If It’s Okay For Me To Ask, Can You Explain A Little Further How You “reconceptualized” Your Dysphoria?

TERF Tips #270

For dysphoria:

Keep telling yourself that you can’t escape your biology! That definitely won’t lead to any suicide!

Forget about your dysphoria!

Keep telling yourself that technically all womynly womyn have dysphoria! And that they all overcome it somehow! Yeah, like my mom knew what the hell was wrong with me when puberty hit me 10× harder than other kids!

Punch a hole through the wall, and pull out that sword that you’ve kept hidden for centuries, and pretend to slice it in half, so that it’s now dead.

“I’m happier being detransitioned, but saying that people detransition because they’re “not happy” with transition is disingenuous. The truth is that a lot of women don’t feel like they have options. There isn’t a whole lot of place in society for women who look like this, women who don’t fit, who don’t comply. When you go to a therapist and tell them you have those kinds of feelings, they don’t tell you that it’s okay to be butch, to be gender nonconforming, to not like men, to not like the way men treat you. They don’t tell you there are other women who feel like they don’t belong, that they don’t feel like they know how to be women. They don’t tell you any of that. They tell you about testosterone.”

— Cari Stella, @guideonragingstars, Response to Julia Serano: Detransition, Desistance, and Disinformation

from the detroit gay liberator vol. 1 no. 6, december 1970

If you aren’t detransitioned yourself, you don’t get to tell people the “reasons” for detransition with any kind of authority on the matter. You don’t get to tell detransitioned people how they must have experienced dysphoria or say that it wasn’t “severe” enough if they were able to find other means of coping than continuing to transition their bodies. 

I’m tired of watching non-detransitioned people try and speak over us, try and erase the variance in stories because some of them don’t fit a narrative they like, and consistently belittling our experiences. 

People who transition are only helped by having information on the varying outcomes that may come from it, no matter how small of a chance it may be. My doctor didn’t have me ignore the fact that my nipples could fall off after having surgery just because it was a less than 1% chance, they certainly shouldn’t have been telling me not to research about detransition for the same fucking reason.

as much some folks wanna think it so, my complicated relationship with my gender doesn’t make me trans.

Gender Troubles: The Butches

Ive spent the past few months reading some radfem and detrans related stuff, just curious and trying to educate myself. Then quite recently Ive basically started to feel like "oh shit maybe i actually should detransition" and its freaking me out. Im not sure if im just going crazy being in quarantine and making rash decisions, or if all the time as home gave me time for introspection to come to this conclusion. i feel so lost lol

tbh, this is how i found myself on a path to full detransition, not just stopping hormones. i just wanted some perspective—what i found was a full paradigm shift.

you didn’t ask for advice, so take or leave this: you don’t have to figure it all out right now. give yourself permission, space, and—importantly—time to see how you’re feeling, to understand what you believe about gender and sex and all of this messy shit. and if you get a handle on how you feel about that, then see what you want to do. you don’t even have to DO it yet, just see what you want. and if you continue wanting it, take small steps toward that thing, then pause and ask yourself how it feels. do you feel more authentic? do you feel less confused? are you afraid, and if so, what of? are these fears realistic? are they worth confronting anyway?

the time in quarantine has absolutely given you time for introspection, but that doesn’t necessarily mean you have to reach a conclusion just yet. there are actually no rules to how your life must go. that’s entirely up to you. all i can suggest is, spend the time asking the questions that come up for you, and try to answer them. try to figure out what YOU believe and why you believe it; am i living a life that satisfies me? am i living in a way that excites me? don’t worry about anyone else, what they might think of you, how they might react to your questioning or any conclusions you draw—the only person for whom those questions and answers matter is you. ultimately, you’re the person who is guaranteed to be with you your whole life—so that’s the person whose opinion matters most.

ive been thinking abt that “being a lesbian is just constantly the cant relate meme” and its actually so true it makes me sad lmao.  like my friends can rant for five minutes about how badly they want to suck some dudes dick but i feel uncomfortable even mentioning that im slightly attracted to some girl. so much of “girlhood” or “womanhood” thats portrayed in mainstream pseudo feminist media, or even coming of age literature is about the heterosexual experience; about a women coming into her (straight) sexuality and thats just so frustrating.  little women was hailed as one of the first books to write about girlhood and growing up and a lot of it involves all the girls falling in love with men.  also honestly the whole “sex positive revolution” thing is annoying and exclusive too lmao.  i read an article that cited sex and the city, 30 rock, magic mike (??), and amy schumer, as “sex positive media” thats contributing to a “more open discussion” on “female sexuality”.. while literally none of these are in any way relatable to the lesbian experience.  im forever grateful to alison bechdel, and anyone else who is making space to talk about the lesbian coming of age experience because we literally have nothing at the moment and it fucking sucks.

that reblog saying ‘If you don’t want to be a girl you probably aren’t one’ like.. if you don’t enjoy feeling like a sex object aged 10 you’re probably not a woman like WHAT. I think you guys need to like.. talk to more women :(

the dialogue around detrans people online right now is so fucking awful lmao…. seen threads full of people talking about how they literally do not give a fuck about the struggles of detrans people whatsoever bc we’re “too small of a group” or are “cis so it doesn’t matter”. it’s just like….. so fucked because we literally have all the exact same struggles as trans people? 100% of the same shit? the only line between the groups is one largely of labelling and choices we make w our bodies (which isn’t entirely true, not every trans person medically transitions or stays on hormones and not every detrans person medically detransitions or goes off hormones)

almost every detrans person i know and have talked to struggles with transphobia from strangers on a daily basis. a lot of us are coming out from having been stealth which i have to say has felt exactly the same as coming out the first time. we need the same kind of healthcare that any trans person might need and struggle to receive it for the same reasons. we need the same kind of legal assistance that any trans person might need and often have to go through the same lengthy headache process of getting all our identification changed. we’re at the same risk of violence and harassment for the ways that we look and move through the world. what is the legitimate empathetic reasoning for not giving a fuck about us? and no, “you did this to yourself so you deserve it” is not a legitimate empathetic reason. imo everyone who struggles with gender and presentation socially and/or medically and/or legally is in the exact same boat and we should all be supporting eachother. its kind of hard dealing with knowing that there are tons of people out there actively declaring that they don’t give a shit about me or anyone like me. it makes it difficult feeling comfortable or safe or cared about anywhere