Literally Me (i Havent Done Ballet Since 1st Grade)

It’s Summer of 2023 and narcissistic abuse still does not exist. 

What you experienced was emotional abuse. By believing in narc abuse you are killing mentally ill people. Hope it helps.

im actually going to fucking kill myself i just developed the fattest crush on a random nickelodeon actor from 10 years ago that i only recognized now after seeing him in game of thrones. yes it's eugene simon

fuck forgiving and forgetting I need to bash his face into unrecognisable mush

losing 25 lbs would cure my depression actually

everything is so so significant to me how am i supposed to live

I fucking hate when the internet waters down actual serious diagnoses to the point where everyone can somehow relate to it. I hate when the bad symptoms get glossed over for the sake of making cluster B individuals seem nicer and more relatable to the public, at the expense of painting an accurate picture of the disorder. I hate when the response to me talking about my bad symptoms is to deny that I have them and reassure me that I'm a sweet person who would never do that. That I just have the wrong perception of my own behavior. I hate when my friends say they have the same personality disorders as me because they related to some symptoms they saw on fucking tiktok. But then turn around and call me a horrible person for displaying any symptom that isn't self deprecating, quiet, cute, and deserving of sympathy. The whole fucking point of cluster B disorders are that they make life a living hell. It's not fair, it's not nice, it's not sweet, there's no justice to it. There's no "it's okay to have (insert disorder) and get mad at your loved ones as long as you don't act on it ^^" when acting on it is part of the fucking disorder. Can we stop acting like all symptoms can be suppressed, that having personality disorders and being cluster B is just a minor inconvenience and it's still easy to be a functioning nice person. And can we stop acting like being horrible to yourself makes a disorder "better" and more "noble" than being horrible to others. Thanks. (And no one put words in my mouth, I am not saying that it's okay to hurt others by acting on your symptoms, I'm just saying that it's a part of the disorder that needs to be recognized in order to be dealt with. Denying it's there is not doing anything. "I didn't choose to develop this disorder and I didn't choose to act this way" and "acting this way hurts the people I love and I need to be responsible and seek help" are two statements that can and should co-exist. There's nothing fair about being mentally ill.)