*sidles Up To You At The Bar* Would You Like To Hear My Wise Aphorism

reminder that the thoughts someone has does not say anything about how “good” or “bad” someone is, because thoughts have no moral worth at all. yes, this includes sexual and violent thoughts of all kinds. thoughtcrime isn’t real

Sketch. :3

One of the few good things of reddit that is criminally underappreciated is Wandering Stoner Posts. Written by someone who has never been to this community before, doesn't quite grasp what exactly is going on around here, and felt compelled to make a post to inform everyone about it. They do this because they are also really, really high.

I honestly judge the community of every subreddit by how they respond to these posts. The truly friendly communities will be friendly, and the ones responding with hostility are hostile as a whole. The quality of your character is reflected in the way you respond to the confused weed pilgrim.

Reading those posts going "hey I just found this sub and I'm sorry but I'm super high, I don't get what you're doing but you guys seem cool" feels like having a bumblebee fly up to you, and inspect you for a minute to make sure that you are not a flower. It's ok, you god's gentle little creature, I understand that you mean well and that your brain is not very fast.

A light in my house suddenly turned on- AND WHO DO I SEE?!?!

around when I first started dating my boyfriend i bought myself this novelty blanket that looks like a photorealistic tortilla because I am SUCH A SUCKER for novelty shit. when he saw it in person for the first time his eyes lit up, which should have been a warning sign for the indignities to come.

so he’s a first responder and his day shifts start obnoxiously early as far as I, a pampered corporate asshole, am concerned. almost invariably when he’s at my place there will be an alarm at an hour that is downright unconscionable that will make him wake up and roll out of bed to get ready and will simultaneously make me burrow under the pillows grumbling about how surely nobody actually NEEDS their lives saved this early in the morning, after which I will promptly attempt to go back to sleep

he is a clever man and he knows this is when i am most vulnerable to attack.

every single time we do this dance, he quietly dresses, packs up, goes about getting ready to leave, and then when i have juuuust fallen back asleep, he returns with the tortilla blanket. He finds it no matter where I have hidden it.

He then creeps silently up to my side of the bed and uses his superior speed, strength, and reflexes to wrap me up in it incredibly tightly while i am still dazed and sputtering, so that i cannot move my legs or arms and am reduced to humiliating halfhearted magikarp flops that do not deter him from at least attempting to kiss my forehead.

then he goes to my bedroom door, opens it, then pauses, turns around, looks at me, the soft human filling of the facsimile of an enormous burrito he has just constructed, and says in his best romantic lead voice “I’ll see you soon, beans.”

you cannot understand how devastating it is to my ego that i am beans.

story of my life

(i hope this makes sense to someone)

I wanna do all the mundane stuff with you. I want to go grocery shopping with you, secretly putting your favourite snacks in our shopping venture. I want to walk through a park, holding your hand, doing that little thumb rub thing and shout 'Wow, look, a dog!' to every dog we see like it's the first time seeing a dog. I want to buy the best smelling bathbomb I can find and take a bath with you. You could lay in my arms and I would gently massage your sculp. Your head laying right on my heart. I would feel your bodyweight on me and your soft skin on mine. In the background your favourite music is playing quietly. My skin is craving your skin. How could I not run my fingers up and down your body? After the bath I want to wrap you in a cozy bathrobe so you don't freeze. I'd cook your favourite meal for you while you rest. Every now and then I grab your hand and pull you closer. I hold you in my arms, we sway to the sound of the music. It would calm me down. Would that calm you, too?

the worst is wanting to create and create and create but being trapped in a body that is so so so so tired

*plants mint directly in your dash* heehee :3

think ab it,, is being a catboy wouldn’t be so bad,,

>tail

>can purr

>ears show that I’m listening and I don’t need to talk

>it’s acceptable to meow

>irresistible

>it’s acceptable to bite people

>possible paws