Someone Once Asked Me To ‘Just Die And Reborn After SPM’. 

Hooray ! 🥳🎊

The life I always wanted

I used to be that kind of person who was ready to do anything or more specifically ready to study about anything if that career or job can provide me with a big sum of money. Even when I choose to become a lawyer at the beginning, that was the only reason. The money and fame lawyers have. I wanted that. I even once considered to change that option to a prosecutor (after watching one K-drama) for the only reason if being a prosecutor can give me high status in the society and if I am able to earn a huge sum of money. All my life that has been my only purpose. To earn. To earn a lot of money. A lot. In a honest way. When I knew I didn't have any talents, I chose education as my path. If I could study for a job that could provide me with a huge sum of money, I was so ready to go on that direction. It was the same case, when I checked out food scientist career opportunities. Or every job I looked up for, salary was the first thing I would searched for. And when I encountered toxicology, and found out that toxicology can give me more money, I decided to take that as my degree. Unfortunately, Malaysia didn't had the degree for toxicology. So, I took forensic science as my first option during UPU selection. So I can continue my Masters degree and PhD in toxicology and aimed to worked as a forensic toxicologist. I was very happy with my decision. I thought that after I got my first choice, I can easily go on with my plan and become a forensic toxicologist and live the luxurious life I always wanted with the five to six digit salary I'm going to get. (This was also the very reason why I suddenly became interested in virology after Chan Ammai sent me that picture and asked me to study for that. Because virology provide much more high salary than toxicology does. So I became interested.) Sounds great, doesn't it? And this was also the reason I stressed myself out during SPM and when in matriculation. Because I wanted that perfect score or I was scared that I wouldn't make it. I was scared that I couldn't make it through the heavy competition and won't get the course I wanted. With education being the only hope I had and with no other talent or backup support, it was a life or death situation for me. That was how desperate I was for that life I wanted. I believed that with a high paying job, I can afford the life I wanted.

But at one point in my life, I started looking for what I really like. I started looking for that thing that could make me feel alive. Could it be after I got Marine Biology for my Bachelors degree and not the forensic science I much prayed and hoped for? Or could it be the influence of my very own Bangtan boys who always urged me to love myself and speak myself and helped me do so too? Or could it be the dark phase I had while in Matriculation (and SPM too, probably) that I didn't want to the same to happen to myself again? That one day I started wondering what I really like. Something that would make your heart beat and make me feel alive and wants to live. So, that I won't have regrets in my life. So, my journey to find what I like went on and on but I never was able to find what makes my heart beat. That one thing I really like. At least, not yet. How unfortunate, you could think.

But you know something? Be it the day I was preparing for my UPSR till this very day, I have never ever once imagined myself in a small house or holding a ordinary job. I has always been grand. ALWAYS. And I can say with confident that that is what I want. The life I always wanted. There is where my happiness lies. I believe that. I have imagined my future self doing a lot things. Like doing to overseas for further studies, dining with friends in a large restaurant and showing off how much I have came so they would regret leaving me. Going on travelling. Shopping for lot of cool stuffs all over the world. Imaging myself designing the house I want. Thinking of what furniture to appliances I want. Making a own room for BTS and a home library. Going plastic free and installing solar panel. Attaching one in my parents home too. Buying them flight tickets for they can travel the world too. And remember how I wanted to buy Acca a football ticket for Manchester United match at their home game (?). And above all, seeing myself driving that Tesla! This is what I want. The prayer I always put in front of God. And I will never ever trade this dream life of mine for anything.

So, I asked myself. Will I be content with doing a simple ordinary job as long as it can provide me with food and a home? Am I ready to settle for anything as long as I am doing what I like? Or do I want something more than so-called ordinary life?

Honestly, I have never ever imagine myself settling for less. Never. Not even once. So, what I have to do is, very simple. Do anything that will take me to this life. The life Loweena always wanted. The life Loweena believed that would make her happy, very happy. The life the old Loweena wanted. The life this Loweena will work hard for.

And, with this in mind, let's choose our fyp!! Remember, to do what you need to do, you don't have to be hard on yourself. That was our biggest mistake that brought us into that dark phase. Take it slowly. It doesn't matter as long as you reach that life you wanted. You don't have to rush. That live is awaiting us. We just need to choose the correct path to reach there even if we were to go very slowly. Remember how you want to take a break before continuing your Masters. It wasn't because you are not interest in doing Masters but have to do it anyways that you're doing it. It was because it is a reward you want to give yourself. So that you won't pressure yourself. So that, we can earn money by working and buy ourselves everything we wants before continuing the journey.

It will be all fine. Believe in yourself. Please.

LovexBTS

If love is what makes you smile even when you're tired, then my love for bts is real.

Found this picture on pinterest. I didnt understand but I assumed. There's a reason why he chose alpaca and why RJ is his son 🦙😂

Every drop counts 💦

You can find out if you have patience or not when you're waiting for your water to boil during experiments 😬

HAPPY 9TH ANNIVERSARY BTS (방탄소년단)!

yeah, the past was honestly the best but my best is what comes next

2013 → 2022

I always wants to be a part of them. But in the end, I only able to look from a far. It's starting to get annoyed with this way

I know i fucked up. I terribly fucked up my exam. But if I can still believe that everything will be fine and i'll do what wanna do is, it's only because of that 3-lettered word. BTS.

Please like this tiktok video... pwease

Tiktok

HWSTD 🐢 By Loweena Gonasegaran (S60009) @seatru_umt #WORLDSEATURTLEDAY2022 #WECAREFORTURTLES #KITAJAGAPENYUKITA #TURTLETOKUMT2022 #SEATRUUMT