felt weightless as he could see the world outside him as if it were a movie on a screen. He saw the red stained water and the bodies of the Kuo-Toa cultists floating up towards the cave ceiling, the obelisk still glowing.

“You will prove to be very useful to me youngling…..You shall be my avatar, and the architect of my new form”

Salazar watched in horror as he saw the glass window on his suit open up and dark tendrils flow out of it, grabbing the bodies one by one and consuming them as the bloodied waters flowed into his helmet like a vortex.

“Your flesh will prove to be a powerful asset in constructing my new form, and your soul will be another one on the pile, now goodbye”

Salazar felt as his spectral form was engulfed by what felt like crashing waves and all he could let out was 1 final scream as he was dragged into the depths of the abyss, his body was not his own anymore, and while he was not remarkable, his body would be the arbiter of a new age.

"Numero Uno gets his 2nd cover baby!"

i saw @undeadbard make a rogues cover, and i felt a duty to make 1 of my own, this one an alt 2nd cover cause why not

this is fuckin AWESOME

hello jon

:)

The thing about bugs bunny is that he lives and dies by his bits. He’s fully capable of killing you if he wanted, but the thing is, not only is he a nice guy, he’s a funny guy. To beat bugs bunny, many people assume that you just have to not fall for the jokes. If he hits you with a pie, you don’t flinch, and eventually you’ll ware him down. The issue is, misery will only last you so long. There’s only so much bits to endure before it becomes funny. And whoever is getting laughed at is losing. Instead, to kill bugs bunny, you have to beat him at his own game. When he throws a pie, don’t try to sidestep or be a sourpuss, that’s playing into his hands. Instead, you comically open your mouth and swallow it whole. This is how you kill a god.

every time i listen to “you’re a mean one mr. grinch” i can’t help but sit there and think “what did the grinch do to hurt you?” because dude just stands there for 2 minutes and 58 seconds and drags the grinch into the dirt