Need This

highkey hate my blog name

one day soon im jus gonna leave TikTok forever for tumblr

I no longer believe in sleep I am making a Thomas Jefferson x John Adams edit

listening to ethel cain and reading hannigram fanfics as god intended

probably my best work

me: "everyone should watch hannibal it's been so good for me!! i literally got over a breakup with it!!!"

narrator: "This, was a lie. She, in fact, has not gotten over a break-up that wasn't a real break-up from six months ago, but rather has only been stuck in a depressive cycle where she has superimposed herself and the other person onto hannibal and will. While this started out as her being will and the other hannibal, time and social isolation have led her down the path of identifying with hannibal. she is not doing well. the only thing she was right about was watching hannibal. everyone should watch hannibal."

*shows me rocking back and forth on the ground, sweating profusely and murmuring under my breath "I gave you a rare gift, but you didn;t want it" over and over again*

i shared on tiktok that i wrote a mater x luigi as in luigi from the cars movie fanfic but they all thought I was talking about luigi mangione and like that is so much better picture this: luigi mangione is an infamous assissine known for his bold and impactful political assissinations–and his jaw droppingly good looks. Mater is the best agent in C.H.R.O.M.E., Command Headquarters for Recon Operations and Motorized Espionage, a role he earned for himself when he saved the World Grand Prix race from the evil organization, the Lemons. Mangione is as evasive as he is effective, killing with such grace and prowess that billionaires and CEOs globally have been dropping like flies ever since his first kill, the United Health Care CEO. The top 1% is scared, pouring all their money into efforts to catch and kill Mangione before their head is on the chopping block. The issue has been so bad and so terrifying that many billionaires have been forced to stop their cherished annual charitable donation of $1. Times are truly troubling. For the first time in what has been months, the world’s governments have finally gotten a lead– they found Luigi Mangione’s apartment. 

“Agent Mater, I don’t know how else to say this: we need you. After getting the recent lead with Luigi’s apartment, we have discovered that he plans to kill Elon Musk. We need to stop him, but we have no clue where he is.” Jack Crawford looked tired. He missed Will, but Will was gone. He ran off with Hannibal Lector a few months back. Jack needs Mater on this case, he needs a trusted agent who won’t run off with a killer. 

“So you want me tuh find luigi and kill’em?” Mater asks nonchalantly. He’s done this task a million times as the best agent the FBI- nay the world– has ever seen, holding a documented 3,037,000 kills alone. 

“Yes. I have these pictures of his apartment and of what we found in it. Take a look and tell me–”

“Im gonna stop you right there. I aint lookin at any pictures, i gotta see the place with my own windshield.” Mater looks strong, he knows he can order Jack around like this. Mater’s skill has allowed him privileges few others have had. Also, Jack is mentally broken by Will. Jack gives in.

—

The apartment is on the 20th floor of the downtown brooklyn highrise. Mater is lifted up there by a crane, too big for the narrow human hallways of the building.

“Well there goes any surprise if he’s there”, Mater thought glumly, “i cant believe that in the year of our lord 2025 there is still such rampant discrimination for living cars.” a tear runs from his eyes.

“THREE, TWO, ONE, GO!!!”--*CRASH!!* Mater was just swung in through the window, he does a super sick role to slow his fall and lands with his tire sticking out, ready to show off. The apartment is neaty, excluding the glass and rubble from the wall he was just thrown through. Mater drives around slowly taking in the room. It is well decorated he notes, loving Mangione’s taste in decor. The photograph of Mangione on the wall catches Mater’s attention. Luigi’s abs are on full display and he is hiking, Mater’s engine revs a bit.

“Odd…” he thought. He drives around a bit more, searching and scanning for some kind of sign of where Luigi is going to kill Musk. He was looking at some more pictures of Luigi when he saw it. The space ship and the orange. Elon Musk was planning create a new worl record: have the least productive space trip with the most CO2 emissions. Because of the threat Musk had been hiding the launch spot but somehow Luigi found it. The John F. Kennedy Space Center.

“Oh my diddly darn yall, he’s gonna JFK Elon Musk.”

–

The air is hot and damp leaving Luigi looking permanently oiled up and his hair up in perfect curls.

“God how can i see in stealthily when i look this hot?” Luigi worried to himself. He was already hot in drier new york, how could he make it to the space station on time with the number of people that will be flirting with him, unaware or because of who he is?

Walking off the plane, Luigi is relaxed. He knows his home had been broken into by the FBI and that they knew he planned on killing the fuckass piece of human shit from a butt evil little human elon musk. He was fine with them knowing– more eyes on justice– as he thought there was no way for them to catch up with him, unaware of a certain rusty pickup added to the team. 

When he finally gets to the center 84 hours later, a lot of people were filtering, the launch was mere hours from starting. He planned a head for it took take a while for him to get there, but it took him 4 hours longer than he would of liked. His plan was simple: snip the rat from his perch then send a burning arrow to cook him for the people to eat the rich. He was already and imposition for the attack when he heard an odd rumbling sound from behind him. Looking back, he saw a large brown rusty truck with massive green eyes. It was the most beautiful thing he’s ever seen. His jaw fell open.

“He-he-lloo” Luigi is shocked. Mater is too. This reaction is normal for the truck who pulls mad bitches, but he wsa stunned to see Luigi in person. Mater never kept up with the news, they never talked about his top secrete killings, so this was his first time really seeing the man. Mater’s jaw dropped too.

“Are yew gonna kill Elon Musk?” Mater asked, a genuine qeustion as Luigi’s beautiful face grew empathy he hadn’t felt since his youth with his first love Luigi(yellow car). 

“Yeah, he sucks. He’s literally a nazi.”

“REALLY? I hate nazis lets kill the bitch” they kill him and its beautiful the people dance on Musk’s burning carcas. 

“Hey Luigi, let’s run away together and get married i love you”

“I love you too Mater” they then have sex i dont know how

“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!” Jack Crawford cries, “HOW DID I LOOSE ANOTHER AGENT TO A HOMOEROTIC REALATIONSHIP WITH A KILLER??? AM I A MATCH MAKER???omg i am.” with this realization jack leaves the fbi and starts a matching making business and its best to ever exist. 

so touch starved that I got shaken awake and im happy

Mango celsius my beloved how my heart bursts for you. My mother does not approve of our love, claiming your aura of energy is too much for one such as myself. I am only me when I’m with you and you alone

"omg dont post that ur digtial footprint" buddy sincerely i do not care im way more worried about the clinical depression and substance abuse