People Who Use Guns Are Pussies. I Just Throw Bullets Really Fast

Blueberry picking

I LOVE MY ALGEBRA TEACHER

So, the other day in math we had a sub and the sub was next year’s math teacher. Anyway the really annoying kids were messing around and while the teacher was explaining stuff on the white board one kid shouted out “DO YOU PLAY FORTNITE?”. And my teach stopped talking , turned around, looked the kid straight in the eyes , and said, “Yes”. We all died.

Summer solstice honey cakes ☀️🌻

Happy summer solstice! Here’s a recipe to honour the day:

(Makes about 30 cupcakes or 2 big cakes)

Ingredients:

Cake:

450g plain flour

225g butter

4 tbsp honey

150g sugar

1 tsp baking powder

1 tsp cinnamon

1 tsp salt

4 eggs

250 ml milk

1 tsp vanilla extract

Icing:

150g icing sugar

20 ml water

1 tsp cinnamon

As much honey as you want

Lavender (optional)

1. Lay out cake cases or grease your tray if you are making one big cake and preheat your oven to 180C/350F

2. Mix the flour, sugar, baking powder, cinnamon and salt together

3. Add the eggs, honey, butter, milk and vanilla extract and mix until smooth

4. Put the mixture into whatever you are baking it in

5. Bake for 20mins (cupcakes) or 40mins (big cake)

6. Whilst cakes are baking prepare your icing. Mix together the icing sugar, water, cinnamon and honey until smooth. Add more water if you need to.

7. Once the cakes are done, take them out and leave to cool

8. When the cakes are cool, drizzle the icing onto them. Add lavender if you wish

9. Eat!

They canonically said Wilson is great in bed I can't fucking take it anymore.

Raspberry Cheese Babka Swirl

Ingredients:

Note- this recipe makes 2 loaves!

For the dough:

8 oz warm milk not boiling

2 packets of Active Dry Yeast ¼ oz each or 4 ½ teaspoons instant yeast

½ cup granulated sugar

3 large eggs

2 tablespoons vanilla extract

5-5 ½ cups flour plus more for dusting

½ teaspoon kosher salt

½ cup butter at room temperature

vegetable oil for dough

For the filling:

2 8 oz bar regular cream cheese softened

2 large egg yolk

3 tablespoons granulated sugar

2 teaspoons vanilla extract

½ cup raspberry jam or any other jam (recipe for it)

Directions:

In a large microwaveable bowl, heat the milk for 1 minute, 30 seconds at a time. If you are using a mixer, heat the milk in a measuring cup and transfer it to the mixing bowl. Add in the yeast and let it sit for 10 minutes until frothy.

Add in the sugar, eggs, and vanilla extract, and gently whisk to combine. Using the dough hook attachment, start adding in the flour one cup at a time mixing as you go. If you find the dough is coming together nicely after the 5th cup, then you can stop there. If it is still a little sticky, add the extra half cup of flour.

Add the salt into the last cup of flour and mix or knead until incorporated. Add in the softened butter and mix again until incorporated evenly. Continue mixing or kneading for 5-6 minutes, you may have to sprinkle some flour on your work surface so that the dough doesn’t stick. The dough is ready when it is no longer sticking to the surface and it is smooth and uniform throughout.

Place the dough back in the bowl used for mixing if you were kneading by hand. Pour 1 teaspoon oil around the dough and cover the bowl with a fresh tea towel. Leave it to rise to double it’s size for at least 1 hour or place in the fridge overnight.

Prepare the filling- in a small bowl combine the cream cheese, yolk, sugar, and vanilla and mix until combined evenly. Set aside and grab the jam.

Allow the dough to come to room temperature if it was stored in the fridge. On a lightly floured surface, cut the dough evenly in half and roll one portion out into a rectangle about 12” x 16” It can be smaller than that, you just want to make sure you have a rectangle shape.

Spread half the raspberry jam over the dough leaving a 1” border around the sides. Next spread half the cheese filling on top of that. Try not to mix the two if you really want to get the pink color, but it’s ok if you do a little bit!

Now starting from the long side, the side closest to you, start rolling the dough all the way up to the top border. It should now look like a log, like when you are making cinnamon buns, right before you cut them. Pinch the two ends of the log together and then with one hand on each end, twist the log as much as you can. Then fold it over so the ends touch, (like an upside down U) and do the same thing, twisting the ends in opposite directions. Kinda like a braid but with only 2 strands.

Spray a loaf pan with non stick spray and place the babka inside. Repeat the above steps with the other half of babka dough. Let the babkas rise for another half hour on your counter. Preheat your oven to 350° F and bake for 25- 30 minutes until golden brown.

Homemade Raspberry Jam

Ingredients:

2 ½ cups fresh raspberry

1 ¼ cups sugar

1 lemon, juiced

Directions:

In a medium saucepan add all your ingredients and over medium heat bring the fruit to a boil.

Stirring frequently, allow the fruit to boil for 20 minutes until the fruit starts to thicken. Remove from the heat and place a small dollop on a cold saucer. Push your finger through the dollop and if it feels gel-like and wrinkles then the jam has reached setting point. If it isn’t ready then return the pan to the heat and boil for another five minutes before testing again.

Ladle immediately into sterilised jars leaving 2 cm from the top and seal immediately with a screw top lid (lasts 3 months in the freezers, a few months in the cupboard)

New facts daily!

Hello! I hope you are enjoying your summer. Lughnasadh is upon us, the first of the 3 harvest holidays. I usually spend this day on the countryside, hiking and enjoying the sun, but this year it is a bit different for obvious reasons! 

I know that usually it is custom to bake some bread for Lughnasadh I am a bit of a rebel so today I am offering you a really great recipe if you plan to do a picnic of a feast to celebrate this special day! I have cooked these tarts more than 3 times already and it is always a success! The recipe is a bit long, and I tried to make it as clear as possible!

Strawberry and Wine tarts

The perfect dessert for Lughnasadh

Prep time: 1 hour

Rest time: 1 hour

Cook time: 30 minutes

Yields: 6 to 8 small tarts or 1 big tart

Ingredients

- Dough

120g (1cup) plain flour

60g (1/2cup) whole meal flour

2 tbsp brown sugar

1/4 tsp salt

100g butter

- Mascarpone Cream

250g (1 pack) mascarpone

35g (1/4 cup) powder sugar

60g (2 tbsp) heavy cream

- Strawberry and Wine syrup

500g strawberries (more or less, it’s not really precise)

55g (1/4 cup) sugar

juice of 1 lemon

A few fresh Thyme sprigs

60g (1/4 cup) port wine

Preparation

//Dough

In a bowl, mix everything until you have crumbs

Add a bit of water for the dough to keep together

Make a flat ball, wrap it and let it rest in the fridge until needed (at least an hour)

//Strawberries

Rinse and cut the strawberries in slices and put then in a bowl

Add the lemon juice, a few fresh Thyme sprigs and sugar

Let it rest in the fridge for until needed (at least 30 minutes)

//Pie crusts

Pre-heat your oven 180°/375°F

Roll out a portion of the dough about 5mm thick

Drape over a small tart tin with it and trim the excess

Put back the trim with the rest of the dough

Repeat until you don’t have any dough left

Pick the crust with a fork to keep the crust flat when baking

Bake in a hot oven for 15/20 minutes. The crust has to be light golden.

Let it cool on a tray

//Mascarpone cream

In a bowl, mix all the ingredients with a whisk or electric whisk until you have a creamy texture

Let it rest in the fridge until needed

//Wine Syrup

Stain the Strawberry juice and the Thyme in small sauce pan

Put the strawberries back in the fridge

Add the port wine in the pan, you can add more Thyme sprigs if you want a stronger flavour

Put the syrup to a boil then on medium heat until the liquid has diminished by half, or until syrupy

Remove the Thyme springs and set aside the wine syrup to cool

//Making the tart

Spread the cream

Layer with strawberry slices

Drizzle with a bit of syrup

Garnish with a few Thyme leaves

Tips

* These tarts have to be eaten the same day. I understand that the process is a bit long so you can cook the crust and whip the mascarpone the day before so you’d just have to do the strawberries, the syrup and the tarts the day where you plan to eat them

* Port substitution: You can use marsala as well, or nothing and just reduce the strawberry juice to make it a syrup

* If you choose to do a big tart, use weights when you bake the crust to keep it flat

Shook™

NO bc he’s be too preoccupied with Inej being stabbed and doesn’t even notice until he sees her heaving over the side of the ship, and going back to rigging the sails

Rereading SOC and thinking about Erin.

Erin in the corner of that tight alley surrounded by gang members and unable to escape, being forced to use the *Cut*.

Triggering her panic attack and Kaz finding her hyperventilating in the corner, unable to move.

Erin pushing through and sailing the schooner even though she can feel the water in her lungs again

Traditional Irish Soda Bread for Lughnasadh 🌻🍂🌞🌿

This bread is extremely easy to make, quick, and simple but delicious! Being a traditional and antiquated Irish recipe, it’s a wonderful choice of bread to make for Lughnasdah. Irish Soda Bread is also a bread that doesn’t keep for more than a few days, so it’s best for sharing with friends and family during a meal or celebration to ensure it’s all eaten quickly!

You Will Need:

3 cups of white all-purpose flour

1 1/2 tsps of baking soda

1 1/2 cups of buttermilk (you can substitute regular milk by adding 1 tablespoon of white vinegar)

Instructions:

Mix the flour and baking soda in a bowl, and then stir in the milk slowly, incorporating the milk in small increments. I used a wooden spoon to do this until the dough started to form, and then I switched and used my hands. Be careful not to over-stir or over-knead the bread.

Once the dough starts to form, place it on a lightly floured baking sheet and carefully shape it into a rounded disc, approximately 6” - 7” in diameter, and 2” thick.

Brush on melted butter over the top of the bread dough you have shaped, and sprinkle desired herbs on top. (I used rosemary and thyme) Then, cut an X into the top, or you could use any other desired symbol!

Bake at 400 F for 20 - 30 minutes, mine took about 26 minutes! Remove from stove and allow it to set on the baking sheet for 10 minutes before moving to a cooling rack. After an hour, the bread should be set and good to slice and share! I placed mine in a basket wrapped in a towel.

Lammas Breaking Bread Abundance Spell

“Abundance for you, Abundance for me. Abundance times two, Abundance times three. Slice it up, pass it around. Blessings for everyone shall be found.”

“And so mote it be.” 🍞🌿🌻🌽🍂