I'm Pretty Tired Of That Siberia Is Seen As A Wasteland And Siberians As Savages. So Since Today I'll

the title of the last song you listened to is the epitaph on your tombstone

Tuor but he’s played by Owen Wilson and he just walks around Gondolin saying wow until Idril falls for him and Maeglin hates his guts

On that note, I'm delighting myself translating the word "friend" in Tolkien as bestie. Lots of fun sentences but none beats the alliteration of "Beren became the bestie of birds and beasts"

the best lord of the rings thing ive seen is the headcanon that gimli is like Prince Tier of beauty for dwarves and is absolutely stunning and legolas is like, for an elf, absolute butt ugly like relatively and everyones always like gimli how could you marry such a shit tier ugly ass elf and gimli is like ach.. nae…i love him

gay people can never be normal it always gotta be some shit like and the thought of their ancient friendship stung his heart

Tolkien in the 30s: the elves have beautiful long hair regardless of gender even tho a man having long hair in the 30s would be seen as an egregious sign of gender noncomformity at best

Amazon rn: boy elves have short hair girl elves have long hair because this adaptation is about girlboss galadriel

Important chart btw

“if somebody becomes panicked when you accuse them of lying theyre obviously not telling the truth” shut up ugly im a survivor who got punished for shit i never did all the time of fucking course im gonna panic when im blamed for something i didnt do

Well lads, I decided to make a fourth water ranking list! Some of these were suggested or requested, in which case I’ll @ them, and others were just some that I’ve read about since my last post and wanted to talk about! Enjoy.

Zambezi River, Africa, @marshmallowmachinegun

This river is making the list primarily because of the massive, terrifying rapids that you can apparently surf on. I don’t care for that shit at all. It earns the first spot on this list for being super freaky, 1/10.

Lake Toplitz, Austria, @darthlenaplant

This is, strangely, a lake with two bottoms. Around 52 feet down is a bunch of sunken logs, essentially creating a false bottom that divers can’t get through. Below this level, there is no oxygen in the lake and life becomes very scarce. But the lake has a maximum depth of 328 feet, and allegedly contains boxes of Nazi gold somewhere in the deeps. This draws in treasure-hunters, but I definitely won’t be heading down into this false-bottomed lake anytime soon. Since this lake doesn’t have any visible drop-offs or looks particularly scary, it gets a 2/10.

Dean’s blue hole, Bahamas

Until the discovery of the Dragon Hole in China, Dean’s blue hole was considered the deepest “blue hole” in the world, reaching a maximum depth of 663 feet. One of the reasons this underwater cave is so unsettling to me is it’s proximity to land. Like, can you imagine walking along a beach and looking out at the ocean and seeing that just a few hundred feet away?? For being such a visually dramatic hole in the ground, it earns a 3/10.

Cetina River, Croatia, @imalwayssirius

Often referred to as the “natural Eye of Sauron” (or, as I saw one of my mutuals post, the earth’s vagina) this bizarre feature is the source of the Cetina River. The spring bubbles up from a cave that reaches depths of over 300 feet and drains into a river 63 miles long. Although this spring is definitely beautiful, I don’t know that I would want to raft over it. 4/10.

Red lake, Croatia

The Red Lake sits in a deep sinkhole, with cliffs soaring over 800 feet above the water. Below the surface, the sinkhole continues for another 942 feet. The depth was unknown until 2017, when a diver finally descended far enough to see the bottom. The incredible depth of this lake makes it one of the largest sinkholes in the world, and earns it a 5/10 on this list.

Lake Peigneur, Louisiana, @amzrigh

I don’t know where to start with this one. I guess we have to go back to 1980, when this was a 10-foot deep freshwater lake. Underneath the lake was a massive salt mine, and on the surface was an oil drill. Basically, a miscalculation occurred and the drill broke down into the mines and this lake began to drain into them. Unfortunately, this lake wasn’t closed off, and used to empty into a nearby bay. As the lake drained down into the mines, the water flow reversed and sucked water in from the bay, briefly creating a 100+ foot waterfall and then the largest man made whirlpool in history. Although multiple ships from the bay were sucked down and the mines were completely flooded, amazingly no one was killed in this horrifying accident. So, what was once a 10-foot deep freshwater lake is now a 200-foot deep saltwater lake. The bizarre story and extreme depth of this lake gets a solid 6/10.

Kern River, California, anon

There are signs around this river which state “Kern River, 271 lives lost since 1968”. That would be enough to scare me off, but apparently not everyone feels the same. This river is so deadly because in many places, it appears calm and inviting, drawing in swimmers, and then sucking them under with a fast undertow. In fact, you are required to wear a life jacket if you’re even walking around the river with no intentions to swim (although it doesn’t appear that the person in this picture heeded those warnings). For sheer danger, I have to award this a 7/10.

Barracuda lake, Philippines, @pineowlple

Don’t worry, the lady in the picture is fine, she was just posing for a creepy photo. And this lake is fascinating for reasons other than its sheer drop and weird rock formations! Barracuda Lake has one of the most bizarre thermoclines and haloclines in the world, drawing in divers from far and wide who want a unique experience. The surface of the lake is freshwater and roughly 82 degrees F, but as you descend to about 50 feet down, the temperature in the lake suddenly rises to 100 F (only slightly cooler than an average hot tub)! This is because the lake contains both fresh and saltwater, separated by a hazy boundary. If you continue heading down to the bottom, the water will become cool again. Divers often describe swimming in this lake as a strange sensory experience, with some people claiming you feel weightless and liken it to being on another planet. Even stranger, the sandy lake bottom is described as being “jelly-like”. Definitely an 8/10 for how downright strange this lake is.

Enchanted river, Philippines

This river is a popular tourist destination for its beautiful blue waters and fascinating history. Some local legends report seeing fish down in the depths that cannot be caught by any line or net, and claim that the river’s color came from fairies. The mysteries of this river continue in modern day, as no one has been able to find the source of it. Exploration of the enchanted river started in 1999, and a hidden cave was soon discovered 98 feet down. During the sixth exploration of the cave, a diver died after reaching 130 feet deep. So far, divers have descended 269 feet into the cave, and mapping efforts are underway, but the bottom has yet to be found. 9/10 for the strange legends and seemingly being bottomless.

La Fosse Dione, France

This beautiful karst spring has a name which literally translates to “Divine Pit”. The spring has been used for water since Roman Times, but despite its long history it is shrouded in mystery. The strangest part of this pit is that no one knows where the water comes from. Roughly 82 gallons of water enters this spring every second, but the source is unknown. Several divers have descended into the depths of this pit, and none have been able to locate the bottom. In 1974, two divers went down and never resurfaced. In 1996, another diver attempted to find the source and died as well. In 2019, yet another diver went down and reached 1,213 feet before having to resurface. He did not find the bottom either. 10/10 to this lovely, French bottomless pit.

If we’re being honest these titles pretty well embody the plots of the books.