Firstbatcookiespy-blog - Dirty Dreams

Him: Are you feeling tired already?

Me: *more than an hour before bedtime curled up with my eyes closed* “I don’t know if I’m tired so much as I’m ready to not be in charge of my life any more.”

Words I never thought I would say honestly. I’ve been in control for so long. Because I needed to be. Because I was expected to be. Because there were times that I wasn’t in control (and no one else was either) and there were serious repercussions.

Being able to make a deliberate decision to allow someone else to be in control of me in that setting, to let go of the focus, the pressure, the constant vigilance... is freeing in a way I never considered to be possible before. He’s always been willing to fill this role in our relationship, but I wasn’t ready to submit before. How could I trust myself to choose the right person to submit to when so many of my previous decisions were wrong?

But experiencing this right here, right now, it’s something I never expected. After a more-than-full day of being in charge at work and at home with the kids, to be able to let go and let him lead is absolutely amazing.

Ugh. Touch yourself and make me watch. Hold me by my hair, keep my mouth inches from you, but don’t let me taste.

Make me watch. Make me beg and cry. Force me to plead for the privilege of pleasuring you.