Another Scar TCD Angst Because @stiffyck Has Ruined Me. Seriously, I'm Supposed To Be Working On The

Another Scar TCD angst because @stiffyck has ruined me. Seriously, I'm supposed to be working on the Blackjack AU, but no, now I have brainrot.

A Scar by Any Other Name

Of course, it was Grian who asked.

The two men sat on a double chest in one of Scar's many chest monsters, just chatting and having a mid-afternoon snack.

"So, I've been curious about something for a while. Can I ask you a question?"

Scar chuckled. "You just did."

Grian rolled his eyes. "Can I ask you something a bit personal?"

"Sure. I've got nothing to hide."

Grian snorted and laughed again. "I don't believe that for a second. But I've been wondering: Is 'Scar' actually your real name?"

Scar's smile dropped, and he went ridged. He knew that someday, someone would ask. He just hadn't bothered to consider how he would answer. Pretty much everyone on Hermitcraft went by nicknames; one's they'd given themselves, one's they'd been called by friends enough times that they stuck around, names they grew into by virtue of what kind of person or player they were. But they all had real names, and most everyone knew the real names of everyone else, though many were rarely if ever used.

"It might as well be," Scar said quietly after a few long moments.

"Is this..." Grian said cautiously. He wasn't smiling anymore, either. "Is this something I shouldn't have asked?"

Scar sighed and shook his head. "No. I knew someone would eventually."

They sat in silence for a few minutes, with Scar contemplating how to answer and Grian giving him the time and space to do so.

"I don't remember my old name," Scar finally confessed.

"What?" Grian’s voice was all at once shocked, curious, concerned. "I know you're absent-minded and bad with words sometimes, but how do you forget your own name?"

Scar looked up, trying to oppose gravity so that the tears he felt prickling the corners of his eyes wouldn't fall. "When you... when you're alone for so long, when there's no one to call your name and no one to tell your name too, you... you change. The isolation turns you into someone else, and your brain makes room for more important things than names. The safest route between your base and fresh water, your supply count, your weapon specs. I -" His voice cracked, and he hung his head. Tears fell as he failed to contain a sob. "I named myself after a rifle because fighting for my life was all I knew."

"Oh, Scar." Grian gently rested a hand on Scar's shoulder. Scar flinched slightly in response but quickly relaxed under his friends comforting touch.

"That's why I name all my bases after myself. Scar West Outpost, Scarlandia, ScarX. That way, if I ever forget my name again, there's something there to remind me who I am."

"We won't let you forget," Grian assured him, squeezing Scar's shoulder. "We'll never let you be alone for so long ever again."

Scar sniffled and offered up a small, sad smile. "Thanks, G."

"Always."

They sat there for another few hours. Scar told Grian more about the dead apocalypse world he came from, and Grian listened intently. There were some things he wasn't quite ready to talk about yet, and Grian understood. Grian wasn't without his own deamons, after all, so he could empathize.

When evening came, Grian walked Scar home and didn't leave. He could tell Scar didn't want to be alone after rehashing the trauma of having lived in fear and isolation.

That night, Scar didn't dream of zombies or death. He dreamed of friendship and happiness in a world where he knew in his scarred heart that he would never be lonely again.

actually i experience “body horror” every day. because. um. i have one

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emilyh1983

2 months ago

Reminder to self:

Meme with three panels. The first has a man sitting on a couch looking at a piece of paper in his hands. the second shows the piece of paper that reads: "it takes time to recover from burnout". The third panel shows the man again, he is holding his head in this hands

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emilyh1983

2 months ago

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emilyh1983

1 month ago

Today on things that keep me up at night: have you ever thought about how Glinda worked very closely with the Wizard for nearly a decade? Have you ever considered that she probably saw him nearly every day, that she knows the way he walks and talks and acts better than damn near anyone else in Oz, that they were coworkers in close proximity for a long time. And Elphaba is his daughter. And even if they met twice, even if they never really knew each other, Elphie and the Wizard must have attributes in common.

The shape of the face or the eyes, the slope of the shoulders, the way the smile lifts the corner of the mouth, a certain phrase, or a look or just a way of moving, all an echo of the Wizard, of Elphabas father, and Glinda knows it. Feels something dangerously close to fear curl cold and tight around her heart when she realizes why she feels like she’s seen that smile before, somewhere else, on someone else, and why it’s setting alarm bells screaming in the back of her mind

because Elphaba, in tiny noticeable ways, is her fathers daughter

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emilyh1983

2 years ago

Something I'm obsessed about is.. How some hermits come off in other people's videos vs their own videos

Scar can feel infinitely more threatening in others' videos whilst in his own pov he seems so fun and cheery. One of my favorite example is his audience with Ren. From his POV he comes off as just messing around, not really listening and just doing his own thing because he doesn't really respect Ren, not really

From ren's pov he comes off as terrifying - you watch Ren have his audience and assert his authority with the rest of his court, and then Scar walks in, and he takes complete control of the scene. Where others listened, nodded, and kneeled - Scar strolls to the throne at his side, sits, and smiles condescendingly as Ren demands scar sell his gigapies.

Whereas from Scar's point of view it's one of his endless swindling moments, when he tries to negotiate the whole thing, from ren's pov he just comes off as... So... Terrifying? Its hard to put into words. He won't budge. Faced with a monarch he supposedly swore his fealty for, for whom he's killed and brought the head of resistance members... He continues to stand tall, chin up, and refuse his frivolities.

It's just... So interesting to me.

Similarly, Joel in the life series - particularly last life - almost always comes off as so unhinged, unpredictable and violent. He's scary in a different way than scar, like an rabid dog.

But if you watch Joel's povs he's so soggy and pathetic. Even in last life. Especially in last life. Rather than a rabid dog he's suddenly a shaking chihuahua, barking and growling at everything that comes his way but obviously helpless.

There's many more examples. How aloof grian comes off from other people's point of view is a good one. It's just... Interesting to me.

I myself struggle a lot with understanding the way I come off to other people. Coworkers and friends will describe me in ways that will genuinely surprise me. When watching the hermits/lifers, you can see this phenomenon from both angles, in a way. It's a nice little case study. How someone comes off when you have an intimate knowledge of their intentions and thought processes vs how they come off from an outside perspective.

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emilyh1983

1 month ago

anybody who says “i just think ari and cynthia’s relationship is a little TOO close” clearly has never experienced the joy of friendship. like this is who glinda and elphie ARE. it’s just the nature of being glinda and elphaba.

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emilyh1983

2 years ago

smartphone storage plateauing in favor of just storing everything in the cloud is such dogshit. i should be able to have like a fucking terabyte of data on my phone at this point. i hate the fucking cloud

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emilyh1983

1 year ago