Buddy, I've Had To Tell People To Wash Their Hands After Taking A Piss.

Hey everyone, I'm Cece

I finally got around to making a blog for EMS related posts. Read the pinned carefully as some of our menu options have changed or whatever

If this is a medical emergency, please stop doomscrolling my blog and dial the emergency service number for your country

I am an Emergency Medical Technician that mostly deals with interfacility transfers. Most of what I do is critical care, but sometimes I do other stuff.

The purpose of this blog is mostly to post funny haha stuff, but I'll try to keep things educational as well.

That said, I am also going to keep things HIPAA friendly, so don't expect anything that would have sensitive info. Sorry guys, no war stories.

FAQ

Q: Is the Trans stuff really necessary?

A: yes

Q: I'm dealing with pain/coughing/vomiting blood/insert symptoms here. What do I do?

A: I am not authorized to diagnose you or give medical advice over the Internet. Please call your doctor if you have one. Otherwise go to an urgent care or an ER.

Q: Can I send you a story about an experience I had as a patient?

A: I'll accept submissions like this at my discretion as long as they don't include any identifying information

Q: Can I send you a story about an experience I had as a provider?

A: As long as it's not something violating someone's privacy rights or belittling anyone, then I'll handle these on a case by case basis

I'll update the FAQ as I think of more questions. If you want to ask me something that isn't related to EMS you can find me on my main @hippieghost

Playing a dangerous game by trying to eat my spaghettios while my coworker, who is notorious for turning us all into flight medics, drives to the next call

Me: okay, so imagine for a moment... That the monitor is your patient, ok?

Trainee: okay...

Me: so, the wires for the leads are kind of like your spinal cord. The spine can bend a little bit, but it usual only wants to bend one way, and you don't want it to bend too much or get pinched, right?

Trainee: I... Sure?

Me: Right Right, so... The way you wrapped these leads... If this monitor were a patient, I'd be checking for a priapism.

Thinking about the EMT I used to know that was a former marine, went to Afghanistan and when he came back was extremely critical of the government, super honest about everything he saw there and was real big into socialism. Dude still knew guys who had a lot of background knowledge on things that happened during the bush administration and had a lot of insider information on local politics.

This guy was tough, but didn't look it. Used to be a hellraiser in his youth, picking up chicks in his Harley and getting into fights all the time. When I met he was looking into unionizing the company and getting into fights on Facebook about economics.

Dude ended up retiring a couple years back. Two months later is when the first covid lockdowns hit. To this day I still think he knew.

This is the End Goal of Capitalism

I have had strong visions of the need for a specifically geriatric care orientated fast response team for evictions,.

you may have been spared the olive smell, but RIP to your coffee

We make a lot of sacrifices on the boo boo bus, but they never warned me about this 😭

Update: Olive smell came back but I was spared it's wrath because I spilled my coffee

Got in the truck today and it smelled inexplicably like olives.

I don't know why it smelled like olives.

I didn't find any olives.

I didn't even like olives.

But either way I wasn't having it.

So now the truck smells like bleach.

It's been years but I still think one of the funniest things I've ever seen was when one of the local hospitals sent out a post saying "Happy EMS week to all of the Doctors, Nurses, and Ambulance Drivers" and had to change it within 5 minutes.

In honor of my new follower whose first post is about getting wanting to get choked I'm happy to say that this blog is kink friendly.

Friendly reminder to stay hydrated and keep up your electrolytes when you're getting railed, and if you can't fit two fingers under the rope then the rope is too tight. 💜

Maybe in your district. I'd love to hear this person's jokes.

*covered in blood* I'm literally fine guys. im still funny. Would you like to hear a joke Im going to tell you a joke