We Think We Are Alone. We Think We Are So Special. We Are Deeply Mistaken.

I sometimes think that people’s hearts are like deep wells. Nobody knows what’s at the bottom. All you can do is imagine by what comes floating to the surface every once in a while.

~Haruki Murakami, Blind Willow, Sleeping Woman

"Well, of course I’ve tried lavender. And pulling my memory out, ribbonlike and dripping. And shrieking into my pillow. And writing the poems. And making more friends. And baking warm brown cookies. And therapy. And intimacy. And pictures of rainbows. And all of the movies about lovers and the terrible things they do to each other. And watching the ones in other languages. And leaving the subtitles off. And listening to the language. And forgetting my name. And feeling the dirt on my skin. And screaming in the shower. And changing my shampoo. And living alone. And cutting my hair. And buying a turtle. And petting the cat. And traveling. And writing more poems. And touching a different body. And digging a grave. And digging a grave. Of course, I’ve tried it. Of course I have."

– Yasmin Belkhyr

I really like how the Secret History lets you question your own morality, like you’re more upset of a person being a jerk rather than being an actual murderer.

one moment i am in love with everything about this world and the next second my whole soul gets shattered in a thousand pieces and in both cases i am lost of all words

I can’t stop thinking about how perfectly Barbie portrays girlhood and growing up… How you’re born in a perfect pink world, where you make the rules and get to prioritise whimsies and friendship and beauty, and then you notice something has changed, you discover that something is wrong with you, and you’re offered an illusion of choice, but even if you’d rather keep wearing your heels and go home and be safe and comfortable, you have to choose the Birkenstock, you have to leave your home, you have to grow up. So you’re thrust into this gritty, unfeeling world, where you’re scrutinised and suppressed, where you want to disappear into yourself, because everything is harsh and big and you are tiny and fragile and inadequate. And as overwhelming and impossible as it seems, you survive it. You find truth in the things you believed in when you were young, the inherent good in humanity, connection and love; your friends who look at you while you are crying, and tell you that they cannot imagine what it is that you do not like about yourself.

“Yes: I am a dreamer. For a dreamer is one who can only find his way by moonlight, and his punishment is that he sees the dawn before the rest of the world.”

Oscar Wilde, The Critic as Artist.

I'm a master of speaking silently. All my life I've spoken silently and I've lived through entire tragedies in silence

- Fyodor Dostoyevsky

been thinking a lot about anticipatory grief lately. i love you so much that i know losing you will devastate me. i haven't lost you yet but i already miss you. we still have time, but it won't be enough. i think about what i would say at your funeral, and say some of it to you now cause i need you to know how loved you are before you go. you will go where i cannot follow, but you will never really leave me. it won't make it hurt less but it is a part of healing somehow.

With The Secret History, I think the first time you read it, you shouldn’t analysis it at all. You need to truly be blinded by the beauty and characters before you start to read into it and understand the criticism.

That being said, I think people who completely ignore the messages being sent by that book are missing out entirely as the blindness you first feel only becomes significant once you realise that Tartt completely manipulated you into becoming just like Richard.

Listening to Ghodey Pe Sawaar before watching the movie v/s after watching the movie: