Took Me A While But Here It Is!

The Cullens as Animals

Billy and Teth meet. By 버유 | BnotV_U_forDC

jason: soooo, who's the new guy?

billy, currently sitting in the manor's living room eating a sandwich: hi

damian: i'm just as lost as you are

dick, inspecting billy carefully: wait a minute. blue eyes, black hair, around ten/eleven-ish

tim, catching up: oh shit, do you happen to be an orphan by any chance, new guy?

billy, very confused: yeah? how did you know?

dick: fucking hell bruce! you adopted another kid and you didn't tell us! again!

bruce, entering the room, also confused: what?

damian: pennyworth won't be happy about this, father

jason: i thought we were past this, bruce. we already talked, you cannot fill the void with even more stray kids who somewhat resemble younger you

tim, sighing: where did you kidnap him from this time?

bruce:

billy: uhh i think there's been a misunderstanding...

bruce, so done with this shit: boys, i'd like you to meet captain marvel

dick, jason, tim, damian: o h ?

15

everybody stop what you’re doing, its a cat cleaning a baby

Evolution? We don't need no Evolution!

Wherever Aliens gather to sit down, do the equivalent of a 1km stare and drink things that make you feel like being gently smacked with a slice of lemon wrapped around a gold brick, eventually the topic of Humans will come up.

"They're semi aquatic." one says. "I swear. We were on a beach and we had this human - You know, to carry stuff and do Human related Things. And they just went 'oh what a lovely day' and then they ... ran into the sea."

They pause and take a long drink.

"No exo suit. Just splash splash splash, and then they fell under the water."

The others nod or quiver in agreement. "Don't tell me" the Tsin says, their scales painted with that human Nail Polish. The shade called Pining of You looked especially good. "They ran back out holding something horrible and toothy, and immediately adopted it."

The first alien snorts. "No. Sort of. We thought they'd fallen into a sink hole. We had no idea! They were swimming! Like a Tsuga! Just looking at everything underwater and then popping up and going back down... you know... they jsut. They just stop breathing? Because breathing might be inconvenient so they... stop." they say.

Everyone pauses to think about this.

"I mean... how does that even work?" one slender, feathery being asks. "But they're not aquatic. You know how I know? Because I've seen them fly."

Another pause.

"Bullshit." someone says. "They don't have wings."

"No no... but they can make them. AND and and... I don't mean like ships. No! they make them out of fabric and sticks."

The Tsin looks into her drink and then sideways at the make who's been staring at her scales for the last ten minutes. He puffs up a little. "Mm. What as an art project?" she says.

The feathery being declines this supposition and responds, "No. They built them then they go up somewhere nice and high and they pick them up and take a big run - You ever see one running? Terrifying. And they... jsut..." the feathery being makes a sweeping gesture.

"Up into the sky. For hours. Then they come down and slide to a stop and put everything away and... How do you do that? How do you fly and then decide, oh I'll just go on with being a normal terrestrial animal, ho hum, nothing special."

The Tsin coyly blows a bubble at the preening male and shrugs.

"Mmmmy theory is they're bad at evolution." she says. "So they gave up and now they just turn into whatever they need to be for as long as they need it."

There's a certain amount of consideration at this and the Tsin puts her drink down and wiggles her fingers to everyone and leaves to investigate that tasty little male with the gorgeous blue markings.

The tall and frondy being quivers and splays it's fronds. "That's a horrible thought. Imagine if they decided to become plants?!"

"Ah well" says a very drunk Waallondernook, "Funny you should mention that..."

Beauty of Croatia. I'll have to visit again someday. 😘

HalBarry idea:

You’ve heard of Parental Superman, Parental Batman for Billy Batson.

Get ready for Surrogate parents Hal and Barry! Both finding out the Champion of Magic, Captain Marvel/Shazam, is actually a ten year old-12 year old kid!

It takes a great deal of patience for them not to try and resurrect the Wizard in order to tear him a new one. Barry and Hal are practically seething in utter anger at what the Wizard has done to Billy.

At least Billy is not alone anymore. He has both Barry and Hal in his corner. They might not be rich in money, but they are rich in love, and that is worth more than the stars in the sky.

imagine the world in which smeyer DOES name twilight “forks” and instead of a $3.3 billion movie adaptation in 5 parts we get some spicy teen drama on the cw

A new family by @safranephesus