Fredwendelin - Queer Queer Queer

Being Bigender (to me) feels like swimming: someone mixed paint in the water, but you give no fuck at all. You. Are. Just. Swimming.

C&D Book Update #4

HOW I ABSOLUTELY LOVE WRITING!

I've been spending what time I could spare fleshing out chapters 57+. I ended up having to add a 700-words-long chapter as chapter 58 due to some emotional milestones that didn't feel earned enough. And I ended up with the best lines in the whole book? Somehow? I had to write it like, 3 times. First it was all about a robbery, then I just didn't want to write anything on robbery anymore, then I started writing a whole different chapter. A bit difficult, but I managed.

Now I'm having a blast with chapter 59. It was mostly written already (I said that I finished the first draft in another update), but I had so much fun adding these little silly details. I still need to change two flirty lines that aren't strong enough... but that's what the 5th revision is, right? RIGHT???!!!!

I'm still working on chapter 59, and I think I can manage 40 too today. Only, 40 is soooo complex (on a planning perspective) I don't know how long it will take.

Well, sometimes I surprise myself and it takes like, 5 hours.

Other times, 5 days.

Just normal F me.

Cursed be the writer that posted a 'and everybody died in the most gruesome way possible' chapter on April's Fools.

🤬

Expelled from Word, he is now trying to contact you through other programs...

Tried the Picrew thing

I was kinda surprised the nonbinary flag was even an option. Nice. Shockingly, I could actually portray how I look right now... (Gotta do something about that beard, though. Yesterday I was too lazy...)

This image was created with Picrew’s “makowka character maker II“!! https://picrew.me/share?cd=kpeHhy3iHq #Picrew #makowka_character_maker_II

How

I didn't have THE internet while growing up. It just didn't exist. So I didn't have a lot of resources for research...

...seeing as "actual" books were hard for me to read. No attention span. I could only read Isaac Asimov. I think the last thing I read from him was this thing about robot dogs??

Now? Now there are a ton of tools to double-check facts. And I'm drowning in them. Frankly, internet is being too much for me. But my sister? She's thriving. She peruses the internet wonders as if they aren't a headache in disguise.

How????

Letter to my young self

I saw someone doing this and I thought, what about me? How would I write it?

And then I realized I'd only write,

"Don't die."

Just that.

That would leave my younger self wondering, "wtf will happen that makes my older self say this???"

And really, that's all I needed to hear. Not fake words. Not fake touches.

Just a steady, linger a bit more.

TCIK Original Book Update #6

I talked to a friend today and it REALLY helped.

We spent like half an hour discussing the plot and I ended up deciding on a few things after our conversation. Also, she made a curious request: that I repeat a phrase or an emotion in certain specific moments (I can't talk about what those moments are, big spoiler...). I think it made me stumble into some hidden treasure, but what this treasure is, I'm yet to know...

Coração

Do alto do céu, Ele olha em teus olhos. Vê o que ninguém vê, O brilho esquecido, A dor que em silêncio não cede.

Sinto um peso no peito, O eco de uma ausência sem nome, Uma ferida sem cura, Alguém sem solução.

Eu cruzaria o mundo, Daria meu sangue, Seria teu pão. Já não posso ser menos Do que Deus pediu de mim.

Ser assim, Um tanto diferente, Um risco na maré, Um passo além da linha. E mesmo que me tentem calar, Sonharei mais alto. Terei algo a te dar.

Nem que tenha de dar Meu sangue, Minha carne, Minha última prece. Pois sei que tu podes mais. Sempre mais.

Mas me pergunto, Quem, do alto do céu, Fez do vento um anjo? Quem o moldou Para salvar minha dor?

Ele fala, mas não o ouço, Sussurra, mas temo entender. E se um dia se for, O que restará de mim?

Mesmo se o céu for azul, Se as nuvens dançarem livres, Algo em mim será cinza.

Mas um anjo me diz: "Há tanto a fazer, Tanto a dar, Para tornar alguém feliz."

E eu, Que já não durmo cedo, Que luto contra meus próprios fantasmas, Ainda rezo. Pois as palavras não têm fim, E se Deus não muda, Alguém mudará por mim.

Dar força a quem desiste, Dar fé a quem persiste, Desfazer a maldade, Firmar o perdão.

E mesmo que tudo se desfaça, Que tudo seja ilusão, Ainda há algo que resiste: A força do teu coração.

Já não tiro mais fotos, Já não busco respostas. Se tudo vem do nada, Que sou eu, então?

Peço mil dias de perdão, E ainda assim, Persiste em mim A força do meu coração.

Não há mais jeito... É o meu talento... Despeço-me de mim mesmo E entrego a quem quiser. Eu sou um. E por isso, Eu vivo.

A ti. A ti. A ti. A ti.

O amor floresce como uma flor de verão, Breve, intensa, Indomável.

Penso, falo, sigo, faço, Como o vento, sem pouso certo. Arrasto ilusões, Desfaço mentiras.

E se tudo me for tirado, Se o que desejo se apagar, Movo minha própria alma E sigo meu coração.

Não é fácil. Mas há de ser feito.

Penso, falo, sigo, faço, Como se nunca fosse chegar. Tento, canto, caio de cansaço. Onde está o céu?

Penso, falo, sigo, refaço, O amor há de resistir. Pois é da fé que vive em mim.

My ideas always go like this:

Oah, cool, fine, that shows promise

Nah scratch that, something better came up

Wow another new idea, this one actually makes 1 and 2 make sense

mindblowing

omg I'm weeping, EVERYTHING MAKES SENSE NOW

Over and over again, project after project

You just need to give it... time. No really, time and eat proper food