Forgive Yourself For Making The Wrong Choice During A Tough Time

it's time again for the ✨#ADHDCosmicTakeover!✨ my comic this year is about pinballing helplessly between interests and the frustrating feeling of being a "jack of all trades, master of none" (but who said i have to be a "master" of anything anyway? fuck off!)

thank you so much to dreamadoodles for organizing this year! pls check out the tag to see more comics from other contributors 🌠

Mabel shmabel

Dipper knew that his grunkles switching places was necessary to defeat Bill, but--- Dipper hadn't been able to tell them apart. It distresses him, that he confused the two, that he wasn't smart nor observant enough to pick up on their trick. These were his grunkles, his family--- the same things happened with Wendy and the shapeshifter, too, he had to rely on her to be clever enough to give him a sign. He can't be tricked again--- what if the shapeshifter comes back? What if Bill comes back? What if the inevitable next big bad is also an impersonator, a trickster, a disguise artist?

He starts to catalogue the minutia of his loved ones. Stan has a small scar through his left eyebrow, and walks slightly canted to the right because of his bad knee. Ford has a series of faint scars, like repeated scratches, over his hands (which always have a faint tremble to them) and always stands stiff-backed and aware of his surroundings. Mabel pitches up the end of her sentences, and has to sleep with a night light. Wendy has a stick-and-poke tattoo, poor and faded, on her right ankle; Soos holds a screwdriver like a chopstick when he's thinking about a tough problem. Waddles has a mark on his left haunch like a My Little Pony cutie mark.

He starts a journal, not for anomalies but for details. He leaves codes and symbols for himself so an imposter couldn't use his notes to become a more realistic copy. From an outsider's perspective, it would surely look erratic, insane, messy, but that's the point. A feeling he can't name, has never felt before, creeps in, unsettling and persistent and insidious--- what if the enemy is already among them? What if he hadn't noticed, because he wasn't good enough, wasn't discerning enough, wasn't a good enough brother/friend/nephew/person? He stops sleeping, eating, gets quiet. His family becomes concerned, but he can't tell them the truth--- what if someone is watching? Listening? Looking for weaknesses?

He stumbles into his room one night to find Ford reading his journal. He thinks, at first, that the downturn of Ford's mouth is a sure sign of a shapeshifter, because he's never seen his grunkle make this face before; but, no--- this look on Ford's face is horror, and terror, and guilt. Similar to how he looked when Stan's memories were erased, but even more personal. More like... more like Ford knew exactly what Dipper was feeling.

"Dipper," Ford says, even-toned but not enough to conceal his concern, "we need to have a talk about paranoia."

the trolley problem vs. systemic oppression: a comic.

sometimes I'll see a post about some discourse and just think "who the actual fuck is getting into fights about that"

Saw de-aged Stan stuff and wanna join the Ford realizing Stan was a baby when he was kicked out bandwagon

-/-

Their niblings had just celebrated their seventeenth birthday a week ago and Ford couldn't help but think about just how young his niblings are.

Babies...the both of them. It didn't matter if they would be old enough to start college soon, Mabel and Dipper were still children and the thought of either of them on the streets, cold, hungry, and alone filled Ford with a rage so intense he genuinely scared himself.

How anyone could look at a 17 year old child and think that they could survive just fine on their own without a home, friends, family, or a high school diploma truly baffled Ford.

Seventeen...it was right there in the name. Teen. A child. Not an adult.

Seventeen year olds still needed guidance and correction. They still needed to be taught what 'better' meant because how could they know better if they had no reference for what exactly 'better' looked like.

A seventeen year old kicked out on the street nowadays would result in steep consquences for the offending party. There would be an investigation, law enforcement, organizations that didn't really exist back when Ford and Stan were kids would get involved.

Stan...

Stan was seventeen when he was kicked out. Ford used to convince himself that Stan had left willingly. He was too old now to delude himself with that lie.

Stan, little seventeen year old Stanley, was forced out of his home.

Ford tried to imagine Dipper and Mabel out on the streets. He tried to imagine them with Stan's scars, he tried to imagine their niblings scared, paranoid, ravenous hunger making their little teenage frames shake-

"It was wrong."

"Ford?"

"What Filbrick did," Ford growled, turning to face his brother. "What our father did was beyond inappropriate-" Ford gestured to where Mabel and Dipper were passed out on the lawn, napping in the noon day sun.

They wanted to spend one more summer in Gravity falls before heading off to their final year of high school.

They were so young.

Stan was so young.

"You were Mabel and Dipper's age," Ford continued, "It was wrong." To Ford's dismay his brother just shrugged.

"Yeah, well. Different time and all that." Ford pratically bristled at Stan's nonchalant response.

"If what happened to you happened to the twins you'd be furious-hell, I would be furious!"

"Keep it down, pointdexter, you'll wake the kids!" Stan hissed, his eyes darting over to their still asleep niblings. Ford clamped his mouth shut, slowly exhaling, and closed his eyes.

He felt a hand squeeze his shoulder.

Stan.

"Look, I appreciate you going all big brother mode but honestly, what could you have done?"

"I could have stood up to Pa."

"After you thought I had betrayed you?" Ford was silent.

Stan...Stan had a point. Ford was angry and hurting and not thinking about the reprecussions of his fathers actions or of closing the curtains on Stan.

He could have done something though!

...Right?

"Ford, we were the same age. You were a kid too when that happened. We were kids raised with being angry and terrified of our dad as something normal. We couldn't do better then because no one ever showed us what better looked like."

'Like the twins,' went unsaid but Ford already knew thats where Stan's train of thought was headed.

Ironically, their great niece and nephew had to be the ones to show them what an actual loving family looked like.

(No offense to Ma, Ford adored his mother, but she was also a woman of her time...and a compulsive liar...hm...maybe he should take up Shermie on that offer for a therapist recommendation...)

"...I just...seeing now just how young you were..."

"Again, we were the same age, Ford." Ford huffed.

"I still say it was wrong. What Filbrick did."

"I know," Stan said, reaching up to squeeze Ford's shoulder. "Give yourself some slack too, bro. Both of us were young and hurting. But now we're old and making things better." Ford sighed and lightly tapped his fist against Stan's chest.

"And people called you the dumb one?" Stan rolled his eyes and groaned.

"You killed the moment. Good job."

"I try."

KEEP CLINGING UNTIL THE SCREAMING STOPS

Day 21 (page 25d) (goth phase ver. under the cut)

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you're welcome