This Is So Cute

im fucking sobbung help

KIDULT 2/2 | J.CM

꒰ synopsis ꒱ changmin always believed he was never fond of children, especially when he took the job at your daycare. little did he know the child in him was playing hide and seek, finally revealing itself after growing to love the kids. oh, and you too

꒰ pairing ꒱ daycareworker!changmin x genderneutral!reader

꒰ genre ꒱ strangers to lovers, daycare au, slow burn, fluff, angst, features hyunjae and the rest of the boyz as children

꒰ warnings ꒱ children, car accident, major character death, descriptions of blood, sprinkled bits of profanity and capitalization, and an overall merry bad ending

꒰ word count ꒱ 41.2k+ ( 14.3k+ )

꒰ perspective ꒱ 2nd person omniscient

‘ playlist two ›› spotify, youtube

‘ author's note!! 🍃 — this fic is for @junjungsunwoo 's merry bad ending collab!! biggest thanks to @pjmaparty , @fullsunfluff , @bbanghoonie , and @heejojo for beta reading!! this is the second part out of two <3

‘ taglist ›› @nilesig @reniqt @sunfics @wooyoung-a @kimaya2209 @frickyratz @deputyjuyeon @stealanity @hwallswrld @kyu-rious @changminurheart

NAVIGATION | TBZ MASTERLIST | PART ONE

The jingle from the front doors makes your ears perk, rushing out the playroom and into the entrance. The sight of Changmin never fails to bring a smile to your face, and you immediately wrap your arms around his waist, greeting him with a kiss on his nose.

“You’re here later than usual.”

He sets down his umbrella after closing it and returns the kiss by pressing one onto your cheek. “It’s only 6:10am, dummy. I was struggling to find my umbrella.”

“It just felt way longer since Hyunjae has been here for an hour.”

The statement causes Changmin’s smile to vanish, his lips being slightly parted due to the shock.

But before you allow him to speak, you release him from your hold, dragging him inside the playroom to say hi to the eight-year-old.

“Teacher Changmin!!” the boy squeals, dropping his pencil onto the table before running over to the taller male, engulfing him in a life threatening hug. “I was so bored.”

The statement makes you scoff loudly, standing by your desk as you watch the two. “I said we could watch a movie if you wanted to.”

Hyunjae happily allows himself to be brought into Changmin’s arms, giggling at how he’s now taller than you. “We can’t watch a movie without popcorn.”

Changmin nods, shifting his gaze from Hyunjae over to you. “He’s right, you know. No movie is ever good without popcorn.”

All of a sudden, the male gasps loudly, remembering the plan he had for the day. “Hyunjae, want to go shopping with me? Let’s get some popcorn.”

“Shopping?” Hyunjae’s eyes light up, struggling to remain still in Changmin’s arms after hearing the suggestion. “Shopping??” he repeats.

“Yes, shopping.” Changmin laughs at Hyunjae’s enthusiasm, the corner of his lips tugging slightly upwards. “Teacher Y/N can’t come though.”

He looks over at you, fully expecting your eyebrows furrowing at his response.

“Why can’t I come?”

“The daycare’s opened, remember?” He sets Hyunjae on the ground, urging him to clean up his belongings. “We’re going to be gone for a while.”

“I’m assuming you’re not just going to buy popcorn, are you?” A frown makes its way to your face, slowing your breathing in the process.

“Perhaps.”

You sigh, not wanting to question him any further. You know Changmin has his reasons; he always does, and regardless of what explanation he gives you, you’ll still have to stay within the daycare to look after the other boys.

“You’re going to miss what I have planned for this morning, though…” Your words trail off, your gaze falling to the ground. It’s an understatement to say that you were excited for what you had planned, especially since it relates to one of your ‘dates’ in the past.

“We won’t be gone for long, okay? I’m just going to be stealing him for a few hours.” He cracks a smile and goes to stand in front of you, taking your hand in his. Changmin easily reassures you with a kiss on the lips while his thumb unconsciously rubs the back of your hand. “We’ll be back before you know it.”

Feeling his plump lips gently pressed against your fingers is what convinces you to let him go for the time being, nodding. “...Okay okay, don’t take too long. I’m going to miss the two of my favorite boys.”

“We won’t.” A cheeky smile is brought to his face when he goes back in to kiss you once more, subtly linking his pinky with yours. “We’ll miss you more.”

The kiss would’ve lasted longer if Hyunjae didn’t finish cleaning as fast, running over to Changmin with a loud ‘I’m done!’.

“Have fun, okay?” You wave Hyunjae goodbye as Changmin picks him up again, walking the two outside the daycare.

//

“My butt hurts,” Hyunjae whines, desperate to leave the car.

“A thirty minute ride is not that long,” Changmin mumbles, unbuckling the boy out of his seat.

“Yes it is!” he counters, stretching his limbs. “If my butt hurts, that means the car ride was long!”

“Your butt is fine.” Changmin gives Hyunjae’s butt a gentle pat after helping him out of the car, closing the door shut behind him.

“We could’ve just walked to get popcorn,” he huffs.

Changmin looks up at the sky, glad they no longer need an umbrella due to the rain lessening immensely. He takes Hyunjae’s hand into his, tightly holding onto it as they cross the street over to the line of stores. “We’re not only here for popcorn, you know.”

“Then why are we here?” Hyunjae asks, looking up at the male.

“To buy a special something for a special someone.” A smile grows onto Changmin’s lips when he gives the explanation, not including any more hints for the sole purpose of wanting the boy to figure it out himself.

It finally clicks when Hyunjae is brought to the outside of a jewelry store, shaking Changmin’s hand aggressively while jumping up and down. “Are you buying a ring for Teacher Y/N??”

Changmin laughs, pushing the door open for the two to enter. “Bingo.”

Hyunjae bites back a squeal, letting go of Changmin’s hand to run over to the shelves of rings displayed behind glass panels.

Changmin heads over to the counter, greeting the worker with a warm smile before explaining his situation. Meanwhile, Hyunjae is busy roaming around the store in awe at the amount of diamonds he was seeing. Constant oohs and aahs are heard from the child while the two adults are conversing about the upcoming planned proposal.

“When do you plan on proposing?” the young worker asks, resting her chin in the palm of her hand as she looks at Changmin dreamily.

“Soon, actually. Maybe next week? This kid’s birthday is soon, and I want it to be sort of a gift to him, you know?” Changmin gestures over to Hyunjae before peeking over his shoulder, seeing the eight-year-old on his tippy toes with his face pressed up against the glass.

“That is soon! I hope you find your special ring here, then.” She follows his gaze and spots the boy, her lips forming into an ‘o’. “Is that your son?” she asks, her gaze flickering between Hyunjae and Changmin to see if she could spot any resemblance.

The layer of pink forming on Changmin’s cheeks show how much the question caught him off guard, stutters falling past his lips. “Oh- uh, uhm, n-no, no he isn’t.”

“Teacher Changmin!!” Hyunjae exclaims immediately after, waving to the teacher to come over.

The worker is able to connect the dots after hearing the call and nods, the smile on her lips never faltering.

Changmin goes over to Hyunjae and crouches down by his side, peering into the glass. “What’s up, Hyunjae?”

“Look! That ring reminds me of Teacher Y/N!”

The worker behind the counter joins the two boys, checking to see what the little boy was referring to.

“That one?” Changmin asks, pointing to one of the rings.

Hyunjae shakes his head, adjusting Changmin’s finger by taking it into his own fingers and pointing to the one he was talking about. “That one! The one with the twisty thing.”

Changmin lets out an ‘ah’ at the sight of it, admiring the ring for a few seconds before speaking.

“It’s simple. I like that.”

“That’s our twisted halo ring,” the worker introduces, grabbing the two boys’ attention. “I’d love to bring an extra out to show you if you’d like.”

Changmin puts his hands on his thighs and stands up, nodding. “That’d be wonderful, thank you.”

Hyunjae begins to tug on Changmin’s hand, pulling the teacher back down to his height. “Halo ring??” he whispers.

When Changmin shows his confusion by tilting his head, Hyunjae moves to reach for the paper in Changmin’s back pocket, knowing that it would be there. Ever since he received Hyunjae’s painting from you, he makes sure to always bring it everywhere with him, considering it good luck. Hyunjae only found out about it recently when Changmin flaunted it off one night, saying that the painting is why he won a certain carnival game.

Considering it’s been two years since Hyunjae has painted it, some of the paint has definitely chipped off, but the halo continues to remain on the top of your head, always managing to bring a smile to everyone’s faces at the sight of it.

Hyunjae unfolds it and points to the halo, shoving the painting in front of Changmin’s face. “See? Halo!!”

“Some things are just meant to be, aren’t they?” Changmin sighs, taking the paper into his own hands. He admires it and the little details Hyunjae has managed to add, reminiscing the day he saw it for the first time ever. Little did he know he would actually get to be with you. “Dang, Hyunjae. I can’t believe you painted this when you were six.”

“Can I paint a better one?” he offers. “With a brush? That one looks terrible because I used my finger.”

Changmin ponders the idea, tucking the piece of paper back into his pocket after refolding it. He decides to mess around with the boy, patting his head. “I don’t know, Hyunjae,” he murmurs, cupping his cheek. “This one means a lot to me…”

It hurts his heart when he sees Hyunjae’s face fall, but he keeps up his act, grazing his thumb over his skin.

Shortly after, the worker returns with a box in her hands, placing it onto the counter, and before it could drag Changmin’s attention away, the teacher goes to lean into Hyunjae’s ear.

“A new painting would make a great wedding present, by the way,” he whispers.

And with a wink, he leaves the boy to head over to the counter, unable to stop smiling after seeing Hyunjae’s happy demeanor return.

//

“We’re back!!”

Although Changmin announces it to the class, his eyes are strictly locked onto you. You’re sitting by the teacher’s desk, writing something. You don’t pay attention to him whatsoever, the pen still moving in your hand.

Hyunjae greets the other boys and runs over to Juyeon’s table, joining him and Hyungseo to see what they are doing.

Changmin frowns at the lack of a reaction from you and makes his way over to your desk, but by then, you are hidden, doing something fairly quickly below the desk before revealing yourself to him.

“It’s about time you noticed my presence,” he huffs, setting the grocery bag on the table.

“I was doing something, Jichang.” You roll your eyes and sit up from your seat, eyeing the bag Changmin just sat down. All it has is a box of popcorn packs inside, making you raise a brow. “It took you five hours to only buy popcorn?”

“Let’s just say we got distracted.” He grins, turning his head to face the other children only to realize the amount of flowers within the playroom.

The counters with sinks are decorated with flowers in vases while the rounded tables are full of scattered petals and leaves. The boys are playing with the flowers, some of them making flower crowns while the other ones are sorting the petals into piles by their colors.

Younghoon grins at his finished product and rises from his seat, walking over to Changmin. “I made this for you,” he explains. He brings the linked daisies up into the air, revealing a flower crown with the heads tucked into the stems.

“You made one for Changmin and not me?” you gasp, dramatically throwing a playful fit that Younghoon was surely used to.

“Chanhee is making yours right now, Teacher Y/N. He broke it, so he’s restarting.”

Changmin leans down and tilts his head forward, allowing Younghoon to crown him with the daisies. He gives Younghoon a tight hug and whispers a thank you before waving him off.

“Still can’t believe you got yours first,” you mumble, and Changmin chortles. He leans in to kiss the top of your head, unable to go ten minutes without showering you with affection.

“You’ll get yours soon. Don’t worry, honey.” He tucks a strand of hair behind your ear, humming.

“Honey? That’s a new one.”

“It’s cute. I’ll try to use it more for you.”

You smile, resting your head against his shoulder as you gaze at the boys, all ten of them doing something completely different.

“You know, I was going to have them clean up for lunch, but they all wanted another half hour to finish.” You reach to wrap your fingers around his pinky, holding onto it. “They wanted to wait for you and Hyunjae.”

“What did you have them do? Make flower crowns?” He uses his free hand to play with your hair.

“Kind of.” You look up at Changmin while wearing a crooked smile, one that made his heart burst. “See the vases of flowers on the counters? The boys made those themselves. I actually got a majority of the flowers from the field a few miles away, remember?”

He raises a brow, letting his hand drop to the side. “The one where I got stung?”

“Precisely. Also!!-” You remove your head from his shoulder and move behind your desk, bending down just like you were earlier. You take out a white vase with purple flowers shoved into it, and the sight almost makes Changmin laugh.

“I may or may not have cheated a bit and bought a few extra purple flowers from a nearby flower shop, but I’d say it’s worth it, don't you think?” You smile at the assortment of flowers, but when you turn to look at Changmin, he has a hand over his mouth, truly trying his best to contain his laughter.

“You can laugh, you know,” you sigh, setting the vase onto the table. You fully expected this response from him, especially with how messy the assortment came out to be, so you aren’t at all offended.

“I’m sorry it just- Y/N did you make that?”

“Kind of? The other boys helped me with it, and we all kind of struggled, but purple is your favorite color, right?”

He nods, bringing the vase into his own hands.

“In all honesty, I would’ve fixed it, but the messiness is kind of what makes it- special. It reminds me of how we met too.”

Your sheepish tone softens Changmin immediately, gazing at the flowers. “How so?”

“Well,” you begin, “if you think about it- our first impression of each other wasn’t the best. I thought you were incompetent.”

He shoots his head up to look at you, snorting at the comment. “Then why did you hire me?”

“I was desperate, but that’s not the point,” you grumble, taking the vase from him. “It’s just….the way we met- it’s like, well, it wasn’t perfect, but it...it was real, nonetheless.” You started playing with the petals, running your fingers across the smooth surfaces. “Just like these flowers. They’re not the best looking bunch out there, but they’re real.”

You set the vase aside. “I considered buying fake ones so they would last longer, but I decided against it.” You then look at him. “They look pretty regardless, don’t you think?”

He looks at them and smiles. “They do.”

“But, all that aside, what had you gone for five hours, Mr. Ji?” You look at him skeptically, teasing him through your tone.

He grins, playing along with your words by teasing you in return. “Nothing in particular. Why do you ask?”

“You’re not keeping something from me, are you?” You cross your arms over your chest, pouting.

“Hm...maaaaybe.” He has his arms behind his back, looking at you like a kid that’s hiding a secret from their parents.

“Teacher Y/N!!” Chanhee interrupts, erupting from his seat. He waves the chained daisies in the air. “I finished your crown!!” he yells.

Changmin urges you over to the boy, forcing you to forget your previous conversation.

“Don’t think I’ll forget about this,” you mutter.

“I’ll tell you in a few days, okay? Now go over to him to be crowned the love of my life.”

//

The day has finally arrived, and Changmin’s worry is constantly bubbling up within him, unable to stay in one spot.

While the rest of the kids are in the parking lot, you, Changmin, and Hyunjae are in the playroom to gather last minute items.

Well, only you are doing so.

Changmin is busy pacing around behind you, gaze constantly shifting between the box in his hands and your back turned to him. He’s always been confident in whatever he did, but to be proposing was just on another level Changmin wasn’t used to.

Thoughts flooded his head, clearing his throat every few seconds. You would turn around to see if he was alright, but he would shrug it off, saying that he was just excited for Hyunjae’s birthday.

Hyunjae snorts loudly when hearing Changmin’s lame excuse, leaving the round tables to grab Changmin’s hand. He pulls Changmin away from you and to the other side of the room, explaining that he needed help with putting on the party hat.

He brings Changmin over to your desk, making him crouch down before asking him the question he refused to stop pestering Changmin about.

“You have the ring, right?” he asks, furiously shaking his hand. The excitement radiating off of Hyunjae causes his whisper to be way louder than intended, making Changmin’s eyes widen.

The teacher hushes him, praying that you hadn’t heard what Hyunjae ever so carelessly asked.

He looks at you standing by the sinks, and thankfully you haven’t reacted whatsoever. You are too busy moving around the playroom to even care about what the two were talking about, much less doing, taking the utensils out of the plastic bags you put them in.

“I do, Hyunjae, and no, I’m not showing you for the nth time.” He rolls his eyes, tightening his grip around the navy blue box.

Hyunjae frowns, taking note of the fist Changmin’s creating in his right hand. The teacher grabs one of the party hats off of your desk and snaps it onto the birthday boy’s head, eliciting an ‘ow’ out of him.

“It’s your birthday,” Changmin reminds, booping his nose with his finger.

“Yeah, but-....but still!!” Hyunjae begins to whine, throwing an unnecessary fit.

Throughout the two and a half years of knowing Hyunjae, Changmin learned that Hyunjae doesn’t really make a fit out of anything unnecessary. It was a change from the other boys you two watched over, but it didn’t settle correctly within him.

So despite how loud Hyunjae got with his whines, Changmin could only smile, glad that the boy is comfortable enough to throw a playful fit over something that doesn’t even have to do with him.

He sets the box onto the ground to cup both of Hyunjae’s cheeks, leaning in to press a kiss to his forehead. Being with the young boy really calmed his nerves, especially when he takes the box back into his fingers with ease.

“C’mon Hyunjae, let’s go outside. The other boys have been waiting for you for a while now.” Changmin extends his left hand, wiggling his fingers.

Hyunjae grabs it after sniffing loudly, adjusting the hat on top of his head as the two begin to make their way to the door.

Changmin peeks over his shoulder to look at you, his eyes becoming locked onto your figure. His heart is pounding against his chest as he’s reminded of how today is the day. The day you’ll become more than a tango duo that has been sharing sweet little nothings and kisses for the past two years.

You’re dressed beautifully, as always, but your fits for special occasions never fail to make him extremely flustered, truly taken aback by your beauty.

“You coming, Y/N?” he asks, garnering you attention by amplifying his voice.

“One sec!” you call out, informing the two. You dump the remaining utensils into the paper plates and rush over to the boys with the stack in your hand. You reach out to hold onto Hyunjae’s other hand, looking down at him with a warm smile that has resided on your face. “Excited?”

“More than ever,” he responds, nodding furiously. He then resumes to pull the two of you out the playroom and outside the daycare, harshly tugging onto your hands.

“Let’s go!” the now nine-year-old commands.

With how much Hyunjae is tugging on your hand, it almost makes you drop your plates, and Changmin laughs at how cute you are when you stumble over your feet.

“Careful, Hyunjae,” Changmin warns when beginning to cross the street, constantly looking both ways before allowing the boy to walk over to the parking lot.

Hyunjae continues to lead the two teachers to the nine other boys occupying themselves by the tables in the parking lot, loud music blasting through the speakers you displayed earlier.

Hyunjae releases both of your hands when Youngjae tosses a balloon at his face, charging at the six-year-old when the younger boy cackles.

“Can you lower the music? I’ll light the candles.” You approach him with a gentle kiss to his cheek, setting the plates down by the cake Sangyeon helped you place.

Changmin does exactly as you say, and by the time the music is lowered, you have gotten all nine candles on the cake to light up. Sangyeon is the one who initiates the birthday song, singing it very loudly for others to join in.

And unlike Karaoke Sundays, you join along in the singing, clapping your hands along to the rhythm while you’re watching a bouncy Hyunjae make his way over to the cake.

He blows out the candles once the song ends, causing everyone to clap.

“Should we do cake first or presents?” you ask, letting the birthday boy decide.

“Cake!!” Haknyeon shouts, bringing the attention over to him.

You’re playfully sending a glare towards the interruption while Hyunjae smiles brightly, agreeing. “We can do cake,” he affirms.

As you’re busy cutting the cake, Changmin has unintentionally drifted to the opposite side of the parking lot, resuming his pacing in his spot. His fingers fiddle with the box in his hand, wondering how he should come across this proposal. It doesn’t help that he hasn’t even asked you (much less anyone else) out before, so to be proposing gave him another level of anxiety.

Changmin has already celebrated Hyunjae’s birthday twice in the past, but this one certainly proves different. This one is special. The present he has for Hyunjae is something he’d never be able to outdo in the future years to come, and even Hyunjae knows that.

So it explains why the youngster sprints over to Changmin instead of standing in line for his slice, tugging on his shirt rather aggressively.

“Now??” he whines, practically begging Changmin to get it over with.

Changmin feels his breath hitch in his throat, growing hesitant with every passing second. His mind is running with countless thoughts, unable to organize them. This causes his brain to malfunction, realizing that this maybe wasn’t a good idea after all.

“Hyunjae, maybe-...maybe this isn’t a good idea. I haven’t even asked Y/N out. It’s too early, I don’t think I can do this. I’m- I don’t know, I’m sorry Hyunjae. Maybe another time?”

But Hyunjae completely disregards every word that leaves Changmin’s mouth and reaches for the male’s closed fist. He pulls the teacher’s fingers open to retrieve the box, running away with it in his hold.

Changmin stares at him in disbelief, his arm still being extended outwards with his hand empty of the box. Changmin has been holding onto that box ever since he arrived at the daycare, and for it to be taken from his grasp for more than ten seconds made his heart plummet. He wants to chase after Hyunjae, to take it back, and never show his face again due to the embarrassment shooting up his neck.

Hyunjae’s party hat falls off his head when he reaches you, but he doesn’t care, panting as he reaches to poke your side.

“Hyunjae!!” you yell, flinching at the touch. “You can’t surprise me when I have a knife in my hand,” you frown, setting it aside after handing Haknyeon his rather large slice of cake.

Without saying a word, Hyunjae raises the box into your view by presenting it in the palm of his hands, looking at you with wide eyes.

Meanwhile, Changmin’s suffering in the background, his feet unable to move as he bites on his fist. His mind is constantly running with thoughts of grabbing Hyunjae and tossing him across the world for doing such a thing. He wants to reverse time and never have bought the ring in the first place, the idea of rejection stabbing at his heart repeatedly.

You raise a brow at the sight of the unfamiliar navy box, bringing it into your hold.

Changmin starts to sob internally when seeing you open the box, moving to hide behind one of the set out unfoldable chairs. And just like a kid, he brings his hands over his ears, preparing himself for the worst possible outcome with his knees pressed up against his chest.

But his self-deprecating state doesn’t falter Hyunjae’s smile in the process; if anything, it only made it grow impossibly wider, bright eyes anticipating your reaction.

All the boys have stopped whatever they were doing to look at you, only now realizing what was happening.

Your eyes finally fall onto the ring in the box, and your heart nearly stops in your chest. Although your lips are parted, you’re left with no words to speak.

You have no clue what to feel.

But you know your answer. Your mind is chanting ‘yes’ repeatedly in your head as you think of the future the diamond ring holds, but the most important man is missing from the scene.

You scan the parking lot for Changmin and spot him instantly behind one of the chairs.

If it wasn’t for his white shirt flowing through the breeze, Sunwoo and Youngjae pointing at him definitely gave it away.

With shaky fingers, you close the box. You’re nervous yourself; hell, this is the last thing you were expecting on a day like this. You make your way over to the chair with slow steps, Hyunjae quick to tail after you.

You’re finally able to bring the entirety of Changmin into your view when you approach him. His eyes are closed incredibly shut with his arms wrapped tightly around his legs, slowly rocking back and forth in his spot.

The sight makes you melt in your spot, and seeing him only confirms the fact you want to be with him. You want to be with him until the end, until your very last dying breath, and you need him to cooperate with you. Just like the day Changmin confessed, you are now basically begging for a response from him, wanting to hear that he does want to get married to you.

He senses your presence and peeks an eye open at you, closing it immediately after at the sight of you holding the box.

“Peek-a-boo,” you whisper, removing the chair so you could see him clearer.

You can hear Sunwoo snickering in the background, but it quickly turns into wheezes when Chanhee elbows him in the chest.

Changmin opens his eyes again at the sound of your voice, slowly allowing his gaze to meet yours. He smiles warmly, slightly waving his hand up towards you. “Hi.”

“What are you doing here?” you laugh, grabbing one of his arms to pull him up onto his feet.

He immediately breaks out into incoherent rambles, fixing his dress shirt. “I- uh, well Y/N, heh, you see, uhm...funny story, actually-”

You cut him off by waving the box in his face, handing it to him. “I’m assuming this is yours.”

Changmin drops it like it’s fire, raising his hands up in the air defensively. Hyunjae groans at the teacher’s stupidity, and Youngjae is giggling in the background, shortly joined by Sunwoo and Juyeon.

“I have no clue what you’re talking about!! That- that isn’t mine, uhm, yeah. Who-...who told you it was mine?” His nervous laughter trails off when he scratches the back of his, his cheeks being completely flushed with a bright shade of pink.

“Who knew Teacher Changmin could be this embarrassing?” Haknyeon grumbles, shoving a forkful of cake into his mouth. Sangyeon reaches over the table to slap the blonde boy’s head, telling him to shut up.

You’re sending daggers towards Changmin’s way through your gaze, bending down to pick up the box. Thankfully, you’re easily calmed down by Haknyeon’s comment, laughing to yourself.

Changmin has his hands dropped to his sides, bottom lip caught between his teeth as he eyes the box in your hands. He doesn’t say anything else, knowing the situation will only turn out worse if he utters another word.

Because of this, you understood that this won’t be going anywhere. Changmin will continue to deny his possession being his, and it would be no use just standing there, trying to hand the engagement ring back to him.

So you take matters into your own hands, heart racing as your mind impulsively makes you move down onto one knee.

You certainly weren’t expecting to propose on Hyunjae’s birthday, but regardless of that fact, your hands move on their own accord, opening the box to present the ring to him.

Hyunjae is holding back squeals in the background, you could tell, and he’s grabbing onto Juyeon’s hand, holding it tightly as he anticipates what’s going to happen next.

And with a whisper, you finally ask the awaited question.

“Changmin, will you marry me?”

He, along with the other boys, gapes at your response, and Hyunjae screams ‘YES’, shaking Juyeon by his shoulders.

The smile lingering on your lips shows Changmin that you already know his answer, but you continue to stay on one knee, waiting for a reply.

Changmin feels like screaming, wanting to say ‘yes’ instantly just to reassure you. He wants to pull you up onto your feet and press his lips against yours, keeping you in his arms until the world ends. He wants to scream ‘we’re getting married’ and show you off to the world, but he does none of it as he stands there in shock, growing weak at the ever so pretty sight of your smile.

“Oh brother,” Hyunjae mutters, letting go of Juyeon’s shoulder to run over to the two of you.

He pulls the ring out of the box and knees Changmin’s thighs, getting him to react. “Say yes,” he demands, grabbing his hand to shove the ring onto his finger.

Changmin wheezes out a ‘yes’ in pain, rubbing his thigh as Hyunjae figures out how to get it to fit. The ring was too small for all of his fingers. Well, all but one.

So he slips it onto his pinky finger, giving you a tight hug once you thank him.

He runs back to where he was previously standing, and you get onto your feet, brushing off any dirt that remained on your knee.

You finally look at Changmin and notice the way he’s gazing at the ring. It was meant for you, so to see the ring on his finger only made his mind go dizzier.

Before you could say anything, Changmin looks up and doesn’t hesitate to bring you close against him, linking the pinky with one of yours.

“I’d say yes a million times. Yes, I’ll marry you. Yes, I’ll be your husband. Yes, I’m yours.” He uses his other hand to cup your cheek, making your eyes lock with his. “Holy fuck, I’m yours.”

You laugh loudly, happiness filling up your lungs. You swing your arms around his neck, pulling him in for a quick kiss.

“You’re real,” you whisper against his lips, half hooded eyes looking into his. “You’re real, and you’re mine.”

“I’m forever yours,” he murmurs, “and you’re forever mine.”

That’s the last thing you hear from him before he pulls you into another kiss, pressing a hand up against your back.

//

You have a book in your hands when Changmin exits your bathroom, purposely having his entrance to your bedroom go unnoticed as you continue to ‘read’.

He’s about to flaunt how good he looks after moisturizing when you don’t even spare him a glare, sending him into a pout when he reaches your bed. “You’re not even reading that,” he mumbles.

“What makes you say that?”

“You’re reading it backwards,” Changmin points out, referring to how you keep flipping the pages into the opposite direction. He adjusts his flannel pajamas before joining you on your bed, letting out a content sigh at the fluffiness of your blankets.

“I have powers you’re not aware of,” you hum matter-of-factly.

A ‘hey!’ escapes you when Changmin snatches the book from your grasp, confiscating it for the time being.

He reaches over you to set the book on the nightstand, taking note of the time displayed on the alarm clock.

“It’s-...nine pm, Y/N,” he states before looking back at you. “It’s our first time together in your apartment at this time. I’m not letting you ignore me with a book.”

When you think about his words, he isn’t wrong. For the past year, you’ve been inviting Changmin to stay the night in your apartment whenever it got too late (an example being Hyunjae being picked up in the middle of the night). But otherwise, he’s never been here earlier than 11pm.

The crack of thunder accompanies the silence that washes through the atmosphere, and Changmin moves to bring the blankets over both of your torsos, making sure you’re comfortable. He doesn’t even question your lack of words, knowing you’re thinking about something whenever creases form on your forehead.

He rests on his side with his head propped up onto his hand, waiting for you to notice him staring at you while the rain patters against the windows.

It takes a few minutes before you finally notice him, heat shooting up to your ears when your eyes unintentionally lock with his. He smiles at your shyness, pulling you to lie down with him.

“What are you thinking about, honey?” Changmin has you close to him when he runs his fingers through your hair, fluffing it up.

The pet name never fails to calm you.

“About us,” you respond simply.

“Us?” He helps to untangle the knots in your hair, gently loosening them.

The room is dimly lit, but that changes only for a mere second when the lightning decides to be present. Though, it only adds to your comfort, knowing you’re safe in Changmin’s embrace.

“We entirely skipped the dating stage, didn’t we?”

His movements stutter at your question. “...Kind of? I mean yeah, basically, but I don’t mind.” Changmin pauses, shifting his gaze from your hair and down to your eyes. “Do you?”

You shake your head, pulling his hand out of your hair. “The thing is- I just never really got a chance to call you….my boyfriend.” The last part becomes a whisper, focusing on interlacing your fingers with his.

He gives your hand a gentle squeeze, the sounds of the rain eventually drowning out as he makes you his focal point.

And out of nowhere, he sighs dramatically, letting go of your hand to look at the ceiling. “Alas, it’s a loss.”

You slap his chest for talking like that, a throaty cackle escaping him shortly after. He brings an arm over his forehead, continuing to stare at the ceiling and the shadows of the window panel.

“But honestly? Y/N?” He turns his head to look at you. “I prefer fiancé.”

You giggle at how he’s always managed to be so smooth, rolling your eyes. He goes back to turning his entire body to have it face yours, sticking out his pinky. “Can you believe we’re engaged?”

The question makes you scoff, laughing. “Can you believe we’re going to be married?” you counterattacked, linking your pinky with his. “Us?”

He raises his brows. “Wow, I’m hurt. Personally, I think I look stunning in a suit.”

Your toothy smile shines through the dark when you look at him. “I actually don’t doubt that one bit.”

The playful atmosphere seems to fade when you’re given time to just get lost in each other’s eyes, slowly retracting your pinky from his.

He looks down at his fingers, and reality finally settles in.

“We’re going to get married,” he whispers.

Changmin then realizes there’s something he’s planned on doing yet never did earlier that day, so he gets you to sit up with him. You’re confused, as expected, but you slowly start to understand when he wiggles the ring off of his finger.

He asks for your hand and slowly slips it onto your ring finger, and the added weight takes a toll on your heart. It stops beating in your chest, and only now do you understand why Changmin was looking at his finger ever so lovingly earlier at Hyunjae’s party. This time, you’re the one that’s finally able to admire the diamond and the curves of the ring, finding it absolutely gorgeous.

“When are we going to get married?” you ask, looking up at him. “Where? And our honeymoon? There’s so many things we need to plan-” you pause. “We’re making Hyunjae our best man, no exceptions.”

“Definitely,” Changmin affirms, clicking his tongue. “The boy is one hundred percent mature enough to make an entire speech about our relationship.”

You laugh, agreeing with the nod of your head. “Okay, but seriously, Changmin. How are we going to plan all of this? We’re just- two losers working at a daycare.”

“Two soon-to-be-married losers,” he corrects. He brings you into his lap, allowing you to rest your forearms on his shoulders while he rests his hands by your sides. He then lowers his tone, whispering. “Let’s worry about everything another time, okay? We have so many years ahead of us.”

He continues his rant while his fingers play with the fabric of your shirt. “We don’t have to get married this year or the next. Hell, we don’t have to get married the year after that. As long as you’re always by my side, we’ll be together forever.” He leans in to press a fluttering kiss against your jaw.

“Okay okay,” you murmur, reassured by his words. You bring your hands up to his face, cupping his cheeks, and he immediately falls into the warmth of your palms, an unbearable amount of butterflies forming in his stomach especially when you whisper ‘my fiancé’ before kissing his nose.

The comfortable silence returns, and all you two do is hold each other while the storm crashes down onto your windows. But no single clash of thunder makes either of you two flinch, too lost in each other’s touch to even notice.

“Y/N?” Changmin croaks, voice lower than usual.

“Yes?”

He hesitates, his words coming out breathy.

“Y/N?” he repeats.

“What’s wrong, my love?”

The name causes a smile to bloom onto his face, laughing as he shakes his head. “Nothing’s wrong.”

“So you just like saying my name for fun now?” you tease, squishing his cheeks with your fingers.

The playfulness dials down eventually, and you rest your head against his shoulder with your eyes fallen shut. The tranquility wrapped around the two of you brings Changmin confidence once again, repeating your name for the third time.

“Y/N?”

“Hm?”

“...I lov-”

He’s cut off by your ringtone blaring throughout the bedroom, causing both of your heads to turn to the direction of the noise. You apologize through a murmur after rubbing your eyes, leaving Changmin’s lap to check your phone. You’re immediately kicked out of your tiresome state when you see the caller id, accepting the call.

Changmin watches you curiously, and he doesn’t get a chance to hear a single word from the other line since you brought your phone up to your ear. He shrugs it off as a personal matter but notices how you don’t speak a single word into the call, making him confused when it ends.

Your face is now far from the cheerfulness you were feeling earlier, standing up from the edge of your bed.

“Who was that?” he questions, crawling over to the edge of the bed. “Why were they calling at this hour?”

You toss your phone into his lap and make your way over to the closet in hurried steps, taking out your raincoat.

Changmin grows worried at your silence, and it isn’t until he notices the bright light illuminating from your phone, taking a glance at the caller id.

Hyunjae’s mother.

//

“There he is,” you whisper, freeing yourself from the buckle in Changmin’s passenger seat before exiting the car.

Throughout the entire drive to the daycare, Changmin’s face remained completely void of emotions, his jaw clenched as he sped through the storm.

He slams the car door shut when leaving, and the two of you run across the street without sparing a glance to oncoming cars, racing to the entrance of the daycare.

Usually, Changmin would be complaining about the storm being ever so heavy in the middle of autumn, but with how focused he is on the situation at hand, he doesn’t give one single damn about the rain crashing down onto the two of you.

The boom of thunder doesn’t startle either of you in the slightest; if anything, it was the sight of Hyunjae sitting under the roof of the entrance that makes your heart drop, the boy trying to gain warmth by hugging his legs.

He’s facing the ground until he hears the sound of running footsteps his way, his heart pounding hard against his chest. Maybe it’s a sense of a relief that washes over him when he sees you two, but the tears that were pooling up in his eyes finally rush down his cheeks in streams, breaking the dam that he’s been holding up for so long.

He sobs when you crouch down to his level, quick to pull him into your embrace.

“We’re here, Hyunjae, we’re here,” you murmur.

The warmth of being in someone else’s embrace only makes him cry hard, little fingers clutching onto your wet coat.

After pulling out his keys and unlocking the doors, Changmin nearly breaks the glass doors down when shoving them open, ushering the two of you inside.

He’s the first one to enter the playroom after flicking on the lights, and you pull Hyunjae to the side, making him look at you.

The boy is breaking down in front of you, having his tears fall into the palm of your hands when you cup his cheeks. He’s holding onto your wrists, fingernails digging into your skin as he continues to sob. He’s growing weaker each second, unsure if he’ll be able to stand for any longer.

The sight of seeing your favorite boy like this rips you apart, choking up on your own tears as you do your best to reassure him, reminding him that both you and Changmin are here and that he’s okay.

Through his tears, Hyunjae is looking at you like you’re completely unreal, and his tearful, broken gaze pierces your heart.

Changmin returns with a roll of paper towels and sets them aside before taking Hyunjae from you, one knee on the ground as he makes the crying boy look at him.

“What happened?” he interrogates, showing no sense of pain as he stares at him. Fury continues to boil up within his chest when Hyunjae doesn’t respond, amplifying his voice throughout the daycare.

“What happened, Hyunjae?” he repeats. The question is more of a hostile demand, his fingers wrapped tightly around the boy’s wrist. His tone only makes Hyunjae cry even more, unable to keep himself up for any longer.

You rush over to Hyunjae and take him back into your arms, letting him curl up against your torso while you stare at Changmin.

Changmin doesn’t ease up in the slightest, only growing even more furious as he allows his hands to ball up into fists. His eyes are constantly flickering between Hyunjae and the storm outside, mind running with possibilities of what could’ve happened if you two didn’t get to him sooner.

“M-my m-mommy-” Hyunjae croaks, trying to get words out of his throat before falling right back into his sobs, burying his face in your chest with his fingers bunching up your shirt into a fist.

“That’s it,” Changmin spits, not regretting a single punch of hatred he’s had for Hyunjae’s mother.

“Changmin,” you say sternly in hopes of calming him down, knowing how out of control he could become when unsupervised.

Changmin rises from the ground and makes his way behind the front desk, yanking the drawer open. He flips through the files and comes across the one he wished he never thought he’d have to take out, slapping it onto the desk so hard that it makes your nerves jump.

“Changmin,” you repeat, raising your voice this time.

“No, don’t say another word,” he orders. Just like the storm outside, his voice is thunderous, stinging you with how cold his demeanor had become.

“Enough is enough. How can a mother be so heartless? How could someone leave their son outside an empty building in the middle of a storm?” He flips the file open, scowling. “On his fucking birthday too,” he mutters, pulling out his phone.

He scans the list of phone numbers on the paper before finally catching sight of the one he’s been seeking. Changmin begins dialing in the number, mumbling ‘I should’ve done this two years ago’ under his breath.

You know exactly what he’s doing, and you let go of Hyunjae to stop him from calling Child Protection Services by grabbing his wrist, taking the phone away from him.

“Please,” you beg, desperation present in your tone.

You’re looking at him with eyes he’s never seen before, trying to convince him through your gaze.

But it doesn’t work, and Changmin yanks your arm away just to take the phone back from you. He fails as you continue to hide it from him, eyes frantically searching for a way to have him do otherwise.

Then you give in, remembering all the scoldings he’s given you in the past.

“I’ll talk to her!” you blurted, freezing his actions. “I’ll say something to her, okay? I promise.” You set the phone face down onto the surface of the table, allowing yourself to breathe before continuing. “I’ll work this out with her when she returns. I’ll tell her how this isn’t right, and that we will call if she ever does something like this again. Just for now, let’s just focus on Hyunjae.”

You slip in another ‘please’ after your rant, and it makes him look back at the crying boy in the corner. He looks back at you, and you’re brought to tears yourself, letting one slip down your cheek as you look at him.

So Changmin gives in, finally understanding that Hyunjae deserves to be their first priority at the moment.

The sounds of Hyunjae continuously sobbing is something Changmin has never wished to hear. He allows his shield to lower before rushing back over to him, bringing the trembling boy into his hold. Hyunjae rests his head against his shoulder, having his tears fall onto Changmin’s flannel.

“It’s okay, Hyunjae. We’re here,” he whispers, rubbing his back.

You’ve disappeared into the playroom and come back with a blanket, wrapping it around the two boys after joining them. The warmth and attention brings Hyunjae to ease, his tears lessening as he calms himself down.

Changmin is looking at him with a weak, gentle smile, staying silent when you start whispering little nothings to the boy.

Hyunjae becomes mentally capable of explaining what’s happened after an hour of you two holding onto him.

“M-mommy, she-...she-” he stops when his voice cracks, and Changmin reassures him with a kiss on his forehead, telling him to take it slow.

Hyunjae has a bit of trouble breathing while explaining, but he manages to sort his thoughts. “I-I had a nightmare, and the storm s-scared me…” He flinches at the rumble of the thunder, working up the courage to continue.

“She—she yelled at me,” he whispers, sniffing loudly.

Changmin stiffens with every word that Hyunjae stutters, but he remains quiet, letting him go on.

“She yelled at m-me when I told her I was s-scared, a-and she-” The boy starts choking on his tears again at the memory, and Changmin helps him through it.

Everything clicks for the two of you after that. Hyunjae doesn’t need to say another word for you two to understand what happened, so you convince Hyunjae to take deep breaths.

Another hour passes, but this time you’re with Hyunjae in the bean bags, reading him his favorite book as he dozes off to sleep beside you.

Changmin’s left to clean up the water outside the playroom, tossing all the paper towels into a nearby trash can. He eyes the paper on his desk, staring at it. You’d be too busy to even notice if he calls, but he fights against his own beliefs.

He trusts you. He trusts you and your word, so he shoves the paper away back into its file, putting it back into the drawer.

You’ll finally talk it out with his mother, and things will be better.

//

The playroom is filled with silence once the storm has subsided. The dark clouds still remained in the sky and the winds were still causing the trees to trash around, but the rain had stopped and you could no longer hear any bursts of thunder.

You look over at the two sleeping boys in the bean bags, smiling warmly at them. Although the playroom is dimly lit, you could see Hyunjae snuggling up against Changmin’s chest, holding onto his arms. They looked comfortable, but you haven’t gotten an ounce of sleep.

For the past few hours, your mind has been constantly thinking of things to say to Hyunjae’s mother when she arrives. You’re thinking of the anger she’s given Changmin and the pain she inflicted on Hyunjae, but you’re still left with no words to say.

You hate to admit it, but you came to terms with the fact you’re scared. You’re scared for what’s to come, knowing that she could lash you out at any minute. She’s done it before, and she’ll certainly do it again.

It doesn’t help that she reminds you of your own parents, feeling the balance in power when she stands in front of you. Although she manages to muster up sweet words to you with that warm smile of hers, you knew she was anything but. She is manipulative and easily has you wrapped around her finger.

Hell, she knows she does. It came as no surprise when she called you, stating that she’ll be dropping Hyunjae off at the daycare. She doesn’t ask you because she knows you’ll drop everything for her son.

She knows how much you love him, and she holds that over your head like you’re a little kitty, enjoying the way you try to take away what’s hers.

Your face is buried into the palm of your hands as you try thinking of ways to confront her, but you’re given no more time when you hear her car pull up into the parking lot. Your eyes shoot up to the only clock in the room, acknowledging how it was 3 in the morning. With sluggish steps (and a defeated sigh), you remove yourself from the chair and make your way over to the two boys.

“Wake up,” you whisper, gently shaking the two boys awake.

Hyunjae is the first one to react, rubbing his eyes open with a confused expression worn on his face. “Huh?”

“Your mother is here,” you explain, bringing the small boy to his feet.

Changmin stretches his limbs before standing up. He shoots a look towards you when hearing the jingle from the entrance.

It hurts to see Changmin ever so expressionless, especially when you know what’s about to come; it’s why you prevent him from leaving the doorway of the playroom.

“Don’t- don’t say anything, okay? Just stand here. I’ll work this out on my own.”

He tries going against your words but you shoot your gaze to the ground, avoiding all eye contact with him. “T-trust me for once. Fighting with her will only makes things worse.”

His eyes soften at the sight of you, and he gives in with a nod. He does as he was told, standing by the doorway when you go to approach Mrs. Lee with Hyunjae.

She looks exhausted, but it doesn’t cover up how her eyes are darting into her son’s skull when he walks over to her, showing no remorse for what she had done.

The lady clears her throat and faces you, plastering the same kind smile she’s shown you ever since day one.

“Thank you, Y/N, for watching over him.” She glances over at Changmin, clearly noticing the other teacher in the room, but says nothing.

“Yeah, o-of course,” you whisper, peeking over at Changmin. You’re unsure how to continue, and he could easily tell, but he doesn’t make a single attempt to step in, repeating your words in his head.

“Mrs. Lee!!” you call out, stopping Hyunjae’s mother from leaving. Not only don’t you want to disappoint Changmin, but you know Hyunjae’s well-being is also on the line.

She turns around on her heels, furrowing her brows ever so innocently at you. “What’s the matter, Y/N?”

The question serenades you, making your mind run blank.

Changmin stares at you, breath caught up in his throat as he waits.

“I-....I never got to hug your son goodbye.” Your voice turns into a squeak, and you could feel Changmin’s eyes burning into the back of your head.

She looks down at her son, visibly holding back a scowl. “Well then….you heard them, Jaehyun. Go give Teacher Y/N a goodbye hug.”

Hyunjae stumbles over his feet as he makes his way over to you, hugging you tight. “Goodbye,” he whispers.

“Goodbye, Hyu-...J-Jaehyun.” You pull away from the hug to look at him, brushing your thumb over his cheek. “I’ll see you tomorrow, alright?”

He nods, repeating you through a murmur. “Tomorrow.”

Mrs. Lee’s phone begins to ring, and she picks it up, glaring at her son. “Let’s go, Jaehyun. It’s late.” She’s the first one to exit the doors, leaving while Hyunjae struggles to follow after.

When the door shuts, Changmin moves to reveal himself to you, and saying that he was fuming would be an understatement.

“What was that?”

You turn to him with your teeth latching onto your lower lip, not daring to meet his gaze.

“Look, Changmin-”

“No, don’t ‘look, Changmin’ me. You said you’ll tell her. You promised you’ll do something about it this time.” His voice breaks at the end of his sentence, disbelief washed over his features. “I-I trusted you, Y/N. I fucking trusted you to fix this for us, and you just let her go.”

He shakes off your apologies, pushing you away from him as he goes to pull the glass doors open.

“An ‘I’m sorry’ means nothing, Y/N. I thought you’d learn that by now,” he scoffs, gritting his teeth. He mutters a ‘pathetic’ before leaving you alone in the entrance, exiting the daycare.

The word takes a stab to your heart, and you feel your entire world crashing down on you. You follow him out, ready to beg for him to come back, but he’s already chasing after Hyunjae’s mother, taking matters into his own hands.

But you two stop in your steps when you see what was happening.

Mrs. Lee is talking on the phone, completely oblivious to how Hyunjae was falling behind her.

The boy is yelling out for her and telling his mother to slow down, but she doesn’t listen.

Changmin spots the car racing towards Hyunjae on the road, and he runs. You tail his steps, sprinting over onto the street to save Hyunjae from the car.

Changmin is faster when it comes to running, reaching Hyunjae in a quicker amount of time. He picks the boy up and tries to run, but it’s already too late.

The sound of the horn blaring fills up his ears, and the headlights blind Changmin’s vision.

He shuts his eyes and holds onto Hyunjae with his life, but nothing happens.

The car had swerved, and it struck you instead.

The vehicle comes to a halt, and the sound of your head colliding with the pavement fills the air.

Everything has gone silent, including Mrs. Lee’s voice when she sees what happened. Hyunjae is left in too much shock to process anything that he just witnessed, causing him to be handed over to his mother shortly after. Changmin no longer cares about what Mrs. Lee does with her son, rushing to the scene with pleas falling past his lips.

The driver has left their car, countless apologies pouring out of them as they stumble to call for emergency.

All Changmin could see was blood covering your figure. The liquid continuously pours out of you and into the puddles left by the storm, coloring the water a dark shade of red.

“No no no, Y/N.” He frantically pulls you into his hold, hugging you close against him with his hand patting your cheek. “Y/N, please talk to me.”

But you’re not moving. He feels for a pulse and finds it wavering, unsure if you were still with him. He begs for you to wake up, and the driver only watches with a hand over their mouth, in complete disbelief at what they had just done while informing the dispatcher.

Changmin is screaming your name, shaking you repeatedly as he sobs into your chest. He’s hugging onto the hand he kissed only hours ago, trying to not only reassure you but himself as well.

“We’ll—we’ll get through this together, o-okay? C-come on, Y/N, stay….s-stay with me. I know you’re there—I know-....I know you’re holding on. I-I believe in you.” His voice croaks as he utters the last sentence, his tears filling up his vision.

He doesn’t curse when blood seeps into his pajamas, praying as he tightly squeezes your hand. “S-stay with me, Y/N.”

//

One of the nurses gives him a fresh set of clothes when he enters the hospital, telling him they’ll do all they can to save you.

He nods and takes the clothes, going over to the bathroom. He locks himself inside and turns on the lights. He refuses to look at himself in the mirror, and he couldn’t tell if it’s because he would see his tear-stained cheeks or your blood drying up in the fabric of his pajamas.

The clothes he was given were nothing too special. It’s just a pair of jeans and a white t-shirt, and surprisingly they somewhat fitted him. He takes one last glance at the pajamas before tossing them into the trash can provided within the bathroom.

Changmin tries to calm his anxiety by setting the toilet lid down, sitting on it. Unfortunately for him, his mind refuses to stop racing with possible outcomes of the situation, leaving him irritated.

He stops thinking when realizing he left something in his pajamas, taking them out of the trash. He searches his pocket to find the thing that appeared in his mind, letting out a sigh of relief at the sight of the paper. He takes it out and drops the pajamas back into the can, sitting back down on top of the lid.

With shaky fingers, he unfolds the blood-stained painting. He doesn’t shed a tear at the sight, only praying that you’ll be okay with the luck the painting has always given him.

It always brought him the most luck out of any scenario, and he knows he needs it now more than ever.

After minutes of staring at it, he tucks it back into his pocket. He looks into the mirror and tells himself that everything will be okay. He forces himself to ignore any other signs telling him otherwise, clearing his mind before leaving the bathroom.

His footsteps echo throughout the hallway as he walks past the doors, hating how quiet the hospital seemed to be in the middle of the night.

Earlier, he was told not to enter your door, so when he came across the door numbered two, he sat down in the chair opposite from it.

He rests his elbows on his legs, closing his eyes as he tries to block out any sounds of the incident that wouldn’t stop ringing in his ears.

The sounds go silent at the click of the door in front of him, making him rise to his feet.

The nurse quickly shuts the door behind her, standing in front of it as she’s met with Changmin’s presence. A saddened, solemn expression takes over her features, but Changmin dismisses it when approaching her.

“How’s Y/N?” he asks, desperate to know about his lover’s condition. His eyes have a glint of hope in them, one that the nurse knows will vanish.

She hesitates to speak, fumbling with her fingers as she avoids all contact with Changmin. “You’re-...you’re the one who’s engaged to Y/N, correct?”

He nods, confirming his identity, and her eyes start to fill with sorrow. She parts her lips as if to say something but closes them shortly after to process her thoughts.

“Sir,” she begins. “Y/N-...in the incident, Y/N….Y/N lost a lot of blood.”

Changmin doesn’t hesitate to cut her off from continuing any further. “I can donate mine,” he offers. “We share the same blood type! AB, right?” He thinks back to when you found out about sharing the same blood type, jokingly declaring the two of you destined with fate after squealing about it.

The nurse pauses, and then shakes her head. “I’m afraid that’s not the case, sir-”

“Does Y/N need surgery?” Changmin asks, frantically pushing out his words. “I have the funds for everything, and I’ll pay anything just to make sure Y/N is alr-”

“Sir,” she says sternly, forcing him to cut off. After minutes of avoiding Changmin, she brings herself to have her gaze meet his, and only does Changmin now notice the tears prickling at her eyes. He shuts up, allowing the nurse to speak.

She looks down while digging for something through the pocket of her coat, slowly pulling the item out. “I-I came to return this to you,” she whispers.

“...What?”

The nurse hands the item to the male, and Changmin is finally able to tell what it is.

“...No. No, no there’s no way. Why-...would you give me the ring...Y/N-”

“We lost a pulse, sir,” she whispers, hanging her head as she drops the information.

Changmin’s entire body freezes and the ring in his hands falls, filling the empty hallway with the sound it makes when it hits the ground.

In complete denial, Changmin pushes past the nurse and pulls the door open, bursting into the room. His eyes search the room, and that’s when his gaze settles on the flat line presented on the monitor.

He stumbles back a few steps, and the only doctor in the room turns to look at him. She’s just as speechless as Changmin is, and she steps away from your bed to walk over to him.

“I’m so sorry for your loss,” she murmurs, leaving him alone with your lifeless body in the room

Although you’re covered head to toe with a white sheet, Changmin manages to get a glimpse of the blood dripping from your fingers, your now empty fingers, noticing the puddle that has been created on the ground.

The scene makes Changmin dizzy, and he feels like passing out as he uses the door frame as support. Too much is going on in his mind to have him fully comprehend what he is seeing; that it’s your body he’s looking at.

The nurse remains with him in the hallway, picking up the ring he dropped seconds earlier to hand it to him.

Just like the doctor, she apologizes as well, but Changmin doesn’t get to hear the end of it when he leaves with the ring. He storms past the staff walking through the hallways and leaves the hospital, not willing to have strangers witnessing his tears.

All Changmin does is get in his car and drive.

He drives to the daycare, refusing to let the reality dawn on him because when he reaches the daycare, he’ll be able to see you.

He’ll see you working at your desk, planning the activity for a day with a smile on your lips as you think about Hyunjae. He’ll see you twirling around in your swivel chair, telling him to join you.

But none of that happens when he enters the daycare, turning on the lights to the playroom. All he is met with is the vacancy of the room and your raincoat tossed onto one of the round tables.

And for the first time that night, Changmin realizes he’ll never see you again.

//

Growing up, people have always told Changmin to think about what he has rather than what he doesn’t have.

But how could he think about what he has when he no longer has you?

He doesn’t have you sitting in the passenger seat of his car, rating each song in his playlist or your smile that would wish him good morning whenever he enters the daycare. He doesn’t have your hand to hold and caress or your forehead to kiss.

He doesn’t have a reason to smile, so what was there to think about?

He didn’t even get a chance to say I love you.

It was such a foolish mistake to not say it to you everyday. If he had the chance, he would say it whenever you drift off to sleep and wake up beside him. He would say it after you slap him on the back for saying something stupid and kiss him on the cheek to make up for it.

But he never did. He never once uttered those cursed three words to you.

He was too lost in love to even acknowledge the lack of the three words being shared in the first place, and it doesn’t help that the world has taken you from him shortly after.

Changmin walks around the playroom in order to calm down the inferno burning up his insides, but that all fails when he drives his fist in the wall, wishing that the pain will replace the emptiness in his chest. He tosses all of the children’s paintings into the trash, along with the purple flowers you arranged for him a week ago.

With the only light in the playroom being the moonlight, he pulls out Hyunjae’s painting without thinking and tears it into pieces, ripping it until it could no longer be torn. The pieces fall onto one of the round tables like confetti, and his hands meet the table, letting out the sobs he’s been holding in ever since he’s heard the news from the nurse.

This place became his home in only two years, and he blames the stupid smile that would always reside on your face when you greeted him into the daycare. You and the kids were always the reason why he looked forward to waking up everyday, creating memories that would bring comfort to everyone in the room.

He sits down in one of the chairs, wiping away his tears as he pulls the ring out from his pockets, watching the way it glistens under the light illuminating from the moon. Carelessly, he tosses it onto the paper he’s ripped apart, pushing the table away from him.

You didn’t even get to wear it for a day.

Through his tears, he sees a paper on the ground, one that hadn’t been there when Changmin had entered the room. He quickly realizes that it fell out of the vase when he trashed the flowers away, picking it up between his fingers.

He hesitates to read what it says. He’s already dealing with too much pain that his heart is unable to handle anymore, but his fingers can’t help but move on their own, opening the paper to reveal the purple ink written all over.

Dear my (second) favorite person on earth,

I know you’ll throw these flowers away when they die. After all, that’s the classic Changmin I’ve grown to love so when you do, when you find this letter, I hope you read every single word I’m about to write.

I love yow.

I didn’t think my letter would get that fucked easily. Hyungseo tried peeking over my shoulder to see what I was writing, and I accidentally wrote a ‘w’ instead of a ‘u’ because of him. Honestly speaking, I hate it here. (No I don’t).

That reminds me. Did I ever tell you how much I love writing? We should write each other notes while we have the kids do an activity. You know, like highschoolers in love. I think it’ll be cute seeing you get caught writing mid-sentence by Hyunjae.

I should really stop rambling because Haknyeon’s starting to eat the petals from the flowers and Youngjae and Sunwoo refuse to stop hyping him up. Can you believe these boys? This is what you and Hyunjae are missing out on. I can’t believe you’ve been gone for hours now with him,, why’d you have to steal him from me >:( kidding, by the way. I hope you two are having fun without me. (Yes, I’m still petty).

I love you, Changmin. Two years with you, and I’ve never gotten to say it. It’s not like it matters because our love language is anything but, but it wouldn’t hurt to say it every now and then because I truly do mean it when I say I love you. I would say it to your face if I wasn’t such a wuss about it so here I am, expressing my feelings through a stupid letter. You better enjoy reading after this, by the way. I’m not going to write essays about how much I love you just for you to not read them.

Anyways, I bought this purple pen yesterday! It’s pretty, isn’t it? It isn’t the exact shade of purple you like, but the same could honestly be said about the assortment of flowers the boys and I made for you.

….Okay listen, I know you’re going to laugh when I show them to you. I swore the flowers looked beautiful when I bought them, but somehow when I gave them to the kids, they all managed to fuck them up and have them all bent in all the wrong places. So as an apology, I’m hoping this note makes up for it. Shit, I went off topic again.

I love you, Jichang. I love you more than words can do any justice, so instead of writing I love you a thousand different times…

Changmin, would you like the honor of being my boyfriend?

Shut up, I know you’ll say yes regardless, but I’ll still be expecting you to pick me up and twirl me around in the air, declaring yourself as my official boyfriend. It’d be nice, wouldn’t it?

Changmin sees how your handwriting trails off, figuring that was when he entered the playroom with Hyunjae and the popcorn. He wishes there was more to read, more to hear from you, but this is the most he’s ever going to get.

His sobs return, and he’s crying like Hyunjae except Changmin is in the arms of no one; no one to hold him, no one to tell him they’re there for him.

His mind is flashing images of you, reminding him of the memories he’s shared with you.

He’s reminded of the roll of your eyes when he would make a snarky remark and of your cuddles whenever all the kids have finally left the daycare. He remembers the way you would smile at him whenever he’s playing with the kids and how you always manage to unintentionally daydream about him when he’s sitting right beside you.

All those moments that made him fall in love with you are now memories that took turns taking a stab at his heart, crushing the organ until there was no more.

He wanted to scream at the world for taking you away from him so soon, but his throat is raw and he’s barely able to whisper. He’s craving your touch, your lips against his, and he’s wishing he could hear the jingle from the glass doors, signifying that you have arrived.

He wishes he had the chance to dance with you at least once in the middle of the empty playroom, maybe even practice the one you’ll share at your wedding.

The idea of the wedding makes Changmin look at the ring on the table, bringing it back between his fingers.

“I feel so lost,” he whispers, his voice breaking as he clutches onto the ring. “Y/N, what-...what do I do without you?”

He has no one to guide him, no one to tell him to believe in himself, and no one to love.

//

Changmin carries the last box into the trunk of his car, stacking it on top of the others. He wipes the sweat off his forehead, looking up at the sun shining bright in the sky despite it nearing winter. He pulls out his phone to check the time, realizing he has another thirty minutes before he has to leave.

In the past two months, Changmin has closed the daycare and called the dance academy. It took a few paperworks to be filled out before he’s officially accepted, and today is finally the day he’ll be leaving.

Changmin hears a car pulling up next to his in the parking lot, looking over to see who it was.

He regrets doing so, especially when Mrs. Lee leaves the driver’s seat.

“Ch-”

“The daycare’s closing, Mrs. Lee,” Changmin states, closing his trunk shut. “I have to leave soon too.”

His tone would’ve been more bitter if it wasn’t for the fact that Changmin is drained. For the past two months, Changmin has been drained of his tears and pain, causing him to be left with only soreness and a throbbing heartache.

“I know, I know, but Changmin, please listen to me.” She follows him across the street, tailing after his steps to the daycare. “My son keeps getting constant nightmares, and all I ask for is for you to give him all your time before you leave.”

“Your son?” he scoffs, stopping when he reaches the glass doors. “I owe you nothing.”

He wraps his fingers around the handle of the door, ready to push it open before hearing Mrs. Lee.

“Jaehy- Hyunjae. Hyunjae wants to see you. He wants to say goodbye.”

Changmin shuts his eyes at the name he’s been avoiding for so long, turning around in his spot to face his mother.

“Please, Changmin, talk to him one last time, I beg of you.” She’s distraught, not knowing how else to get her desperation across.

His mind runs over the idea of talking to Hyunjae for the last time, heart wrenching at the thought.

“Alright. Tell him to enter alone and make it quick. I don’t have all day.” Changmin’s just about to enter the daycare before realizing something, turning back around to look at the lady.

“Oh, and Mrs. Lee? Don’t bother ever stepping foot into this building ever again. I mean it. You’ve already inflicted enough pain.”

He pushes the door open and makes his way into the playroom.

The emptiness of the room engulfs him as he enters, looking at how lifeless the walls looked after taking down the colored posters that had the abcs written all over them. Truly nothing remained in the room except for the counters with sinks. The bookshelves have been donated along with all of the books, and the bean bags have been given to Sunwoo and Youngjae’s families. He looks around the room one last time, unable to pinpoint how he used to call this dinky place ‘home’.

A few minutes after roaming around the place with a hollow heart, Changmin hears the front two doors jingle, tiny footsteps making their way into the daycare.

Hyunjae peeks into the playroom and when he catches sight of Changmin, tears begin to fall down his face. He runs over to the male, wrapping his arms tightly around his waist as he breaks out into full-on sobs.

Changmin hesitantly crouches down so Hyunjae is able to hug him better, remaining emotionless as the young boy wets his shirt with his tears. His little fingers desperately cling onto his sleeves, and no words are exchanged between the two boys for minutes. Though, to Changmin, it feels like hours, holding the boy in his arms as he stares off into the void.

Hyunjae is the first to speak up, voice quivering. “Don’t leave,” he whispers.

Changmin struggles to find the right words to use in the moment but gives up, deciding to just be blatantly honest with the boy. “I have to, Hyunjae. I can’t stay. I’m leaving.”

Hyunjae looks up at him, redness tinting his puffy eyes while tears continuously pour down his face. “You can’t- you just can’t-” he sobs, going back to hiding his face in the teacher’s chest. “What w-would I do without you?”

Changmin pats the back of his head and thinks, smiling back at a memory. “Hyunjae, do you remember that book you always liked? The one Y/N bought for you two years ago?”

The nine-year-old stiffles his cries for only a second, nodding.

“The main character...He dies in the end, right?”

Again, Hyunjae nods.

“But you’ve read that book how many times?”

The boy frowns. “What does this have to do with anything?” he hiccups, wiping his tears away.

Changmin sighs. “Life is kind of like, well, a storybook. Whatever is written is permanent, and there’s nothing you can change. You can keep flipping the pages back and forth, wishing that you’ll be able to change the outcome, but you can’t because the ink has already seeped into the paper.

So it’s hard to, you know, turn the page when you know someone you loved ever so dearly won’t be in the next chapter, but you do it regardless. You come to accept the fact they’re gone because you’ll have to move on with the story, and eventually you’re able to turn that page.”

He cups Hyunjae’s cheeks in his hands, reassuring him. “You’ll move on, Hyunjae. Just like how you’ve gotten over the boy’s death in the book a trillion times. Trust me.”

“But that’s different,” Hyunjae reasons, removing Changmin’s hands from his face. “I-In the book, they still get their happy ending. In the book, the people still live happily ever after, even with the death of the boy.”

“Yes, ‘in the book’, Hyunjae. This is real life.” He looks at the ground. “Not all couples get happy endings.”

“But we could get ours.” Hyunjae makes Changmin look at him, tears being brought back into his eyes. “You’re here with me right now, and you can stay. You can stay with me, and we could write our own story with a happy ending.”

“I’m afraid it’s not that easy, Hyunjae,” the male whispers.

“Teacher Y/N already left,” Hyunjae mumbles. “I can’t-...I don’t want to lose you too.”

With shaky hands, Hyunjae reaches up to cup Changmin’s cheeks, tears cascading down his cheeks as he tries to speak. “P-please, please don’t leave me,” he hiccups through his tears.

Changmin closes his eyes, preventing himself from falling vulnerable into the hands of a nine-year-old. “I don’t make promises I can’t keep.”

“B-but we’re family, and family....family sticks together, right?”

“We’re not family, Hyunjae.”

Changmin’s words pierces into Hyunjae’s heart, and the boy no longer says anything else, the two allowing the young boy’s sobs to fill up the room.

Changmin opens his eyes to look at Hyunjae, and he knows this image of Hyunjae will forever be engraved into his mind.

And out of nowhere, Changmin smiles. He smiles because he knows they’ll be okay.

“Thank you.”

Hyunjae sniffs loudly, still holding onto Changmin’s cheeks. “F-for what?” The boy is biting back his upcoming batch of tears, but it fails when Changmin starts to speak.

“Thank you, Hyunjae, for being the sunshine that always brightens the daycare’s day and being the shooting star that glitters the dark skies at night. Thank you for your little surprise hellos and your comforting goodbyes. Thank you for the happiness you’ve brought to not only me, but Teacher Y/N as well.” Changmin finally allows his tears to fall, not breaking eye contact with Hyunjae. “Thank you for being so fucking strong for the both of us and growing up to be the angel Y/N will always love and cherish.”

Hyunjae’s sobs even harder after hearing Changmin, unable to contain himself. “Please-...don’t go.”

But the male continues. He removes his face from Hyunjae’s palms and moves to rest his forehead against the boy’s, working his words through his own tears.

“Thank you for being your bestest self in front of everyone. Thank you for bringing a smile to everyone’s faces every single day, and thank you for always giving me a reason to wake up. Thank you for being the first person to give me hugs and loving me when no one else would. Thank you for making me feel like a kid again these past two years. Thank you, Hyunjae, for being the gift in my life.”

Changmin pulls away from the young boy and presses a sweet, gentle kiss to his nose, hugging him tightly afterwards. “I love you,” he whispers.

The teacher then stands up and doesn’t take another glance at the boy he had only broken further, leaving the playroom. He walks out the glass doors of the daycare and heads for his car, looking ahead towards the path he was always meant to take.

The kid inside him once played hide and seek for twenty three years, and during those twenty three years, Changmin refused to play along.

Now, the only person that remains inside the vacant daycare is the kid Changmin grew to love and eventually left behind; the boy that led him to his inner kidult.

Maybe, just like in Hyunjae’s painting, Changmin was the devil after all.

As always, you’re reading a book despite how late it is at night. Your legs are sprawled out on top of the blankets, waiting for Changmin to exit the bathroom as usual.

He’s dressed in his usual flannel pajamas, a bright smile on his face. You close your book and set it aside before spotting a piece of paper peeking out from the pockets in his pants.

“You bring that thing everywhere, don’t you?”

“Huh? This?” Changmin pulls it out of his pocket and waves it in the air, making you confirm his words with a nod.

“Why wouldn’t I?” he snorts, raising his brows. “If you had this gem, you’d bring it everywhere too.”

You roll your eyes and grab a pillow, tossing it at his face. “Yeah sure, but I wouldn’t shower with it, dummy.”

He stumbles back due to the hit and picks it up from the ground, tossing the pillow right back at you. “I don’t shower with it!” he exclaims.

Changmin joins you on your bed after setting Hyunjae’s painting down onto the nightstand, yawning loudly.

“Whatever you say, Jichang.”

You put the pillow back into its spot and bring the blankets over both of your bodies after turning off the lamp, leaving the two of you in complete darkness. Though, the lack of light doesn’t stop Changmin from bringing you close against him, snuggling up to you.

It’s silent, and you would think he’s asleep until he shifts in his spot.

“Y/N?”

“Hm?”

“Isn’t it crazy how like...Hyunjae painted that thing when we only knew each other for, what? Two days?” He scrunches his nose at the memory before turning to look at you to see what you thought.

“It is,” you respond. “Kids do the darndest things.”

Changmin laughs at your word choice but agrees nonetheless. “Don’t you think it somehow links with fate? The two of us ending up together?”

“Mmm, perhaps. Depends on how you put it.” You shift in your spot, turning to face him. “Hyunjae’s special like that.”

You reach to hold one of his hands, playing with his fingers. “Together forever,” you sigh, pressing a kiss against his knuckles.

“That includes Hyunjae, right?” Changmin asks, lazy eyes watching your every movement as a cheeky smile makes its way to his lips.

You laugh, nodding. “Yes, that includes Hyunjae. All three of us...together forever....Oh my god, Changmin, remember that pinky promise you had the three of us do before you left?”

He grins at the memory, remembering how grim that day turned out to be until he asked you out. “Yeah, yeah I do.”

He pulls his hand away from you to tuck his nose into the crook of your neck, growing drowsier with each hum that escapes you.

“The three of us and our happy little ending,” Changmin murmurs, that being the last thing he says before drifting off to sleep.

NAVIGATION | TBZ MASTERLIST

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˖◛⁺⑅♡ yeri as chihiro ⟪ spirited away ⟫

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Zēn.

me watching hunter x hunter

---

I THOT THIS WAS SANGWOO

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##_ TOKYO REVENGERS ⎙

✰ BAJI : MITSUYA : CHIFUYU ✰

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© masterpiece

no way

the way life goes — five

𝐏𝐀𝐈𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐆: na jaemin x reader 𝐆𝐄𝐍𝐑𝐄: smut, angst, fluff 𝐒𝐘𝐍𝐎𝐏𝐒𝐈𝐒: ever since eunbin came back into the picture, you start to truly realise where you stand and what you want from jaemin... but nothing ever really goes the way it's supposed to go 𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐃 𝐂𝐎𝐔𝐍𝐓: 30.9k

𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒: slow burn, so much plot and too much dialogue, friends with benefits, friends to possible lovers, the majority of kpop 00' liners are in this, other nct members make appearances, crackhead humour throughout, a lot of sex innuendos, college!jaemin, black haired jaemin, jaemin is super mysterious and hot, a lot of angst in this one, heartbreaking moments maybe, bring tissues besties, explicit content, swearing, jaemin gets a handjob, jaemin kinda turns into a sub... kinda, the reader honestly controls the situation, reader rides jaemin in a chair yeehaw, lingering kisses as always, soft sex almost sickening, miwoo points out the obvious, the backstory of the ring is FINALLY here, also jeno tells his true feelings about eunbin, eunbin explains relationship from her side, jeno and reader besties, donghyuck yangyang and reader trio moments, also jeno yangyang donghyuck and reader moments, jeno and reader moments, yangyang comes to a realisation, reader also comes to a realisation, jeno meets eunbin, a lot of mentions of anxiety here and there, perhaps new haired jaemin maybe who knows, alcohol consumption, drunken mishaps... drunk words = sober thoughts?, the girls have a moment, reader meets red haired beauty, a lot of mentions of the trip, overuse of the word pretty

𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐓 𝐎𝐍𝐄 ‣ 𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐓 𝐓𝐖𝐎 ‣ 𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐓 𝐓𝐇𝐑𝐄𝐄 ‣ 𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐓 𝐅𝐎𝐔𝐑

[the insta posts]

You’re silent the entire trip to the café, head hung low and your hands buried deep into your armpits to keep them warm but the cold air that nips at your face and bare legs distract you, unable to focus on any source of warmth.

Your teeth chatter and you’re so desperate to turn around and go back home but with the constant buzz of your phone in your pocket, you know turning back wasn’t an answer. They are waiting for you at the café, for you and Jaemin.

Anxiety seeps through your veins when you start to think about Jaemin and his long awaited conversation he’s about to have with Eunbin, it makes your stomach churn and your heart race but you try to keep yourself calm as you breathe steadily. There was no reason for you to feel the way that you are, you remind yourself as you near towards your destination. You don’t understand the exact feeling… but you shouldn’t be feeling it.

The bell rings above your head as you push open the door to the cafe, instantly spotting your group of friends sitting around a table near the back. You can’t help but smile when you see them laugh together, watching Donghyuck, who’s already offended at whatever's been said at the table, swat away Jeno’s hand as he tries to reach out and squeeze his cheeks.

A soft call of your name comes from your right and you turn to face the person belonging to the voice, seeing Kun standing behind the counter with Jisung and Chenle at his side. You almost fail to notice that girl standing behind Chenle, staring out into the customers with wide eyes and you nearly awe at the sight until the former snaps his fingers in your direction, ushering you forwards.

“Don’t snap your fingers at our customers” Kun seethes through his teeth, pinching the top of Chenle’s ear as a warning and Jisung smiles in amusement, nudging the new workers shoulder to capture her attention and even she starts to snicker at the sight in front of her.

Chenle rips away from Kun’s grasp, glaring at the trio as he cradles the sore area on his ear. He threatens to hit Jisung for smiling, raising his arm to get ready to strike but Jisung grabs the newest worker and holds her out in front of him, acting as a shield.

Kun looks at them, shaking his head in disappointment before he turns to face you, sending you an apologetic smile. “Sorry about that brat… Do you want your usual?”

“It’s okay, I’m fine” You shake your head, jabbing your thumb in the direction of your friends. “I’m gonna go…”

Kun nods in understanding, waving you away and you bid him a quick goodbye as you turn on your heel, making your way over to the group who fail to recognize your arrival until you stand behind Shotaro, capturing the attention of Renjun and Haru.

“Nice of you to finally show up” Renjun gives you a sarcastic smile and you flip him off with a smile of your own. Shotaro leans his head back, bumping into your stomach and the way he grins up at you makes your heart warm. You coo softly, raking your fingers through his hair and scratching at his scalp as if he was a cute little puppy.

Donghyuck reaches out to grab your wrist and tug you towards the empty seat between Yangyang and himself, forcing you to sit down and he gasps in shock as his knuckles accidentally brush against your cold legs.

“Why the fuck didn’t you wear anything warmer?!” Donghyuck scolds you angrily just as Yangyang slips off his coat and wraps it around your frame. You open your mouth to protest but you sigh in defeat as he fastens a few of the buttons while Donghyuck takes this opportunity to drape his own coat over your bare legs, rubbing for extra warmth and continues to scold you with interesting profanities.

You don't bother explaining to them why you had took so long to come nor did you explain to them why you showed up alone, allowing them to continue talking about whatever they were talking about before you arrived, watching as Miwoo dramatically throws her hands in the air as Renjun nonchalantly insults her way as he tries, and succeeds, in riling her up.

Jeno doesn’t say much, to your surprise, as he watches the two bicker, quietly drinking his iced coffee. He wears a tight fitted beanie on his head which makes his eyebrows and his eyes seem a lot more intimidating when he stares or is focussed on something, it makes your heart thump when he glances over to the table to meet your gaze.

He sends you a tight lipped smile which you give back, a small silent greeting between the two of you, before he turns his attention back to the phone in his hand, using his thumb to swipe across the screen.

“Why are you so quiet?” A voice lowly asks from beside you and you turn your head to meet Yangyang’s concerned expression. You shrug your shoulders, uncertain on how to give him an answer and the frown on his face deepens.

“Are you sick?” Donghyuck asks this time in a sincere tone which he rarely lets out, removing his hand from it’s position on your legs to press against your forehead. He hums. “Your temperature is fine”

“I’m just tired” You tell them.

Donghyuck mocks offense as he points at himself. “From me?” He then points at Yangyang. “From us?”

You roll your eyes, not being able to stop the smile that threatens to spread across your lips. “Shut up”

“We can take you home, if you want?” Yangyang offers and Donghyuck nods beside you. “We haven’t got anything planned for the rest of the day anyways, so we can leave”

“I’m good” You shake your head, reassuring them that you’re fine despite the hesitancy in your voice. Yangyang eyes you for a few seconds before believing your words, nodding his head while reaching for his drink. Donghyuck doesn’t budge, staring straight at you without even blinking and you take this opportunity to stare back, having an inner staring content which Donghyuck catches onto immediately as the corner of lips lift upwards into a smirk.

You shout in surprise when Donghyuck cheats by clapping his hands in your face and you ball your own hands into tight fists, jabbing them at his chest and arms that he tries to dodge, defending himself by karate chopping your own body with ‘whooshing’ sounds.

“If either of you knock over any coffee, I will start attacking” Chenle warns as he appears beside the table with a tray of breakfast specials in hand, eyeing the half full coffee cups that are scattered across the table. “I’m on cleanup duty today and if I see one drop of coffee on the floor, I swear to god I will—”

Miwoo scoffs. “Okay, we get it you little brat”

“Do you want to die?” Chenle mouths scarily just as Kun arrives over to the table, taking it upon himself to grab the plates from the tray Chenle holds, placing them down on the table. Your group gives Kun an odd look to why he was setting all types of pastries and cakes on the table. He tells you all that they’re his newest recipes and he’s handing them out for your group to test try, completely free of charges which makes them all grin widely but Yangyang points at Kun, seemingly not convinced.

“Are you trying to poison us?”

Kun gives him a blank look. “If I wanted to poison you, I would’ve done it with your drinks already”

Yangyang purses his lips together in deep thought. “Hm, touche”

Kun rolls his eyes and takes a hold of Chenle’s upper arm to tug him away from your table. Chenle withstands for a moment before giving in, allowing Kun to drag him away but he keeps his glare on Miwoo who throws her middle finger up in his direction, an evil smirk spreading across her face as Chenle seethes through his teeth before he’s pulled into the backroom.

“Kun treats us so well” Haru says as she picks up a chocolate coated croissant and bites into it, eyes widening and letting out a gasp as she chews. She holds out the treat towards Renjun who takes a bite without question, seemingly impressed as he nods his head, licking the chocolate off of the corner of his lips.

Your mouth salivates as Haru turns the croissant towards the rest of you to show what’s inside, chocolate and what looks like banana slices oozing from where it has been bitten open.

Donghyuck groans. “I think I just came in my pants''

⟩⟩• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •⟨⟨

“So…” Miwoo begins after a short moment of silence, the group too preoccupied with eating their breakfasts or drinking their coffees to even start another conversation. Everyone’s heads turn to Miwoo who dips one of her cinnamon breadsticks in a little bowl of syrup, chewing the treat slowly as her eyes roam across the room until they focus on you. “Is nobody going to question the obvious or are you all going to make me do it?”

“What are you talking about?” Donghyuck questions with a full mouth and Yangyang leans over your body to whack the back of his head for his lack of manners, making Donghyuck almost choke on his toast as he coughs uncontrollably. You pat Donghyuck’s back, hoping to help him in some way as you try and stifle your laugh, almost losing as Donghyuck turns to thank you with strained eyes.

“Oh, come on… you can’t be that dense” Miwoo chuckles, attention flickering to Donghyuck for a second before going back to you. “Where’s Jaemin?”

Your throat immediately dries up, mouth clamped shut and unable to answer her simple question. The way the group has their attention on you causes you to panic, legs beginning to nervously bounce under the table and fists curl tightly, nails digging into palm.

Haru’s the first to notice, calling your name softly as she reaches across the table to touch your hand, concern filling her eyes as she tries to slip her fingers between your clenched fists, hoping to discreetly pull your nails away from your skin.

She calls your name again, squeezing your hand gently to help coax you out of your panic state. You blink, trying to out blur your eyes and ignore the faint buzzing noise in your ears as you turn towards Haru, allowing her to slip her fingers between yours.

“You good?” Renjun speaks up first, concern evident in his tone. “We lost you there for a second”

“I’m fine” You lie through your teeth and you know they don’t believe you so you clear your throat, grabbing Yangyang’s coffee to take a sip. He doesn’t stop you, like he’d usually would, whining about how you should’ve bought your own. Instead, he just stares. He watches.

Jeno’s even looking at you now and with all their eyes on you, you feel like you’re going to throw up. You swallow thickly, opening your mouth to speak but Haru beats you to it, easily grabbing everyone’s attention off of you as she whips out her phone to announce new music from an artist that you all liked.

The gasps and the excitement was enough to allow the heavy weight to lift off of your chest and you smile gratefully at Haru who sends a wink your way. She’s always got your back, she’s always the one to help you out of a sticky situation and you couldn’t be more thankful than you already are.

You quietly excuse yourself from the table, pushing Donghyuck’s coat off of your legs and into his lap as you stand up, beginning to unbutton Yangyang’s coat but with the look he gives you, you decide against it, giving him your best smile before disappearing to the bathroom.

Once you’re alone, you make a straight beeline for the sink, twisting the tap and sticking your wrists under the cold running water. Your thumb massages the cold water into your skin and you slowly feel your body relax, the anxiety peeling away from your bones and leaving you at peace.

You raise your head to stare at your reflection in the mirror and tired eyes stare back. Your lips twist into a grimace, you look horrible, but you can’t seem to find the urge to care about your appearance, not when there’s so much shit going on inside your head.

Turning off the tap and drying your hands, you slip your hand under Yangyang’s coat to fish your phone out of your hoodie, unlocking the device and tapping the message icon to bring up yours and Jaemin’s last conversation, eyes scanning over the last text that he sent, how urgent he was for you. Your thumbs begin to move against the keyboard.

you: what are u talki . . . ERASED you: is eunbin still . . . ERASED you: are u . . . ERASED

What the fuck are you even supposed to say? You sigh in frustration, rubbing at your forehead as you stare down at the blank message. You don’t want to interrupt him from the conversation and you most definitely don’t want to seem like a stalker by constantly messaging him, but you’re worried… for him? For Eunbin? Or was it for you?

you: i hope ur okay

You click send, watching the delivered sign appear at the bottom before shoving the device away, not wanting to wait and see if he’s read the message. Taking a deep breath, you hold your head high as you walk out of the bathroom, heading back over to your table and sitting down just in time to hear Renjun and Miwoo bicker back and forth over something that has the others laughing.

Haru smiles at you the second you sit down and Donghyuck loosely throws his arm around your shoulders, his other leaning on the table as he takes pictures of the pair fighting, trying his best to get their worse angles and closeups that almost have you snorting.

Yangyang makes a small, harmless comment to add fuel to Renjun and Miwoo’s fire, he splutters in shock as the two turn on him, throwing creative insults and curse words his way and Donghyuck joins in to defend his friend, his arm dropping from your shoulders and putting his phone down on the table to alternate between pointing at them and throwing up his middle finger.

“You’re quieter than usual” Jeno says to you and you almost have trouble hearing him if it wasn’t for him leaning around Donghyuck’s chair to speak to you. He gives you a smile. “I know you said you’re fine earlier, but… you good?”

“It’s been a long morning” You tell him, wrapping your arms around your middle with a soft chuckle. “I’m just ready for this day to be over already”

“Yeah?” Jeno raises a brow, leaning his chin on the back of his chair as he stares at you. “What happened?”

You pause for a moment, teeth chewing at the side of your cheek as you contemplate on whether to tell Jeno the truth. He deserves to know the truth… that’s his best friend.

You suck in a breath. “It’s Eunbin… She’s back”

The silence is deafening and you flinch at the way everyone’s heads abruptly snap in your direction, eyes wide as your words slowly sink in. Renjun struggles to form a sentence, his mouth opening and closing repeatedly and Shotaro remains frozen with a fork hanging out of his mouth while Yangyang and Donghyuck share unreadable looks with each other.

Jeno’s reaction scares you the most and the way Miwoo worryingly glances over at him fails to settle your nerves. He’s silent, eyes staring straight into yours, dark and heavy. Miwoo softly calls out his name and despite them being on not good terms, she reaches to place her hand on top of his in hopes to calm him down.

“When did she get back?” Haru asks first, taking a brief glance at the boys. “Wasn’t she in New York?”

“She said she flew in early this morning”

“You’ve talked to her?” Donghyuck gapes, eyes almost bulging out of his head as he stares at you in shock. You slowly nod your head to confirm and Donghyuck abruptly turns in his seat to face Jeno who’s looking at Miwoo now. She’s speaking to him quietly, words just for him as she pats his hand, trying her best to calm him down which seems to be working as he listens intently, jaw still stiff but eyes gentle.

“How did you talk to her?” Shotaro asks this time with a frown. “How did that even happen?”

“I went to go see Jaemin this morning…” You trail off, nerves beginning to kick in as your teeth gnaw at your bottom lip. “Eunbin’s there”

Yangyang almost chokes on his own saliva. “She’s there?”

You nod your head. “Yeah… She wanted to see Jaemin as soon as she flew in”

“Did Jaemin let her in?” Jeno finally speaks, tone low and scary. You almost gulp at the way he’s now looking at you and you forget to speak, cowering back into your chair with goosebumps rising at the back of your neck. Jeno tongues his cheek, jaw tense and brows furrowing as he stares straight at you, already piecing together what you are going to say.

He knows the answer. He hates that he knows the answer. Jeno shakes his head, reaching for his coffee and taking a lengthy sip through his straw, fingers wrapping around the plastic cup so tightly you’re afraid it will spill.

Donghyuck, Yangyang, Shotaro and Renjun all share a look with each other that doesn’t go unnoticed by you or the girls. You want to say something, anything, but you can’t find the right words and the sentences and the questions that float around in your head refuse to make sense… you also didn't want to make the situation worse knowing that if you say something wrong, Jeno could blow.

“So that’s why you came here alone” Miwoo states, shaking her head with a laugh of disbelief. “He’s a fucking idiot”

“Miwoo” You warn her, shaking your head softly and giving her a pleading smile.

“What? I’m telling the truth” Miwoo shrugs innocently, leaning back into her seat. “He’s a fucking idiot for not being here with us right now. I know you’re all thinking it, I’m just brave enough to actually say it”

Miwoo shoves her spoon into her yoghurt and eats happily, oblivious to the way everyone is looking at her. You can see Jeno wants to retaliate to her words, his jaw tense and eyes rolling in annoyance.

“I mean, I hate to admit it but she’s not wrong” Donghyuck admits, leaning his arms on the table comfortably. Miwoo clicks her tongue and points at Donghyuck, grinning at the fact he’s agreeing with her and Donghyuck flips her off before continuing. “He is an idiot for not being here… but I don’t exactly blame him, you know, the hold that Eunbin has on him is—“

“Dude” Yangyang cuts him off, shaking his head as if to tell him to shut up and Donghyuck does with a sigh, muttering under his breath how he was just trying to explain how unbelievable Eunbin is.

A part of you wanted to hear what Donghyuck had to say, wanting to know how Eunbin was to Jaemin and the type of hold Donghyuck had claimed she had on him but the other part of you is happy that you didn’t have to hear anything, knowing that the weird feeling in your chest will grow heavier, becoming uncomfortable and unbearable.

Yangyang knocks his shoulders against yours and you lift your head to meet his eyes. He smiles at you, a soft smile, a comforting one that you can’t help but let yourself smile back at. Yangyang leans his head down closer to yours, his voice low as he whispers to you, asking if you would like to go home and you nod without even thinking much about it. You didn’t want to be here anymore.

The two of you stand up from your seats together, Yangyang opening his mouth to let them know that you two are going to leave until the bell above the cafe door dings as it's pushed open, revealing Jaemin. He’s alone, sporting his favourite black hoodie with a white cat and some sweats with a cap on top of his head.

The way the group stops talking and turns their heads towards him makes your cheeks feel hot. It’s obvious you were all talking about him and you know that Jaemin knows just by how he’s looking at you all, brows furrowing and his jaw tense.

Once Jaemin’s eyes land on you, he gives you the kindest smile. He looks okay. He seems okay. Maybe the talk he had with Eunbin made everything better… But was that even a good thing or a bad thing?

Yangyang presses his hand on your lower back, a sign for you to move so you both can leave and it doesn’t go unnoticed by Jaemin who immediately looks at Yangyang with a deadpan expression. Yangyang doesn’t falter, staring right back at Jaemin, almost giving him the same look back.

“Nice of you to finally show up” Yangyang speaks up first and you sigh, closing your eyes in annoyance, not liking the tone Yangyang decides to use.

Jaemin doesn’t even bother to reply, instead he pulls his hand out of his pockets and holds it out for you to take. You stare at his hand, your own twitching at your side, desperate to intertwine your fingers with his own.

“Let’s go” He says to you with another one of his soft smiles.

“But you just got here…” Shotaro states, looking at Jaemin with a slight pout. He gestures towards the empty seat that everyone had left for him if he had decided to show up. “Come eat with us”

“I’m not hungry” Jaemin tells him apologetically, turning his attention back on you. His hand is still outstretched, waiting for you to take but for some reason, you’re hesitant. Why are you so hesitant? Your body earns for his touch yet the inner voice inside of your head prevents you from doing so, not only making you frustrated but annoyed.

“Are you avoiding us because you don’t want to talk about who showed up at your front door this morning?” Miwoo teases with a sly grin, resting her chin on her hand. Your tongue pokes at your cheek in annoyance as you glance over your shoulder at her, shaking your head as she gives you an innocent smile. “Come on, big boy… we wanna hear all about it”

Jaemin lets out a halfhearted chuckle, clearly unamused with Miwoo’s words as he clicks his tongue against his teeth. Haru nudges Miwoo’s foot with her own and gives her a look that immediately makes Miwoo shut down, a pout present on her face as she drinks her coffee while grumbling how she was genuinely curious.

“Can we go to your place?” Jaemin asks you quietly as your attention turns back on him, eyes almost pleading for you to take his hand and leave with him. “I want to talk to you”

You nod your head slowly, reaching out to touch his hand and his fingers clasp around yours just as you make contact, immediately tugging you into his side. He gives your hand a squeeze, letting out a shaky breath as he presses his lips to yours for a quick peck before he guides you out of the cafe, not even saying goodbye to the others who watch with mixed reactions.

Yangyang’s arm drops to his side in defeat, breathing out a huff as he sits back down into his seat and Donghyuck pats his back, giving him a tight lipped smile which Yangyang forced himself to give back, a twinge of sadness in his eyes.

⟩⟩• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •⟨⟨

“So, how did it go?” The question you’re dreading to ask slipped out before you could even process it, chewing on your bottom lip as you sit down on your bed, scooting backwards to rest against the wall and you go to bring your knees up to your chest until Jaemin pushes your legs down, crawling on the bed and plopping his head down in your lap.

You pull the cap off of his head so he wouldn’t have to lay at an awkward angle and place it down to your side, allowing him to be more comfortable and he sighs softly, relaxing into your touch the second he feels your fingers play with his hair.

He’s quiet for a few minutes, the silence deafening and it makes you uncomfortable, biting back the urge to question him again because you didn’t want to seem desperate… you didn’t want to seem too—

“It went really good”

Really good. His words repeat in your mind and your face turns sour without you even realising, tongue prodding at your cheek in annoyance as you stare at the wall opposite you. Jaemin grins up at you in amusement, raising his hand to flick your forehead and you hiss, rubbing your hand over the sore area as you glare down at Jaemin but all he does is chuckle.

“I told her how I felt about her leaving” He starts off and you listen intently, dropping your hand down to his stomach where his own hands lay, letting him fiddle with your cold fingers. “I was honest with my feelings, made her understand how even though I was happy she wanted to follow her dreams and actually got what she wanted, she hurt me in the process. Eunbin got upset and apologised a bunch of times… she admitted to being selfish, which was weird to hear, I didn’t expect her to say that and I didn’t really know how to react”

You frown softly. “Why?”

“I don’t know” He mumbles with a shrug of his shoulders. “I guess I never really expected the conversation to go so smoothly, you know? But I’m happy I did it… I got my closure, and I think we’re fine now”

And you’re left unsatisfied. You purse your lips together, not liking the weird feeling lingering in the back of your mind. Something was bugging you about his answer and you struggle to pinpoint what it was. He said so much… yet he said so fucking little. You itched to ask more questions, to demand more answers but it wasn’t your place. It will never be your place.

Jaemin’s quick to notice how quiet you’ve become, pushing himself up on his elbows to kiss your lips softly but he pulls back before you can enjoy it so you follow his lips for more. The sound of his deep chuckle makes you pause and you blink a few times before moving away, fighting back a shy smile.

Jaemin tilts his head to the side as he stares at you with a grin, pecking your mouth once more before his hands grip your body, quickly manoeuvring you both into a lying position. His arm slips under your head and wraps around your shoulder as he pulls you into his chest, his fingers smoothing your hair as your own come to rest at his hip, massaging the skin mindlessly.

“Jaem…” You call out his name softly and he hums, letting you know he heard you. “What’s going to happen between you and Eunbin now?” He makes a noise of confusion and you start to cringe at yourself for making this situation a little awkward. “Are you and Eunbin, like, friends now?”

“I don’t really care” Jaemin admits, shrugging his shoulders carelessly as he twirls your hair around his fingers.

You crane your head to look up at him, surprised. “You don’t?”

“No” He answers easily, looking up at your ceiling. “If Eunbin wants to start fresh and be friends, I guess I’d be okay with that… But I’m not going to be making the first move”

“Would you want to be friends with her?”

Jaemin looks at you now, his nose brushing against yours. The corner of his lips twitch upwards, fingers still twirling strands of your hair but he stops to cup your jaw, his thumb delicately rubbing small circles on your cheek. “What’s with all the questions?”

“I’m just trying to figure you out” You’re honest with him this time and Jaemin’s brows quirk in surprise. “You don’t say much in general but when you do, it’s hard to understand where you’re at mentally”

Jaemin doesn’t say anything to that. Instead, he just smiles and goes back to playing with your hair. You hiss in pain when it gets stuck around his rings and he utters small amounts of apologies while laughing as he untangles your hair from around his jewellery, cooing and patting your head to calm you down but you curse loudly, hitting your fist against his chest for payback even though it was a complete accident that your hair got caught.

The two of you relax in silence for a couple of minutes, Jaemin’s fingers resuming in playing with your hair which would’ve pushed away if it wasn’t for the fact it was making you tired, the warmth of his embrace adding to the effect but you force yourself to stay awake, staring at Jaemin who’s eyes flutter shut, his breathing steady.

“Jaemin” You call out his name softly, pushing his messy bangs out of his face and he hums. “Did you… Did you mean what you said earlier?”

His one eye opens to stare at you and he feels hot under your touch, focussing on the way your hand pushes back his hair while his own pauses in yours. He remembers what he had told you earlier before he was left alone with Eunbin, he remembers it well, loud and clear.

Both of his eyes peel open as Jaemin blinks at you and you immediately what the bed to swallow you whole at his lack of words, wanting to disappear and have him forget you asking such a stupid question and you nearly escape from his embrace until you see him slowly begin to nod.

“Yeah” He says, gaze unmoving from yours. “Yeah, I meant it”

Your face warms and you struggle to speak, unable to form a proper sentence. “Cool”

You immediately cringe at your response, almost slapping yourself for being and sounding so awkward but Jaemin seems to find your answer amusing as a smile slips across his lips. With the arm that’s wrapped around you, he tugs you closer to kiss you. He kisses you so softly, his hand stilling in your hair as the other comes up to cup your cheeks.

You melt into his touch, reciprocating the kiss with the same amount of softness he’s giving you. The sounds of smooching fills the room, tongues mingling together with light feathery touches. Your heart hammers rapidly against your chest and you can’t help but wonder if Jaemin could feel it but you’re left unanswered yet again as his hand travels down from your cheek to grip your hip, pulling you on top of him.

You break the kiss to catch your breath, pressing your palms against Jaemin’s chest to sit up on his lap. His hands disappear beneath the sweatshirt you’re wearing, fingers gripping the flesh of your waist and kneading the skin, pressing his thumbs to your stomach.

“I miss feeling me here” He mutters under his breath, capturing his bottom lip between his teeth as he looks up at you, looking so pretty above him. He softly calls out to you. “Baby…”

His hands roam around your body, tickling your back with the pad of his fingers and you arch slightly as you feel his nails scratch at the bare skin, a teasing smile spreading across his face as he realises you’re not wearing a bra beneath the sweatshirt.

Jaemin sits up to pull the material over your head, carelessly discarding it to the floor which you usually would’ve gotten annoyed at if you weren’t already distracted by the way he’s looking at you. He smothers your face in gentle kisses while his hands caress your body. You sigh softly, closing your eyes as you bask in the feeling of his lips, goosebumps rising to your skin in his path. He nips at your jaw, neck, shoulders, making his way down to your chest and you shiver the second you feel his tongue press against your hardened bud.

“Jaemin” You gasp out his name as he mouths at your breast, sucking and nipping at the skin. You rake your fingers through his hair, gripping the roots as you tug his head back and his mouth drops open in surprise, breathing heavily. You try to steady your erratic heart while you stare at him. “You make me feel like I’m losing my mind sometimes”

He quirks a brow. “Is that a good thing or a bad thing?”

You suck in a breath as you feel his hands run down your body, fingers tugging at the strings of your shorts. Your bottom lip gets sucked between your teeth when you feel his hand dip inside your shorts and you let go of his hair to grip his shoulders as his fingers press against the damp patch of your underwear.

You gasp as you feel him push your panties to the side, his fingers prodding at your slick entrance. “Fuck I don’t know”

⟩⟩• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •⟨⟨

You and Jaemin spent the entire day in your room, rotating between watching movies and messy makeout sessions that left you both flustered and unsatisfied. Sex was absolutely thrown out of the window the second the entire group walked through the front door, talking loudly and laughing about whatever joke someone had said, completely ruining the mood for you and Jaemin, despite the first few times Jaemin tried to coax you into riding his dick but with Donghyuck and Yangyang on the other side of the wall, you knew you would both get caught and would never hear the end of it.

You really did not want to get teased by the two.

Jaemin stayed over for the night but left early in the morning, waking you up with a soft shake to tell you that he had to leave and explaining that jeno had been blowing up his phone, demanding to talk to him before classes today. He had kissed your forehead, bidding you a silent goodbye before disappearing and allowing you to go back to sleep, but that only lasted for an hour until you were up on your feet, getting your belongings ready for your classes later.

“Good morning” You’re instantly greeted when you step into the bathroom, seeing Haru standing in front of the mirror in just her underwear and a towel wrapped around her hair, pumping her bottle of moisturiser in her hands.

You give her a sleepy smile, sluggishly making your way over to the glass shower door that was already steamed from previous use, reaching around to turn the valve for the water. You yawn as you turn back to face Haru, almost stumbling over your feet while scratching the back of your head.

Haru snickers at your sleepy state and you flip her off while stretching out your limbs, letting out a groan. She eyes the shirt you’re wearing, a celine tie-dyed shirt that clearly didn’t belong to you.

“Did Jaemin spend the entire night?” Haru asks and you hum in response, leaning against the glass shower door as you watch her apply the moisturiser to her face, rubbing it into her skin. She glances at you briefly before looking back at her reflection in the mirror. “Did he say anything to you about Eunbin?”

“Yeah” You nod your head, dipping your hand under the showerhead to test the pressure and the warmth. “Kind of”

“Kind of?” Haru repeats, unwrapping her hair from the towel and picking up a serum bottle, applying small drops to her hair. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“He talked about her but—yawn—it wasn’t much. He didn’t go into full detail like I expected him to…” You pause to frown, looking down at your toes. “I guess I shouldn’t have expected him to anyways, it’s not my place”

Haru watches as you strip, kicking your clothes into a pile on the side before you jump into the shower, standing beneath the hot stream of water. Her tongue pokes at her cheek in thought, raking her fingers through her hair and sectioning it neatly.

She pops the question. “What were you expecting him to say?”

“I don’t know, honestly” You say with a shrug, soaping up your body with one of your favourite body washes, the scent of vanilla filling your nose. “But he told me he got his closure that he’s been wanting… that’s all that matters, I guess”

“What’s all that matters?” Miwoo’s voice fills the bathroom as she enters, quickly rushing to the toilet to pee. Haru mutters a quiet good morning which Miwoo responds back with the same greeting, grabbing a wad of toilet paper as she relieves herself. She covers her mouth to yawn. “What are we talking about?”

“Jaemin”

Miwoo scoffs. “Traitor”

You sigh at her tone, applying shampoo to your hair in silence as you listen to Miwoo complain about Jaemin’s absence at breakfast yesterday. She walks over to Haru after she finishes peeing, grabbing her toothbrush and squirting a decent amount of toothpaste all while sharing a look while Haru shrugs her shoulders, braiding two small braids at the front of her hair.

“What was meeting Eunbin like?” Miwoo asks you with a mouthful of toothpaste, almost choking until Haru slaps her hand on her back repeatedly.

“It was fine” You’re honest, you hated it. “She’s actually pretty sweet… I thought it would be different, like, someone completely different”

Miwoo hums, leaning over the sink to spit out the toothpaste before shoving her toothbrush back inside her mouth. “I don’t trust it”

“You don’t?” Haru queries and Miwoo shakes her head quickly. Haru furrows her brows, tilting her head to the side. “Why?”

“It’s strange” Miwoo resumes talking while brushing her teeth, looking at you through the reflection of the mirror as you peek your head around the glass door. “No matter what happened at the end of a relationship, no girl is ‘sweet’ or ‘kind’ to their ex's current girlfriend”

You pull a face. “But I’m not his girlfriend”

“And that’s even worse” Miwoo states, finishing up brushing her teeth and turning on the balls of her feet to face you. “You’re someone he fucks, you’re someone that gives him pleasure… god, she’s probably shaking with anger inside, that’s so funny”

Your eyes narrow at her words, slamming the glass door shut with a mutter. “You have a interesting way of explaining things”

“I just say it how I see it” She shrugs her shoulders, a frown slowly etching its way onto her lips and she places her hand on his hip. “I sense that tone in your voice… Why do you sound irritated?”

You couldn’t answer her, mainly because you didn’t know the answer yourself. You’re not sure why you sound irritated… Does there have to be a reason? Your shoulders slump in defeat. Of course there has to be a reason, so why couldn’t you figure it out?

The lack of answer makes Miwoo impatient and she pads over to the shower, sliding open the door. You yell out profanities and threats from the sudden scare, throwing water in her direction angrily and she snickers, stripping out of her clothes to jump inside the shower with you, making up excuses about how you all need to save water and money when you try and force her out.

⟩⟩• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •⟨⟨

You chew on the nail of your thumb in deep thought, scanning over the words written on your document page and sigh, pressing your finger down repeatedly on the backspace button as you type again, changing over your words and moving around the paragraphs that were in the wrong place.

You struggle, deeply, to write a piece for Professor Moon who had previously told his students to write about their most recent or at least favourite place you visited, adding how it needs details and realness… problem was you haven’t been anywhere outside of your hometown in months.

You’re going to fail.

If this wasn’t Donghyuck’s laptop, you’re positive you would’ve slammed the lid down and thrown it out of the library’s window without a care in the world by now, but you know how much he loves this laptop… and how bad he would kill you.

You lean back into your seat with a sigh, leg bouncing beneath the table and you rub your palms on your jeans, glancing around the half empty library, spotting a few familiar faces but the rest were unknown. Your eyes instinctively go to your bag that rests on the chair beside you, teeth sucking your bottom lip in between your teeth as you reach for it, dipping your hand inside and reaching for what you need at the bottom of the bag.

Nakamoto Yuta, NaYuTravels, +82-1-***-***. Professor Moon’s writing stares you back in the face. You purse your lips in deep thought, glancing back and forth between your messy document and the slip.

Ideas start to form in your head and before you can even register what you’re doing, your finger glides across the touchpad on the laptop, opening up a browser and typing in the website name, clicking the link that first pops up.

Your eyes widen as you’re instantly met with the most beautifully aesthetic page you have ever seen. It was minimal, so clean, so simple and organised even with its pictures and writings. Your hand presses to your mouth in surprise, your heart seems to swell at every incredible piece of writing you read and the photos that were attached to them made you feel—

Bzzt. Your phone vibrates loudly on the table and you’re instantly snapped out of your thoughts, reaching for the device quickly and shutting it off. The librarian peeps her head around her computer, narrowing her eyes at you and you send her a sheepish smile back, bowing your head apologetically and she resumes back to what she was doing while you cringe in embarrassment, unlocking your phone to see who had called you. Donghyuck. Of. Fucking. Course.

donghyuck: why did u decline my call bitchass bitch

you: i’m in the library u idiot

donghyuck: lol sorry donghyuck: anyway are u still using my laptop??? i need it back to take some notes for class

You glance up at the screen, biting down on your cheek as your eyes scan over the page, a tight pulling at your chest.

you: yeah u can have it back. meet u outside the music dept in two??

donghyuck: ty, ly

You exit out of the website and shut down the laptop with a sigh, closing the lid and gathering your belongings in your arm as you leave the library, not even sparing the librarian a glance out of pure embarrassment. The hallways aren’t as crowded as they usually are, some lingered around with earphones plugged into their ears and others stood in small groups, mingling with their friends.

A familiar face appears around the corner and you recognise it’s Jeno, wearing his royal blue engineering overalls alongside another student who you’ve seen here and there whenever Jeno’s busy in class, his name tag reading Kim J.

Jeno waves when he sees you and you wave back before he disappears with his classmate, leaving you alone once more until you hear your name being called. You glance over your shoulder, slowly coming to a stop as you realise it’s Professor Moon calling out your name from his class and he ushers you on over.

“Professor Moon” You greet him quickly with a bow as you walk over. “I still haven’t finished the task you asked us to do, but I—”

“It’s fine” He dismisses it with a shake of his hand, adjusting his circular glasses on the bridge of his nose. “I actually called you over for a different reason. Please, come in and have a seat, it’s important”

“Oh” You blink, pointing to the laptop. “I need to give this to my friend before… I…” You trail off, eyes widening in surprise as you finally notice the red haired man behind him, sitting down on top of a desk with an ipad in hand, flicking across the screen. You’re speechless by the beauty of his man: his red hair resting just above his shoulders, ears decorated in the prettiest jewellery and a small chain hanging from his neck.

He’s adorned in a black and white striped button up shirt that's tucked loosely into the belt of his jeans and some converse. It was such a simple outfit that even most students on campus wear but on him, it looked expensive.

It’s Nakamoto Yuta. The voice screams inside your head. You’re unable to tear your eyes away from him. It’s fucking Nakamoto Yuta.

You almost drop your belongings in your hand as you immediately greet him and he looks up from his ipad to chuckle, placing it down on the desk beside him as he greets you back. Professor Moon clasps his hands together, a bright smile on his face.

“This is Nakamoto Yuta, the close friend of mine that organises those trips we discussed and this is the student that I was telling you about, the one that wanted to become a travel writer” Professor Moon introduces you both. He turns to face you, looking proud. “I was just showing him your works”

The red head looks impressed. “You’re really talented”

“Thanks Mr N—”

“You can call me Yuta” He stops you, a look of disgust spreading across his face. “Calling me Mr Nakamoto makes me feel old”

“Thanks” Professor Moon mutters beneath his breath. Yuta grins at that, playfully nudging Professor Moon as he walks by to get to his desk. You can see how close they both are, sending boyish grins to each other and it almost makes you smile seeing Professor Moon so relaxed and chilled, knowing that your class, especially Miwoo, doesn’t give him a break.

Yuta clears his throat and turns to face you. “I heard you were thinking about applying to the writer's trip that's coming up… but I haven’t seen your name on the list yet?”

“I haven’t signed up for it yet… I only just looked at your website this morning” You tell him, holding your stuff close to your chest as you awkwardly look down at your doc martens, feeling slightly embarrassed to be talking about this. “I’ve been busy with things, so… I haven’t really had the time to think about it. I don’t even know if I want to sign up to this trip yet”

Professor Moon eyes you from the side. “I thought you said you wanted to become a travel writer to follow in your mothers footsteps?”

You nod eagerly. “I do! I just…” But that’s when your nodding comes to a stop. You’re stuck again, unsure of the feeling that settles in your chest, unsure of what’s holding you back from agreeing to sign up for this trip that, admittingly, you desperately want to go on.

Miwoo and Haru seemed to support you going after they found out, and the boys didn’t seem opposed to you going, but then again you weren't able to hear their opinions when the subject was changed so quickly. You still haven’t brought it up to Jaemin yet, struggling to find the right moment which never seems to come… maybe that is what's holding you back?

“The trip doesn’t start until next month, so you only have a few weeks to figure out what you want to do” Yuta tells you, crossing his arms over his chest. “Personally, from what I’ve read, I think you should go. Not only do you have talent, but you even said it yourself, it’s something that you want to do… it's as simple as that”

“It’s not that simple” You mutter under your breath with a frown and Yuta chuckles, clearly hearing what you said. Your lips press together in embarrassment, mentally kicking yourself but the way Yuta smiles, you calm yourself down knowing he’s not offended.

“Okay, sure. It’s not that simple” Yuta nods, copying your words. “But nothing should be stopping you from doing what you want to do, especially if this is your dream” You don’t know why, but his words struck something inside you, an unsettling feeling swirling around in the pit of your stomach. Yuta clears his throat, giving you one of his award winning smiles as he tucks his hair behind his ears. “Anyways, I’m sure Taeil gave you my number on that slip, so don’t be afraid to contact me if you need some advice or need to talk about the trip. You can find my email on the website too… I would love to hear from you and I hope I can change your mind”

“I will” You nod, taking this as a sign to leave which you shortly do, bidding the two a quiet goodbye before stepping out of the classroom. You let out a deep breath, holding your belongings in one hand as the other rubs at the back of your neck, closing your eyes in relief.

You’re happy to be out of the classroom, no longer being watched by the two, your skin crawling with nerves beneath their stares. Despite feeling a little awkward and uncomfortable, you would be lying to yourself if you said you weren't excited that you met Yuta. It definitely put you in somewhat of a good mood and you can’t help the smile that etches onto your lips.

“What the hell?! Do you know how long I’ve been waiting?!” Donghyuck exclaims as you finally meet him in front of the music department, his arms thrown up in the air in disbelief before he taps the non-existent watch on his wrist. “I’ve been waiting for five minutes!!”

“You don’t even have a watch” You fight back, handing over the laptop which Donghyuck snatches from your grasp with a scowl which makes you roll your eyes. “Why did you want it back anyway?”

Donghyuck looks at you incredulously. “You’re asking me why I want my laptop back?” You give him a blank look, not amused with his attitude but he grins, reaching forward to pat your head. “Mark wouldn’t let me borrow his to write down some notes and Yangyang’s being a little bitch, so I had to use mine”

Your brow raises. “Mark?”

“Canadian”

“Oh”

“Apparently Aisha lied about seeing him by the w—” Donghyuck cuts himself off with a huff when something, or someone, knocks into his shoulder, making him fly forwards. Your hands reach out, immediately steadying him when he almost trips over his shoes. His head snaps towards the suspect, opening his mouth to attack with countless profanities and threats… but he’s quiet, eyes wide and round as he stares.

The suspect, a girl around the same age as you both, looks at him alarmed and quickly bows her head, multiple apologies coming from her lips with a muffled explanation of not knowing her own strength. You side eye Donghyuck who remains quiet and frozen, mouth ajar and you take it upon yourself to place your finger beneath his chin and push upwards to close his mouth, sending the panicked girl a kind smile.

You reassure her that everything is okay and she nods, sparing a quick glance at Donghyuck before she slips through the door of the music department, letting it fall shut behind her. Donghyuck blinks as he slowly turns his head towards you and you bite back a chuckle at the expression on his face.

“I think I’m in love”

⟩⟩• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •⟨⟨

“I love Professor Moon but if we ever get separated to do an assignment again, I will commit arson” Miwoo threatens as the three of you manage to meet up for lunch, sitting outside on campus due to the sunny weather, picking a spot beneath a try to hide in the shade. Miwoo pulls a plastic container out of her bag as she eyes you both. “I’m being serious, by the way”

“We know” Haru nods, opening up a pack of BBQ chips, munching on one slowly as she looks at the container. “What is that?”

“It’s a quinoa salad!!” Miwoo grins, ripping off the lid and showcasing her food like she had just won a trophy. “Doesn’t it look pretty?”

You hum with a nod, clearly impressed with her presentation while you unwrap your poorly made sandwich. Miwoo cheers to herself, grabbing her fork from her bag and happily digging into her food. You go to bite into your sandwich until she leans forwards, holding her fork out to you with a decent amount of food at the end.

She urges you to try and you don’t need to be told twice, already leaning in to try a bite. You chew, you swallow, you pause. Holy shit. Miwoo proudly pats herself on the back at your reaction, scooping up some more on her fork and holding it out to Haru who happily tries it next.

“What else have you put in that?” Haru grills her immediately, trying to take the plastic container out of her hands but Miwoo fights back, holding it close to her chest. Haru points at her. “You’ve put something else in there!! I’ve tried you quinoa salad before, you little bitch…”

“It’s a secret ingredient” Miwoo jabs her fork into the salad as she mutters. “Probably my tears”

“What?” You instantly say, hearing her loud and clear.

Miwoo’s head snaps towards you and she laughs, dismissing you with a shake of her hand. “I was kidding! You know I don’t cry!” You and Haru don’t seem convinced and Miwoo notices that straight away, sighing as she puts down her salad. “Look, I didn’t cry. It was a joke… but I made this salad in the midst of me and Jeno breaking up so that’s probab—”

“You and Jeno broke up?” Haru cuts her off out of shock, her eyes wide and unbelieving. Miwoo nods her head as she plays with her food. You and Haru share a look of disbelief and you gesture for her to continue. Haru blinks and turns back to Miwoo. “How? When?”

“Last night. It was a mutual discussion” She tells you, tucking her long hair neatly behind her ears as her bottom lip gets caught between her teeth. “Well, I initiated the conversation… he just went along with it and then we broke up, both agreeing that we argue too much”

You send a disappointing look her way. “And you didn’t think to talk before just… breaking up?”

“We would end up just arguing even more anyways” Miwoo’s brows furrow with a deep frown. “Why are you both looking at me like that?”

“I’m shocked, to be honest” Haru states, munching on another BBQ chip, shaking her head in disbelief. “Why didn’t you guys try and talk before deciding to call it quits? Did you even want to end things?”

Miwoo is silent for a moment, taking in Haru’s words without making eye contact with anyone, staring down at her lunch with a blank expression that starts to make you worry. You’re not used to seeing Miwoo so quiet, unless she passed out from being too drunk or too tired, so hearing nothing but silence from her rang the alarm bells in your head.

You want to know what’s going on inside her mind, what thoughts she’s thinking, what she’s feeling but you know deep down that she doesn’t want to open up… she doesn’t like opening up. You respect her wishes, always, but it’s hard seeing someone you truly care about suffer alone in silence.

So, instead, you reach over and pat her arm. She looks up, giving you her full attention with sullen eyes and you smile, pointing at her salad that she’s been playing with for the past few minutes.

“Can I have some more? It was really good” Miwoo starts to smile at your words and nods her head excitedly. Haru watches you both with a soft grin, happy to see Miwoo lighten up from her previous sour mood and you help keep the smile on her face, keeping her preoccupied.

She takes out her phone when it buzzes to see a message from Renjun, cheeks becoming sore from the grin that remains on her face. Tapping the little camera icon in the left hand corner, she raises the phone up, making sure that the three of you are in frame when she calls out your names.

You both turn to face her, Miwoo throwing a middle finger to the camera with one hand while the other feeds you. Your eyes are wide, a fork hanging from your mouth but you give the camera a peace sign, ignoring the way Haru snickers as she takes the photo.

“Was that Renjun?” Miwoo asks, even though she knows the answer. Haru nods. “Are they meeting us out here?”

“He said he’s going to be a few minutes late” Haru says, thumbs quickly tapping against the keyboard on the screen before she swipes to the side, pulling up the groupchat. Her brows furrow as she reads the recent messages. “Yangyang and Donghyuck are on their way, Shotaro is staying behind and there’s nothing from Jeno or Jaemin”

“I saw Jeno earlier” You pipe up, biting into your sandwich as you side glance at Miwoo who hardly pays attention, staring down at her blood red coloured nails. “He was with that guy that hangs out in his class… Kim J?”

“Kim Jungwoo” Miwoo grabs her water from her bag, unscrewing the cap as she looks up at the two of you. “Whitish hair, tall, body like a greek god. He’s dating that girl that's studying economics: Nabi”

“Nabi?” You repeat. “Like the butterfly?”

“Yep” Miwoo nods, shoving a forkful of salad into her mouth and chewing quickly. She swallows but still covers her mouth to speak. “She’s super pretty but I don’t really like her attitude that much. She seems full of herself, thinks she’s better than everyone… which is weird because her little sister is the exact opposite, she’s cool”

“Who’s her sister?”

“Her name is—” Miwoo pauses, staring over your head with a look of disbelief before she starts laughing, shaking her head with her tongue poking at her cheek. “You’ve got to be kidding me”

Confusion is written all over your face but when you turn to look over your shoulder, you understand why she had that reaction. You see Eunbin walking across campus with Mia and Yeeun at her side, laughing at what Mia was saying. Your nail nervously scratches at your thumb as you watch her, heart thumping erratically in your chest at the way she carries herself. So confident. So pretty.

It’s like a bright light shines around her form, sparkles twinkling whenever she smiles, her laugh sounding like musical notes. Her beauty continues to make you speechless, struggling to comprehend how someone can be so perfect.

Your eyes widen comically as you notice she’s making her way over to your little group, waving happily when she sees you and you awkwardly wave back, a tight smile stuck on your face.

“She’s friends with Mia and Yeeun?” Haru questions, raising her brow at the trio.

“Told you… she’s strange” Miwoo says as they get closer, giving them one of her most famous fake smiles, tilting her head to the side as they stand in front of you both. Eunbin’s the only one to greet you three, the others remaining quiet and staring with a look in their eye that you fail to pinpoint but you ignore them, paying attention to Eunbin who calls out your name softly

“It’s great seeing you again” Eunbin says with a genuine tone that makes your stomach churn. “I’m sorry if I made you awkward or uncomfortable yesterday… I didn’t realise how tense the situation was until you left yesterday”

“It’s fine” You lie, shaking your head. “It was probably weird for the both of us”

“Very” Eunbin chuckles before she speaks again, but you struggle to focus on her words when you see Mia staring at you from behind her shoulder, smirking. She’s finding this whole situation hilarious and it makes your blood bubble.

Jaemin and Eunbin never ended on bad terms, he’ll throw you away when she comes back. Mia’s voice repeats in your head again but you know the beginning part is wrong, he told you the truth… He’ll throw you away when she comes back. You tear your eyes away from Mia to stare at nothing in particular, biting down on the skin of your cheek. Would the last part be true?

Wait. Does it even matter if Jaemin goes back to Eunbin? You brows furrow in deep thought. There’s no reason for you to be upset or even mad if Jaemin decides to go back to Eunbin… So why are you so against it? Why does the thought of it make your head hurt?

“So, yeah, I hope that we can be friends” Eunbin’s voice yanks you out of your thoughts and you blink rapidly, feeling hot underneath everyone’s stare as you realise you weren’t exactly listening to what she was saying, but you nod anyway which earns a grin. “Good! I’m glad! I should get going, I’m not supposed to be h—”

“Hold on, why are you here?” Miwoo interrogates this time, crossing her arms over her chest as she remains in harsh contact with Eunbin, her brow raised in suspicion. Miwoo’s challenging her, making her feel uncomfortable and uneasy, something she likes to do whenever she doesn’t like someone. Haru bites back an amused smile while you stay still. You can hear Yeeun scoff behind Eunbin.

“I came to get my old stuff from my class. I used to go here before I left” Eunbin explains with that sweet smile, not faltering under Miwoo’s eyes. She adjusts the bag strap on her shoulder as she turns to face Haru. “Actually, I did message Renjun on insta to see if he could pick it up for me… but I don’t think he saw it”

Unsurprisingly, Haru doesn’t react, remaining calm and collected as ever as she opens her packet of twizzlers, chewing on the red licorice nonchalantly while Miwoo’s eyebrows furrow at that, cocking her head to the side with her tongue poking at her cheek. Fuck, she’s getting angry. You stretch your legs and nudge her foot with yours discreetly, giving her a look that she doesn’t even take notice of as she keeps her gaze locked on Eunbin.

She speaks slowly. “You messaged Renjun?”

“Well, yeah, we were in the same art class” Eunbin explains further, holding up her hands in defence. “I just want my stuff, that’s all”

“Then go get it” The tone Miwoo uses surprises you all and Eunbin nods slowly, giving you and Haru a short smile for a goodbye before she walks away, Yeeun and Mia following close behind but not before sneering at Miwoo who flips them off, uninteresting in the pair as she turns to face Haru who watches the chaos quietly, still chewing on her twizzler. “Dude, she messaged your fucking boyfriend, how are you not livid right now?”

“I’m not worried” Haru shrugs her shoulders. “Renjun hates her as much as the others do. Besides, he showed me the message earlier on his phone, he deleted it”

“I don’t like her, at all” Miwoo turns her head in the direction they left in, face scrunching in disgust. “And the fact that she’s friends with Mia and Yeeun… It just screams ‘red flag’”

“What does?” The three of you turn your head at the sound of Donghyuck’s voice, seeing him and Yangyang standing above you with curious expressions on their faces.

“Nice of you to finally show up” Miwoo huffs angrily, despite making space for the pair to sit down in the circle. “Eunbin just made an appearance”

“Really?” Yangyang pulls a face, sitting down beside you and knocking against your shoulder in the process. You wince at the harsh contact, rubbing the sore area as you kick him in return and he yelps, pushing you in retaliation. You’re about to fight back harder, raising your hand to wallop the back of his head until you notice Jeno and Jaemin walking out of the building, heading straight to your little group.

Miwoo explains in depth to Yangyang and Donghyuck about Eunbin, cursing multiple profanities and over exaggerating parts of the story that has Donghyuck gasping in shock. Your eyes remain on Jaemin whose eyes are already on you even though he speaks to Jeno, a grin spreading across his lips and you mirror his expression, raising your hand in a shy wave.

Yangyang follows your stare in wonder only for his shoulders to slump once he sees Jaemin, taking this opportunity to shuffle to the side, using his arms to move himself over to Donghyuck and Miwoo, creating a distance between you and him, a space he knows that Jaemin will sit.

Yangyang looks away when Jaemin does settle down beside you with a hand resting on your knee, his heart squeezing painfully in his chest.

⟩⟩• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •⟨⟨

You sprawl across your couch, legs stretching over Jaemin’s lap as your laptop rests on your stomach, engrossed in the work that should’ve been completed in the library earlier, but you’re thankful that Professor Moon is laid back and chill when it comes to your class, allowing you to have extra time if needed.

Your eyes flit over to Jaemin, watching as he stares at his editing tablet on the armrest while his hand rubs your thigh in soothing motions, gripping the skin between his fingers every now and then before mindlessly tracing little patterns, making goosebumps rise in his path.

Jaemin sighs softly, putting down his stylus pen to adjust the glasses that rest on his nose and rubs his forehead, resuming back in his editing and englaring the photograph he previously took of Shotaro to smooth out the edges and you peer over your laptop to see the stressed out look plastered across his face.

Your lips purse together in thought, removing the laptop from your lap and placing it down on the ground. You capture his attention just as you move around on the sofa, watching as you shift onto your knees, resting your bottom on the heels of your feet. His lips twitch upwards into a smile, finding you all too cute looking at him the way you are. He shuts off his tablet, carefully placing it down on the coffee table in front of him, giving you his full attention.

You both look at each other for a while in complete quiet. It was so natural to do so. No awkwardness, no uncomfortableness, it was just peace. This would be a good idea to tell him about the trip. That little voice in your head speaks and you struggle to swallow, eyes faltering from him. Tell him.

“Let’s take a break, hm?” You suggest and Jaemin nods slowly, agreeing. You clear your throat. “Also, I want to tell you something”

His brow quirks up. “Okay?”

“Okay” You repeat, sucking in a deep breath, palms becoming sweaty. Tell him. “There’s this trip that my, uh, my professor told me about not so long ago. It’s for aspiring writers, especially travel writers, which has been a huge dream of mine. It’s a pretty big trip, you know, and you get to travel around the world for a few months, writing about the places that you visit… And I got offered to go on that trip”

Jaemin’s silent. He’s staring at you. He’s staring through you. There’s no expression on his face, his smile gone. Your heart rate spikes up, you find it hard to breathe. Your vision is fuzzy and your fingers pinch the skin of your thigh to try and calm yourself down from the anxiety attack you’re about to have, from the thoughts that circle around in your head.

But, he smiles. He genuinely smiles.

You’re too frozen in shock to comprehend him leaning towards you, his hand fondly rubbing the back of your head before trailing down your back, pressing you against him. You fall into his side, unable to tear your eyes away from him as he tilts his head.

“I’m so proud of you” Jaemin says and your chest immediately bursts, feeling like little sparkes are prickling your skin and a weight is lifted off of your shoulders. You immediately relax, letting out a deep exhale of relief as you feel his fingers gently tug at your earrings affectionately. “I’m really proud of you”

“You are?” You ask and Jaemin nods, chuckling at the expression on your face. You let out a groan, slapping the palm of your hand against your forehead. “That was—oh my god—I’m such a—that was so—”

“You’re rambling” He cuts you off, amused.

“That was so anti-climatic” You tell him, shaking your head as your hand falls to his lap. “I was expecting some big negative reaction but… wow, that was so easy? Why was it that easy?” You eye him suspiciously. “Do you have something to tell me?”

“What? No” Jaemin laughs, letting his arm rest around your shoulders. “I’m genuinely proud of you… did you think I wouldn’t be proud of you?”

“It’s not that” You shake your head. “I just… I thought that you’d be upset or angry that I’d be leaving for a few months if I go on the trip. I thought it might, you know, bring back bad memories…”

“Oh…” Jaemin hums, pressing his lips together in deep thought. “This isn’t like that, though” You blink at that, unsure of what he means. “Eunbin didn’t tell me about her trip. She left without saying anything so I was clueless. You told me about the trip, you’re letting me know things… I mean, I’d be pretty angry and upset if you did what she did and kept it from me”

You laugh awkwardly. “I’m glad I didn’t decide to go with that then”

He gives you a deadpan expression. “You were going to keep it from me”

“Not exactly!!” You shake your head, quick to defend yourself even though that was the case. “I was scared about telling you. I didn’t know how to tell you—I didn't know how you would react!! I thought the others would—”

“The others know?” He cuts you off, his mouth dropping open in mock offence and you roll your eyes as you realise he’s been joking around with you this entire time and that he’s not actually upset. You go to speak but he beats you to it. “Oh, you’re evil”

Now it’s your turn to be offended. “I’m not”

“You are” He nods rapidly. “You’re evil. You told everyone but me”

“Actually, they found out. I didn’t tell anyone” You mutter under your breath through gritted teeth and Jaemin laughs, leaning forwards to press his lips against your temple in a short peck. You raise your head at that which makes him come forwards again, capturing your lips with his.

You hand cups his jaw, bringing him to you as close as possible, stomach swirling with excitement as you feel him smile against your lips. His tongue mindlessly plays with yours and you’re desperate, you’re so fucking desperate to climb onto his lap and makeout with him all even until you feel him pull away.

You whine, chasing his lips but he tuts with a shake of his head.

“You were mean to me” Jaemin whispers, his nose brushing against yours and you notice the way his mouth quirks up in a sly grin. This isn’t going to be good. “You could make it up to me?” You give him a blank look, crossing your arms over your chest as you nod for him to continue. “Give me a blowjob?”

You snort. “Pig”

Jaemin frowns. “Handjob then?”

“You want me to give you a handjob? Right here? In my living room?” You giggle, gesturing towards the door with a quick nod of your head. “Where anyone can walk in and see us?”

Jaemin hums with a slow nod, tongue darting out to lick his lips as he stares at you with a smirk. Your thighs clench together at his expression, excitement pooling in the pit of your stomach. He leans his head closer to yours. “Doesn’t the thought of getting caught sound fun?”

You tut even though a smile spreads across your lips, crawling your fingers up his leg and stroking his thigh over his sweatpants. The smirk falters from his face, bottom lip caught between his teeth as he watches your hand cup his boner, instinctively pushing his hips up into your palm. Undoing the strings on his sweatpants, you slip your hand beneath the waistband, eyebrows raising in surprise as you realise he’s wearing no boxers.

He gives you a sly wink to which you roll your eyes at, drawing his length out of his sweatpants and wrapping your fingers around him, thumb rubbing along the underside, watching as he grows bigger. Jaemin shifts beside you, sighing at the way you touch him, head lolling to the side.

Once you start jerking him off at a slow pace, his head drops to your shoulder, watching your hand work him. He’s in awe at how perfect your hand wraps around him. Made just for me. He hums as your fingertip spreads the precum that leaks from his slit and he jolts when you smear it around his sensitive tip, a breathy moan falling from his lips.

You pump his cock with long, languid strokes and Jaemin parts his lips to groan, pupils dilated and filled with lust, brows contorting in pleasure. He can’t control himself, lightly rolling his hips upwards to meet your pace but he shudders as your thumb presses down on his leaking slit in warning to not move or change the pace.

You tut. “You’re so nee—”

“Don’t” He breathes out heavily, broken moans ripping through his throat as you stroke his cock faster, leaning over to drool over his tip. The wet sounds of your hand twisting over his cock sends an ache to your core, desperate to be touched. You squeeze your thighs together for some friction, your own breathing labouring.

A guttural groan leaves him, head flinging back against the sofa, mouth open wide as he pants. He’s losing it. He feels like he’s going crazy. The way you’re looking at him, the way your hand moves against him, the dirty wet sounds. Fuck, he’s going to cum soon. Jaemin’s grunts, trying to control himself and not focus too much on your hand rubbing his sensitive head. He doesn’t want this to end. Please. Please Plea—

“Fuuuuck” A grunt rips from the back of his throat, biting down harshly on his bottom lip as he screws his eyes shut, body stilling just before cums. It shoots out in long strings, coating your hand and his t-shirt, and your eyes widen in shock to see how much he’s giving you, your hand refusing to stop its ministrions on his spent cock.

You laugh at his weak attempts at pushing your hand away, grinning at the way he whines at the overstimulation and you finally let go, watching as he flops back against the sofa, chest heaving as he sucks in deep breaths.

“Am I forgiven?” You ask, voice quiet and soft. His head turns to look at you, eyes filled with adoration and affection. Your brows furrow at the hazy look he’s giving you, wondering what’s going on inside of his head and your cheeks warm at the attention, wanting to break eye contact out of shyness but you can’t seem to do so. You feel stuck, you feel hot… you feel—

You’re snatched out of your thoughts when Jaemin lurches forward to kiss you, knocking the air out of your lungs. Your fingers curl at the front of his shirt, drawing your bodies as close together as you can with the help of his hands on your waist that help you onto his lap, throwing your leg over his hips.

You’ve been sex deprived for so long that you already feel the pool of slick between your thighs, underwear uncomfortably sticking to your folds and you pull away from Jaemin’s lips to get rid of your leggings, laughing at Jaemin’s failed attempts to help you, eager to get you out of your clothes.

He flings your leggings somewhere behind you, the two of you not caring where they land as he reconnects your lips in a messy kiss, a clash of teeth and tongue. He nips down your jaw and finds interest in your neck as his fingers hook in the waistband of your panties, ready to rip them off of your body and have at you but the sound of his phone buzzing captures your attention, craning your neck to see the culprit.

You freeze on top of him, seeing Eunbin’s name flash across his screen. Why is she calling him? His phone stops buzzing for a few moments and you allow yourself to get lost in his kisses again but his phone lights back up, her name appearing on the screen.

“What’s wrong?” Jaemin mumbles against the skin of your neck, pulling away with a pop as he realises you’re not speaking. He moves away from the marks created on your neck to look up at you, moving fallen hair out of your face before following your line of sight, his hands slowly dropping from your face as he sees the caller ID.

“Ignore it” You say, almost pleading. You turn back to Jaemin to see his attention on the device. You grab at his face, angling him towards you to brush your lips against his. “Ignore it”

He kisses you again, tongue sliding against yours. Your fingers rake through his hair, gasping into the kiss as he tugs at your underwear again, hearing the seam rip a little at the force. You’re ready for him to tear the flimsy material off of your body and take you on the sofa, but it never comes, not when the phone buzzes again.

Jaemin’s the one to pull back this time, reaching for his phone on the arm rest. Eunbin’s name flashes across the screen and you sigh, your hands leaving his hair and falling into your lap. He stares at the screen for a few moments, tongue poking at his cheek in deep thought before he slides his finger across the bottom and raises the phone to his ear.

You blink, shocked that he answered the phone while you are both in a pretty serious position and instantly, you yearn for him withers away into nothing.

His brows furrow as he listens to Eunbin speak on the other side, something about wanting to talk, something about Jeno. Jaemin meets your eyes as he tells her he’s busy but you can faintly hear her pleas and you can feel yourself slowly get frustrated. Is it sexually? Are you just angry? You slide off of his lap the second you sense his demeanour change, adjusting your panties as you sit beside him in silence, chewing at your thumb nail.

Jaemin mutters a quiet goodbye and hangs up the phone, looking over at you with the most apologetic frown and your blood bubbles.

“Are you—are you serious right now?” You look at him in disbelief, sitting up straight as you turn your body towards him. “You’re leaving, aren’t you? Are you kidding?”

“Y/N…” Jaemin calls your name softly, tucking himself back into his sweats and you laugh, shaking your head in bewilderment. He puts the phone to the side and grabs your hand, trying to interlock your fingers with his own but you pull away, not allowing him to have what he wants. He sighs. “Don’t be like this. Please”

“How can I not?” You mutter, refusing to look at him, feeling embarrassed at your next words. “Jae, we haven’t had sex in days… it feels like everytime we try, we’re always interrupted and then when we finally get a chance to be alone…”

“Hey” Jaemin reaches towards you, cupping your face with his hands and forces you to look at him. “Whatever you’re thinking inside your head right now, stop it. You know that I’d choose to spend time with you over anyone in a heartbeat… I’m only leaving because I know Jeno will snap if she shows up at the house and I can’t be bothered to deal with the arguments. She just wants to talk again and I promise you, I’ll be right back”

You take in his words, nodding slowly. “What does she even want to talk about anyway?”

Jaemin shrugs his shoulders, his fingers delicately caressing your face. “I don’t know. I think she’s just trying to be friends again, you know, like we talked about before”

When you don’t respond, Jaemin shifts beside you, pulling you towards him to give you a kiss. It’s soft, slow, gentle. It makes your head spin and you feel giddy, a smile threatening to make its way onto your lips. The way he makes you shy and putty in his grip will always be a mystery to you, you never understood how easily he makes you weak.

He tilts his head to deepen the kiss, fingers moving from your cheeks to grab the back of your neck, his hold desperate and the second your hands go to grip his shoulders, you’re reminded of the kiss you shared at his front door yesterday morning when Eunbin was in the kitchen, you’re reminded of the talk they had yesterday and you’re reminded of the previous phone call.

The thought of Eunbin makes you move back from the kiss and Jaemin chases your lips, kissing you one last time before he stands from the sofa. You remain seated, watching him as he adjusts himself in his sweats and glances down at his cum stained shirt that he knows he’s going to have to hide and change as soon as he gets home.

He runs his hands through his messy hair as he leans down, planting a kiss on the top of your head and you give him a tight smile, watching as he walks towards the front door.

He never came back that night.

⟩⟩• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •⟨⟨

You haven’t seen Jaemin fully in three days, his life being completely taken over by classes and hanging out with Eunbin who seemed to not want to leave his side, according to the majority of your group. He makes the effort to see you, even if it's passing through the corridors on campus, at lunch or even if it's a quick facetime call to see how you’re doing, sometimes he even has a few minutes to help you get off over the phone. But still, it’s not the real thing.

You miss him, but you were unsure if you miss the sex or if you miss his company. It could be both, you think. Let it be both.

Your days have been spent mostly with the group, Jeno, Donghyuck Yangyang never failing to leave your side, even coming over uninvited (not that they needed an invitation to come over anyways). You begin to notice that Jeno comes around when Eunbin’s at their house, refusing to be anywhere near her whenever she appears which, truth be told, you find amusing, secretly wanting to know the lengths Jeno would go to not be around her.

Even with Miwoo here at the apartment, they hardly acknowledge each other much. Just a simple look before one of them turns away. You feel bad for the both of them… but you also wants to smack them across their heads for being so idiotic and not talking to each other.

“Honey, we’re home!” Donghyuck’s voice sings as soon as the apartment door unlocks, kicking off his shoes at the door and rushing inside while Jeno and Yangyang linger behind, taking off their shoes and coats.

Originally, you were going to spend the day alone due to Haru being at work with Renjun tagging along and Miwoo taking Shotaro shopping, and knowing that those two shopaholics wouldn’t be back for a good few hours, you decided to have a you day; your favourite food, your favourite alcoholic drink and your favourite movie while possibly feeling sorry for yourself.

But the entire idea is flushed down the drain as soon as the trio enter your apartment, yet you’re grateful. You really didn’t want to be alone.

“Hi” You greet them happily as they walk into the kitchen. Donghyuck immediately darts for the refrigerator, pushing the hood down on top of head and drums his fingers across the open door, staring at the goods inside with a pout. Jeno sits down at the island, adorned in a pair of black gym shorts and a white hoodie, bangs messily splayed across his forehead. His fingers play with the little tuft of hair at the back of his neck, the mullet growing in nicely.

Yangyang, on the other hand, is wearing something less comfy and casual. Your brows pull together as you eye the black balenciaga sweatshirt he’s wearing with his baggy denim jeans and black converses.

He senses your staring and presses his palms against the marble counter to lean on them, popping out his ass. “What? Do I look sexy?”

“You wish” You scoff, sitting down opposite Jeno who’s chuckling. Yangyang flips you off as he sits down beside him and Donghyuck soon joins you with a yoghurt cup in hand. You point to it. “That’s mine”

“Oh” Donghyuck sounds defeated even though he rips off the plaster lid and dips a spoon inside. He blinks at you before he smiles. “Mine now”

You huff. “All you losers do is come to my apartment and eat my food!”

“Correction, we come to your apartment and eat your food with you so you’re not alone” Yangyang grins, resting his chin on his hand as he looks at you. “Who’s the loser really?”

“Still you” You grumble, leaning back into your seat with your arms wrapped around your middle. “Way to put me down, by the way. Mentioning that I’m alone here.. Thanks for that”

Yangyang sends an air kiss your way and a wink. “You’re welcome, sweetheart”

“Has he not talked to you today?” Jeno asks you as he fishes his phone out of his pocket and you nod your head, informing him on your brief interaction you had with Jaemin this morning on campus. Jeno doesn’t seem too impressed with your answer. “Really? That’s it?”

“He’s been busy” You shrug your shoulders, unable to look them in their eyes as they all stare at you. They know you’re making excuses. You know you’re making excuses. “Is Eunbin there?”

“No, thank god” Donghyuck answers this time, shoving a spoonful of yoghurt in his mouth. “I can’t take another second of her trying to talk to us and act like everything is okay. I’m tired of hearing her voice”

“Aren’t you, I don’t know, annoyed?” Yangyang queries, looking at you with concerned filled eyes. “I mean… his ex-girlfriend is trying to spend time with him while you’re here, alone at home”

“I don’t have a reason to be annoyed” You shrug your shoulders again, not knowing what else to do. “What Jaemin does is none of my concern… and neither is Eunbin for that matter. They can do whatever they want”

“But you guys are official” Donghyuck points out, putting the empty yoghurt cup to the side and licking the spoon clean. “You’re allowed to be annoyed, right?”

“I think I can only be annoyed if he ends up sleeping with her” You mumble under your breath. Suddenly, you’re filling with dread. Would he sleep with Eunbin again even after everything they’ve been through? Would he ever sleep with her? The thought makes you feel sick and you rub at your forehead, trying to get rid of the images of the pair inside of your head.

Jeno knocks his foot against yours beneath the table. “Jaemin wouldn’t sleep with Eunbin” His eyes darts to Donghyuck as he speaks, giving him a hardened glare which has Donghyuck shrinking in his seat with a sulk. “Jaemin wouldn’t do that, not after the shit she put him through…”

You frown. “That bad, huh?”

“He was depressed for a long time. All he would do was cry, drink, take drugs, feel shittier and repeat” Jeno sighs as he recalls the moments of his best friend in pain, chewing at his cheek. “It was a constant cycle that he couldn’t get out of. There was a short period where he wanted to sleep around with people, to forget the pain, to feel something different… but he couldn’t do it. He kept seeing her in his mind, it made him feel worse”

The way Jeno explains Jaemin’s post breakup, it reminded you of yourself. You were reminded about how shitty you felt, how disgusting and lonely you were, how alcohol was your coping mechanism and how badly you wanted to feel something different… just like how Jaemin did. You frown at that, heart dropping into your stomach at the thought of him so upset.

“Which is why we were kinda surprised when we found out he was sleeping with you” Yangyang tells you, awkwardly fiddling with the ring on his thumb as he refuses to meet your eyes. “We didn’t expect him to get into this type of situation with someone… It’s the same for you too, we didn’t expect you to do it”

“Yeah” You breathe out. “Me neither”

⟩⟩• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •⟨⟨

“So, little lady, are you going to tell me what’s actually going on in that little head of yours?” You hiss as Jeno knocks his knuckle against your head, rubbing the sore area as he drops down beside you on the sofa.

Your eyes flitter over to Yangyang and Donghyuck, the pair dead asleep on the loveseat, limbs sprawled across each other with their mouths hanging open, light snoring sounds coming from them both. Empty beer bottles and takeout bags are scattered on the floor around them, it makes you snicker at the sight and you pull out your phone to take a picture, completely forgetting Jeno’s previous question.

Jeno seems to have forgotten his own question too as he peers over your shoulder at the photo, watching as you draw around their bodies in the snapchat app with funky coloured lines and Jeno reaches his arm around to draw devil horns on top of Donghyuck’s head while you add black love hearts around Yangyang.

You post the picture on your private snap before saving the photo and posting it in the groupchat, already receiving quick messages and reactions from the others who find the picture funny just as much as you two do.

“I’m fine” You finally answer him, putting your phone down and bringing your knees up to your chest comfortably. Jeno gives you a look, clearly not believing a word you say and you put your hands up. “I’m serious! I’m fine”

He purses his lips in deep thought. “Would it make you talk if I told you that I wasn’t fine?”

Your hands instantly drop to your sides. “What’s wrong?”

“Nuh-uh, you first”

“You’re unbelievable” You sigh, shaking your head. “Fine, okay, I’ll tell you” Jeno grins happily, shifting around in his spot to get comfortable. “Since Eunbin has come back into the picture, I’ve been feeling very… I don’t know, replaceable, maybe? Is that even the right word?” The grin slowly drops from Jeno’s face as he listens to you speak, expression becoming stone cold at the mention of Eunbin’s name. “Even though Jaemin has been reassuring me, in his own little way, I’m still on the edge with a lot of things… I feel like something bad is going to happen, it’s making me uneasy”

“You make Jaemin happy” Your heart thumps at that. “You make him really happy. He’s so comfortable around you, you know, I haven’t seen him like this in a long time. Eunbin is doing her Eunbin thing… I see her as a leech, she latches onto things and she doesn’t let go. Jaemin has always been her target since they first met, she was obsessed with him and Jaemin became obsessed with her”

“Are you saying this stuff because it’s true or because you don’t like her?”

Jeno chuckles, leaning his head back against the sofa cushions as he looks at you. “Both”

You roll your eyes, shaking your head with a small smile. “Have you ever liked her?”

Jeno’s silent for a moment, deep in thought. Has there been a time where he liked Eunbin? He remembered when he first met her, when Jaemin first pointed her out in the art store she worked at. She was quiet but confident, which Jeno found interesting, and he liked how artistic she was, it reminded him of Renjun. Eunbin fought hard for what she wanted, which Jeno respected a lot… but she was selfish.

He wasn’t fully sure if she even meant to do it, but she wanted Jaemin for herself. She took up most of his time, pulling Jaemin away from him and the rest of the boys. He felt like she invaded Jaemin’s personal space, his too.

She was everywhere Jaemin would be and Jeno hated it. Was he jealous? Of course, he hardly got to spend time with his best friend who lived with him. Was he angry? Of course, Jaemin became too fixated on his relationship to even think about anything else… But Jeno always respected Jaemin, so he pushed all his emotions and feelings about Eunbin to the side when he saw how truly happy Jaemin was.

His mood turns sour when he's reminded of the breakup, remembering seeing Jaemin’s face, so broken and red raw from the tears that streamed down his cheeks. He let Jaemin cry into his arms, holding him tight and consoling him as Jaemin made excuses for Eunbin’s departure. I wasn’t good enough for her. I didn’t do enough. Am I a bad person? What did I do to deserve this? Jaemin’s fragile voice repeats through his head and Jeno sighs, tucking his bottom lip between his teeth.

“No” He answers honestly. “Never”

⟩⟩• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •⟨⟨

you: do u want to come over??? you: i was thinking maybe we could watch a movie or something??? you: i’ll cook dinner later :)

jaemin: i can’t rn baby i’m busy

you: oh

jaemin: can u come over later? [read 1:01pm]

You shut off your phone, shaking your head as you carelessly throw it to the side, not caring about the noise it makes as it lands on the kitchen island. Your fingers grip the roots of your hair, lips pressing together in a straight line as you exhale deeply through your nose.

It’s now been a week since you last hung out with Jaemin in person, the two of you having to cancel plans due to your assignments and schedules getting too hectic or, in Jaemin’s case, always being too busy to do something.

Deep down, you knew that his big photography projects were nearing their deadlines and he had to get them done… but there was always that little voice in the back of your mind that told you he was deliberately ignoring you, that he actually wasn’t busy and that he didn’t want to spend time with you anymore… that he’s back with Eunbin.

Your head falls into your hands as you sigh. Eunbin’s name makes you feel sad. The thought of Eunbin alone makes you feel like your throat is tight and you’re about to lose breath, but the thought of Jaemin being with Eunbin makes you feel like you’re going to lose your mind. It makes your chest feel painful and your eyes burn, almost like you’re holding back the tears but why would you need to cry? You have no reason… or maybe you do.

No you don’t, you tell yourself. You push back any thoughts and feelings about the situation, taking a sip of your water at your side before deciding to work on your assignments to keep yourself busy, not wanting to think about anything regarding the pair.

It doesn’t take long for Haru to join you, strolling into the kitchen with her arms full of notebooks and papers. You pull out the chair beside you for her to sit down and she huffs, dropping her stuff down on the island as she flops down in her chair.

“I’m so ready for these assignments to be over” Haru tells you, ripping the scrunchie off of her wrist and gathering her hair on top of her head to keep it out of her eyes, ignoring the little strands of hair that frame around her face.

“Me too” You mutter, eyeing the striped yellow and brown long sleeved shirt that’s covering her body, noticing the little specks of paint on the sleeves. “Is Renjun here?”

“He was” Haru nods, quickly pushing herself up from her seat to walk over to the miniature espresso machine to make herself a mug of coffee. “He left a little while ago. He asked Shotaro if he can paint him while he dances”

“That’s sweet” You say, leaning your elbows on the island. “Miwoo’s still sleeping”

“Speaking off Miwoo…” Haru begins, sitting back down beside you and taking a sip of her coffee. She pulls out her phone out of her shorts, fingers tapping quickly against the screen. You watch curiously, seeing her pull up Miwoo’s instagram and tap the first photo that she posted a week ago in her new gorgeous black dress that you’re obsessed with, she looked so pretty.

Haru faces the phone towards you, telling you to read the comments after your own. You do as she says, reading through the comments with a smile, loving the appreciation and the compliments she’s getting until you focus on the most recent one. Your eyes go wide, taking the phone out of Haru’s hands to get a better look, making sure you wasn’t reading anything wrong.

sunwo.o pretty

You gape, glancing back up at Haru in shock before looking back at the phone. Haru nods, silently confirming that it is actually Sunwoo’s account, that he did comment the compliment under her photo.

“Are they friends?” You ask as you tap on Sunwoo’s account and go through his photos and comments to see if Miwoo was active in them. You spot a few likes on his recents but no comments. You hand the phone back to Haru. “Do you think they’re talking?”

“I have no idea” Haru shrugs her shoulders. “Maybe he knows about the breakup between her and Jeno? Could be trying to get into her pants or something?”

“Sunwoo likes sleeping around but he’s pretty picky about who he sleeps with” You inform her. During your relationship with Eric, you got super close with Sunwoo too. He told you everything, he found a safe place in you and didn’t hold back from telling you things that sometimes you didn’t really want to know or found concerning. He liked sleeping with people who didn’t know him and vice versa. All he gave them was his age and his consent, nothing more, nothing less. “Plus, he used to be friends with Jeno too and he respected him so I doubt he would sleep with Miwoo…”

“Sunwoo now might be different from Sunwoo then” Haru points out and you hum, knowing that it could possibly be true. “How are you and Jaemin?”

You freeze at the name, staring down at your notes. You’re unsure how to answer that. Did you even want to answer it? Your lips press together and you give her a short nod, indicating that you’re both good as you decide now’s the time to get back to your assignments, not sparing her a glance.

Haru doesn’t believe you, not one bit. She senses something is off and her brows furrow, concerned and worried. She contemplates on asking you again, on demanding a full answer out of you but she knows how stubborn you can get sometimes, especially when you don’t want to talk about something.

She’s aware Jaemin hasn’t been around as much and she secretly hopes it's for a good reason, but she has a feeling it’s not. Haru see’s how different you and Jaemin both have been acting since Eunbin came back from New York and despite not fully knowing Eunbin, she feels a little bit of hatred towards her, knowing that she’s upsetting you.

You both remain quiet as you work, only sharing a few mutters back and forth when you’re stuck on a certain word or in need of some advice. You write, you ask for some help, you refill your drinks and repeat.

Haru finishes way before you but still decides to keep you company, remaining silent at your side and drinking her coffee as she scrolls through her phone. You ask for help again but when she doesn’t answer, you lift your head to look at her, noticing how engrossed she is with something on her phone and you don’t really think much of it as you go back to your writing, filling in what you think is right.

She quietly calls out your name just as you finish your paragraph and you hum, glancing up from your papers to give her your attention. Your lips curl into a frown as you notice the confusion and hesitancy on her face and it’s you that calls out Haru’s name this time, scrunching your brows together as she looks between you and her phone repeatedly.

“Have you…” Haru pauses, tilting her head to the side as she blinks. “Have you seen Eunbin’s post on instagram?”

“No” You shake your head, leaning back into your seat. “I don’t follow her”

Haru finally rests her eyes on you. “I think you should look at it”

Your hands move faster than you can blink, reaching across the island to retrieve your phone and hurrying to the instagram app in record speed to type in Eunbin’s username that Haru reads out loud to you. You bring up her page, teeth gnawing into your bottom lip nervously as you wait for it to load in, not realising your hands are starting to shake.

The page loads and your mouth instantly dries as a familiar person appears on her recent post.

You tap the photo, unable to form a proper sentence as you take in all it’s details. It's Jaemin, you know it’s Jaemin. You know Jaemin like that back of your hand. He’s holding his camera, those are his hands and his rings… that’s him. His hair is no longer it’s perfect black that you liked, it’s blonde. The caption: “still my favourite person” throws you off more than the time it was posted, which was an hour ago. He was spending time with her… that’s why he was busy.

You’re not sure what kind of mixed emotions washes through you but you hate it, it makes you feel uncomfortable and you fear you’re about to throw up, immediately shutting off your phone and placing it down on the side as you go back to your papers without another look or word.

Haru stares at you, the frown on her face deepening at your odd behaviour but she knows how much you’re affected by what you just saw despite being quiet. She hurts for you to the point she decides to get up from her seat and stand beside you, wrapping an arm around your shoulders and you furrow your brows at her touch, giving her a confused look which she responds with a soft and gentle smile.

“What are you doing?”

“Hugging you” She answers simply as she pulls you closer to her chest, her hand delicately caressing the back of your head, her touch so comforting and warm. “Is that a problem?”

“No” You speak softly, fighting back a smile as you melt into her embrace. “Can I ask why you’re hugging me though?”

“It just looks like you need it” Haru shrugs, moving her hand from your hair to rub your back as she glances down at your phone, chewing the inside of her cheek in thought. “You know you can tell me anything, right? I’m here for you and if something, anything, is on your mind I’m happy to help with whatever is”

“I know” Your voice cracks. You’re doomed. Your eyes start to sting. “I don’t even know what’s on my mind right now, Haru… It’s just a mixture of things and I’m struggling to find the real one, you know?”

“I hope you don’t mind me saying this but, it’s obviously jealousy and hurt towards Jaemin and Eunbin for starters” Haru tells you and you go to disagree until she shakes her head, motioning for you to stop. “Come on, Y/N… it’s completely normal to feel like this, especially in this situat—”

“I’m not supposed to feel jealous” You cut her off, ripping yourself away from the hug to face her completely. Your eyes water. “What we have is just sex, okay? We got into this friends with benefits type of relationship because we missed sex. We told each other that we wouldn’t fall for each other or claim ourselves as boyfriend and girlfriend—We made rules!! I can’t, Haru… I can’t feel jealous”

“It’s hard to control your own feelings and your own emotions” Haru tells you with a soft tone. “It’s okay”

“It’s not okay—”

“Why?”

The tear slips from your eye and down your cheek, dripping onto your papers. “Because I think I like Jaemin”

The walls that you’ve built up, the real feelings that you locked away in the back of your mind, the emotions that you’ve held in for so long, it all crumbles. The weight on your chest withers away and you can finally breathe again after struggling, gasping for air. Your hand slaps against your mouth, the sobs that rip from the back of your throat are loud, the tears stream uncontrollably down your cheeks and you’re unable to control your erratic breathing. You feel free.

Haru looks at you in pure shock as you break down and she flings her arms around you, allowing you to sob into her chest. Your fingers grip her shirt, surely staining the material with your salty tears but she doesn’t seem to care. She kisses the crown of your head, cooing and whispering sweet words: you’re going to be okay, it’s okay, let it out.

You like Jaemin, you like him a lot. You started liking him the day of Eric’s party when he showed up at the apartment all ready to go but dropped everything to stay with you, when he told you that if you’re feeling low or if you feel like you’re going to lose yourself to your bad thoughts, you got him. You’ll always have him.

Parting from Haru’s embrace, you sniffle as you wipe under your eyes. Haru is sweet enough to help you, pushing your hair out of your face and using the sleeve of her shirt to wipe at your cheeks. You let out a shaky breath, looking up at Haru and giving her your best smile which she coos at, affectionately pinching your cheeks.

“I’m proud of you, you know” She tells you, moving to sit back down beside you. “It takes a lot of guts to admit something like that, it must’ve been hard”

You shrug your shoulders and adjust yourself in your seat, bringing your knees up to your chest. Your cheeks feel warm at her praise but you don’t say anything, opting to rest your chin on the tops of your knees as you look at nothing in particular, mind filling with thoughts about Jaemin.

You’re shocked at yourself for revealing your true feelings and you’re unsure on where to go from here. You broke one of the biggest rules that you and Jaemin listed. Rule number three: no feelings, no falling in love, no getting jealous. You mentally crossed the rule out in your mind, teeth gnawing at your cheek as you realise you did all of them.

You want to knock some sense into yourself, to scream at yourself how wrong you are for breaking the rules. You’re embarrassed, you feel stupid. It’s one-sided, you think, and that’s the most pathetic.

“I think you should talk with Jaemin”

Your eyes flick towards Haru. “You’re kidding… I can’t do that”

“Why not?” She furrows her brows. “It’s better than to keep this all to yourself. You need to tell him how you feel before you get stuck down a rabbit hole”

You laugh at that. “I think I’m already stuck. There’s no way I can just outright tell him that I like him… do you realise how embarrassing that is? I’ll get laughed at, I’ll look like a fool—”

“You’ve known Jaemin for, what, almost three months? Do you really think he’d be the type to laugh at you?” Haru questions you instantly, shaking her head. “You know Jaemin better than anyone… he’s not the type of person to laugh at you, especially when you’re being honest and talking about your feelings”

“It’s been three months already?” Your eyes are wide, mouth agape. You couldn’t wrap your head around it, there’s no way you’ve been friends with benefits for that long. It makes you feel dizzy.

“Well, it’s coming up to three months” Haru corrects herself. “Still, you should talk to him. Text him right now and ask if you can meet up”

You blink. “So suddenly?” You gulp at the thought. “Isn’t he with Eunbin right now?”

“Fuck Eunbin” Haru curses and your eyes bulge in surprise, not expecting those words or the tone she uses. “This isn’t about her. This is about you and Jaemin. Don’t ever let her get in between that… no matter what”

⟩⟩• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •⟨⟨

After your conversation with Haru, she left to go spend the rest of her day with Renjun while you sucked up the courage to go talk to Jaemin, to tell him how you truly felt. You sent him a quick text previously to let him know that you would be over soon but you still stand in the middle of your room, staring at the heaps of clothes on your bed as you nervously nibble the skin around your fingers.

You’re unsure why you even care about what you wear, knowing that Jaemin doesn’t really care about your appearance, not when you’ve been around him in an old ratted shirt and sweatpants. Why did you feel the need to impress him all of a sudden? You shake your head, rummaging through the pile of clothes, flinging some over your shoulder with a noise of dissatisfaction at the ones you thought weren’t suitable.

“What are you doing?” You hear a voice question behind you. You spin around, seeing Miwoo standing in your bedroom doorway, rubbing at her eyes. You frown as you drink in her appearance. There are bags under her eyes and her face is paler than usual, hair messily tied on top of her head.

“Just looking for clothes” You answer quietly, dropping the items in your hand as you straighten up, looking at her in concern. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine” Miwoo gives you her best smile, stepping further into your room. “Why are you looking for clothes? Are you going somewhere?”

“Jaemin’s” You eye her warily. “Have you been asleep this entire time?”

“Not really” Her answer is short, which isn’t like her, at all. You watch as she sits down on your bed, making herself comfy and staring down at the pile of clothes, touching the fabrics softly. Her lips jut out in a pout. “Will you be leaving soon?”

“I don’t know—What’s going on?” Your brows furrow together, your arms crossing over your chest as you kick the pile of clothes to the side and sit down beside her. She doesn’t answer your question, instead she stares ahead, eyes scanning around your room. The frown deepens on your face as you call out her name again. “Miwoo?”

“It’s nothing” Miwoo shakes her head but oddly, she continues. “It’s just you’ll be leaving soon, right? And Haru’s already gone… so, I’ll be here…” She scratches herself, feeling awkward as she mutters the last words. “...by myself”

You’re surprised at her honestly, and you really didn’t expect her to speak in such a way. You decided to press on. “And you don’t want to be here by yourself?”

“Not really” She repeats her answer from earlier, a lot quieter this time.

Miwoo keeps her attention on your carpet, fiddling with the jewellery on her fingers. She feels uncomfortable, being this honest with you. She doesn’t like the feeling it gives her, she feels too vulnerable, too exposed… but she can’t seem to stop admitting what she’s thinking or feeling, there’s something pushing against her, egging her to continue on but she remains silent again, waiting for you to say something which she hopes you will soon, the silence becoming a little too much.

You make a noise of understanding, nodding your head as you relax beside her. Your arms drop, hands placing in your lap as you pat a rhythm on your thighs. You can sense Miwoo feels awkward, which you hate, but you want her to keep talking about what’s going on inside her head.

“Have you spoken to Jeno?” Great work.

“Nope” Miwoo shakes her head. “He tried talking to me yesterday but I couldn’t do it. I didn’t want to argue, I wasn’t in the mood for it”

You hum. “Maybe an argument wasn't going to happen? It could’ve been a normal conversation”

Miwoo shrugs her shoulders. “I didn’t want to risk it”

“Miwoo…” A sigh leaves your lips and she looks at you, eyes big and round. She looks like a hurt innocent child that’s getting scolded and it aches your heart. The expression she wears on her face almost makes you want to tear up but you remain calm, reaching over to tuck the stray strands of hairs behind her ears. “Not every conversation is going to end in an argument, not if you and him promise to talk things out…”

“I guess” She mutters, letting out a soft sigh. “It’s whatever, it’s done”

“Do you want it to be done?”

The question makes Miwoo freeze. She’s unable to answer. She doesn’t know how to answer. Of course she doesn’t want to lose Jeno. Jeno has always been her number one, he’s been her person, he’s been the one that makes her shitty days calm… but he’s also the one that she has the most arguments with, that makes her feel like she’s going crazy.

She knows that she herself isn’t an angel. She knows that she definitely makes Jeno angry and says the wrong things, on purpose and on accident. We’re not good for each other, she thinks. It’s done.

Miwoo shrugs her shoulders again, not answering the question which makes you sigh again. You retract your hand from her face, letting it fall to your side. The side eye doesn’t go unnoticed but you don’t comment on it, allowing her to remain silent, waiting for her to be comfortable enough to speak up again.

“I…” She starts but immediately stops, her brows scrunching together in confusion.

“What?” You press. “What do you want to say?”

“I don’t.. I don’t really know” Miwoo mumbles as she leans back against your wall, bringing her knees up to her chest, chewing her bottom lip anxiously. “I guess…” She pulls a face, struggling to find the correct words to say while refusing to make any eye contact with you, keeping her attention focused on her nude coloured nails. “I guess I just… I feel alone, I think”

“Alone?”

“Yeah” Miwoo clears her throat. She holds her head up high this time and turns to you with one of the fakest smiles you’ve ever seen her wear. “But that’s why I’m here, that’s why I came to you… because you don’t make me feel that way”

You immediately reach over to wrap your arms around her and she yelps in surprise at your sudden movement but is quick to hug you back, hands gripping the back of your shirt. You squeeze her tight, tears burning your eyes at her confession. You’re proud of her, to say the least. You are aware of how that must’ve been to confess. It makes you happy knowing that she can be honest with you.

You rock back and forth awkwardly, and the giggles she lets out makes you smile. She rubs your back before being the first to pull away, eyes slightly red as she holds back her own tears.

She rubs at her nose aggressively and sniffs. Miwoo gasps. “Shouldn’t you go see Jaemin?”

You think about it, hard. You could go and see Jaemin, to tell him about your feelings, to tell him you’ve broken one of the biggest rules you could’ve broken. You could finally be honest with him and see if the feelings are reciprocated or if everything has always been one sided… but you won’t, not tonight.

You shake your head and Miwoo grins, repositioning herself on your bed and laying her head in your lap, looking up at you with the happiest of expressions. You smile back, running your fingers through the top of her hair and massaging her scalp, letting her relax into your embrace as she plans a girls night between the two of you, swinging her feet excitingly off the edge of your bed and you laugh, nodding your head as you agree along with her, even adding your own ideas and plans.

You never notice your phone lighting up on your desk with Jaemin’s name flickering across the screen.

⟩⟩• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •⟨⟨

[the yock aka yangyangs fat cock — groupchat]

yangyang: rumour has it eunbin is planning her own welcome home party

donghyuck: shes planning her own??? donghyuck: thats lame lol

jeno: who changed the fucking gc name again

yangyang: who do u think ;)

jeno: ive seen it its not that impressive dude

yangyang: fuck u saggy balls bitch [donghyuck laughed at this message] yangyang: anyway yangyang: eunbins planning her own welcome home party and apparently we’re invited

haru: who said that

yangyang: overheard eunbin say it to jaemin

miwoo: lol no [renjun liked this message] miwoo: thanks ren [renjun disliked this message]

jaemin: yeeun and mia are planning it with her. she invited us all to go

jeno: or did she just invite u

jaemin: its all of us jeno. its this saturday jaemin: told her im not giving the answer until all of us are going

shotaro: i dont really want to go :( its awkward

renjun: if shotaros not going, i'm not going

miwoo: why the fuck does she want all of us to go miwoo: her friends hate us

yangyang: correction yangyang: her friend hates u

miwoo: fuck off yangyang [donghyuck and yangyang thumbed down this message]

jeno: im not going fuck that jeno: i dont want to be anywhere near her jeno: u of all ppl should know that jaemin

jaemin: thats why i said im not giving the answer until all of us are going

donghyuck: i mean donghyuck: i dont like her at all donghyuck: but guys donghyuck: when have we EVER turned down a free party with free drink???

yangyang: he has a point [donghyuck loved this message] yangyang: eric and sunwoo are going too so yk sunwoo's got the good shit

miwoo: lol pretty miss perfect is letting sunwoo and eric go??? miwoo: does she know sunwoo sells

donghyuck: probably told him not to bring anything

you: like he'll listen

jaemin: are u gonna go baby

you: oh you: idk

yangyang: wait im not going if ur not going

jeno: me neither

miwoo: and me!!!

jaemin: ok then we're not going

donghyuck: BUT GUUUUUYYYYSSSS donghyuck: FREE BOOOOZE?!?!!

yangyang: :/ making me conflicted

shotaro: free drink does sound nice... shotaro: yeji just texted me to go with her too [everyone liked this message] shotaro: i would like to see her

haru: if we go haru: we go for shotaro?

donghyuck: and free booze

haru: for shotaro and free booze?

renjun: idm that

miwoo: sure

jeno: yn what do u think

yangyang: ?

you: yeah sure ok

donghyuck: fuck yeah donghyuck: ily guys donghyuck: gonna make out with u all brb

miwoo: dont come anywhere near me with ur disgusting stinky ass breath

donghyuck: im coming for u first whore

⟩⟩• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •⟨⟨

jaemin: baby?

you: oh hey you: :)

jaemin: hey :) jaemin: u didn't come over yesterday jaemin: what happened

you: oh yeah sorry you: i got busy. miwoo wanted a girls night

jaemin: oh ok thats cool

you: yeah

jaemin: why does this feel awkward

you: i have no idea you: maybe we haven't seen each other in awhile???? idk

jaemin: im sorry

you: its not ur fault :) ur busy

jaemin: still jaemin: i just feel bad jaemin: eunbin keeps coming over too when im in the middle of working or wanting to call u

you: she really wants to be on good terms with u huh

jaemin: seems like it jaemin: she dyed my hair btw

you: oh you: it was her that did it???

jaemin: well i dyed it first to surprise u but eunbin came over halfway through and touched it up to make it look good

you: to surprise me??

jaemin: yeah jaemin: i was gonna dye it then come surprise u but

you: i you: fjck you: i miss u

jaemin: i miss u too baby jaemin: im free saturday morning. can i come over before we go to eunbins

you: please you: also you: i have something to tell u

jaemin: me too

you: like its so serious its important

jaemin: thats ok baby mine too jaemin: i have to go. jenos calling for me jaemin: see u soon baby jaemin: <3

⟩⟩• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •⟨⟨

“You look unbelievable” You gush, mouth gaping wide as your fingers rake through his newly dyed blonde locks. Jaemin sits beneath you motionlessly, head resting against the headboard of your bed as he looks up at you with the most goofiest smile as he relishes in the way you touch him, his own hands resting on your hips, sliding his fingers beneath the material of your skirt to grip your skin.

He came over a few hours prior to Eunbin’s party, much to your surprise, adored in a hoodie and beanie, a backpack resting on his back with clothes he would be needing tonight. He swept you off your feet before you could even react at his arrival, carrying you to the privacy of your room as the pair of you shared a laugh, ignoring the looks Haru and Miwoo gave you as you disappeared.

So that’s how you ended up here, sitting on top of his lap, giving him the best of your attention with your eyes locked on his blonde hair, beanie and hoodie thrown to the side without care.

He looks so handsome. You smile, twirling the strands between your fingers. Jaemin doesn’t say a word while you mutter a hundred compliments, watching you with affectionate eyes and that goofy smile you love so much, sliding his hands around your hips to push against your back, bringing you as close to his chest as possible.

He cuts off your babbling soon enough, crushing his mouth against yours in a long awaited kiss. You melt into his embrace, fingers gripping the roots of his hair, afraid he’d slip away or leave again. You haven’t felt his touch nor his lips in so long you almost forgot what it was like. Your heads fuzzy, your skin hot. You missed this.

Jaemin lets out a groan as your tongue slides against his and your grip on his hair becomes harsher. You’re tugging, you’re pulling and his scalp is burning but he doesn’t care, he doesn’t even try to stop you, instead he tugs you closer, teeth snagging down on your bottom lip which you wince at.

“Sorry” He mutters apologies against your mouth and you shake your head, pulling at his bottom lip instead and sucking it. He quietly moans this time, shifting beneath you and heat pools between your legs as you feel the bulge brush against your ass. You pull away from the kiss to toy with the strings on his sweatpants but his hands are quick to latch on your wrist, stopping you.

You look at him in surprise. “What’s wrong?”

Jaemin breathes heavily as he looks at you, lips swollen and red. “I would do anything to fuck you right now, but we can’t”

“Why?” You ask, almost whining. You twist your wrists in his grasp, interlocking your fingers together instead. “We can be quick”

Jaemin hums, squeezing your hands with his, his thumb soothing over the back of your hand while a sly grin. “We could… but I wouldn’t want to be quick, I’d want to fuck you all night, make up for lost time”

“Don’t” You warn him, glaring jokingly. “You can’t say shit like that if we can’t have sex right now, it’s not fair”

“Sorry, baby” He chuckles, leaning forwards to capture your lips with his. You kiss for a few more moments but you part before you allow yourself to get too far into it, going to move off of his lap but he whines, ripping his hands from yours to grip your waist, keeping you on top of him.

Rolling your eyes, you remain still, staring at his face. He’s so pretty. The corner of your lips twitch, cheeks feeling hot as you duck your head, becoming too shy to look at him. Would now be a good time to tell him? Your heart hammers in your chest at the thought and you wonder if he can feel it. You’re alone, there’s no interruptions.

“I really missed you” He confesses quietly. Okay, maybe one interruption. One hand pushes the hair out of your face, cupping your cheeks as he smiles. “Like really missed you”

“I missed you too” You tell him, leaning into his touch.

“I’m sorry that we haven’t seen each other too” Jaemin frowns this time, pressing a chaste kiss to your lips. “I didn’t realise how long we didn’t see each other until—”

“It’s okay” You interrupt, shaking your head. “You don’t have to explain yourself to me, it’s okay”

Jaemin nods, kissing your lips once more before securing his arms around your waist, drumming his fingers against your back. He’s thankful to you, he always has been. He loves how comfortable you make him and how understanding you constantly are. It makes his cheeks flush at the thought of how lucky he is.

“What are you looking at?” You ask him after a moment of silence, brows pulling together curiously. Jaemin blinks as he’s ripped from his thoughts, still staring at you. It takes a few seconds to register in his mind what you had asked and a smile slowly spreads across his lips, soft and genuine, one that makes your heart flutter in your chest.

“You, baby… always you”

You snort at that, jabbing at his shoulder. “What’s gotten into you? Huh? Cheesy fucker”

“What?” Jaemin laughs, rubbing at the spot you jabbed. “I’m not cheesy”

“Oh yeah?” You quirk a brow, crossing your arms over your chest. “You’re telling me that what you just said wasn’t cheesy?”

“What did I say?”

“‘You, baby… always you’” You repeat, deepening your voice to match his. His lips quirk in an amused smile as he shakes his head, claiming how that wasn’t the cheesiest thing he’s ever said. You fake retch, pulling yourself out of his grasp despite his attempts to keep you in his arms, laughing as you walk over to your closet away from him.

He lays down on the bed, tucking his arm under your pillow as he watches you on the other side of the room, flicking through the clothes with a sigh. His eyes wide in surprise as you pull out a black mini skirt from a clothing hanger, holding it on your arm while searching for something to wear it with.

You piece it together with a white bustier top and grin happily, making a mental note in your head to wear your best jewellery and a jacket as you walk back over to Jaemin to set it down on your bed beside his feet neatly. The way you stare so proudly at such a simple outfit makes Jaemin smile, loving how easily pleased you can become with such the smallest of things. Cute.

You both decide to take a shower together, helping each other wash and even sharing a few lingering kisses and touches, the two of you trying your hardest not to do anything inappropriate for the time being despite the urge to.

Later, he promises you and you hold him to that promise, locking your pinkies together before you slip out of the shower while Jaemin stays behind, allowing you to have the time to do your makeup without him standing behind you and questioning everything that you’re doing.

Miwoo, being the expert that she is, comes back and forth between your room and hers to help you with your makeup, cursing at you for moving too much when she uses the eyeliner and forcefully holding your chin in her hand, daring you to talk as she applies your lipstick.

“Haru told me what happened” Miwoo informs before instructing you to rub your lips together which you do. She twists the cap back on the lipstick as she admires her work on your face. “Have you told him yet?”

Your eyes flitter over to your bedroom door in alarm, scared that Jaemin might somehow overhear the conversation over the running water. You shake your head, turning to look at your reflection in the mirror to slightly push up your lashes.

“And why not?” Miwoo crosses her arms over her chest tightly. “Dude, just tell him!!! The feelings could be mutual and—”

“Will you keep your voice down?!” You hiss, waving your hands erratically to shut her up the second you hear the water turn off. You lower your voice. “I’ll tell him… I just need to find the right moment”

“There will never be a right moment” Miwoo says, dropping her arms to her side as she leans down to smooch your cheek. She brushes her lips against your ear to whisper just as Jaemin walks into the room with a towel wrapped around his waist. “Just rip the band-aid off and suck his cock”

You whack her arm repeatedly, cursing her out as she giggles and runs out of your room, not forgetting to slap Jaemin’s bare chest on the way out. Jaemin grunts at the impact, rubbing the sore spot on his chest, glaring at Miwoo’s figure as she rushes out of the room in a laughing fit.

“What was that about?” Jaemin asks as he stands beside you, reaching for his phone off of your desk. He looks at you as he does so, taking in your appearance. He reaches out to gently caress your face, careful not to smudge the lipstick as he presses a chaste kiss to your lips. “You look pretty”

You think about his question for a moment and Miwoo’s words. There will never be a right moment. You chew on the inside of your cheek, nerves tingle through your body and your anxiety spikes, fingertips feeling numb. Rip the band-aid off. It’s so easily done, all you have to do is say those three words.

But you can’t. There’s something forcing you back from saying what you truly want to tell him for reasons unknown, you can’t voice the words that are literally sitting at the tip of your tongue.

So, you dismiss it, muttering under your breath how it’s nothing important and Jaemin stares at you with an odd look in his eyes before dropping the conversation, turning his attention to his phone as he scrolls through his spotify, choosing a playlist for the two of you to listen to while you sit still, annoyed and confused at yourself.

It is important… So why can’t you say it?

⟩⟩• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •⟨⟨

You eye your reflection in the mirror, patting down the creases in your skirt with a sigh and adjusting your top. Jaemin stands behind you with your necklace in hand, helping you clasp the jewellery around your neck securely. He presses a chaste kiss to your shoulder blade when he’s done, reassuring you as feels your anxiety about your appearance and you calm down, sucking in a deep breath.

The commotion you hear in the living room tells you that the others have arrived and Jaemin hands you his leather jacket to which you’re confused about but you don’t question it as you slip your arms through the sleeves. He leads you out of your bedroom, his hand placing your lower back as he guides you down the hallway, the voices of your friends getting louder as you get near.

“Look at you…” Yangyang low whistles as he watches you and Jaemin approach them, reaching out to take your hand in his own to slowly spin you around, biting his lip as he scans your outfit. You roll your eyes as you twirl, fighting back a smile as Donghyuck cups his hand over his mouth and hollers behind him. Yangyang wiggles his eyebrows suggestively. “Sexy”

“Shut up” You laugh, ripping your hand from his grasp to push at his shoulder and all he does is grin widely and reach for you again but stops when an arm slithers around your waist, a hand resting low on your abdomen as you’re pulled into Jaemin’s side.

Jaemin’s eyes bore right into Yangyang’s and the latter doesn’t falter, holding his gaze with a smirk that Jaemin desperately wants to slap off. Thoughts overcrowd Jaemin’s mind, thoughts that make no sense… thoughts that make a lot of sense. His eyes narrow at Yangyang who now takes no notice, his attention brought to Miwoo who’s eager to take a group picture to post on her instagram, earning a huff from Renjun.

Jaemin takes a mental step back, blinking a few times to compose himself as the group huddles together, giving Yangyang one last look as he stands on your left before smiling at Miwoo’s phone who takes the picture, and other, and other, and anoth—

“Are you fucking serious?!”

⟩⟩• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •⟨⟨

You’re stunned at the sight of Eunbin’s home, unable to shut your mouth as Jaemin leads you through the house as if it's second nature to him. The walls are white, decorated with paintings you are positive Eunbin had made previously, a little but noticeable signature of ‘K.E’ scribbled at the edge of the frame. Fancy light bulbs suspend from the ceiling, laminate flooring clean with no scratch or chip insight. A few people linger around in the living room and the kitchen, giving you the impression that it was going to be a small little welcome party until Jaemin guides you out in the back garden.

It’s crowded, filled with a mixture of familiar and unfamiliar faces, all spread across the neatly trimmed grass and there’s music blasting from a speaker that you fail to locate. Tall white fences hide you from the outside, decorated with pretty vines, hanging plants and fairy lights. There are rounded tables littered all over the garden holding various types of alcoholic beverages that are occupied by most of the party goers and there’s daybeds that are already taken by drunk couples and friends.

Miwoo makes a small comment about how wealthy Eunbin and her family must be before she whisks away to get a drink, dragging Haru along with her and Renjun falls behind, hands shoved deep into his pockets. Shotaro excuses himself from the group to jog over to Yeji who calls him over excitedly, handing him a beer bottle.

Donghyuck, Yangyang and Jeno disappear somewhere as soon as you spot Eunbin standing with Yeeun and Mia around a table, smiling and laughing along in the conversation until her eyes meet yours. She beams, excusing herself from her friends as she bounds over to the two of you.

“Hey!! I’m glad you could make it!!” Eunbin greets you happily, wrapping you up in the warmest of hugs and your eyes widen in shock, not expecting this type of greeting but you immediately reciprocate the hug, the corner of your lips lifting into a smile. She pulls away soon after, giving you a grin before turning to Jaemin, engulfing him in a tight hug to which he lets go of your hand to slowly wrap his arms around her, kindly hugging her back.

You stand at his side awkwardly, looking anywhere but them. You can hear them conversate: something about her, something about the party. Did Eunbin call him handsome? Is Jaemin complimenting her appearance? Your lips form into a frown, unable to control your expressions as you listen to them.

Side eyeing the pair, you notice Eunbin’s hands are still lingering on Jaemin while he smiles down at her, nodding and humming to the things that she’s saying, the two completely forgetting you’re present. Your shoulders slump as your sigh, alreading wanting to disappear from this party and go home but a low whistle and a call of your name catches your attention.

You turn to look over your shoulder, seeing Sunwoo standing at a table nearest to you by himself, hands hiding beneath the table as his fingers expertly roll a blunt. You glance back at Eunbin and Jaemin, seeing the pair in their own little world, figuring it was best to leave them to it as you head over to Sunwoo who seems surprised that you even decided to come over.

“You look pretty” He compliments you, taking in your outfit of the night. His lips quirk into a sly grin. “I’ve seen that skirt a few times”

“Yeah, whatever” You grumble, reaching for the vacant shot glass beside him, not even caring whose it was as you throw your head back and down the colourful liquid, scrunching your face at the burn that trickles down the back of your throat. “Guessing you’re selling secretly tonight?”

“I’ve got to make money somehow” Sunwoo tells you, taking a quick glance down at his hands before looking over at Jaemin and Eunbin. “Pretty boy not giving you attention tonight, huh?”

“You’re extra nosy tonight, huh?” You mock.

Sunwoo smiles at that. “I’m just observant”

“What’s going on between you and Miwoo?” You suddenly pop a question and Sunwoo cocks his head to the side, brows scrunched in confusion. “Saw the comment on her instagram… I’m just observant too”

Sunwoo makes a humming noise, a smile playing on his lips as he sneakily drops a joint into a little baggy that's already filled with premades before shoving it into his puffer coat pocket. He looks down at you innocently, grabbing a beer bottle from the ice bucket resting in the middle of the table and offers it to you.

You scoff but you nod, going to take it off of him but he cracks open the cap with his teeth, spitting it onto the grass without a care in the world as he hands it to you, reaching to grab his own and doing the exact same.

“You called her pretty” You say as you bring the bottle to your lips, taking a swig.

“That doesn’t mean anything” Sunwoo smiles, clinking his bottle against yours as he drinks. He swallows harshly, tongue licking the corners of his lips. “I call you pretty”

“That’s different” You shake your head, scanning around the garden to try and find Miwoo, spotting her by another table laughing with Haru and Renjun. “Did you know she broke up with Jeno? Is that why you’re calling her pretty? Trying to get into her pants or something?”

Sunwoo chuckles. “No”

“Then what is it?” You pry, snapping your head back to Sunwoo as you squint your eyes in suspicion. “Why are you suddenly complimenting her on her posts?”

“I appreciate good looks” Sunwoo shrugs his shoulders, the stupid smile still on his lips. “But, if you must know, she came to me a few days ago asking if she could, and I quote, have a ‘happy pill’. I asked her why and she said the reason is in the name… I told her I wouldn’t give her it unless you were there”

“Oh” You mutter, suddenly feeling terrible. Your chest feels heavy but you take a few heavy gulps of your beer, not meeting Sunwoo’s eyes as he stares right at you.

“Guessing she’s taking the breakup pretty hard?”

“Guess so” You nod, awkwardly rubbing the back of your neck as you spot Jeno from across the garden, standing alone as he chugs his own beer. “I think they both are”

“Why did we stop being friends?” The sudden change in topics almost gives you whiplash and you turn to look at Sunwoo in surprise, noticing that his hands are hidden beneath the table again, probably rolling another joint or fiddling with a baggy.

“Are you high?” Your tone is pretty harsh and mean, but he doesn’t react to it. “You know why we stopped being friends”

“What Eric did had nothing to do with me” Sunwoo tells you, shrugging his shoulders. “Eric was the one that got too overwhelmed in the relationship and decided to be a dick and break up with you, not me”

You blink in surprise. “Overwhel—”

“You should talk to him about it” Sunwoo takes a swig. “You don’t have to forgive him or anything, but I think you should talk to him about what happened. Closure, if you will”

“I hate closure” You grit through your teeth, chugging the rest of your beer down and slamming the empty bottle on the table. Sunwoo smiles as he watches you, finding your reactions and expressions amusing which you catch onto. “Glad you find me amusing”

“I just like how you’re still the same person you were months ago” He shrugs his shoulders. “I like talking to you, it reminds me of the good times. I miss our friendship. Just wish you didn’t shut me out when I had done nothing wrong”

You hate how right he is and you hate how guilty you feel. You did shut him out, you did refuse to be around him or speak to him because of Eric. Pushing everything aside, you had good memories with Sunwoo. He was your best friend before you even got close to the others.

You feel the urge to apologise when you meet Sunwoo’s eyes, opening your mouth to give him a mere pathetic apology that he shouldn’t even forgive but you’re interrupted by his own voice.

“You two look good, you know” He states, jutting his chin in the direction behind you as he finishes sneakily rolling another joint. “You and Na. Never expected it, but you look good together. Do you like him?”

“Why?” You can’t help but ask.

“Curious” He smiles softly. “Nice seeing you happy though. Your smile has always been the prettiest”

“Are you flirting with me right now?”

His smile turns into a grin as he shakes his head. “Just appreciating good looks” You roll your eyes at the same excuse he used earlier, pressing your lips together as you try not to let out an amused laugh. Sunwoo likes the fact you’re having fun with him. “If you like him, you should tell him. I can tell he likes you”

Your tongue presses against your cheek as you smile. “Is that an observation?”

He winks at you. “You know it” His eyes flicker behind you. “He’s leaving Eunbin, by the way. You should follow him. Tell him you like him”

“It’s weird hearing you say shit like that” You pull a face, but you can’t help agreeing with his words. You excuse yourself from Sunwoo and he wiggles his fingers at you in a goodbye, watching you walk away with his chin resting on his hand, a genuine smile playing on his lips.

It’s your mission to follow Jaemin. It’s your mission to tell him how you feel. You steal a shot from a table you pass by, downing the drink and slamming the glass back down on the table as you continue walking, wiping the corner of your lips with the back of your hand. Liquid courage, you think. Definitely needed liquid courage.

Jaemin turns on his heel, heading into a sea of people coming out of the house and as soon as reach out to graze his back, opening your mouth to call out his name, you already hear someone call out yours. You falter in your steps, craning your neck over your shoulder to see Eunbin heading straight towards you and your feet come to a stop, glued to the grass beneath you.

“I’m sorry if this is sudden but can I talk to you for, like, a few minutes?” Eunbin asks you as she steps in front of you, a gentle touch being placed on your arm. You want to say no, to tell her that you’re on a mission to find Jaemin and to tell him everything… but her pleading eyes start to slowly hold you back. “I won’t take much of your time, I promise”

“Okay, yeah, sure” You nod, swallowing harshly and allowing her to pull you into a more secluded area in her garden, a gazebo covered in small potted plants and pretty little fairy lights. You’re in awe at the sight, fingers grazing over the wood as she urges you to sit down on the cushioned seats in front of the firepit. She settles down right beside you when you get seated, sending you a nervous smile that you immediately give back.

The silence that takes over you both is deafening, despite the noise coming from the others at the party but you drown it out as you take this chance to really look at her. Eunbin’s stunning in her short white summer dress, her eyelids covered in the shiniest of glitters and her lips tinted a faint red. Her hair cascaded down her shoulders in small waves, almost covering the priceless jewellery in her ears.

The bright and kind aura she has around herself is enough to make a small smile appear on your face. You can’t hate her, even though you try so desperately to out of pure jealousy. You can’t dislike her either, she hasn’t done anything to you, she's been nothing but sweet since you’ve met her.

And you can’t cry… even when you see the ring that wraps around her middle finger.

“That’s gorgeous” You force your voice out, gesturing to the ring with shaky hands. “Where did you get it?”

“Oh, this has always been mine” Eunbin smiles softly as she holds out her hand towards you, allowing you to take a good look at the dainty silver ring with the black jewel in the middle. “When I got accepted into New York, I left it here for Jaemin… He bought it for me but it was just a little something for him to remember me while I was gone, just to let him know that I will always be thinking about him and that I love him”

“Oh” You breathe out, eyes unmoving from the jewellery. “It’s pretty special then…”

Eunbin nods, staring down at her ring with rosy cheeks. “It is special. I asked him a few days ago if he kept it but he took it out of his drawer and gave it back. I was kinda relieved, to be honest… I thought he would’ve thrown it out after what happened. Did he tell you what happened?”

“Yeah” You tell her, nodding your head.

“I seem like a really shitty person, don’t I?” Eunbin winces, waiting for your reaction but you’re blank, unsure of what to say or even how to react. She clears her throat, tucking her hair behind her ears. “Not that it matters anymore, but from my side, I didn’t think it was that bad… and I guess that made it worse, right?”

“What went through your mind when it happened?”

“I’ve always had this mindset of: follow your dreams and don’t let anyone or anything stop you, true friends and family will always be supportive no matter what choice you make” Her words instantly make you think of Yuta’s. “Jaemin was supportive, he was my number one supporter. He stayed by my side countless of nights when I had deadlines to finish, he helped me find inspiration whenever I felt like I was crumbling, he gave me his shoulder to cry on when I was stressed and he made me feel better”

Your chest tightens as you hear her voice crack, noticing the way she refuses to look at you now, eyes glassy as they stare at the firepit.

“It was my fault for not telling him that the art school I applied for was in New York, but I guess I assumed he would know… I mean, come on, when have you ever heard of big art schools being here?” Eunbin laughs at herself quietly, fiddling with her hands in her lap. “I know I hurt him and I feel awful for it. I’ve apologised so much but I know sometimes apologies aren’t enough… I don’t regret going to that art school, I never will… I just regret hurting someone I love in the process, you know?”

“Yeah, I know” You nod, refusing to meet her eyes this time as she looks at you. I just regret hurting someone I love. The words repeat in your mind, heart feeling like it's twisting painfully in your chest. It makes you feel sick and your throat gets tighter. Maybe the liquid courage wasn’t a good thing.

“Hey, Y/N?” You hum, giving her your attention. “I hope you don’t mind me asking, but…” She pauses, nervously playing with the hem of her dress and you start to feel your own nerves kick in, subtly scratching the skin around your thumb to try and calm yourself down, to remind yourself where you are and who you’re with. Eunbin meets your eyes, pushing her hair behind her ears. “What’s exactly going on between you and Jaemin?”

“What?” You choke out, covering your mouth as you cough when your saliva gets stuck at the back of your throat. Out of all the questions, you didn’t expect her to ask that. You’re reminded of your first awkward interaction at Jaemin’s house when Jaemin blurted out how you were exclusively sleeping together and the surprised look on Eunbin’s face. She knows that much… But what else is there to tell her?

“I’m sorry if it’s an awkward question, especially coming from me” She apologises, kindly patting your back as you try to clear your throat. “I know that you’re exclusive fuck buddies, if thats whats going through your head right now, but I just… I wanted to know if it was more than that or if it’s just that”

“Oh” Your clamming hands rub at your legs, definitely feeling more awkward and embarrassed now. Your whole body feels hot and you struggle to look straight at her, deciding to keep focused on the plants behind her as you try and muster up the courage to tell her that you like him.

“I just…” Eunbin starts to explain herself but she sighs, dropping her hands to her sides.“The thing is, the art school is over, which means I’ll be staying home for a little while until I eventually decide to move out to New York with my own money. Being here, seeing Jaemin again and having the opportunity to be his friend again just brings back so many memories and, I feel like an asshole saying this, but I still love him… my feelings haven’t really changed since day one and now that I’m back, I would just like a second opportunity, you know? I want to make up for lost time and be the girlfriend I should’ve been… but I’m not going to do that and I will step back if the relationship you have with him is more than just fucking, I promise”

“I-I—” You stammer, struggling to find your voice.

“I see the way you look at him” She confesses, giving you a kind smile, complete understanding in her eyes. “It’s how I look at him… So, please be honest with me and I’ll step back, I promise. I don’t want to make you uncomfortable”

But you already have. You’re so stuck, completely unable to give her a response as you stare at her in shock. She still loves him, she has always loved him, things really never changed. You shakily push your hair away from your eyes, trying to control your breathing which has started to get uneven.

You like Jaemin and you don’t want to lose him. You want to be selfish, you want to keep him for yourself. You want to blurt out all of your feelings and emotions to Eunbin, hoping she would understand why you didn’t want to stop what you have with Jaemin.

You feel angry, you feel hurt… but you feel guilty. There’s a voice in the back of your head telling you to feel guilty for taking Jaemin away from Eunbin, for being the thorn in their side and shoving yourself between their relationship even though in the back of your mind that’s not the case at all… but when she’s looking at you the way she is, eyes full of hope and silent pleads, you already know what your answer is.

“There’s no feelings involved, we made rules. We’re just fucking, that’s all it is… But it’s over now… he’s yours”

⟩⟩• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •⟨⟨

You look pathetic, sitting by yourself in the gazebo with your fifth drink in hand, vision a little dazey and body swaying side to side as your lips wrap around the bottle, gulping the harsh liquid as fast as you can.

You didn’t move from your place after your conversation with Eunbin, feeling too embarrassed about getting up and leaving so you let Eunbin be the one to dismiss herself first, allowing her to give you a hug goodbye before leaving. You regret lying about your feelings, eagerly wanting to turn back time and tell her the truth but you know you’d look stupid, especially if you find out Jaemin never reciprocated the feelings, which possibly is the case considering he’s been spending so much time with Eunbin instead of you.

Your thoughts get nasty and you hate it, immediately trying to push them to the back of your mind as you take a swig of your drink, legs anxiously jiggling as you observe your friends from a distance. Haru and Renjun are sitting together, knees knocking against each other and drinking out of their bottles, deep in a conversation that makes Renjun’s cheeks flush every so often. You wonder what they’re talking about.

Shotaro’s with Yeji, listening attentively as she speaks, nodding and agreeing along with the biggest heart eyes you’ve ever seen, his fingers wrapped nervously around his beer but you manage to catch Yeji shifting closer, slipping her fingers between his to hold his hand. You dizzily grin at the way Shotaro shyly casts his eyes down to his shoes, cheeks rosy and red.

Donghyuck and Yangyang stand not too far from the pair, both clearly drunk as they send flirtatious winks and thumbs up Shotaro’s way, cheering him on. Yangyang’s a lot sober than Donghyuck is, the latter seeming to be slurring his words and struggling to hold himself up on his own two feet which sends Yangyang into a laughing fit, almost crumbling to the ground under Donghyuck’s weight when he throws himself at him.

Miwoo, much to your surprise, mingles with a bunch of girls that you recognise from campus, talking about something as she passionately throws her arms up in the air and the girls nods frantically, seeming to be relating to whatever she’s saying before clinking their glasses together and taking the shot.

Your eyes somehow find the pair you didn’t exactly want to see in the midst of people, but you can’t seem to tear away from them, watching Eunbin cling to Jaemin’s arm with the brightest of smiles on her face, staring up at his with her big doe eyes that would make anyone waver. The smile on his face is kind and you fail to understand the words that he’s mouthing to her, but the twinkle in her eyes prove it was something that meant the world to her.

You manage to rip your gaze away too quickly to notice Jaemin glance around the party, a look of worry in his features as he tries to look for someone in the crowd, hands nervously twitching at his sides. Eunbin, mistaking him being cold, thoughtfully rubs at his arms, questioning if he would like to borrow a warmer coat which he declines, taking one last look around before giving her his attention.

Abruptly standing up from your seat, you decide to get another drink. You trip over your own feet as you walk, mentally cursing at yourself for wearing heels and even blaming the grassy ground that makes your journey a lot more difficult, trying to balance yourself and walk in a straight line as you head for a vacant table.

“Should you be drinking this much?” Someone questions and your head whips to the side, seeing Jeno standing to your right, watching you struggle.

“It’s not the drink. It’s these stupid fucking heels” You grumble angrily under your breath, almost tripping over your own feet again as you stumble on the grass. Jeno smiles in amusement, swiftly reaching forwards to wrap his fingers around your upper arm to keep you steady and you thank him when his arm slips around your waist, holding most of your weight off of your feet. You smile happily, throwing your arm over his shoulders. “You’re the best”

Jeno grins cheekily at you. “I know”

He leads you both to the table, trying his hardest not to snort at the way you try and walk despite him holding you up. Your curse him out, bumping your hips against his but you can’t help but laugh either, knowing that you probably look so tipsy and stupid.

You untangle yourself from Jeno the second you reach the drinks, leaning your weight on the table as you grab two beer bottles from the ice bucket and you peer inside, surprised at the amount of ice cubes that still haven’t melted, wondering if it’s actually cold outside or if you’ve drunk so much that you’re permanently boiling for the night.

“Why are you alone?” Jeno asks you as he cracks the bottle open with his teeth, throwing the cap back into the bucket. He offers to do the same for yours and you let him.

“Take a wild guess” He rolls his eyes immediately at your answer, already figuring out why you’re not with Jaemin and he doesn’t press further, handing you your beer back with a scowl and harshly chugging his drink. “Why are you alone?”

“I’m not really in the mood for this party” Jeno admits, wiping the corners of his mouth with the back of his hand. “I would love to be anywhere but here right now, I hate it”

“You and me both” You sigh, pushing your hair back out of your face as you take a swig. “I spoke to her earlier, alone”

“Yeah?” He quirks a brow. “How did that go?”

“Fine”

Jeno scoffs. “Liar”

Despite the fact that you are lying, your mouth opens in shock, deeply offended that he doesn’t believe you and is calling you a liar to your face. You flip him off while you drink and Jeno grins at you but he doesn’t pressure you into speaking about the conversation, waiting to see if you’ll talk about it yourself.

But you never do, which makes Jeno worried. He can tell by your facial expressions and the way you’re chugging beers after beers that the talk you had with Eunbin wasn’t as ‘fine’ as you made it out to be. Something clearly happened and as much as Jeno wants to ask and make sure you’re okay, he doesn’t want to make you uncomfortable.

He watches you carefully, seeing the way you glance over your shoulder at the crowds of people, teeth gnawing on your bottom lip. He sees the way your fingers shake around the neck of the bottle, almost spilling it but you subconsciously place it down on the table, intertwining your fingers together to calm you down. Something’s definitely wrong, Jeno thinks, frowning.

“She looks gorgeous… doesn’t she?” You whisper quietly, locked on Eunbin who’s now standing with her friends, Jaemin nowhere in sight as she talks with the most beautiful smile on her face, eyes twinkling beneath the fairy lights, her perfect white dress left untouched much to your surprise.

He makes a disgruntled noise beside you, swallowing down his beer. “I think you’re prettier”

You chuckle softly, rolling your eyes as you nervously play with the jewellery on your fingers. “Thanks, Jeno”

“Don’t compare yourself to her” You’re startled at the tone of his voice, turning to face Jeno with wide eyes. He looks straight at you, expression harsh and serious. “Don’t ever compare yourself to her. You’re a lot better than she is, than she will ever be”

You cast your eyes downwards. “You’re just saying that because you don’t like her…”

“I’m saying it because it’s true”

No matter how hard you try, you don’t believe his words, you can’t believe his words. The insecurity that you feel whenever she’s mentioned or whenever you see her, whether it’s in person or a photograph, is like no other. The confidence that you have disintegrates, withering away and leaving you in a puddle of pure self doubt and anxiety.

It’s strange, you think. She’s done nothing to you, nothing physical or mental, yet she makes you feel the way you do… just by existing. It’s so stupid, you’re so stupid.

Your hand shoots out to grab your drink, desperate to chug down the alcohol and forget but Jeno reaches out, fingers clasping around your wrist. You meet his gaze and he shakes his head, silently telling you not to drink anymore, to not do this to yourself but you ignore him, using your free hand to grab the bottle instead but he’s too quick for you, snatching yours with his.

“Are you really going to stop me from drinking at a party?”

“Maybe” He answers, tilting his head to the side as he eyes you. “Are you really going to compare yourself to her again?”

You fight back a smile, almost losing as you notice Jeno do the same, giving your hands a squeeze before letting you go. You bring the beer to your lips, keeping your eyes locked on Jeno’s as you take a sip and he rolls his eyes, tongue poking at his cheek as he chuckles.

The happy expression on his face soon withers away as he glances behind you, turning stoic as he picks up his beer, averting his attention to the crowd and you go to question his sudden change in attitude until you see the speck of white in the corner of your eyes. Your blood runs cold, the sickly feeling piling up in the back of your throat, body instantly caving in on itself as your arms wrap around your middle.

“Hey” Eunbin beams at the two of you, staggering to the side a little but she catches herself by placing her palms on the table. She laughs at herself, cheeks a little red from the amount of alcohol she’s consumed. “I’m happy you guys are still here! Are you having fun?”

“Very” You give her a tight lipped smile. “Thank you for inviting us”

“You don’t have to thank me” She giggles, placing your hand on your shoulder to give you a comforting squeeze but she sways again, gripping a little hard for some stability and you wince slightly at the contact but you don’t make a noise. Eunbin turns her head towards Jeno, smiling kindly at him but he refuses to give her his attention. “Nice to finally see you, Jeno. I was starting to think you were purposely ignoring me…”

“I am” Jeno nods, his answer short and simple, still looking away from him.

Eunbin reaches out to pat his arm in hopes to get his attention. “Jen—”

“Don’t touch me” Jeno says the second he feels the slightest brush of her fingers on his bicep. His tone is harsh and scary, and the expression on his face is enough to make the hairs stand up at the back of your neck. “Don’t fucking touch me”

“What is your problem with me?” She questions, frowning deeply. Her eyes turn glassy and it looks like she’s going to cry, whether it’s because she genuinely feels hurt by how Jeno’s reacting or if she had drunk so much that her emotions are all over the place. “You always act cold towards me even though I’ve done nothing wrong—”

She’s cut off by Jeno’s dry laugh, watching as he shakes his head while tipping it back to chug down the rest of his drink. The interaction between the two is awkward and you’re desperate to walk away but you know Jeno wouldn’t appreciate it if you left him alone, especially now.

Eunbin sighs. “Can you please just tell me what the problem is?”

“It’s you” Jeno immediately answers, finally turning his head to face her and she flinches at the abrupt movement. His dark eyes bore into hers, unwavering as he stares her down. “It’ll always be you”

“Jen—”

“Go back to pretending everything’s okay” He cuts her off again, still remaining eye contact before he makes the first move to look away, gazing out into the crowd. “You’re good at that”

Brutal. You blink, looking down at your half empty beer bottle, refusing to look at the two as the awkward tension rises. Eunbin doesn’t move, hurt written all over her features and you can tell she wants to bite back but she can’t.

You feel bad for her, especially when she sucks at her lips, tears brimming in her eyes which she tries to blink away. She hangs her head low, turning on her heel and walking away without another word. You face Jeno with a frown and you go to say something about how harsh he acted but you notice the way his fists clench at his sides, jaw tense.

“Was that your first time speaking to her since she came back?” You ask softly and he nods his head, scratching at the back of his neck. He seems uncomfortable, which you hate to see. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine—”

“FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!”

You and Jeno jerk up at the sound of chanting, seeing groups and groups of people eagerly running to the middle of the garden where a crowd forms. Your brows pull together in confusion, trying to peer over their heads as best as you possibly could from your spot and Jeno does the same, standing on his tiptoes.

A bad feeling settles in the pit of your stomach as you see Jaemin rush into the mass of people and you take a few steps forward, Jeno hot on your tail as you push through the bodies. Jeno curses, forcing people to move out of the way as they bump into you both, too amped up and excited to see the fight.

The palm of your hand slaps over your mouth in complete shock at what you witness when you manage to barge your way to the front, seeing Hyunjin get attacked by Donghyuck who pummels his fist down on top of his head and Shotaro hold his nose that gushes out with blood.

Yeji stands at his side, fear and shock written all over her face and Haru stands at his other, swatting his hand away and tipping his head back to help stop the blood. Renjun fumes behind them, chest heaving up and down as he evilly glares at Hyunjin who’s still fighting against Donghyuck.

Jeno’s quick to react, jumping into the chaos and yanking Donghyuck back by his shirt, yelling at him to calm down but Donghyuck refuses to listen, spitting profanities and evil threats Hyunjin’s way. Your eyes flicker to the side to see Jaemin holding back Yangyang who looks furious, knuckles bruises and a cut forming on the corner of his lip, hair dishevelled.

You quickly rush over to Shotaro, coming to his aid and pulling a few tissues out of Haru’s purse, holding them to his nose. He keeps apologising, for a reason you’re not too sure, but you shake your head, telling him to be quiet and to slow down his heavy breathing.

Haru glances between Shotaro and Renjun, knocking his side to get his attention and Renjun looks down at her, the two silently communicating.

You turn your head to Yeji. “What the hell happened?”

“I-I-I don’t know” She stutters, voice wavering and body shaking. “Me and Shotaro were dancing and Hyunjin just hit him”

“Shotaro kissed her and Hyunjin saw. He got angry about it so he punched Shotaro across the face” Haru informs you fully and you immediately spin around, glaring at Hyunjin. He rolls his eyes when you all look at him, wiping the blood from the cut on his eyebrow, letting out a laugh.

“He kissed her in front of me” Hyunjin tells you, wincing as he touches a different wound on his nose. “That little bitch did it on purpose—”

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Donghyuck hisses, lunging for Hyunjin again but Jeno stops him, forcefully holding him back and demanding him to calm down despite how angry he was himself. He didn’t want to cause anymore trouble, not tonight anyways.

Hyunjin finds it amusing that Donghyuck and Yangyang are both being held back by others who so desperately want to step in and punch him. Felix, who has been desperately trying to tug Hyunjin away from the situation and begging for him to be quiet, shakes his head at Hyunjin’s behaviour, nervously gnawing down on his bottom lip as he Hyunjin points at Donghyuck and Yangyang while laughing loudly, seeming to go make a comment about Shotaro too but it never comes, he’s quiet.

Especially when he’s clipped across the face by Miwoo’s hand.

The crowd dies down, some ‘oohing and ‘ahhing’. Hyunjin cradles the side of his raw cheek, completely stunned at the action and Miwoo blankly looks at him, unbothered.

“Come on, laugh” Miwoo urges him. “It’s funny, right? Laugh. Do it” She raises her brow expectantly, putting her hands on her hips. “Want me to do it again? So we can both laugh together?”

She lifts her hand to strike again but Hyunjin steps back out of her aim, shaking his head quickly, face reddening in embarrassment. Miwoo scoffs, dropping her hand to her side with a tut, not happy with the way Hyunjin’s reaction.

“Pathetic” She sighs. “Boys”

“He’s not going to hit a girl, you freak” A voice states from the crowd, a familiar one, a female. You fight the urge to roll your eyes as you recognise its Yeeun and you turn to look at Haru who looks done with the whole situation, mumbling how it’s time for all of you to leave which you couldn’t agree more.

“I don’t mind” Miwoo grins almost manically. “Come on… you guys wanted a fight, didn’t you? Don’t tell me you’re taking back your words because a girl wants to join in on the fun… or is it the fact that you’re going to go up against someone who is actually going to hit back?”

The crowd is even more silent at that, knowing exactly what she’s talking about. Shotaro wouldn’t hit back, he’s not a violent person, which you know deep down that they all took advantage of until Yangyang, Donghyuck and Miwoo stepped in to defend their friend.

Some people look down, ashamed at being called out while others remain stoic, just continuing to stare at Miwoo as she eyes them all before stopping at Hyunjin. She smirks at his expression, rolling her eyes and lets out a halfhearted laugh all while turning to face Shotaro.

“Let’s get the fuck outta here… This party was boring anyways”

⟩⟩• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •⟨⟨

“Well… that was an experience” You admit as you walk into Jaemin’s bedroom, laughing awkwardly as you rub at the back of your neck.

After the fight, you all left Eunbin’s party in a hurry and decided to go grab some food at the burger shack, sitting around the table and gossiping about what happened (after making sure Shotaro was okay and that his nose wasn’t broken).

Donghyuck and Yangyang reenacted the fight, throwing over the top punches at each other and succeeding in making Shotaro laugh when they praised him for taking Hyunjin’s punches like a champ, calling him ‘the strongest badass alive’ which Shotaro beamed at.

Even Miwoo commented on how proud of Shotaro she was, cooing at him and pinching his cheek. Renjun and Jeno were still angry but Renjun calmed down after a while as Haru muttered things into his ears, caressing his thigh and giving him soft smiles.

Jeno remained angry while Jaemin was quiet. He stared at the table, saying nothing throughout dinner but when it was time to leave and everyone wanted to go back to the apartment, he had pulled you aside and asked if you could come home with him so the two of you could be alone.

You wanted to decline at first, wanting all of you to go back together but decided against it when it dawned on you that you really needed to talk to him, to discuss things that you wished would disappear and be forgotten about.

“Tell me about it” Jaemin chuckles, closing his bedroom door behind you both. He unbuttons a few of the buttons on his shirt, kicking his shoes off to the side as he looks at you. “Did you have a good night?”

“Yeah, it was fine” You nod stiffly, toeing off your heels.

“You don’t have to lie to me, you know” He tells you. He knows you like the back of his hand. He can read you so easily, you’re like an open book to him and you detest it a little, especially when he seems so closed off to you. You know everything about him and yet, you still know nothing at all. It’s frustrating. “I know you didn’t really want to go, but I’m happy you did”

“I did it for you” You say without looking at him, too shy to meet his eyes.

Jaemin raises a brow. “For me?” You hum with a short nod. “Why would you do it for me?”

Because I like you. “Because you wanted to go”

“I didn’t want to go” Jaemin furrows his brows. “I would’ve been fine either way, you know that. I just wanted to know what you wanted to do, I would’ve followed what you wanted”

You look at him this time. “Really?”

“Yes” Jaemin laughs, nodding his head as his arms wrap around your waist. You hold his arms, staring up at him. You’re unsure of how you’re feeling right now. You want to pull away from his embrace, knowing that it’s wrong to allow him to hold you like this after the conversation you had with Eunbin. But you also want to pull him as close to you as you possibly can, to hold him in your arms, to have his skin on yours, his lips.

Jaemin ducks his head down to press his lips to yours but you move back before he can even do so. He furrows his brows at you in confusion as you step out of his arms.

“Jaemin, I…” You pause, fidgeting in your spot. “I need to talk to you about something”

“Okay?”

“It’s important—” You gulp. “A-and I don’t really know how to start it or what to even say and I—”

“Hey, breathe” He tells you, instructing you to breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth, demonstrating it in front of you and you copy, quitting your rambling to try and calm your erratic heartbeat. The proximity between you both makes your head spin, feeling his breath fan across your face doesn’t help you relax but your fingers can’t help but graze against his chest, itching to pull him closer to you and ignore everything else around you.

His hand comes up to stroke the back of your head affectionately, staring down at you with those pretty brown eyes that make you weak, knees almost buckling under his gaze but you try your hardest to hold strong.

“Jaem…” You whisper his name.

“God, you look so beautiful” He whispers back to you, his hand coming down to caress your cheek with the prettiest of smiles and it makes your heart ache. The way he’s looking at you right now makes your head spin and you feel choked up, trying your best to blink away the tears that threaten to form. You want to distract yourself from tearing up and you do it in the worst way possible by surging forwards to connect your lips with his, completely forgetting about the talk you wanted to have with him as your fingers curl around his shirt.

His arms slither around your waist, pressing you close to his body as his mouth moves against yours, capturing your bottom lip with a soft bite and you gasp quietly. It gives him the opportunity to push his tongue between your lips, meeting yours in the soft kiss.

He smiles against your lips, pulling you closer as much as he possibly can as your fingers rake through his hair. Without a doubt, you’re addicted to him. You’re drunk on his touch, you’re putting in his hands, you yearn for more every time he touches you… you can’t get enough of him.

The rhythm that your lips move in is so gentle and soft, a kiss that you’ve never shared before but it’s starting to mean so much to you that you almost plead and beg to have him back when he pulls away.

Jaemin lowers himself, bending his knees as his hands latch onto the back of your thighs and you automatically jump, wrapping your legs around his waist as he grips your thighs tightly to hold you up, reconnecting his lips with yours as he expertly manoeuvres around his bedroom.

He sits down on the chair at his desk, comfortably settling you in his lap with your knees on either side of his hips. His hands rest at your thighs, gripping the bare skin between his fingers as mouth moulds with yours and you bring him closer with your arms. You feel his hands rub up and down your thighs before pushing up your skirt, letting it bunch around your waist messily.

You gasp when he presses his fingers against your clothed core. He smiles when he feels the wetness between your legs seeping through the lacy material and you unbuckle his belt, pulling his cock out of his pants just as he yanks your panties to the side.

You refuse to waste anymore time, having not been laid in so long makes you desperate and you’re not afraid to show or admit it, neither is he. He aligns himself at your entrance, his eyes locked on yours as you lower yourself down, gasping at the feeling of him inside you, stretching your walls and fitting in snugly.

He chases after your lips the second he bottoms out, trying his hardest to control himself. He wants to savour this moment and frankly, so do you.

“I appreciate you so much” He whispers sweet things in your ears and you shake your head, telling him to stop but he doesn’t. “I appreciate you so fucking much”

“Jae…” You warn him. He doesn’t listen, as per usual.

His hands cup your cheeks to bring you forwards, lips softly kissing the skin of your forehead, your eyelids, the tip of your nose. You’re basking in his touch, kissing the pad of his thumb as it rubs against your bottom lip. Jaemin smiles, watching your head lean back in bliss when he rolls his hips upwards to meet your speed, adjusting his grip around the back of your neck to pull you in.

He pecks your lips once, twice, three times before connecting his mouth to yours, kissing you so affectionately it makes you feel dizzy, so lightheaded that you’re afraid you’re going to pass out.

You steady your hands on his shoulders in the midst of the kiss to help you rise and fall down on his cock slowly, your eyes rolling to the back of your head in pleasure and whines and cries spill from your lips when his cock hits the sweet spot.

Jaemin’s the one to move back from the kiss, watching you with his mouth wide open, heavily panting every time your ass meets his thighs when you take him whole, his stomach caving in as he sucks in deep breaths.

The way he’s looking at you right now sends a shiver down your spine, his fucked out expression with hazy eyes staring into yours, refusing to break eye contact which you have already done so many times due to the pleasure that’s pooling in the put of your stomach.

You mewl as he hits the spot inside you again, thighs shaking at his hips and you clench around him involuntarily. Jaemin gasps at the feeling, fingers gripping your waist tightly as he tries to pull you closer.

“I’m not going to last long if you keep doing that” Jaemin breathes out with a grunt, licking his lips as he glances down at where your bodies connect, watching himself disappear inside you with a moan. “Fuck… you’re so beautiful, baby”

“I…I…” You struggle to find your voice when your core clenches, a band forming in your stomach, almost bringing you closer to your orgasm. “I… ‘gonna cum”

“Me too” He tells you, raising his hand to his lips, tongue licking at his thumb before he presses the digit to your clit. The sudden action makes you tense up, the air being knocked out of your lungs as you cum around his cock, leaving you breathless as your walls convulse around him, whining as he thrusts to reach his orgasm.

“Baby..” You cry out prettily, still creaming around his cock. Hearing you call him such an endearing name for the first time sends him over the edge, hot liquid spilling inside of you with a high pitched moan you have never heard come from him before.

You collapse on top of him from exhaustion, resting your chin on his shoulder and everything inside of you snaps, the tears freely streaming down your cheeks. Your hands cling to his back, fisting the material of his shirt in your hands tightly as if he could easily slip away from your fingers. He holds you close to him too, breathing heavily as his hands rub up and down your back soothingly, helping you both come down from your orgasms, cooing softly in your ear.

Jaemin doesn’t move, keeping his cock inside of you with a smile, leaning back against his chair comfortably with you and his one hand moves to the back of your head to keep you as close to him as he can.

He’s unaware of what’s going on behind him, he can’t feel the tears drip from your eyes and seep into his shirt. He can’t hear the words repeating in your head. He can’t see the pain that’s on your face.

He also didn’t know that this is the last time you will both be in this position.

He’s oblivious.

He’s oblivious to it all.

⟩⟩• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •⟨⟨

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