I'm More Surprised That There Was A Perceived Market For It. Did The Guy Who Started It Actually Think

In honor of the return of my Faith: the Unholy Trinity hyperfixation, I finally reblog the fanart that made me cackle the first (and second, and third) time I saw it. John, my beloved, I don't think that should have been gambled (but they probably wouldn't have accepted anything else)

Wonderful story, thank you!

What's a Coup - A short Descendants Fic

“The Queen of Hearts has declared a coup at Auradon Prep.”

The news made the room pause. Everyone turned and looked up at the attendant, holding a tablet with the information that had just come in. Then, slowly, everyone turned their attention to the man in the blue suit in the center of the room, who was currently invested in a card game spread in between all the inhabitants.

King Ben slipped the final UNO card of his hand into his suit pocket. “A coup?” he repeated.

“Yes, your majesty.”

Ben thought about that for a moment, then said. “Huh. She’s not doing very well.”

“Emotionally, or at the coup?” Evie asked.

“Both?” Jay asked.

“Obviously both,” Ben said. “But what I meant was-“ He stood, then began to pat himself down. Pocket one, pocket two, inside his jacket, up his arms. “Yes, sorry, just checking. I’m still here. Many miles away. So if she’s organizing a coup… she’s doing very badly.”

He sat back down. Evie, Mal, and Jay were chuckling, though Belle and Adam didn’t seem too reassured.

“She’s taken over Auradon Prep,” the attendant said. “About sixty people are barricaded in the courtyard. King Charming managed to break in, but is now trapped in there. Rumors have it that the Queen of Hearts is planning on executing Queen Ella.”

“Sixty people?” Evie asked.

Ben put his fingertips together. “So, we have a hostage situation. Not a coup.”

“She’s calling it a coup.”

“Then she’s an idiot. A coup is when you overthrow the government. She’s got one school. That’s like going to your local grocery store, barricading the doors, and declaring yourself the mayor.” Ben paused a moment to remove his final card from his jacket. “By the way, I was just about to win. Since I have to bow out-“ He threw down a wild card on top of a red seven. “I’m claiming victory now.”

“That’s not how it works!” Mal said from his left side. “I was next.”

“And what could you have played that would have stopped me?” Ben asked. “You don’t have any +2 cards.”

Mal grumbled in aquisence, and threw her last three cards down. Everyone else dropped their hands too. Jay, who had been placed in the unfortunate position of being after Ben in the lineup, looked particularly excited to drop the twenty-seven cards he’d been gifted.

“Has she got any military besides her cards?” Ben asked, taking the tablet from the attendant.

“Well, the cards can summon military personnel-“

“Yes, I’m aware of her abilities with cards. That’s why I asked if she had them.” Ben paused in flipping through the tablet to point at Mal across the room. The expression on his face was almost suspicious. The attendant followed Ben’s gaze only to see Mal mimic the expression and action, so the two were pointing at each other as if stuck in the spiderman meme. Ben’s fake suspicion cracked after a few seconds, and then he turned his point to the ground in a silent “Get over here.”

“I’m not following why you aren’t alarmed by this,” Adam said. “Why is this not a coup?”

“I am alarmed by it,” Ben said, though his tone was more nonchalant than one would expect. “Sixty people are being held hostage. But I’m putting the issue in perspective. Sixty people, out of a country of 300,000, and all contained in one tiny courtyard by a woman whose home is now undefended.”

“That doesn’t look like sixty,” Mal said, peering over his shoulder. “Maybe… forty?”

“Of course, we need to act quickly to return them to their homes and families-“

“And make sure Cinderella doesn’t die.”

“Exactly. But like I said before, a coup is when the government is taken over. And the government-“ Ben spread his arm at an angle, mockingly presenting himself and Mal to the room. “-is right here, and we are fine. So she is not doing very well at executing her coup.” He examined the tablet further. “She could have at least attempted to lay siege to my castle.”

“The castle isn’t the government either.”

“Yes, but it’s better than our high school.”

“Why not send part of the army to occupy Wonderland? Show her what a proper coup is?”

“Well, two wrongs don’t make a right, but it could be better in the long run. I have a feeling that Wonderland citizens will welcome our troops.” Ben switched off the livestream. “Let’s do that. Have Lonnie take command and lead soldiers in. Once that’s done, we’ll see if the Queen of Hearts will be willing to barter for her home territory. And while that’s going on, put some soldiers around Auradon Prep and arm them with ranged weapons. A sniper team in case any of them try to leave Auradon Prep. I want them contained there. The Queen of Hearts uses her cards to attack, but she’s only got fifty-two and has to take the time to throw them. Not to say she’s not fast. Warn the army to not make the same mistake Fairy Godmother did in waiting to use the full phrase.”

“And Cinderella?”

“Where are the rest of Uma’s pirates?” Ben asked. “Send in the VK’s.” He handed her the tablet. “Former villains fight against villains best. And they listen to you more, so-“

“Harry Hook likes you more than me.”

“An exception to the general rule. Can I leave this in your hands?”

Mal laughed in response and nodded. Ben pulled his phone out to contact Lonnie, when a thought struck him. He turned to the attendant. “One more thing,” he said.

“Yes, your majesty?”

Ben walked over to where his parents sat and put his hands over Belle’s ears. “If she does decide to siege my castle, tell her to aim for those awful statues on the roof.”

Belle swatted his arm, but the tension was broken. Ben left laughing to phone Lonnie.

Please tell me

Guys please what's a pampám. All the definition I'm getting is that it's an insult.

They had to kill Owen and beru off early because if they found out that anakin became vader they would have beaten the shit out of him and ended the trilogy in 40 minutes

So so SO fucking obsessed with Unwound Future from Claire's perspective (spoilers for all of this game):

Imagine you're a scientist. You have a wonderful dorky boyfriend who's recently been appointed professor of archeology, you have an ass kicking job at figuring out time travel and you decide to give your boyfriend a bit of a fancy silk hat to celebrate his achievement, because you think it's appropriate for his new fancy position.

You go to work, today you're testing out the the time machine, but things go wrong. Despite that fact, you're transported through time before the explosion can hit you... To ten years in the future.

This is AMAZING at first. The time machine worked, your team's work achieved something previously thought impossible––

And then you discover you're dead. Not only are you dead, your death messed up several people's lives SO BAD that they've never gotten over it. One of those people is the guy you worked with in the lab who had a crush on you. He's built an entire fake version of london underneath the real one in order to trick scientists to think they're in the future JUST so he can get them to build a time machine to go back in time to save you.

You talk to him, reveal who you are, and BEG him to fucking stop, but this only makes him more determined. Shit.

He also discovers you will eventually return back to the time of the explosion, so you have to very quickly make peace with your own death.

You ALSO discover that Dimitri kidnapped your other ex-lab partner to here (who became the prime minister in the meantime somehow???) Since apparently the guy had been pushing to test the time machine so much because he'd made a deal with a powerful company and decided to risk your life over not having results to show them.

You feel... betrayed. But you still don't think it was right to exact this revenge.

Also also, this guy who was a kid when the explosion happened and lost his parents is here and is suspiciously funding everything while smirking evilly, and you really don't trust him even if Dimitri does.

Then you discover, not only are they tricking those scientists into thinking they're in the future, they're also tricking YOUR BOYFRIEND into thinking he's in the future, some future where an evil version of him is creating the time machine; because YES, he's here, and he's somehow found himself at the center of solving this entire mystery.

You discover several new things about your boyfriend:

He's some sort of detective on the side now apparently. Everyone keeps talking about all those mysteries he solved and he's weirdly familiar with the officer from scotland yard who is also here for some reason.

He has kids now? One of them is a boy called Luke and that suspicious guy is pretending to be a future version of him. The other is a girl named flora. They both look nothing like him and are above the age of nine so you assume they're adopted.

He has very much taken your comment about being a gentleman to heart because he lives by it, despite it just being a suggestion you made in the moment. You realize Luke isn't his kid but just his apprentice who's there to learn about how to become a gentleman too. Everything about it is as heartwarming as it concerns you.

He hasn't taken that hat off. Basically ever. And it's also in pristine condition. Which is pretty cute, because he was so hesitant about wearing it at first, but it also kind of HURTS how much he cares. It's almost painful to think about the fact he spent ten years in your absence living exactly how he thinks you would want him to.

He's definitely incredibly traumatized by your death. You can tell, because between the two times you walk past him and his apprentice, he freezes up like your mere presence alone is causing him flashbacks. You decide to maybe not tell him you're you when push comes to shove and you need his help.

He has an archnemesis? Apparently Paul from university also had a crush on you and was so mad about you dating Hershel he swore vengeance. He's also a master of disguise now. You have to reevaluate your own self image and start wondering how many more people had crushes on you you didn't know about.

Eventually you help your boyfriend escape from being gunned down and he asks who you are and you just make up something about being your own estranged sister Celeste who you never told him about. He somehow buys it, and you get the feeling he's had to accept much stranger facts.

You two meet back at The Thames Arms, and within a couple of minutes he relays everything he's discovered about the truth of the matter to everyone in the room. You're starting to understand that thing about the mystery-solving a little more.

That suspicious guy (his real name is Clive) kidnaps your boyfriend's adopted daughter with him onto a gigantic moving fortress he's been building and of course your boyfriend is gonna want to rescue her. Him and his apprentice drive up there in his car, and you somehow manage to convince Paul to let you use his helicopter to follow them.

He breaks out his daughter, you meet him and head to the heart of the fortress to shut it down but the prime minister's heartbeat is attached to it and if it stops the fortress self-destructs. You replace him with the pocket watch your boyfriend gave you (you make up something about finding it amongst your sister's old possessions when he looks at you weird) and all of you haul ass out of there with the prime minister.

Clive is close to dying though, and you convince your boyfriend to let you go back for him because you feel terrible about the experiment you partook in taking his family from him. It was a big mistake to try and mess with the flow of time, in the end.

Everyone is brought back to safety. It's over, finally... No more suffering in your name.

Just in time, too. You can feel the minutes you have left slipping away.

Your boyfriend is informed that you are, in fact, you, and you can barely hold yourself together.

The two of you move to somewhere less crowded and you're forced to explain to him that you can't stay, and kiss him before you say goodbye.

Your boyfriend, in a move that stuns you quite thoroughly, ABSOLUTELY refuses to say goodbye to you. In fact, he yells that he won't fucking do it. You have never seen him this passionate or broken up about anything, and it dawns on you that he's pushed all of this down for years. It also dawns on you just HOW much he loves you. You can barely hold back your tears but you want to be strong for him, you don't want his last memory of you to be of you bawling. The both of you grieve the future together you lost for a few moments longer, and you try to encourage him as much as you can before eventually your time is up.

You turn the corner so he isn't forced to see it happen.

This growing sideways chapter will be built on hopes, caffeine, and my fuckass characterization memory without checking canon

perish

Ngl i liked Fitz immediately as an eight year old cause his eyes are teal and teal is my favorite color i was honestly like: this one. Teal. Yes. Me like.

Hot tip: if your Jedi character says “I have a bad feeling about this” something bad needs to happen.

When anakin says this in the arena in AOTC, like 200 Jedi get killed in the next ten minutes, and a war begins. If the situation looks bad, but is going to resolve itself just fine, your Jedi will have a good feeling about it. You the author, presumably know what is going to happen, and your Jedi’s vague premonitions should act accordingly

Haha, nice.

Reminder to touch some grass