I Have Created A Playlist Titled "Hoe Scaring Music"

Love that we've gone from "9/11 is the worst American tragedy" to "Lmao 9/11 is a meme" to "honestly the twin towers sucked anyway" in one generation

i feel like we don't appreciate these days how much the twin towers sucked, like, design-wise

they were contemporarily hated for just being these giant grey monoliths

like there probably could've been an easier way to get rid of them, but they probably needed to go either way

for some reason one of my cats really likes the smell of chainsaw exhaust

🕷️Kenva🕷️

Saw a frog today at work. He was so fuckin awesome. I didn't get a picture of him and he doesn't have a name but he made my day better and I love him

Old Spice stick deodorant is flammable

I read Sonadow doodle as Swanoodle

The murder of Sonic AU - Sonadow doodle

I found this out the fun way

Old Spice stick deodorant is flammable

"Interstellar Guide to the Planet Earth" by TJ Klune

By the end of this guide, you will have been given the tools in order to safely and carefully visit Earth. If you should have further questions, please see Glorbak the Destroyer of Worlds, who will be happy to answer any inquiries you may have.

Remember: Exploration is the key to survival!

1.   You meant to travel to the HUMAN LAND OF DEARBORNE MICHIGAN, but because of the bending of space and time, you accidentally ended up in the dark place known as TALLAHASEE FLORIDA. Do not fret! Though Florida is considered an area where dreams go to die (also see THE HUMAN LAND OF TEXAS), there are many wonderful things to discover, such as bugs, humidity, reptiles and HUMANS called JESSICA who chew loudly while running a business called a NAIL SALON. This is used to sharpen the talons of humans, and to paint them different colors. Though not much is known about this tradition, it is thought that it grants powers to the HUMANS who visit this establishment.

2.   Oh no! While exploring the HUMAN LAND OF NORTH YORKSHIRE ENGLAND, you happen to see a GREY disguised as a chimney sweep. As you are well aware, GREYS are an odious species whose entire way of life is built around anal probing. Though we have a treaty with the GREYS, it is important to remember that anal probing does not provide any scientific and/or medical knowledge. Given that the GREYS have the technology to do non-invasive full body scans, it’s unknown why they continue to proceed through the back entrance. If you come across a GREY preparing to do just that, please remind them that it is against RULE 5#$7^45J to proceed with anal probing without the expressed permission of the one being probed. Consent is important no matter what part of the universe you are in!

"Interstellar Guide to the Planet Earth" by TJ Klune

3.   HUMAN HOLES. Though it may seem disgusting to an elevated species, HUMANS evolved to have multiple holes in their bodies. Do not be scared! These are imperative to their survival. We have already discussed one hole (the anus), but did you know that humans have several more? The most diabolical is the hole in the top parts of their bodies, otherwise known as a MOUTH. Inside the MOUTH is a wet piece of muscle surrounded by shards of bone that pierce through the flesh. This is, as far as we can tell, a “feeding hole”, the bones used to break up sustenance, and the muscle inside swirls it around. In addition, there are glands in the MOUTH HOLE that create lubrication. It is unknown if this lubricant is poisonous. If you should see a HUMAN leaking lubricant from its MOUTH HOLE, it is either a) hungry or b) getting ready to attack. One line of thought is that the lubrication allows HUMANS to breathe fire, though no evidence of this has been noted.

4.   Most HUMANS have communication devices they carry around with them at all times. Interestingly, these devices seem to have an unintended consequence: not one of them could survive without it. If, on the off chance, you find yourself surrounded by a mob of HUMANS CARRYING TORCHES AND PITCHFORKS, tell them you are going to take their communication devices away. Most likely, they will crumble and dissolve into LEAKING LUBRICANT FROM THEIR EYE HOLES, begging you not to do what you said. Some have suggested that the HUMAN’S life forces are tethered to these devices, and if they are taken away, there is a chance the HUMANS will turn feral.

5.   And finally, the most important: DO NOT ASK HUMANS WHO THEY VOTED FOR. On Earth, people “choose” their leaders on a special day filled with love and celebration and good feelings. However, the HUMANS elected are oft considered “really bad at their job” and “unable to speak in coherent sentences.” In a fascinating turn of events, the HUMANS appear to be rare creatures who are somewhat advanced, but also continually make terrible decisions just because they’re mad about certain things that have no basis in reality. If you do make the mistake of asking a HUMAN who they voted for, chances are you will be stuck in a conversation that will last as long as the life of a star. The only way to get out of said conversation is to announce you voted for the other leader running in the election. This will most likely incense the speaker to say things like, “DAMN YOU, YOU DON’T CARE ABOUT ANYTHING BUT YOURSELF” before leaving. Congratulations, you survived an encounter!

i love the two genre of mountain goats songs are like “i shot a guy in the face. and id do it again if i had to. that’s what loving you is like” and “i saw a monkey through the window. he waved at me. i didn’t know monkeys knew how to do that”