You Ever Just Go Through An Author’s Body Of Work, Fic After Fic And Like Want To Cry Because Everything

ttpd is like... this fucking sucked... it was my fault... fuck joe... this also fucking sucked... fuck matty... i thought i was gonna die... straight up commit me to an asylum... FUCK matty... fuck joe... no one knows me... fuck kim kardashian... i created every problem and every consequence i have to face... please see me as human... i am exposing my flaws so you see me as a real person... fuck jake gyllenhaal... if you're gonna be so up my business you better realize how fucked up my business is... also hi killatrav ily... there is nothing redeeming about this chapter of my life... hi mom ily... this ALSO fucking sucked... there may be good in the world... here is every sin i have ever committed... i was promised love and forever repeatedly and no one ever delivered... my reaction to trauma was awful... i made so many bad decisions... if you're gonna crucify me do it for good reasons... are you not entertained?

The most attractive thing to me is effort. Someone who really wants to talk to me, wants to see me, wants to make me a part of their day.

Of course I know what I'm doing, I'm a writer! (Hurriedly patching a massive plot hole with duct tape and pins)

one of my favorite ways to spend the time on this silly little app has to be looking up posts about songs or albums that i am currently obsessed with and see people sharing their love for them. i love it. i love seeing humans care so much about one song, each for multiple different reasons, to the point of writing so beautifully about their fondness for it and post it for strangers to see. it's like, you posted about this song in 2015 and your opinion about it resonates with me in 2024. i love it, please don't you ever stop.

Either we're getting 1989tv announcement or she's trolling us massively

I think Matty Healy is awful but I’m still proud of Taylor putting “but daddy I love him” on the record.

There are songs on the album about her realising he love bombed her and manipulated her. Realising she fell for all of it, she was never going to fix him, and he was never going to be her saviour. She is scathing towards him, but also towards herself for falling for it. She could have left it at that and maybe copped less criticism. Instead she acknowledges the backlash and the defiance she felt in that moment.

It makes me feel the same way her putting Ours on Speak Now does. Grateful that she is open to sharing her stories even when the muse isn’t deserving of the words she wrote, even when releasing it fans the fires of the “I told you so” crowd.

And much like Ours is not a defence of Mayer, BDILH is not an acquittal of Healy. The phrasing she uses is not “he’s a good man they just don’t know him like I do”, it’s “I’m not coming to my senses” “I’d rather burn my whole life down”. The message of the song is not her trying to convince you he’s a good person (he’s not), it’s about a woman stumbling through a crisis and her desperate need to be able to make her own decisions, and that includes her own mistakes - which she seems to be acknowledging Matty was.

𝔯𝔢𝔭𝔲𝔱𝔞𝔱𝔦𝔬𝔫: リボーン (reborn) | Taylor Swift

// reputation as a comic book

in the death of her reputation, she felt truly alive.

how did I get past my writer’s block for a specific scene I was rewriting?

i tried rewriting the same scene in the same way with different words

i tried changing character povs

i tried cutting out the first part of the scene

i tried cutting out / significantly changing the second part of the scene

i basically just wrote a hundred false starts and hated all of them.

but all these false starts helped me build context. I learned more about the characters, and I learned about what the scene did and did not need to do to be successful.

i took a step back and looked what was important - primarily introducing the main conflict and giving the reader a sense of the main character’s personality, but on a subtler level I also need to set up the important relationship that the entire story hinges upon. And this last part turned out to be the missing key - I needed to make the inciting incident tell us more about the relationship between the two characters.

So I did a bit of everything in the end. I cut out the initial writing-myself-into-the-story bits but kept the first bits of action, and just did a better job of weaving character development into that. I moved the inciting incident a little further back to allow for more character development time, and also to make the character introduction feel more natural and meaningful.

and yeah, it still needs line edits and some fleshing out (it is still only draft two), but I finally don’t hate this scene and it makes way more sense for what I want out of an opening scene for this story