Season 4 Jon Bashing His Head In While Listening To The Older Tapes: Karma Is A Bitch.

No one

Not a single being

My brain at any given moment: polycule titans

Polycule titans polycule titans polycule titans polycule titans polycule titans polyculetitanspolyculetitanspolyculetiyanspolyculettans hejehehwhrhrjeieheudjhejdjdusjd

Op I have 0.23 dollars would u like them? To make this show? Please? I have never needed anything more

I think Grayson would make an incredibly good 10 ep TV series but only if they leaned into making it extremely trippy. use Spyral's hypnos technology to mess with the viewer and create a 'who is who' mystery. it's only revealed that Agent 37 is Dick Grayson episode 3 and all of a sudden you're like "why is 37 talking to Bruce Wayne? is Batman in this universe?" 50/50 campy spy action and psychological thriller, culminating in a narrative arc about how Dick is using his funny persona to cope with extreme trauma. themes of perception and persona. aesthetically, it would draw on 70s/80s spy chic, flamboyant colors, music videos. lots of eye candy objectification of Grayson but then make it about his sexual trauma in the finale. strong first person narration where Grayson tells you he's everyone, he's no one, he's whoever you want him to be.

I love when I’m reading fanfiction about dick going thru it and everyone hating him and what not.

And then the author is like

Yeah yeah everyone hates him except Donna Donna would never hate him, but she’s busy and he doesn’t wanna fuck up her relationships despite the fact he knows she wouldn’t mind

Bc yes even in a premise as stupid as “everyone wakes up and hates dick Grayson” is we ALL collectively agree that there is no universe where Dick and Donna arent completely out of their minds with adoration for the other

Thank you to everyone who remembers that DONNA TROY WOULD NEVER

Dick Grayson ships in order of how toxic you should write them as adults in an established relationship imo (no batcest and we can discuss the harem at a later time)

Least

Dick X Wally: this is the quintessential friends to lovers story it’s adorable. Naturally a lil bit of toxicity bc nightwing is not a healthy person but still the ratio is 99% cute and 1% angst as adults. Feel free to angst away with the Robin/KF thing

Worlds where this is cute: young justice, earth prime pre Wally meeting Linda.

Dick X Kori: listen to me, if you ignore all the shitty writing (yes the babs wedding thing) they r perfect <3. The only person who I believe can be the lights light ya know. The broke up because they both took hits they couldn’t recover from but they still love each other and they’re my favorite canon pairing they should get back together and have a kid and be a cute lil family.

Worlds where this is cute: TT, Earth prime, DCAU, injustice, titans tomorrow, Lego Batman (every single earth actually)

Dick X Zatanna: cute, childhood crush turned sweethearts turned friends nothing to say here I just don’t think it would be toxic

Worlds where this is cute: young justice

Worlds where this should never happen: all the rest (she dated his dad)

Dick X Joey: I love them so I’m biased their relationship is on par with Dick and Wally taking field trips in the 80s. Also this is joeys most popular ship and that makes me laugh. BUT ANYWAY they’re just very homoerotic and I feel like they respect each other enough the toxicity would be on the lower side.

Worlds where this is cute: literally anytime before he possesses his dad’s body.

Times this is concerning: post possessing nightwings body (anyone remember that happening I just ignore it now, cuz I hate the whole evil Joey thing but if you wanna take this ship from 30% toxic to 140% write it post possession with the dude who had autonomy issues)

Dick x Kara: I just feel like the hero worship would get in the way a little bit

Worlds where this is cute: worlds finest

Worlds where this isn’t: the rest

Dick x Roy: I love them sm ur honor (despite how low I’m putting this, it’s one one my top ships) listen Dick and Roy adore each other and would die for each other, but the baggage?? The years of expectations?? The fights??? The fact that Dick gets more and more closed off when he’s mad usually but him and Roy in the same room and fists fly?? But the only people who can talk to Dick when he’s spiraling are Roy and Donna. Like ROY HARPER is one of Dick people!! You don’t understand how much I love how they can hurt each other while loving each other so so so much. They cause me pain. I don’t believe they’d ever mellow out Dick and Wally tho bc they’re whole relationship is heated they have never had a chill emotion about each other in their history of being characters that exist in the same space.

Worlds where this is cute: literally any world where the titans exist/have existed with speedy and Robin as core members

Worlds where no?: new 52 (I hate new 52 and ignore it tho so no universe sucks bc new 52 isn’t real and can’t hurt me)

Dick X Harley Quinn: see I hated this ship and I hate it in canon but I once read a fic that was good enough I now ship it on the dl and think it would be good for Harley to be with someone who can be a safety net. But like this is AU rare pair type shit and it’s low bc I literally cannot picture a canon universe where this isn’t the most toxic thing ever.

Worlds where yes: DCAU (AU) not even the canon one like the AU of the AU that is the DCAU (take a shot Everytime I say AU)

Dick X Shawn Tsang: I’m sorry yall Shawn was such a boring character I forgot she existed but I remember that she broke up with him after he lost his memory cuz she thought he was ghosting her and like not only does it feel like she just existed to give dick a love interest. Also this comic featured the character death wing and so it’s so low not bc the ship sucks except it does bc why dick?? Are you dating someone who hates heroes?? Why r u like this??? Stopppp but also bc imo the ship has a white bread type of content that is toxic to me personally and that’s more important.

Dick x Bea Bennet: I loved them sm in the beginning, best part of the Ric Grayson arc and then they added the spyral ties and made her a pirate and tbh that ruined it for me. Dick and Bea only work as a cute relationship if Bea is a way out or a window into the outside world like something to ground the man who is always trying to get his feet off the ground. It would be interesting. But now she’s just another another relationship where he didn’t know who he was dating and tbh I don’t think he’d be down for that post literally everything that’s ever happened to him romantically after the age of 16

Dick Babs: yes it’s this low, no I will not change it. It should be lower but I used to ship this so it’s only my fond memories keeping it this high. Babs slept with his father after dating him in at least 2 universes. Dick left Gotham for freedom and she quite literally drags him back Everytime they’re together it feels like about 30 years of Dicks character development is erased. And let’s not talk about Barbara used to be a congress woman Gordon. They deaged her to make her a decent love interest for someone who was a kid when she was running for congress. And because of the fact their characters don’t naturally balance out the way some of his other canon ships do (Bea, Shawn, KORI(the best canon ship imo), hell even Helena) it leads to the characters becoming flanderizations of themselves. Dick is a loveable himbo whose only defining characteristic is his ass and I hate to say it Barbara Gordon literally just turns into female Bruce and I hate it so much but genuinely read though some of their older stuff it’s like..ugh. Anyway I hate this ship I think it’s bad for both of them and while I’m not babs biggest fan I still like her and she and Dick should be best friends who get drunk on weekends and shit talk the bats and their respective teams (titans, birds of pray)

Dick X Helena bertinelli: yall wtf is this ship, if this is your main ship? Why? Tell me? Like what?? Helena??? Esp prime earth Helena?? He has more chemistry with midnighter than her (but we are not discussing the harem so I will remain silent)

Now the most toxic ship that isn’t incestuous is so obvious bc no one has ever pictured this ship with a modicum of health in it except its creator (derogatory) I’m 99% sure every single fic tagged this also has the domestic violence tag

Dick X Catalina Flores. Yeah no a billion times no this shit is so toxic the jack Napier fell into it and became the joker. This shit so toxic it only serves as a trauma boat for another person to swoop in and get him out I hate this so much.

Now dick is an old character so he has about a billion other relationships. But these are either the recent ones (Shawn, Bea) or the ones that have a lot of ao3 clout (birdflash) or something that makes my heart soft (dick and Joey) plus his most iconic 2 pairing I will not be getting into characters like Daphne, Clancy or Betty or anything else or the creepy ones like the fact he’s had shit with both catwoman and taila.

Thank you for coming to my ted talk

Bro this whole discourse over who would be a republican/ a trumpie in the dc verse is so stupid imo bc we have so much canon info

Batfamily: none of them have been even vaguely conservative since the 90s, infact they’re all pretty far left with Bruce being the most center because he trusts one (1) cop. (Oooh but dick was a cop, yes as an infiltration tactic until he realized they were too corrupt -he was also like 19-20 during this time- to fix and canonically doesn’t work with them at all as a rule)

Bruce rebuilds his city pro bono like twice a year and single handedly funds like 80% of their social welfare, it’s also canon he refers goons to the nearest Wayne enterprise and gets them hired if Batman knows they’re just their bc they’re struggling

Arrows: NEVER INSULT OLIVER QUEEN IN MY FACE EVER AGAIN. This man is 50% a communist 50% Bernie sanders biggest fan depending on the media.

This man would never be a republican ignoring the arrowverse like it’s actually canon that Ollie won’t shut up about politics

Superfam: … the illegal alien who has to hide the fact he’s different from everyone else in a small town…. Hmmm maybe Kon is conservative if you’re blind, deaf and a little slow, Jon has a pink haired boyfriend and is besties with a middle eastern/south Asian kid actually so let’s not?

Clark Canonically hates the KKK you think he’d be part of the party whose candidate was endorsed by them??

Flashes: Barry Allen is a conservative, Wally west was when he was younger but he’s been pretty liberal since he became as adult, Wallace has never been conservative (TV Barry you will always be the most likeable Barry)

Lanterns: Hal Jordan is a Conservative, the rest are in fact not

Wonder Woman collective: Diana??? Donna??? Artemis?? Cassie??? None of the above don’t be dumb

Anyway it’s pretty hard to have a heroic character who doesn’t believe in social welfare? Since they’re running around saving people for free and 99% of them are anti killing. + having characters be sexist, racist and/or homophobic makes them less likable objectively and also narrows down the amount of stories you can tell.

Don't know if you know this but there was a tiktok about these two friends (one boy the other a girl) who went to a hotel in France and absolutely as soon as they came in was a couple pack, I mean like rose petals, towel shaped swans and like champagne bottle with ice romance shit 😭

And ofc the friends the moment saw that ended up laughing so much and honestly this just reminded me of Donna and dick so much for some reason

I have not seen it (please send it to me)

However I can see it

In my minds eye

Donna books the hotel except for once she’s the more sleep deprived one bc Dick fell asleep and is currently napping across her lap. And all the titans follow the cat rule for Nightwing AKA: IF THE BABY SLEEPS ON YOUR LAP IT IS NOW ILLEGAL TO MOVE.

So she’s tryna book a hotel trip on her shitty burner phone since her last real phone blew up (long story but just know it was Roy’s fault) very carefully bc bats will wake up if your heart rate accelerates by 1 beat per minute

And she accidentally books a honeymoon suite

And doesn’t think anymore of it bc she is now going to sleep for a month.

The they go on this slay lil trip to Paris bc Donna and him do a solo field trip once a year added on to the yearly titans field trip. Unlike the titans field trip this has no set it, it’s done when either Donna feels unstable in her identity or Bruce pushed Dick too hard for bludhaven to feel like a safe distance to recenter himself.

So they get there and no one bats (hehe) an eye, they’re both exhausted from the flight and everything end of the world-y that happened before but it’s a nice hotel near the center of Paris and they both wanna knock out

And they walk in and see

Rose petals

Swans kissing

Bottles of champagne with a “for the happy couple”

And they both fuckinf lose it on the floor laughing for a good 10 mins

And then they realize they 100% have to see it through bc not only is this a couples suite Nono this is couples resort.

And so they get into character and instead of goofing off in public and cuddling up to cancel touch starvation in their room. They simply pretend they’re 14 again and remain attached at the hip the whole time.

Cheek kisses, pet names the whole shebang

And they keep getting compliments like “oh my god you guys talk like you’ve know each other your whole lives”

“This is what marrying your best friend looks like”

And so on

They get so much positive reinforcement that Donna and Dick end up in an old argument

Donna: this was nice

Dick: yeah it was

Donna: we should do it again

Dick snorting: what like fake being a couple and stay and an outrageously expensive hotel and eat out weight in butter

Donna: yes except we can’t fake it again we have to do it for real next time or it would be boring

Dick: you’re asking me to marry you

Donna: I’m asking you to marry me

Dick sighing: I will not abandon Bruce and or Gotham if we get married

Donna: WHY NOT?

Dick: HES MY DAD

Donna: HES AN ASSHOLE

Dick: Donna-

I find it funny where in both comics and fanfiction

No one gets right how much Dick Grayson should be eating?

(Warning to everyone from here on bc I get into calories and plz don’t read on if you have issues around weight/ food thank you!)

“Oh Dick lives on cereal”

“Oh Dick eats like a bird”

“Oh he forgets to eat”

“Oh he’s prone to restrictive eating”

GUYS HES a heavily athletic young male who spent his LIFE in sport is around 6’0 and is vaguely dorito shaped

Like his basal metabolic rate even without exercise is HORRIFICALLY HIGH like at the conservative estimate it would be around 3.6k (since hes already accustomed to a heavily active life he’d burn more even laying down than say a sedentary person)

And EVEN if you didn’t count running around the city all night/ his day life/ the fact he’s usually on his feat even as a civilian.

If you just took in the calisthenics required to THROW yourself off of a roof

Baby that’s 700calories an hour

So again LOW END 2.4K + 3.6k = brother is packing away 6k calories

Without all the running, working out, training, gymnastics

And hes running/jumping across a city so i would also put in the average 2.6k calories the average person burns running a marathon?

Are you seeing what I’m putting down?

Bro is EATING like a bodybuilding

And PACKING on carbs on carbs on carbs for energy

Like at the LOW end Dickie boy is eating 7k calories for maintenance.

Which is also why I am a huge fan of the cereal thing in moderation. Bc yeah guess what a quick release cheap carb that can be consumed quickly makes sense

But I also believe Dick is eating fuck you amounts of high calorie low volume foods like 1000 calorie smoothie 2-3 times a day

Like Dicks grocery bill must be OFFENSIVE

Like bro must be putting sticks off butter in his coffee instead of milk bc idek how he wouldn’t be struggling

Like he’s losing 3-6% of his body weight in movement alone

AND LETS NOT EVEN TALK ABOUT THE LIKE 6 LITERS OF WATER

I love how severely Jason refuses to differentiate between Bruce and Batman while also refusing to acknowledge that Nightwing and Dick Grayson are the same dude

in case anyone’s interested, I made a collage of every time Dick and Kory are cuddling during a Titans meeting. seriously

I like the fact that the main difference between Dick Grayson and Nightwing is just straight vibes

Dick Grayson is a good looking, fun, smart guy who can sometimes come off a lil goofy or awkward but he’s nice to talk too and is therapist shaped if you’re going through it. The kinda guy you can pull aside and ask for him to listen to a 9 hour mental breakdown and he’ll do it in exchange for a latte.

Nightwing is a consummate professional, he will lead your team, get you in, get ur info, get you out. No ifs ands or buts around it. He doesn’t gaf unless it’s gonna fuck up

1) his teammates

2) peoples chances of living

3) ur brain fundamentally

Otherwise bro is here to do his job, make 1-7 bad puns and gtfo