GENSHIN BOYS IN COLLEGE

Crystalflies and Calla Lilies

kaeya x reader

word count: 801

warnings: not proof read

although Kaeya has never been keen on celebrating his birthday, you just couldn't help yourself

a/n; I would have written and posted this yesterday had I not been so busy. it's a bit rushed as you may be able to tell but I still wanted to post something for kaeya because he deserves it. happy belated birthday to my beautiful wife!

When you came knocking on Kaeya's door at exactly 12.00 am he was worried to say the least. He was expecting some kind of threat or danger to succeed the sound of your voice at such an hour. So when he opened the door, weapon at the ready, to you beaming with a radiant smile akin to the sunlight at noonday, that worry immediately dissipated, leaving only confusion behind. And he sunk further into this confusion when you dragged him from out of his quarters and out of the walls of Mondstadt.

He quickly gave up on questioning what exactly you were doing, simply going with the flow, a soft chuckle escaping his lips each time he caught the determined glint in your eye. You refused to answer his questions or respond to any teasing or gentle taunts, just telling him to keep following you. So he did. He followed you past Springvale and even past the Winery until the two of you reached a more secluded but still atmospheric and scenic part of Mondstadt.

All of a sudden, you let go of his hand and started running forwards in front of the two of you. You stopped abruptly before throwing your hands in the air and whisper-yelling ‘surprise!’.  This made Kaeya really pause to take a look around. You stopped by a river bank decorated by all kinds of flowers, mainly snapdragons and, your lover’s favourite, calla lilies. The night sky was illuminated by the numerous crystalflies dancing in the air while the moon light waltzed with them on the surface of the water. With you in the middle, the scene was absolutely breathtaking.

“What’s all this?” Kaeya breathed out, not even bothering to mask the genuine surprise in his voice.

“A little birthday gift for you since I know you didn’t want any grand gestures! Happy birthday”, you spoke, trying to contain your excitement.

You knew that your partner was never particularly fond of celebrating his own birthday, he never really enjoyed anything that meant drawing attention to or dwelling on himself for too long. For this reason, he has always avoided birthday celebrations and even tries to elude telling people his birthday much like when he told Klee he was born on the 31st of February. He knew he shouldn’t have been as surprised as he was that the person he loves the most wanted to celebrate the day he came into existence in a way he would be comfortable with but he just couldn't help it.

“Thank you sweetheart,” he murmured while swiftly catching a crystalfly in his fist before unfurling his fingers to reveal only the crystal core.  “Truly, thank you.”

He neatly tucked it within your hair so that it rested on top of your ear and gave your temple a gentle kiss as he pulled away. And it was then that with both eyes revealed to you, you saw Kaeya bare and as he was – uncertain but still grateful – and the stars in his eyes glimmered with adoration for you.

“I didn’t really do much”, you smiled, enjoying the view of your boyfriend under the moonlight, the luminous crystalflies fluttering around seemingly highlighting him.

“You know,” Kaeya began as he lowered himself to the ground and started picking the calla lilies one by one. “It’s been so long since I celebrated my birthday that I actually forgot about it until now.”

A wistful smile made its way across his lips and you didn’t miss the melancholy glint in his eyes as he looked at the flowers in his hands.

“Well, I’m glad to be the first to celebrate with you after all this time”, you spoke softly as you sat down besides him, picking a flower out of his hand to place gently behind his ear.

Your tenderness rendered Kaeya speechless, leaving him struggling to choose words that could accurately express his feelings in that moment. He felt as though his heart wasn’t supposed to carry so much love for anyone in his lifetime so all of that love was overflowing in that moment, cutting off the connection between his brain and mouth. Though that didn’t matter, he didn’t need to say anything because you started speaking first.

“You’ve given me an idea, actually”, you sprung up on your two feet. “Crystal cores would be good for styling your hair, no?”

And as Kaeya watched you clumsily leap and stagger around in attempts to catch crystalflies as opposed to his sleek movements from earlier, he wondered if you were even aware of what he was really thanking you for earlier. Not only had you made him start to enjoy the thought of seeing another birthday, you also made him realise that he truly wasn’t alone anymore. Because of you, he never would be again.

@bat-mlm-blog

complimentary

➶ kageyama tobio x reader

➶ fluff

The last time you saw Kageyama was exactly one week ago. It had been around 11 p.m. and you were cleaning the dishes that you had used to reheat some leftovers. He had turned up to your apartment in an impeccably designed suit, with his hair gelled back in a way that made you look at him for a second too long.

You had to remind yourself that he’s just Kageyama Tobio. A family friend. A childhood friend.

After he left, you had pulled out old photographs of your school graduation to confirm that he’s just the same gawky yet endearing boy that you’ve known your whole life. Had he always been this dreamy? Or was this a recent development? Whatever it is, you silently hope that either his newfound charm or your tiny crush goes away as soon as possible.

The doorbell rings. Clad in a flannel pajama set and eagerly expecting your food delivery, you open the door. The man standing before you is holding food but it’s not the one you ordered.

“Kageyama,” you say, slightly taken aback. “What are you doing here?”

He makes an awkward attempt at a smile before holding out a nondescript paper bag. Standing on your tiptoes, you peer into it and notice the top of a pastry box.

You take the little bag from him and wave him in. Your apartment looks somewhat presentable, although you spot a few items out of place and quickly clear up the area as he stands like a statue near the counter. He looks absurdly out of place, a towering figure that's bending slightly to avoid the overhead kitchen lights.

He clears his throat before saying, “I got you something from the event I went to tonight.”

You hum, a curious lilt at the end.

He pulls out the square box. “It’s tiramisu. You like it, right?”

You laugh. “Yeah. But you don’t need to bring me stuff every time.”

The previous visit had been to drop off a complimentary wine bottle from that night’s event. You notice the half-filled bottle on the countertop and the image of his reddened wine-tipsy face from that night arises. Both of you had spent the night sipping on the expensive wine and chatting, before he left in a cab.

“But you like tiramisu so I thought I’d give it to you,” he frowns.

You raise your hands in surrender at his flawless logic and walk towards the kitchen cabinets. Pulling out a drawer, you find two spoons before shutting it with a swing of your hips.

You hold one out to him. He takes it with a quiet murmur of thanks. You’re suddenly aware of the unfamiliar domesticity of this situation. You don’t make any mention of it. The silence continues as you help yourself to the treat, and you realize that you don’t mind it at all.

After a few bites from both your sides, the box sits empty except for a few brown crumbs. You pick the box up and scoop the remaining crumbs, determined not to waste even a bit of the appetizing dessert.

Outside, the usual sound of traffic has died down. You realize that he’s watching you intently.

“Don’t stare, you weirdo.”

The tips of his ears match the shade of your pajamas. He doesn’t even attempt to defend himself.

You don’t think your heart can take any more of this casual hanging out. Maybe Kageyama just thinks of you as a good friend, and you’re the one who’s overthinking. You really hope that’s the case. Okay, maybe if he thought of you as a really good friend who’s moderately attractive, you’d be fine with that too.

“I should go. I’ve got practice early in the morning.” He shuffles his feet, glancing up at you with an unsure look in his eyes.

You ignore the disappointment building up in your chest and just nod. You barely register the fact that he’s discarded the pastry box and is now slipping on his shoes, until he’s ready by the door.

He waits for a beat. You feel like this is where you should say something.

He surprises you by speaking first.

“I can never figure out what to say. So, uh, thanks for not minding that.”

You let out a flustered chuckle. “That’s okay.”

He unlocks the door and steps outside but you stop him before he gets any further.

“You don’t have to bring anything next time.”

Kageyama shakes his head slowly. “It’s nice to have an excuse to see you.”

Your eyes widen. He can’t possibly know what he’s implicating, can he? He has unintentionally made your heart race numerous times, but this deliberate wording might cause your heart to accelerate at record speed.

“You don’t need an excuse,” you say, voice barely above a whisper.

His breath hitches. Before you can realize, he’s leaning towards you before he stops halfway. You tear your gaze away from his steel-blue eyes to look at his lips.

It takes only a second for you to close the gap, with Kageyama’s touch impossibly light against your jaw. The kiss is slow and tentative, characteristic of what you’d expect from him. Gentle touches and soft kisses to your lips cause a warmth to bloom all the way to your fingertips. You pull away to see him gazing down at you, flecks of adoration reflected in his dilated pupils.

You sigh into his neck. “I’ve wanted to do that for a while now.”

He sputters out a “Really?” before letting his arms come to rest at your waist.

You hear footsteps coming from the staircase down the hall and quickly detach yourself from his enticingly warm hold. A delivery boy comes into view. He takes one look at Kageyama’s imposing stature and hastily hands over the food to you before scampering away.

You giggle at the bewildered look on Kageyama’s face.

“I’ve kept you here for too long. You need to wake up early, right?”

He nods, lips still parted and glistening under the dim hallway light.

“Oh yeah. Um, goodnight.” He pecks your cheek and begins to walk away from your door.

You try not to laugh at how dazed he seems.

“Do you wanna come by tomorrow?” you pipe up. “If you’re free.”

He turns around while walking, so he’s now doing it backwards. You watch the stunned expression on his face dissipate into a sappy smile.

“Yeah, I’ll come over. And the night after that?”

“If you're free, then sure. And you don’t need an excuse to drop by.” You match the grin on his face.

“And I don’t need excuses,” he repeats with finality.

You can’t stop grinning, even when he’s no longer in sight.

Hi! I was wondering if you could do a headcannon of Aizawa finding out he's dating one of his students (you can chose) bigger sister that also teaches for U.A? Thanks! 💗

AIZAWA FINDING OUT YOU'RE TOKOYAMI'S SIBLING (HCS)

Honestly, it wasn’t even obvious that you were the older sister of Tokoyami.

Because you know... bird head and you not bird head.

There wasn’t a resemblance at all.

Anyways, Aizawa doesn’t pry into your personal life unless it’s a situation of life and death, so, he doesn’t ask about your family and whatnot.

You’ve never told him about them either, so, it wasn’t really that much of an issue to the both of you.

Until suddenly, you brought it up in the middle of dinner.

Hey, Shouta. Do you want to meet my family?”

You just said it so casually, it actually made him stop eating and blink owlishly at you.

His mind immediately went, ‘Who?’

Then it hits him.

oh oH OH

You two were just staring at each other in silence while Aizawa remains taken aback by your question.

But once it all set in, he agrees.

After all, you already met his parents. What harm could it bring, right?

Haha, right.

So, you guys set up a date and he finally meets the family.

When you guys arrive at the place, Fumikage immediately starts choking on a marshmellow.

How do you even choke on a marshmallow? (I choked on one. Not a good experience.)

Fumikage’s mind went like, “What a mad banquet of darkness.”

"I’m dating my student’s sister?” Yes, Aizawa. You are. Aizawa’s fucking his sister too but Fumikage doesn’t need to know that.

Anyways, there’s this thick awkward blanket between the two of them as you introduced Aizawa to your family. But he still isn’t convinced that Fumikage is your brother.

“Oh! And this is my lil bro! Fumi, this is my boyfriend Aizawa. Aizawa, this is my younger brother, Fumikage.”

"I know.” They both say at the same time which confused you.

"He’s my homeroom teacher.”

"The hardass?!” Fumikage blushed in embarrassment at that, but it was true. Aizawa was indeed a hardass.

"Y-Yes, the hardass.” The way Fumikage replied with such bravery. We stan.

Honestly, you just wanna roll on the ground and laugh right now because never have you seen Fumikage so embarrassed like this.

Eventually, you all moved on from the ‘my sister’s seeing my teacher’ incident and sat down for dinner. Your parents love Aizawa (Fumikage and Dark Shadow will watch Aizawa very carefully, but he approves.) and the dinner ended on a very good note.

"Oh, I gotta go to the restroom for a bit, Shou. Wait for me, ‘kay?”

Cue intense staring contest.

"I don’t care if you’re my teacher or a pro-hero, if you hurt my sister, trust me, I will fuck you up.”

“I won’t hurt her.”

"Good because I have watched enough horror movies to know how to effectively hide a body.”

The tension magically went away as you arrived.

“Bye Fumi! Take care, ok? I love you.” You kissed his birb forehead before waving goodbye, walking away with a slightly traumatized Aizawa.

When you guys got home, Aizawa asked why you don’t look like anyone in your family.t

"Oh, the crow likeness runs in my father’s side. I didn’t inherit those I guess. My mom’s face is practically a shadow but they say I look like her. But I still got the shadow quirk from my parents.” Huh.

When Monday arrived, the students noticed the evident awkward tension in the room.

Good thing they’re not smart enough (and Tokoyami isn’t talkative enough) to figure out it’s from Tokoyami and Aizawa.

Cue Mic’s teasing and a ton of migraines.

What made matters worse (for Aizawa at least) was that soon enough you took up a teaching role in U.A.

Seeing you in a new light, Aizawa admired you even more.

Cue gagging noises from Fumikage as he watches his teacher made goo-goo eyes at you.

You loved teaching and you loved spending time with Aizawa and your brother.

It was a win-win for you but a win-lose for Aizawa and Fumikage.

RIP Aizawa Shouta.

@chichikoi wait I'm still thinking about that last bit of the other thing-

Like the mental image of Albedo just looking up at you with his very very pretty eyes, cheeks slightly pink because he's a little hesitant to ask outright (despite his normally blunt nature). He has to uncomfortably crane his neck just a bit more since you're behind him, but that only gives sight of the gold diamond settled at the base of his neck.

He blinks, once, twice, gaze flicking off to the side before right back to you.

Neither of you speak, though his mouth opens and closes and you'd definitely laugh a bit if you weren't starting to get concerned at his silence. When he huffs and licks his lips, you notice the way his attention settles on yours.

Finally he tries to speak--

only for his words to die on his tongue the moment your lips press between his brows with a pleased hum.

𝟑:𝟑𝟑 𝐀𝐌 — 𝐀𝐊𝐀𝐀𝐒𝐇𝐈 𝐊𝐄𝐈𝐉𝐈

“psst,” akaashi whispers, lightly shaking your sleeping body. when you show no signs of movement, he repeats his actions. “pssssst!”

you groan, eyes still shut as you moan out, “whaaat?” you shake your body to get his hands off of you. “keijiii, ‘m tired.”

he knows you’re tired and he knows that you’ve been having the worst week of your life, but he can’t sleep— he can’t sleep knowing you’ve been dealing with all the bad things by yourself.

he’s not sure why you didn’t tell him you were hurting, but it was evident on your face. when you walked into your shared apartment, tears threatening to fall from your eyes, you smiled at him. teeth and everything, but the smile never reached your eyes. he knew.

how couldn’t he know, though? this is akaashi keiji, the man who spent so much time learning everything about you. he knows your favorite foods and your favorite movie and everything down to your favorite pair of lucky socks. it’s only natural that he’d know exactly how crappy your day was.

he scoots closer to you, enveloping you into his arms, holding you tightly. he presses his lip to your ear. “i know that you don’t wanna talk about it… but i want you to know something,” he murmurs.

your heart stills, suddenly feeling wide awake. “keiji…”

“i love you,” he says. “so much. it gets hard and i understand that, but… you are so much more amazing than you think.”

you feel your face get warm, a new profound sense of worth filling you up. a sense of great love. at 3 in the morning.

“you’re smart and so, so gorgeous. anyone would be lucky to have someone like you,” he praises, making you smile. “remember when we first met at that coffee shop and i tripped and spilled my drink all over your homework?”

you giggle, breathily, finally letting yourself speak, “and you i offered to buy me a new one?” you smile, eyes watering at the memory that felt like ages ago. “feels just like yesterday…”

he chuckles, nodding his head, “and then you just laughed at me, which was the best thing i’d ever heard in my life, by the way,” he sighed, reminiscing on the fond memory. “you know i’ve loved you since then? and… i’ll love you forever. everything about you. you don’t have to be afraid to tell me when you’ve had a bad day or to cry on my shoulder… that’s what i’m here for.”

you feel a single tear fall down your face as your heart swells in your chest, his soft spoken words continuing to pull at its strings.

“you’re so cheesy,” you joke, sniffling before letting out a breathy chuckle. “but… thank you, keiji. for being my rock and for making my life brighter. i love you so much.”

he scoffs, ignoring the way his stomach flutters and the apples of his cheeks burn, “look who’s being cheesy now,”

“okay, way to ruin the moment, keiji. i’m going back to bed.”

he laughs, “no, wait, i love you, too, let’s tal—“

“we can talk in the morning.” you groan, shrugging him off and curling back into a tiny ball.

“but—“

“goodnight, keiji.”

© all works belong to @planetrin 2021, please do not repost, modify, or translate any of my works on any platform

🏷 taglist (open): @darling-imobsessed @v-lleitie @spoofybun

— where they like to be kissed. ( bnha )

genre : fluff, gn! reader warnings : none ft : bakugo, kirishima deku, shoto a/n : i want some choco milk

✧ BAKUGO KATSUKI. ⤷ i personally think that he’s more fond of hugs (but don’t tell him that you know he likes it) because he likes the warmth it gives him when you're in his arms. (but let's be honest here, are you really going to deny a hug inside those big, beefy arms?) and if he had a favorite kiss, i’d say it's those quick kisses on the lips. it’s like a quick reassurance, ‘i love you, and i always will’. just imagine waking up in the morning, going down to the kitchen, and kissing him good morning while he makes his usual coffee. then he sleepily makes his way over to you, dragging his feet in his (all might) fluffy house slippers, hugging you and kissing the crook of your neck, which he nuzzles into, after. ‘mm, good morning.’

✧ KIRISHIMA EIJIRO. ⤷ face kisses. wait, hear me out !! he likes to pepper your whole face with kisses and just, MWAH MWAH MWAH MWAH !!! because he's pure like that <3 sometimes, after training (when he’s all sweaty) he's going to forget that he is sweaty, so he’s going to run and tackle you into a big, giant hug, and litter your face with kisses. you have to remind him and he will back off, for a while. he’s going to hold your hand or put his arm around your shoulder on the way back, and when you’re at home, he greets you with a GIIIIIIANT HUG and HUGE TON of kisses. p.s. do not underestimate his love !!! he will most definitely do everything he can to show you how much he loves you <3

✧ MIDORIYA IZUKU. ⤷ on the cheek !! we all know deku is Shy Boi™, so i feel like the level of intimacy in your relationship started from hand holding, to hugs, then cheek kisses, then on the lips. but i’d say that kisses on the cheek are his fave ones. when you see each other, as a casual greeting, and as an expression of love. at first, he was very, very shy (and hesitant) about giving them, but he absolutely loves getting them from you (even tho he was very flustered and red at first) !! by now, it's a common thing for the both of you, he’s used to it. but oh, dear, will it never grow old.

✧ TODOROKI SHOTO. ⤷ i say forehead kisses. someone kiss his scar and tell him that you're here, with him, loving him :(( i think shoto likes to be hugged (by you, duh), because you're the one place where he doesn’t have to be this stoic, cold, popular guy who always puts up a front. you’re one of the few people with who he can just, naturally calm down and relax. and he likes your forehead kisses too, it’s reminiscent of a mother’s love, of a safe space where you are protected.

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© solaxena : all rights reserved. do not edit, modify, repost, or claim my works as your own.

Rory, I have 4 words for you: mother in law Kutchel 😮‍💨😮‍💨

oh my God, mother in law kuchel is giving me butterflies aaaaghh

even before you and levi got married, kuchel has always been the kindest to you. the day when levi first introduced you to his mom was something you will never forget because kuchel took it upon herself to act as your second mother; fussing over you, putting more food on your plate, and asking you if you feel alright after the long travel to levi's hometown. after a hearty dinner, kuchel was telling you stories of little levi running around their house screaming he's the almighty hero or little levi being the absolute angel almost every day of his life (the pictures in the album proved it). that left levi in a red-faced mess beside you, with you always shushing him if he tried to butt in the conversation or wanted to change the subject. you had to kiss away the pout forming in his face and kuchel would gush over how perfect you two look with each other. internally, levi was glad that his mom liked you, his gaze softening as he watched you ramble stories about levi in university to his mother.

kuchel was the first one to know that you said yes to levi's proposal and she was the one who planned the wedding a few seconds after levi said goodbye to her in the video call. you two have a day all reserved to yourselves, where you go out to eat lunch and shop (she calls it girls' day and levi would occasionally remark how original that name is, dry tone and all). if you and levi have kids, kuchel will volunteer to watch over them if it means giving you and levi a break, just the two of you.

there are times when she comes over to your home with brunch and levi just awkwardly stands in the doorway of the kitchen, cup of tea in hand and appearance haggard after a sleepless night of watching over your toddlers. he gapes at the way she coddles you while you two set the table for brunch. it's like kuchel is treating you more as her child than her own, who was just waved off after attempting to get a small piece of garlic bread on the table. you laugh at your scowling husband, giving him the piece of garlic bread he was eyeing to ease his grumbling. his scowl deepens because his mother didn't scold you for taking away one of the food. with a shrug, he lets you feed him, the aw coming from his mother making the heat travel from his neck to his ears. at least he got his garlic bread.

mother in law kuchel has always viewed you as her daughter, way before you officially became one by marrying her son, and it warms her to know that you're the one levi settled down with.

figure skater! oikawa torū that looks like an angel on the ice, practically floating. he has this bright smile that shines brighter than the sun even while indoors. on occasions, he’ll offer you to come on the ice with him. and although it’s a bit intimidating considering he is godly at ice-skating, he takes his time.

if you don’t know how to ice-skate, he holds your hand, having you step on his skates just to get a “feel for the ice.” and reminds you it is “just like learning to dance.” with this saccharine tone. if you become scared or frightened, he’ll place a hand on your back, assuring you there is no one more ready to keep you from falling than him.

there was one night that you became determined you were going to ace ice-skating once and for all. yet that night you ended up in torū’s arms, his lips pressed to yours under the dimmer evening light.

of course, moments like that apparently didn’t come for free. on ice, he just so happens to love taunting you over how pink your face becomes from the cold whilst he’s perfectly adjusted thanks to the thin clothing he wears during competition.

step by step he teaches, teaching you everything there is to know about the world of figure skating. good and bad. you are the first person to attend his shows and the first to get the best tickets in competitions. sometimes, his performances are based on his feelings for you, whether that be subtle or ultimately provocative. you can’t help the crimson dancing on your cheeks when his eyes meet yours on center stage.

however the ice may be one of his favorite places, but you are the home he looks forward to seeing the most.

-maak

plagiarism, repost, and editing is prohibited

izuku midoriya thinks it's the cutest thing in the goddamn world when you ramble. he can listen to you talk for fucking hours. and he just sits there, writing it down in the notebook of his mind with love struck eyes and a dreamy expression on his freckled face.

katsuki bakugou is the type that's all "stay the hell out of my kitchen" at first, but when you share an eagerness to learn he can't help but love the idea of teaching you. calloused hands guiding you through slicing an onion and reminding you to curl in the tips of your fingers so you don't cut them.

when shouto todoroki is finally comfortable enough to tell you the details of his childhood, the nitty gritty and ugly parts of it that he doesn't ever really tell anyone there's a weight lifted off his chest and he can finally breathe again. he never knew what it was like to not be weighed down by the past and all he can think is that your demons live in him too and the world doesn't feel so lonely anymore.

denki kaminari is so surprised the first time he finally gets the courage to kiss you he accidentally shocks you; hair stranding up wildly and you feel like you just pressed your lips to a dryer sheet. He's embarrassed, cheeks and nose turning a bright shade of red that even reaches to the tips of his ears but he can't help but sigh when you laugh and lean in for another one.

keigo takami is nothing short of flattered the first time you walk up to him and ask him to take you flying. something strange happens to his heart; feeling like it's much too big for his chest when he looks at the way you're nervously twisting your hands in front of you. But the pure joy, the elated way you look at him when you realize you can touch clouds.

cocky bastard vibes - zhongli

ship: zhongli x reader

synopsis: in which reader shares their free thoughts on the liyue statue of seven

notes: standalone snippet part of the bookkeeping!verse

It was a beautiful day in Liyue. The grass was a luscious green and the birds were singing a beautiful song. After a nice stay at the Emerald Maple Inn, you and Mr. Zhongli decided to have a cup of tea next to the Statue of the Seven before heading on your way to Qingce Village. You were to accompany him to pick up supplies for the next funeral rite, and with the way the morning was going, you knew nothing would ruin this peaceful day.

"So how much do you want to bet that Rex Lapis was hot and knew it?”

You ignored the choked sound that came from your side as you gazed up at the picturesque statue. Though your companion would probably consider your question quite out of the blue, you couldn’t say it was the first time you wondered such a thing. Whenever you passed by one of them in Liyue, the thought always plagued your mind for a few hours after. Judging by Mr. Zhongli’s reaction, though, it seemed he did not share your sentiments.

"Ehem… That… certainly is an interesting thought. I can’t say whether or not previous records touched on such a topic."

You hummed, gazing up at the statue. Really? That couldn’t be true. Why wouldn’t anyone talk about a statue looking like that?

“Well there are many reasons why I’d say I’m right. First off, his outfit. He has a hooded cloak on while also being shirtless. There’s absolutely no logical reason to dress like that unless they’re from the deserts of Sumeru, wouldn’t you say? It obviously was a conscious fashion decision. If you pair that with the seductive way he’s sitting, I’d be inclined to assume he’s quite clearly feeling his look.”

Silence came from your side. Hm, Mr. Zhongli still wasn’t convinced? Then you would go on.

“You do see it, right? His posture is relaxed, yet confident. Not to mention the way he’s looking at that cube in his hand with practically bedroom eyes. His knees are apart too. My friend from Sumeru told me that when a man sits like that, he’s displaying his dominance.”

Still silence.

"You can't sit in a seductive pose like that without on some level being aware you look good doing it. I mean look at him! He's shirtless and everything! I've heard even macho fishermen say that they pray to the statue for a good night before coming home to see their wives. You can’t blame them, right?"

A hesitant cough.

"I-I'm sure it was a younger time when those statues were sculpted."

You groaned.

"Maybe, but you’re not even looking! If you did, you’d agree with me that Rex Lapis is clearly exuding such massive 'cocky bastard' vibes!" You countered.

For some reason, the more you spoke, the more flustered he became.

"C'mon, Mr. Zhongli! Why are you so embarrassed? It's not like I'm slandering his good name! I mean, if Rex Lapis didn't want us talking about him like this, maybe he shouldn't have made a statue with abs clean enough to eat off of!"

Okay, maybe at this point, you were piling it on a bit thick. Could anyone blame you? His face was in his hand as if he had a headache, and were his ears tinged the slightest hint of red? It was an interesting sight. Never had you seen him look so completely flustered. Sure you were rather blunt, but you didn't think your words were that provocative. Mr. Zhongli really was practically a 65 year old man.

"I thought you respected the Geo Archon…" He muttered weakly.

You gasped in offense.

"I do! I’d even consider my words the utmost of pious behavior. In Mondstadt, the sisters of the church consider themselves married to Barbatos, the Anemo Archon. So finding the Geo Archon to be a sex god is pretty much the same thing, right?”

“No, it is not.”