This Point Cannot Be Emphasised Enough. I Would Never Have Been Able To Make Any Grammar At All Without

Just realised tumblr allows html editing, but the other reasons still apply. Also, it's just not the same editing within the confines of a tumblr panel and doing so from a website you can fine tune the layout of and control the comments on etc

I feel like maybe starting a blog again I want to write in depth posts about topics with full html support And I also want to talk politics in a public space without all the problems of talking politics on social media. Especially I want to keep my tumblr account mostly non-political.

Also first time posting in months Again. Or even checking tumblr. But this is my only social network now (stopped using twitter even before the fiascos with Musk) and I kind of miss having that. But I also find myself with a lack of anything to share. Life has been pretty boring in most non-political regards.

I'm here, I'm queer and I'm fucking terrified.

where all my queer and trans jews DREADING PRIDE MONTH WOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Castles - art by Alan Lee (1984)

Traveling mushroom and his trusted cat

I haven’t been on this website since June I think. What’s changed? And what the hell is Post+?

Well this sure hit me like a ton of bricks

One thing I absolutely won't post on Tumblr is whether I agree with this or that military action on Israel. I talk about it on other spaces but never here - I don't want to get sucked into tumblr arguments with either anti-Zionists or Israel supporters and Israelis. And I would get into a lot of arguments definitely, as my positions broadly support Israel but also take issue with tons of actions during the war - some of which I think were criminal. I prefer to keep such arguments in less public spaces, like discord servers I trust. So I'm not going to comment here on the recent events of Rafah except to beg everyone to remember the common humanity of both Israelis and Palestinians.

My niece enjoys reading but she struggles with pronunciations of words that don't sound how they're spelt. It doesn't stop her from enjoying reading and wanting to do it, though. Her learning difficulties make it hard for her but she does it because she enjoys it.

We all struggle through life trying to do things we either enjoy or don't.

For neurotypical people, it's not a question of whether or not they can do they things they don't enjoy but a matter of just doing it because it has to be done.

That's not the case for neurodiverse people.

For adhd and autism, it's very dependent on how engaging the things are and how they relate to any interests an autistic or adhd person has.

For depression, it's very dependent on being necessary and treated like it's either the Most Important Thing Ever To Do, or something that is just another motion to perform. There may be no joy in it, but if it's performed then it's over and done with.

For learning difficulties and disabilities, it's very dependent on how things are described, how complex they are, and what the end result Has To Be.

In all these cases, there's always an issue with the question of Can. The issue is that it doesn't matter how much a neurodiverse person may Want or Need to do something, whether or not it's something they enjoy/find unpleasant, it's almost physically Impossible to do the thing because the Brain Refuses To Cooperate.

Imagine you're standing in front of an electric fence. You try to put your hand on it. Your brain will literally stop you from doing so. In almost every case, you cannot touch that electric fence. You might manage it if you psych yourself up and try real hard, but that still isn't a guarantee.

In most cases, you won't manage to touch that fence. Your hand will freeze close to it, maybe even close enough to feel the electricity humming in the fence. But that last distance won't be closed.

You simply cannot do it.

That's what it is like to have a neurodiverse mind sometimes. That's what it's like to be neurodiverse.

You want to touch the fence because it's something you Have To Do, but your brain is saying No, No Thanks, We're Not Doing That and you end up stuck.

And the people who can touch the fence look at you standing there, unable to touch it, and judge you because "look, I'm touching the fence because it's my job and I gotta do it, I don't enjoy it but it's what I need to do, why are you being so lazy".

Sometimes, sometimes my niece just Can't Do The Work she's assigned from school during this period of lockdown and more home schooling. She tries but her brain is physically refusing to let her.

So she gets upset. She gets frustrated. She cries. She tries to avoid answering. She'll say the wrong answer because all she cares about is just giving an answer at this point and Moving On.

It's easy to get frustrated back. It's easy to get mean. It's easy to not understand because I'm not her.

But she's trying and she might be failing at the work but she's trying and trying hard. It's hurting her to try so hard because she's fighting against her own brain with her mind. That's Hard.

Being neurodiverse is a constant battle with your own brain and body, neuroses and anxieties. It's so easy to be cruel and judging when you're not the one on the front line.

It's so easy to call others lazy because you don't see and don't understand the mountain they've had to climb without equipment just to reach the same starting line as you just strolled up to.

My niece is trying. She's always trying.

Her reading will improve with time and encouragement.

It will never improve with judgement and cruelty in the guise of motivation.

To be neurodiverse is to be in a war without end; there are only brief periods of rest spent around campfires with others in the same war and occasional civilians who judge the time spent around campfires just resting to be a "waste of time" and "lazy".

This is what it is to be neurodiverse. This is what it is to be autistic, adhd, depressed, learning disabled, and so on. This is what it is to be Abnormal. And that's okay.

The world and people may say and imply otherwise. But there's nothing wrong with trying to do something and finding your brain won't let you. Brains just be like that, sometimes.

Golden Eagle Eyrie. Archibald Thorburn (1860-1935)

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