Can We Stop Pretending The Bats All Live In The Same House Together I Swear Those People Do Not Communicate

Headcanon that when extremely sleep deprived Dick tells Jason wayyy too much traumatizing lore about his life.

Bc he kinda forgets that Jay wasn’t there for it

Since he was hallucinating the bastard (yeah I know in canon it was obviously a hallucination idk)

So Dick will accidentally just lore dump about the most insane shit bc well Jason was there (no he wasn’t)

And when he’s offensively sleep deprived it goes the other direction and he forgets that Jason ever came back.

So he’s just in the corner watching what he believes to be a hallucination of his baby brother except for some reason his mind decided he needed to see what Jay would look like grown up.

Dick on day 7 without sleep watching Jason beat up a gang member: maybe my therapist was right

Jason: the fuck are you-?

Dick: Maybe I DO need to go back on anti-psychotics

————————————————————

Dick alone in his apartment with a bag of shredded cheese and a plain cereal box in one hand ready to have what is probably the Most depressing depression meal: hmmm hmmmm hmmm

Jason who climbed through a window while dick was distracted: Sup

Dick: ah look a wild hallucinajason appears

Jason: what the fuck did you the call me

Dick patting Jason’s cheek: oh they’re somatosensory now too! That’s new! Anyway bye bye baby bird

Jason watching his brother leave the kitchen: ….okay what the fuck?

——————————————

Dick only on 3 days without sleep: this reminds of the time I was about the sign my marriage license!

Jason: two things 1) why does a shootout remind you of being at the courthouse 2) WHEN THE FUCK DID YOU GET MARRIED

Dick: I didn’t get married?

Jason: then what the hell are you talking about

Dick: idk the last time I tried too get married way more guns than necessary were involved and you know when I tired to get married Jay you were there!

Jason “was dead at the time” Todd: what the fuck are you talking about?

Dick: yeah! I mean you really hated her so you told me I’d be a disappointment if I married her and then disappeared. Which like granted I also didn’t wanna marry her but that was harsh

Jason: ….. I? I don’t even know what the appropriate response is? Here

Dick: an apology would be nice?

Jason who is now 50% sure his ghost haunted his brother 25% sure his brother was hallucinating and like 25% sure Bruce used his image as a tool to get dick to do what he wanted: ……. You know what… nah she was a bitch and I’m glad you didn’t marry her

Dick: I mean.. same

—————————————

Dick has a caffeine IV Grayson : this brings me back to the good old days

Jason dodging an alien: ??? When you were Robin ? How?

Dick: no! When Donna died and I didn’t have to worry about saying alive so I could do insane shit like infiltrating an alien spaceship with no protective gear

Jason:??????????????? Dick what the fuck

Dick: OH come on??? You were there! Very quippy 10/10 would be haunted by again

Jason:…. I- yeah you know what I’m not touching this one



I like to think that dick always hugs or shows physical contact when he's with his friends or family when they come to visit him cuz he doesn't know whether they are real or a hallucination

I love them sm

happy booping! 🐾

Decided to reread the Grayson run instead of doing my work.

I forgot about the absolute grip tiger had on me god damn.

Someone plz

Gimmie more content

Preferably with my boy 37

Roy: It's so unfair

Wally: What's unfair?

Roy: How so damn pretty Dick is!

Kori: *Positively smug* Of course he is beautiful. I tell him every day. Sometimes twice. Sometimes all night

Gar: *annoyed* It's so unfair! The guy could literally commit a crime and just smile his way out of it!

Wally: On that note, sometimes it's a good thing.

Roy: What?

Wally: One time, we got pulled over for speeding, and the cop let him go because he "looked trustworthy".

Gar: So?

Wally: I was driving.

More opinions!

I love love love love love Jay and Tim brotherisms

(bad siblings dick Grayson/ Damian Wayne and everyone hates them and abandons them and they must protect each other EXCLUDED)

They are so bully each other brother shaped to me

Just imagine someone (Steph) being like I’m not fucking working with the red hood??? He hurt Tim????

And Jays like fuckkkk am I gonna have to apologize? Damn

And Tim is like “OKAY LISTEN IT WAS A FIGHT I LOST… NOT THAT BADLY BY THE WAY” (his poor ego)

Steph: HE WROTE A MESSAGE IN BLOOD ON UR WALLS AND TIRED BEAT YOU TO DEATH

Jay: okay first of all, if I tried to beat him to death he would have died

Tim: a) fuck you very much no I wouldn’t have B) it was fine I was fine it was a couple bruises not that bad C) I was too distracted by the party city costume

Steph: what party city? What are you talking abou-

Jay: SHUT YOUR WHORE MOUTH DRAKE

Tim: I HAVE THE PHOTOS SAVED OFF THOSE CAMERA TODD FUCKING TRY ME

Steph to Dick: should we intervene

Dick pinching the bridge of his nose: no I just think this is how Tim bonds with people

Damian wrinkling his nose: writing a message in the victims blood is so trite Todd

Jason who has been tackled by Tim and is now fighting him on the floor: SHUT UP DAMIAN OR YOURE NEXT

Damian: oh the horror

They’re the siblings when mom/dad yells at one for bullying the other. You both gotta start being like “dad no don’t yell at him we were just goofing around”

“Yeah dad it’s just roughhousing dwdwdwdw we good”

And then attempt murder on one another as soon as the responsible people are gone.

Now they can GO to each other for help and it ends with an awkward “you know I love you right? “yeah..yeah I do don’t worry” and like a weird shoulder hug that they never mention ever again

But they’d both prefer to go to

A) the biggest brother bc he’s too old to violently bully the way they do B) it’s less embarrassing C) he’s less likely to bring it up to mock you D) that’s kinda what he’s there for

B) the bestie gc: they have friends outside if it’s not a Gotham issue, Kon is hearing about it first (if he’s alive), Bizzaro and Artemis are now a therapy gc for Jay post Gotham visit

C) honestly and truly they’d rather die (again) than ask anyone for help so truly all of these are last resorts.

Bats on Christmas (where are they?)

Dick: with the titans, has been pleasantly buzzed since 8 am. Phone has been off since midnight. Ate his weight in Christmas dinner and candy. Will meet each of his siblings one on one every day after (Jason and him get shitfaced on new years) but currently his head is on Donna’s lap and his legs are on Roy’s and he’s in a constant state of almost sleepy bliss (no one is dead shush)

Jason: binging Xmas movies him and mom used to watch at his apartment. Alfred sent him a full spread (listen in my country we do turkey and fix ins for Xmas idk what Americans do on Xmas) and he’s just been enjoying a quiet day in a nice apartment (bc I refuse to acknowledge or accept anyone being ok with Jay not having a nice warm apartment. If Dick Gave him a safe house he bought with mob money or he actually kept his drug lord money idc he has a very pretty apartment idcidc)

Tim: with Steph and Bernard, they’re shit talking him to bond, him and dick will meet and exchange presents the day after Xmas and he’s panicking bc he completely forgot to buy dick a gift so the three of them are at the mall while Tim gets increasingly worried

Damian: mad he’s not with Dick, at the Kent’s instead. Got the most presents bc all his siblings gave him stuff and both Dick and Bruce bought way too much stuff

Bruce: doesn’t do anything for Xmas and hasn’t since Jason died. His mom was Jewish so until the kids it just wasn’t a good time for him (for obvious reasons) and now his kids don’t really come home so he had a very peaceful night in and unlike literally any other time Christmas is surprisingly quiet in Gotham.

Steph: has collected a bunch of embarrassing Tim photos and is showing and telling Bernard info Tim wouldn’t let be known on his death bed while Tim is panicking over dicks gift. She spent Xmas eve with her mom so now she’s just chilling bc she already bought Dick, Cass, Damian and Tim gifts so she’s safe.

Cass: with babs since her dad has to work they’re having a very small and quaint Xmas together but it’s nice and them

Alfred: actually goes to mass

Stephanie brown 🤝 Dick Grayson

Being the only likable bats

me holding a gun to a mushroom: tell me the name of god you fungal piece of shit

mushroom: can you feel your heart burning? can you feel the struggle within? the fear within me is beyond anything your soul can make. you cannot kill me in a way that matters

me cocking the gun, tears streaming down my face: I’M NOT FUCKING SCARED OF YOU

Can we please stop with the angsty everyone hates me Tim Drake stuff??

Tim is only fun as a dorky loser with the smartest mouth you’ve ever had to hear

Tim ‘damn sucks what happened to that not dick grayson Robin imagine getting blown up that’s so cringe fail lol couldn’t be me im just better ig?’ Drake.

Tim ‘it doesn’t count as cheating if I date one girl as Robin and one as Tim’ Drake?

Tim ‘me and my friends accidentally killed Santa and instead of telling anyone we all just work together to deliver Christmas gifts around the world so that no one notices’ Drake.

Tim ‘my parents love me and are busy Drake which means I must break into Dick Graysons and Kori Anders apartment bc I am a nepo baby who doesn’t need to make money and have nothing better to do that stalk people’ Drake

Tim skater boy Drake

Tim who definitely tells people he listens to indie music and pulls up arctic monkeys while actually listening to indie music he’s just doing this bc it makes purists cringe.

Dick and Tim are brothers and love each other (and yeah even though the Morrison run and Red Robin and spyral happened they still do)

Tim and Damian have a way better relationship now than when Damian was 10

Tim and Jason have the vibe that someone made Jason apologize for titans tower and Tim got so embarrassed cuz like tell me not everyone thinks the loser Robin beat him up that badly?? Like tossed him around sure, won…sure but it wasn’t that uneven? Right?

People would notice if Tim went missing the last time he was left alone unsupervised he lost a spleen and had a weird relationship with Ras al ghul. Also… they’re bats… they track everything??? They track the gram weight to the last digit of their protein powders in their heads.

Brother had one (1) angst arc. Okay

It’s done

Can we go back to slay fun Tim?? Plz