I Wanted To Make A Post About Why The Golden House Constantly Producing Mora Doesn't Actually Cause Inflation

this is so silly im so proud jdjsjsksk

WHO FUCKED THE MELUSINE?

Adoption is not an Option

As Fontanians we have all grown used to the presence of melusines in our daily lives: with their cheerful attitude and genuine desire to help, you can always count on them to brighten your day.

Melusines are indeed, as our Iudex would say, the pride of Fontaine, with their bright colours and wide array of personalities no melusine looks the same.

The most unique case, though, is one that most people will hopefully not meet during their lifetime, as she resides in the depths.

The Head Nurse position of the Fortress of Meropide, Fontaine’s infamous prison, is held by none other than a melusine named Sigewinne: she is a balm on the soul of convicts who struggle to get used to the rough life of the Fortress, with her sweet disposition yet brutal efficiency, she looks like a little fairy stepped out of a book just to give you a spark of hope for the future.

One of her most unique traits that might catch the average person’s eye is that she looks distinctly more human that other melusines: while she does keep some of melusines’ most unique traits such as the wings or the tail, she has a human face, and human hands with five fingers, instead of the usual paws. Not only that, but she also appears to be the only melusine possessing a vision.

It is truly a curious sight, and one cannot help some innocent curiosity about it: why is she different from other melusines? 

Despite melusine presence being widely accepted in Fontaine - thankfully leaving behind us days of hatred and distrust of the past - not a lot about them is known; their origin and way of life outside of the Court is, while not being kept secret by anyone, still quite mysterious.

What makes this one melusine so different from others? Is it possible that she is a result of an evolutionary process of two species assimilating into one due to close coexistence?

There are actually many facts disproving this theory: first of all how is it that in the past five hundred years there is only one melusine who is evolving in such manner? Second is that as of now it would be the fastest example of evolution known on Teyvat, as no other studied species has shown visible change in a period so short as a couple hundred of years. And third, why, if the melusine presence is so accepted and even celebrated, would melusines undergo an evolution process giving them the ability to blend in with the species they’ve been cohabiting with, not unlike some species which use mimetism as a form of self preservation from threats.

If we discard the evolution explanation, then we might consider the possibility of a cross-species individual, a being who is both melusine and human, presenting features of both species.

Even taking into consideration such a hypothesis, a very important question still remains: who are the parents of this hypothetically human-melusine child?

First of all, let's exclude one possibility: none of the melusine that roam the Court is the mother of this child. Melusines have a childlike innocence and personality and nobody should look at them with any type of sexual interest. 

If the Head Nurse was the result of such a tragic case, we wouldn't have the need to ask ourselves this question, for our rightful Chief Justice Neuvillette would not have let the culprit go unpunished.

Either way this does bring us closer to identifying at least one of the melusine parents: Monsieur Neuvillette is notoriously fond of melusines and dotes on them as if they were his own daughters. He's the one who first brought them to Fontaine, he made many laws to protect their rights, and all the melusines greatly look up to him. If you've ever asked a melusine how they feel about Monsieur Neuvillette, you've probably received an answer expressing great admiration and a deep emotional bond between them.

What if we were to take this a little more literally than just an expression of trust? After all, Monsieur Neuvillette is indeed a perfect candidate for the position of one of our enigmatic human melusine's parents.

Monsieur Neuvillette’s non-human nature is somewhat of an open secret in the Court of Fontaine: speculations have kept popping up since our Chief Justice took post - which is over four hundred years ago - but he has neither confirmed nor denied any of the rumours.

Today we want to bring a new theory to the speculation table regarding Monsieur Neuvillette’s true identity, which is carefully kept under wraps from the common folks: Monsieur Neuvillette is actually the only male melusine residing in Fontaine.

Aside from his affection towards melusines, he also shares some unique features with them, such as the rhinophores and his connection to the Waters.

Nevertheless he also looks distinctly more human and also way older than the rest, as if he were an elder looking after his younglings. We also know he uses masculine pronouns, opposite to the feminine pronouns melusine use by law, thus the difference in gender.

Though we cannot confirm Monsieur Neuvillette personally sired all the melusines, he is for now the only individual who fits that role.

As we have previously established, Head Nurse Sigewinne’s other parent is probably a human due to her appearance - the other melusines’ parentage is unknown - which distinguishes her from other melusines.

Who is the other mysterious parent?

The Iudex has always been very private about his personal life and no rumour of occasional lovers or established partners have ever come to our ears. 

Taking a closer look at Head Nurse Sigewinne’s close relationship, though, it’s pretty obvious that she shares a special bond with the Administrator of the Fortress of Meropide, the Duke Incognito of the Murky Depths: first person accounts confirm that their relationship resembles what you would see between a father and his daughter. 

What few rumours exist about the Duke make him out to be an intimidating figure, both physically and as a presence commanding respect, but also do mention him having a soft spot for melusines - almost like a distant father doting on his recently acquired daughters.

Now, of course you might have noticed a flaw in this reasoning: the Duke is a man.

How is it possible for two men to conceive a child?

While it is impossible for a biologically male human to conceive children, we have to consider that it might not be impossible for a non-human species like melusines: after all Monsieur Neuvillette is, allegedly, the only adult melusine we know of, and without another to either confirm or deny this theory it is but speculation.

Both the Duke and the Iudex being paternal towards the Head Nurse is not enough to also tie them together as partners, but it is a known fact that Monsieur Neuvillette has been the one who first supported the new Administrator and made a case for him to be bestowed the title of Duke. 

Both Maison gestionnaires and Meropide guards have described their relationship as cordial and harmonious, going so far as to say they’ve witnessed them meeting outside of their respective office hours. It is also not uncommon for gift packages to arrive both from the Palais Mermonia or from the Fortress, along with a letter detailing business proceedings.

If the Iudex and the Duke have indeed been in an established relationship for years, it is understandable, given their professions, that they would try to keep it as a private affair, as it could potentially create a conflict of interest in the Fontanian justice system, as well as a risk of backlash for the kid born of such union.

What is truly concerning is that if it is indeed our esteemed Iudex that carried on the pregnancy, he did so while he relentlessly kept working, as we never got word of Monsieur Neuvillette taking a temporary leave from his duties in the past century. It is truly a sign of love when a parent is ready to put himself in a very stressful situation like hiding a pregnancy in plain sight in order to protect the precious and fragile life growing within.

After almost five hundred years of steadfast dedication to maintaining total impartiality, there is no doubt in our minds that Fontainian people hold a great deal of admiration and respect for our Iudex and it will certainly not be the unexpected but heartwarming news of a loving family to damage that trust. 

The staff wishes to express their full support for Monsieur Neuvillette and his family if they decide to go public with their relationship, confident that all of Fontaine will be behind them.

It goes both ways and you cant tell me otherwise

lyney workshopping some tricks. He discovers that while fake bodily harm gets reactions, it's important to reveal that his magic powers would fix it.

4ggravate found a cool stick

this piece only existed bc of this occurrence...

‘Pavo Ocellus. Destined for greatness and grandeur… and to hide ugly realities behind a layer of charm and elegance.’

Kaeya as the Witch Hat Atelier cover because I thought it fit him pretty well!

i have decided that if we do not get this in game, i will personally re-record all of his lines and do the worst attempt at a british accent you'll ever hear in your life

there is no hearing out on this one, you will listen.

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on the one hand, extremely funny to get told “get help” by a fortune cookie, on the other, i can’t believe betterhelp has breached influencers and podcasters and started getting fortune cookies to shill for them