My Boyfriend Won’t Stop Talking To Me About Whether Or Not I Would Eat Pokémon Steaks. We Think Maybe

My boyfriend won’t stop talking to me about whether or not I would eat Pokémon steaks. We think maybe Mr. Mime steaks would have white meat and ooze a purple liquid. I feel like you’re the only one qualified to tell us more

My Boyfriend Won’t Stop Talking To Me About Whether Or Not I Would Eat Pokémon Steaks. We Think Maybe

listen the ONLY part of a mr mime thats edible are the red spots, and thats ONLY after being properly cooked - if you bite into any part of their body while its still raw youll suffer near immediate food poisoning

luckily, just like red kidney beans, the potential toxins are easily to remove provided you take the right steps

My Boyfriend Won’t Stop Talking To Me About Whether Or Not I Would Eat Pokémon Steaks. We Think Maybe

once theyve been safely removed from their inedible surroundings, the larger red spheres are ready to begin working with - its worth noting that the smaller spots on the hands and cheeks also fall into this category, but theyre almost always too small to be considered harvesting by most professionals 

My Boyfriend Won’t Stop Talking To Me About Whether Or Not I Would Eat Pokémon Steaks. We Think Maybe

youll want to start by cutting away any flesh thats still directly touching the pale parts; when in doubt, a wider cut is always preferred. better safe than sorry ! one benefit of working with mr mimes is that, along with many others in their typing, their bodies are held together with physic energy and thus dont require deboning

My Boyfriend Won’t Stop Talking To Me About Whether Or Not I Would Eat Pokémon Steaks. We Think Maybe

the next part is going to require boiling in a large pressure cooker- some may find it a challenge to to find a pot big enough to host all the parts, so cooking them individually is fine. remember to follow the instructions to the letter

My Boyfriend Won’t Stop Talking To Me About Whether Or Not I Would Eat Pokémon Steaks. We Think Maybe

after theyve been removed and dried, an easy way to text if theyre safe to eat is to cut them in half and check the spongy center - a darkened purple core means theyve been boiled long enough, while any lighter, greenish tints means you probably needed a bit more time

My Boyfriend Won’t Stop Talking To Me About Whether Or Not I Would Eat Pokémon Steaks. We Think Maybe

once theyre out of the danger range, you can now safely use them in variety of dishes ! their almost mushroom-like texture means they absorb flavors well, and pictured above is one of my personal favorites

My Boyfriend Won’t Stop Talking To Me About Whether Or Not I Would Eat Pokémon Steaks. We Think Maybe

THIS guy though, you can just pop em into your mouth whole. its fine

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KEEP CLINGING UNTIL THE SCREAMING STOPS


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Sighs.

Im back

Au where ford actually kept track of Stan a little bit more than in canon. I’m talking the man would cast spells and ask the mail box “is my brother alive” or “where is my brother”

But of course because I love myself some angst, Fords questions were worded in such a way that he ONLY knew his brother was alive—but being alive doesn’t equal being okay. He gets his brothers location, but being realistic do you think Ford would think that he’s traveling so much because he’s running away or because he’s successful and LIKES to travel. “Oh look Stanley’s taking a vacation in Colombia. Although that’s a long vacations it’s been months… he must be pretty rich thanks to his products!” (Because remember ford had seen Stan’s commercials, so ford follows his line of logic to be that Stan is pretty successful.)

Of course one day Ford finally asks a slightly different question, one that crumples the narrative he created in his mind, “How is Stanley doing?”

And that’s when he learns that his brother is currently being transported to a hospital. That his brother is on the verge of death due to malnutrition, hypothermia, and because of an infected untreated wound. That his brother hasn’t been okay the last few years.

He learns that he asked all the wrong questions.


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fractured-prism - Currently heading unprepared into the unknown
Currently heading unprepared into the unknown

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