Do's And Don't's If You Have Trans Friends

do's and don't's if you have trans friends

DO:

use their correct pronouns and name

correct yourself if you slip up

respect the terminology they use to describe their gender (transgender, transsexual, genderqueer, etc.)

do your own research on the trans community

practice using gender-neutral language for people you don't know (however, if you know someone's pronouns/identity, refer to them with that)

remember that the trans community includes people inside (man + woman) and outside the gender binary (enby, agender, genderfluid, etc. it's all about how someone chooses to identify)

ask who you can use their pronouns/chosen name around (if they are new in their social transition, they might still have people whom they want to know them as their deadname/incorrect pronouns for privacy/safety)

refer to them with the correct pronouns/name even if they aren't in the room/within earshot

learn what gender-affirming methods are for both FtM and MtF people are (binding, tucking, packing, etc.)

correct other people (WHO THE TRANS PERSON IS OUT TO AND HAS TOLD THEIR PRONOUNS/NEW NAME TO) if they mess up the trans person's pronouns or name (not excessively, but if it's repeated)

treat them like any other/cisgender person

ask them genuine questions about trans people (as long as they are respectful and not intrusive) that you can't find the answers to online

refer to their birth gender as their "gender assigned at birth" rather than their "real gender"

if they are closeted/not fully socially transitioned: tell them if you hear rumors or are asked by people if they are trans

DON'T:

use their new name/pronouns around people that they have told you not to

use they/them for people who don't go by those pronouns (that is misgendering)

tell other people (especially whom they pass as cisgender to) that they are trans (without their distinct permission)

continue passing rumors that someone (whether you know they are trans or not) is trans

ask for their deadname/birth name

ask if they are cisgender/for their agab (especially if you are not well-acquainted/friends yet)

assume their sexuality (just ask.)

make a big deal of accidentally misgendering/using their deadname

start passively transphobic conversations (even commenting negatively on the inclusion of the pregnant man emoji on Apple, etc.)

ask about their genitalia/any other intrusive questions such as their sex life, etc.

say that they don't seem trans (transgender isn't a box that people have to fit perfectly into to be trans)

accuse them of being "too woke" or "trans because of the internet" etc.