“hey, Xiao?”

"No." (Yandere!Albedo/Reader)

A/n: I got sick but it just so happens I live off of spite so I finally finished this fic. Most characters are a bit/really obnoxious here. Also, the reader's state of mind and relationships with friends are unhealthy so if you're sensitive to the following CW please skip this fic. (If you're wondering why the fic is... Like this then here's me rambling here)

Unreliable synopsis: You kissed the most popular professor on campus. (Subtle yan!fic)

gn!reader

Cw: yandere, unhealthy friendship dynamics with clingy!sucrose & other characters, student/teacher relationship implications, the reader is an eccentric "class clown" with implied mild impostor syndrome, and small mentions of sexual harassment. (I'm not a medical professional so please take the impostor syndrome warning with a grain of salt– just added it in case this type of content is triggering. This isn't smut and it doesn't fully explore the last topic, but still please reach out for support if you are a victim of sexual harassment. Title IX is a very real thing.)

-------

"Does accidentally kissing someone cross a line in Title IX?"

That sentence alone makes you sound incredibly criminal out of context, and it doesn't get better with it either.

Your long-time friend, Sucrose, became fixated on setting you up with a romantic partner after the breakup you had three months prior. 

It was not a heart-wrenching tale, if anything, the entire relationship you had with Arataki Itto plays off as a major joke. You dated the man simply because you thought his impulsive behavior was entertaining, and oddly enough, he found your unpredictable temperament alluring. You just never anticipated that the idiot will buy an overpriced toy drum when you asked him to get a coke and "get something for yourself as well."

It's no surprise you permitted him to spend your money. But that wasn't even supposed to be a gamble. That was just an instruction, and he failed HARD. Arataki "I-swear-you-didn't-say-Pepsi(???)" Itto... got you orange juice. 

Breaking up was a huge relief. Instead of adopting a façade of the partner he wants, you have at last discovered the temporary freedom to choose over what you enjoy. For a while, they didn't treat you like a court jester; instead, they gave you the tender care you'd reserve for a helpless person.

Sucrose was distraught when you two decided to stop everything after Itto wasted most of your money by falling for Dori's scam. She appeared to be more affected than you two. Sucrose must have thought of you two as "the Golden pair" since she is naturally fascinated by research about personalities and relationships— more notably the 16 personality types. Seeing you two break up was an antithesis to her defense on the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator test. You broke up due to (financial) differences, and there's no unreliable science needed to learn that.

Here lies the problem: Sucrose refused to give up.

You've heard concerns about her callous demeanor in person and online. Some people thought it endearing that you have a friend who genuinely cares about you, while others consider her nagging to be a burden, and rightfully so.

You felt icky after accidentally seeing her list of candidates, yet you can't bring yourself to make a strong effort to stop her. Sucrose lost two of her best friends last year in an accident, and you are essentially the only support that's keeping her sanity in check, but sometimes you feel as though you are risking your health on the line. She had written down some questionably extensive background on every man and woman she thought was worthy... You don't even want to know why Ajax is on that list.

No matter the reason, that didn't stop Timaeus from barfing out his triple-layered peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

"W-WHAT on EARTH did you DO this time?!"

Sure is tough being a menace to society.

Hah... You're already on the brink of a mental breakdown and yet you still kept making self-deprecating jokes.

"WHAT'S with THE reaction?" You asked, casually copying his tone before you sank to your seat. "It's JUST a QUESTION."

"We know how you work, (Y/n)!" He knew you were purposefully trying to rile him up, yet Timaeus slammed a fist on the table in exaggerated disgust. "You did the EXACT same thing last time. You asked us 'hOw bAd woUld iT bE iF I datEd a gaNgstEr' and then you fucking did it anyways! What the hell– heck."

Timaeus's outburst was audible throughout the entire cafeteria, yet nobody seemed to care. The other people you shared the table with, Ying'er, Collei, and Tighnari all cast curious glances at you. It's not as though they have never heard of your misadventures before, frankly, whenever something happens they avidly observe it. You're all inseparable because of your shticks. However, apart from Sucrose, Dorian had been awol from your friend group, and it is no less due to the headline you're about to announce.

None of them took you too seriously, which they should have, given the nature of Title IX. As "good" friends, they should've worried over your safety and overall wellbeing. 

You could feel tears of fear and frustration swell up in your eyes.

Yet you couldn't be mad at them for reacting this way.

You're the chaotic link– the friend that didn't quite fit in– assigned to the role of being the "funny one." It started with a single joke until you unintentionally formed a false sense of confidence that you're something bigger than what you are. Everyone thinks you're hilarious, and you're afraid of disappointing them. You weren't trying to be funny most of the time, they just want someone to laugh and point at. Even though you are academically above average yourself, without your carelessness and gambles, you practically have nothing to offer this otherwise brilliant population.

Timaeus may not always deliver the right answer in his alchemy test papers, but he's never wrong about you even if he's drunk off of two bottles of Death After Noon. You recall Timaeus specifically in that instance because he was right; you have no future and you won't amount to anything.

In short, your image dilemma can be summed up by something you said high out of your mind in front of the mirror: "I think I accidentally gained an ego after joking about being hot and sexy one too many times, and now I'm being punished for my hubris." (You're never asking Lisa for philosophy book recommendations on Sundays ever again.)

And if it's true that you have no future and that you're nothing more than an insecure fraud, then you might as well come clean right now and let your "friends" break their ties. It doesn't matter, not anymore.

Ying'er laughed heartily. Contrary to her lover, she loves it whenever you act like this since it makes her normally composed and optimistic boyfriend snap and curse... You would know because she constantly divulges pointless details about how "hot" it was in private messages. And you two weren't even that close when she first did that. But now she's practically your unofficial attorney with how many times she played devil's advocate. You'll miss her.

"Why are you already accusing them? Who knows, maybe they're the victim here, babe. You're being too insensitive."

"Yeah, Tim, you should listen to your girlfriend over here." You nudged him and he glared vehemently.

"(Y/n), you're not supposed to openly agree with me, but yeah, why don't you give them the benefit of the doubt?"

You gave Ying'er a weak friendly wink and a thumbs up, feeling repulsed at yourself deep down. It's incredibly flattering for her to insinuate a professor would find you attractive rather than filing a restraining order.

She'll probably hate you once she finds out the truth, right? She did have a crush on your victim.

"This is them we're talking about." Timaeus glared. "They're bound to do something stupid. C'mon, Tighnari, say something!"

Tighnari merely shrugged and stabbed his fork into a mushroom (presumably poisonous, given its unnatural blue color). He had grown tired of dealing with your antics over the years. No lecture had ever worked in the past, and you both telepathically agreed that streak was not going to end today. You're lying about being self-possessed. He knew that whenever this happens, you were trying to be an idiot, and did not allow yourself to be an idiot. There's a fine difference between those two, and he knows which is which.

In a way, Tighnari views you in a more positive light than most of your friends. And he could sense that you have more grave matters to say.

So, he played along to help you set the mood. "I said this yesterday and I'll say it again: we're studying to become botanists. We're growing plants. Our future job isn't to help them grow a brain."

"Facts." You snapped your fingers and smugly nodded.

"Don't just agree with him!"

"You can grow plants all you want but just know my Timaeus right here doesn't need any more growing if you catch my drift~."

"Ying'er." Collei groaned.

"What? I was just saying his height is perfect enough as it is."

"I feel like we're having thirty different conversations at once." 

"Your mother is thirty different conversations at once–"

"Mx. (L/n)."

The table went silent. Except for yourself, who's still droning on, unfinished. Everyone noticed the uninvited man in the cafeteria and their lips were silenced. 

Here he is. 

"–eeegood evening, Professor Albedo." You stood up from your seat and slightly bowed your head down.

It's the untouchable Professor Albedo. The Alchemy Professor on this forsaken campus exudes a breath of freshness even if the scent of chemicals follows him like an affectionate dog. The only person that students would ogle at amid all the balding learning facilitators. Sucrose's mentor. Dorian's 32-year-old brother. The "Kreideprinz".

And the guy that might just sue you for your careless mistake.

Your circle caught the tension between you two and started watching the scene unfold like a car accident.

Professor Albedo cocked his head forward. You never claimed to be one of his adoring fans who can spot his emotions after one look, but your gut tells you that he's more than amused despite his stoic expression. He's similar to Dorian in that aspect.

"I trust that you've read the excerpt I've sent you?" He asked in almost a whisper.

You thoughtlessly lamely pulled up your library-borrowed copy of Title IX. In your perspective, nothing matters anymore, so you might as well let it out there.

Your friends jolted simultaneously, someone even dropped their utensils while Collei hit her knee up the table and hissed at the pain.

"Oh my God..." Timaeus shuddered.

Your friends had the face that collectively screamed "YOU MADE OUT WITH PROFESSOR ALBEDO?!" in all capitals, bold, italics, underlined, shadowed with thick black strokes– whatever makes it more out there. They're not in the wrong to react that way. 

In one single move, you broke 2 rules on the so-called Bro Code, one being the infamous "don't fuck my brother" and the second being the lesser known "don't fuck my professor". Not only that, but most importantly you violated a line or two in Title IX. 

Leave it to (Y/n) (L/n) to break more than three rules on the daily.

... You really should stop making jokes as a coping mechanism.

The cafeteria started to murmur, urging their seatmates for information they don't have. You released a small, clipped laugh. You should've thought that one through.

Tighnari meets your eyes with a sympathetic stare. You could tell he had more to say, but your heavy heart no longer wished to know.

"... Great work." The professor said just as nonchalantly. No doubt, he tried to salvage your reputation but you sabotaged it yourself. How wasteful. He beckoned you forward with one finger. 

"Come with me. We'll talk somewhere more private."

You walked away from your table and gave them one look.

They were incredibly disturbed to see a small sad smile on your face, rather than the wide mischievous grin that they were used to. After seeing that, they all had one emotionally detached thought in mind:

So, it wasn't a joke after all.

--------------

You neither like nor dislike Professor Albedo.

There are multiple fluffs about how friendly and dorkish he is as a reclusive person, but none of them sparked your interest. You often feigned reactions whenever Dorian expresses his apparent disdain for his more successful brother, and your sly smile barely reaches your eyes. If anything, hearing about the same man over and over again makes him feel oversaturated rather than entertaining. He's too perfect in those gossips that you're bored to tears. 

At least the rumors were positively right about one thing: his tastefully braided blonde hair and blue eyes make him no lesser than a portrait of a prince. But no more special than Dorian, in all honesty. You wouldn't be able to know which is which if they wore similar clothes and let their hair down. They're like clones of each other.

Albedo kept fidgeting a hand inside his pocket, and you can't hazard a guess as to what it is. A recording device, perhaps? You pride yourself on your ability to read and toy people like clockwork. That ability, however, does not translate well with Professor Albedo. 

You snapped out of your trance as the professor began reading what was on his clipboard.

"(Y/n) (L/n). 27. Graduate School. Taking a Ph.D. Botany program– though if I hadn't known that, I would've guessed you were a music major." Albedo vaguely pointed at your face without looking. "Your tongue would've fooled me."

You flinched. Is he teasing you or scolding you– you can't make sense of his tone. He's too monotonous.

"Professor, are you uncomfortable right now? If so, I could leave if you wish and we can talk via email instead about your complaint."

Professor Albedo eyed you carefully this time, even though he's squirmish. The tone you used to address him and your overall body language differ greatly from how you behave in the company of your friend group. Your professionalism does not match how the rumors perceive you. This is probably the reason why young professor Kusanali didn't believe any rumors about you. He was impressed.

"Am I supposed to be happy that you’re not giving me a moment of your time?” He said. "It's a bit difficult to achieve that state when you have yet to slip out of my mind. You did assault me yesterday–"

"Yes, yes, I'm well aware of that, Professor." You cringed. "But–"

"Albedo."

"Sorry?"

"You kissed me, (Y/n). I think you can call me Albedo."

"Right." You chuckled nervously. "Like I was saying, P-Professor, it's all a major misunderstanding. I wasn't aiming to assault you."

Albedo raised an eyebrow. He did not miss the way you suavely dodged calling him by name. Other than that, assault is a strong word, and he did not expect you to use it as well. 

You thought it was a fitting word to use. Albedo barely makes eye contact, and he probably doesn't like being reminded that you stole a kiss from him.

"It's Albedo. So, you were planning to sexually assault another student?"

He is relentlessly quick on the uptake. Albedo sounded like a cop. What he said was correct, absurdly phrased, but correct nonetheless.

"I mean..." You rubbed your hands against your pants. They were a bit sweaty, and you had to accept the fact you were not faking it. You are genuinely anxious. "When you put it like that, it does sound inexcusable doesn't it?"

"It is a positively hair-raising notion, yes." Albedo deadpanned. "And if I had to take an educated guess, you were planning to assault my younger brother Dorian and you mistook me for him instead."

"..."

Figuring that out was a no-brainer. Although Professor Albedo is older than his brother, their appearance and physique make them appear twin-like. Dorian once droned about how it happened due to Albedo's poor upbringing under their aunt Alice's guidance, making his growth stunted. And his tendency to talk your ear out is one of many reasons why your intrusive thoughts often suggest that Dorian had no personality outside being the renowned professor Albedo's younger brother. Hence, you don't absorb a word of what he says. You didn't listen to gossip often cause you figured that you were not one for trivial gossip like the rest of the student botanists. 

... And based on the dilemma you find yourself in now, it appears as though you don't have common sense like the rest of your peers either–

"Please stop woolgathering. Is there a more interesting specimen to take note of on the floor? You seem to be more intrigued by what's on your shoes."

You cringed for what you felt like the 1000th milestone at that point.

"Professor, I know that I sound terrible–"

Albedo sighed. "I would never insinuate that, Mx. (L/n)." 

"But you keep cutting me off." You said in a questioning tone. It sounded a lot more polite in your head, yet the famous Kreideprinz was flustered by your reply.

He cleared his throat. "Sorry. I didn't mean to. Carry on. You are aware that you sound like a sex offender, and?"

That came out incredibly cold. It felt like being under the cold blade of a frigid prince, and his icy stare and light complexion just adds the cherry on top. The professor said that he wasn't insulting you but his paraphrasing is exactly that. You didn't comment on it, figuring your education is more important than a harsh remark, and continued.

"... The truth is," you took a deep breath. "I only kissed you cause, well, I mistook you for Dorian, and also because I was trying to get Sucrose–."

"Sucrose?" Professor Albedo's eyebrows furrowed. "Sucrose, one of my–"

"Your student assistants? Y-Yes, sir." You nodded hesitantly. "We're best friends– not that it's unsurprising since I am a bad influence and she's a good person. I recently went through a breakup and she's worried about me. Dorian agreed to fake date and make Sucrose believe that she accidentally found us making out in a room to make it more believable but–"

"You mistook me for my brother."

"... Yeeaaahhh...."

"..."

This reminded you of your conversation with Dorian a while back. You asked if he and his brother would switch lives for a day, and he cackled and told you it happens more than the number you were thinking of. The moment you realized who you were kissing, you clung to the sliver of hope that it was Dorian wearing his brother's lab coat. It was not.

You looked down at your shoes again. It's too embarrassing and shameful that your entire lineage will probably be cursed. 

"..."

Knowing that you won't talk until he does, Professor Albedo read through his notes for a topic.

"Understandable. I presume you know my brother because you're both on the same course and are on similar schedules?"

"Yes, sir." Should you tell him the whole fake-date thing was Dorian's idea as well?

"It's Albedo to you. And to add to that, Sucrose is under the impression that we're dating."

"I think so, sir."

"That's not a question, (Y/n), that's a fact." He said. "She recently confronted me to ask if we're dating."

You gulped. Moment of truth.

"What did you tell her, sir?"

"What do you want me to tell her?"

You could hear your pulse pounding in your ears. 

On one hand, you want her to know what happened, but at the same time that would just blow you and Dorian's cover story.

But was that a smug tone you heard? Is he toying with you?

You bit your bottom lip. 

"... Yes, I think? What did you say, professor?"

"Albedo."

You tilted your head. "What?"

"Respectfully, please call me by my name and I'll tell you the answer." He smirked curtly, but it was gone before you could process it.

"S-Sir!"

Albedo shrugged. "Guess you'll have to ask her directly–"

"Sir Albedo–"

"Hmm, I don't recall having 'Sir' in my birth certificate–"

"Albedo! Albedo!" Geez.

He gave a small smile, longer this time. But he was still avoiding eye contact. You puffed your cheeks, embarrassed.

Prof. Albedo has a slightly twisted sense of humor.

None of this was professional, at all.

You felt your face growing warmer. You can't believe this is the same Albedo everyone is crushing on. 

You bit back a sharp retort. He sounded a lot more serious in campus gossip, and not the type to pull on your heartstrings like this. Your faith in that image is wearing thin.

The professor laughed. "I'm sorry. I wasn't expecting such an enthusiastic reply. You don't have to be nervous around me, (Y/n). I figured that if we were going to do this, you could use my first name.

"I refrained from answering. But, if you wish, I can confirm her suspicions. However, I must inform you in advance that I find relationships rather... Tiresome." Albedo robotically sighed. "I struggle to maintain them, so you will have to guide me."

Never in your life have you ever considered the possibility that a professor in your grad school would ask you to fake a romantic relationship with him. 

You digressed, not wanting to make a decision just yet. "But isn't your job in danger?"

Albedo then spoke in a genuine trill of amusement. 

"Not at all. Besides, I don't care enough to file a complaint about this incident. Also, you're not my student. Suffice it to say, I've thoroughly checked the handbook and consulted the headmaster herself. Rhinedottir sees no problem with this arrangement–"

Probably because she's your mother.

"–Granted, it will not be in full effect unless you give this a go signal. Will you?"

You looked away.

"This situation... Kinda reads like some cheap Harlequin novel, doesn't it?" You muttered.

It's a great offer. But it sounds too good to be true...

... Did he say that he wasn't going to file a complaint in the first place?

The professor watched as your impassive stare morphed into something uneven and sly but unavoidably empty. You clicked your tongue as your hands slip back to your pockets. Albedo could tell you're holding back an ugly laugh.

A switch had been flipped.

Professor Albedo immediately noticed the change in your demeanor and crossed his arms. He's anticipated this much. There's no way he didn't know about your "self-destructive patterns."

How interesting. For both you AND him.

"So, Albedo." You lazily pointed at him. "Something's fishy about this, don't you think?"

"You're too eager to help. I'd get it if you have something to gain from this, like scaring off your fangirls or something, but you fend them off just fine anyways." You grinned.

"I'm flattered that you think I send them away effortlessly." He answered point-blank.

Albedo turned to you, his face dim and heavily affected by his calm resignation.

"It's incredibly taxing work. I've told you before, haven't I? I may seem calm on the surface but people can be... A considerable handful."

His smile belied the severity of his inner turmoil.

But you can't help but doubt him. You don't buy his pitifulness.

You reassessed the situation in an instant. The Albedo you're talking to acts far from the untouchable Chalk Prince from the get-go. His words did not boast his usual research-riddled speech. This act is more than just premeditated.

Sure. You're the sort who is bound by what you "owe," but you can't say you can't empathize with his problems because he didn't seem-- he ISN'T troubled in the first place. And you're almost sure of it.

You believe you're not smart enough to remain in this university. But at least you have faith that you're perceptive and street-wise. 

Still, you kept your hollow cheeky grin plastered to your face.

"Then why aren't you taking a less problematic approach? You could say you're dating Professor Alberich– you'd get some people off your back."

Translation: Can't you just bother someone else?

"By attracting other unpleasant folks pestering me about Kaeya instead, yes, seems like a sound suggestion. I'll keep it in mind for future reference."

Translator's note: He's being sarcastic. Stop trying to worm your way out of this one.

Albedo continued. "But right now that's not viable. If you feel guilty for stealing a kiss from me this may be a good opportunity to ease your conscience."

...

"That's it? But you won't report me if I didn't agree to these terms, right?"

"Of course. I have your best interests in mind and simply warned you." He gave you a faint smile, hoping to ease your nerves. "You're part of Rukkha's batch of dean's listers. I don't have the heart to file a complaint."

Rukkha was a great woman, but you don't deserve your scholarships and sponsors. You don't have any talent or skill to truly impress people, and it seems you fooled both Professor Rukkhadevata and Albedo into thinking you're something special as well.

"Professor...."

But with what he basically said just now is that there are no consequences for your actions.

"It's Albedo, and yes?"

"You seem to have reserved some very unrealistic expectations for me. You should be more distrusting."

"... What do you mean?"

"I don't see any reason to accept your offer." You honestly had no idea where this confidence is coming from. Perhaps your class clown persona had slowly rubbed off on the "real" you, and for once you didn't hate yourself for it.

Because you don't want to be in this relationship. It's legal, yes, and you're old enough, but you're incredibly wary. Albedo may be leagues better than Itto but that's beside the point: you're emotionally spent and you're not ready to get to know another person.

"Oh, understood. For starters, agreeing to these terms will make Sucrose less abrasive with her attempts to set you up, and I could help you with connections."

"That sounds as though I'll be abusing your influence..."

You paused. 

Did you tell the professor about Sucrose's disturbing attempts to hook you up with people earlier...?

You don't recall ever sharing that bit of information. You made sure to pick your words carefully so Sucrose wouldn't be seen in a bad light. Since when did he...

"What? No, it's not. It's simply a small trade for your cooperation."

"No."

"And– sorry?"

You can see the appeal. You truly do. When you are chosen by someone of greater influence and intellect, it seems almost magical. He could undoubtedly help your botany profession thrive. Most people would conclude that if Professor Albedo chose them from the crowd, they must be extremely unique in comparison to their peers. 

However, this is somewhat unethical. This is the kind of scenario you'd find in a shoddy coming-of-age novel that desperately tries to convince you that there are no other elements to consider but love. However, you must also consider your mental health, reputation, education, and other factors that influence every fiber of your being.

Albedo isn't the type of person who would jeopardize your future over a minor disagreement, but you never know with people. People change as much as seasons do. You are a living example of this. Itto would not have used that argument against you if it were untrue.

You have nothing against those who engage in lawful student-teacher relationships, but you're self-aware enough to recognize that you're not mentally fit to enter one. And sometimes the conclusion is as straightforward as that. Besides, you're sick of having others (including yourself) continually doubting your intelligence. Fake-dating a professor will only exacerbate the situation. Rumors will spread that you only earned your grades because of him and not out of your efforts. Dorian already had it rough, and you've learned what it's like through him. Simple self-preservation.

"Thanks for the offer, really, but no. If I'll date someone, even if it's fake, I want to set it under my terms as well." 

You scratched your neck, eyes lifeless.

"I'm sorry, Professor. But I genuinely can't see why this agreement will help both of us, I especially can't see why this will benefit you compared to your other options. I could just come out and say I mistook you for Dorian and it's an easy fix to my problems and in turn, you wouldn't have to deal with the stigma of dating a student. I'm sorry, Prof. I'll take a rain check on it." 

You shrugged uncomfortably. "Besides, this is still a student-teacher relationship. I'm uncomfortable being in an uneven power dynamic like that. I'd rather date Dorian instead."

...

Shit. 

Okay, maybe accidentally implying that you're open to dating his kid brother had to be the second most uncomfortable thing you subjected Albedo to.

You didn't mean to come off as THAT honest.

A test tube must've cracked somewhere around the area cause you could've sworn you heard something shatter. You flinched, but he didn't.

"... Is that so." The professor muttered. You almost didn't hear him from how silent his defeat was.

You sighed in relief so intense that you physically felt your shoulder muscles relax and your eyes roll back. Seems like he gave up.

"I promise that I'll pay you back in other ways, professor. I owe you and I'm sorry. But I must refuse for both our sakes." You said. "I have taken something important from you, and I will respectfully understand if you file a complaint for what I've done. No one should have a kiss stolen like that."

He didn't reply. Albedo stood there, eyes unblinking as he mulled over your words. At the beginning of this conversation, he barely looked you directly in the eye, but now he refused to look away. 

You waited for him to say something else and stood there for a solid minute. Nothing came. 

"Please, excuse me."

You wanted to say that you left to give him more time to consider but the truth is that you couldn't bare standing there for a second more so you left in a frantic hurry. 

It was only when you left did you realize what made you wary of him the entire conversation.

Professor Albedo wasn't breathing the entire time.

-------

Upon unlocking his door, Albedo was greeted by a boy with a face akin to his. He was waiting for him, and in turn, Albedo anticipated that he would be here, too. The boy sat idly and almost casually inside a room littered with wall to wall of red-stringed photographs and texts, and there was not a single hint of disgust or any other natural reaction on his face. Albedo's nose scrunched.

Dorian did not budge from his brother– master's office chair. He stared back with a blank expression. Most papers were by his feet, crumpled, but not discarded. How could they be, when all pictures centered around one very precious subject:

You.

You, in all forms, poses, and angles make you ineffably you. These are the candid shots that bring out the little moments that Albedo longed to study under a microscope. They didn't need to be dynamic, rather, Albedo adored the simplest pictures the most. Needless to say, images of you resting is the most popular. It's a lot more convenient and easy to take, but that doesn't cheapen the value and elation the professor feels upon holding the finished polaroid up close.

Every time he swapped schedules with Dorian, he couldn't help but be curious about you.

It doesn't stop there. Albedo clicked his tongue as he noticed the journal Dorian held. It was his dog-eared notes he cleanly put together when jotting down your schedule, private life, and other more delicate intricacies. The clipboard he had earlier is nothing more than a silly prop compared to his actual notes. There's something so breathtaking about making the "unknown" into the "known", and the same applies to every bit of your life that he was curious about. Albedo's aware that it's not something he should brag about. Retrieving paraphernalia such as worn-out gardening gloves and locks of hair from your shower drain was not something he acquired robotically. However, he didn't fancy the idea that Dorian read it and found it just as entertaining as he did. He didn't like the idea of sharing.

Maybe you were right.

Maybe he did reserve some very unrealistic and idolized expectations for you. But that was only because he can see your potential. He firmly believes that. It's an awful and objectifying train of thought, but the professor is convinced he'll be the one who can "fix" your people-pleasing issue.

He figured, if he wants to make sure you'd always be with him, he had to conduct some trial-and-error.

Albedo breathed harshly. He forgot how to do so. He never needed to breath.

"Did it work?" Dorian asked. "Did your plan work?"

His eyes went dim.

Albedo didn't answer.

He locked the door again. This time, he allowed Dorian to keep the lights on. If anything, it's a small reward for indirectly helping him. But not even his fellow creation can have what the genius professor of the century desires to attain. He has to face the truth.

Albedo pulled out a recording device from his pocket. You said no. There's nothing he could do about that. 

"No."

"No. No. No. No. No--"

He played your refusal over and over again.

He thought he did everything right. He genuinely believed he followed the right procedure in getting you to say yes. What went wrong, then? Albedo doesn't get it. He was sure that he didn't say anything wrong or suspicious as well. You shouldn't have known that he had been following you from that conversation alone. 

"No."

He practiced everything for hours.

"No."

Word for word.

"No."

He researched tips and tricks on how to let other people's guard down.

"No."

He thought not pressuring you to do it will make you more willing.

"No."

He even asked Alberich how to subtly flirt with someone.

"No."

So. What went wrong?

"No--"

Albedo slowly blinked before realizing he had thrown the device against the wall in full force. The batteries and their other internal components spilled on the floor. He didn't have the willpower to clean it up. 

It's an undeniable error. He still can't believe his approach failed.

Master was right.

"Dearest Albedo, if you can't have them in their most authentic self, then what's stopping you from making an indistinguishable copy?"

our prelude and beyond .

pairing : tighnari x f!reader

genre : cotton candy fluff, slowburn, mutual pining.

trigger warning word count smh: 9.5k

summary : [ moments between you and your lover, based on tighnari's voice lines. from the moment when you first met to the future of your connection. ]

"to the silly encounter of fate that brought us together, forest watcher."

"to face perpetuity with you, young scholar" 

-

1 . " Hello . "

"archons above, what is up with this forest?" you couldn't believe you were lost inside an endless maze-like lush forest no longer than an hour after arriving at the gates of a new nation. so much for the sky-high expectations for a new experience. 

from left to right, up and down wherever you turned your sight, no sign leading to the place you were headed to was visible- not even a faint trace that looked anything similar to trails from people walking. you meddled with the wrinkled piece of note your mentor gave before you left at least ten times for the past hour. you scoffed at the tiny size and how it's almost ripped in half from how long it took for you to travel to this... still and unchanging forest seemingly in the middle of nowhere. besides, who writes "Gandharva Ville" on a piece of paper you could lose in less than a minute if you took your attention off it for one moment while traveling from one nation to another? clearly, your mentor didn't give a single crap regarding your journey to the actual research place you are supposed to stay at despite nagging your ear off about the etiquettes and reputation you were meant to uphold since you were “representing your entire nation”- her words, not yours. 

while you were staring at the paper in your hand like it was supposed to transform into a seelie and guide your pathway, you suddenly realized twilight would fall soon. you'd have no one around, no source of direction, no light and perhaps worse. when you heard sounds of unknown animals squeaking and creaking somewhere to your right, you were reminded that this was a foreign nation and even more unfamiliar forest. definitely worse out there.

you've been wandering around for hours now, it was a miracle how you haven't seen a single wandering soul around, not even enemies. it all felt eerily unfamiliar, lost somewhere in a foreign forest. and so with more anxiety flooding your thoughts than the proper, logical measures you’d need to find your way through, you walked around for what felt like another few hours.

amidst the endless wandering, you finally saw something that could be a place of significance, maybe a landmark- a sight of a giant tree towering over everything around it. 

in the light of the setting sun, the entire place looked marvelous, wildlife and plants prospering in harmony. when the sunray gently illuminated your skin, you finally had a moment for yourself to properly open your eyes and take in the beauty of your surroundings. dusk had painted the sky orange, scarlet and pink, even the clear air and gentle breeze looked like it was shimmering with the hues of sunset. a few verdant crystalflies fluttered around you, swiftly passing by and soaring to the skies- you had never seen such pretty green hued ones before. so this really was the land of dendro- you quietly pondered the obvious. lastly, traces and non-threatening (for now) sounds of wildlife brought quiet comfort to your anxious mind. hey, at least you weren’t wholly alone here. 

you returned your attention to the huge tree from a cliff above, wondering which route you should take to check out the surroundings. maybe it was the halo-effect of the prettiest sunset you had ever seen, but when you focused on the tree longer, you realized it looked faintly similar to a fairytale book you used to read when you were a child. 

"the tree of souls, a giant willow tree connected to all living beings around." you recited the familiar line under your breath, admiring how mighty the tree looked from above. was this the kind of giant willow tree the author was envisioning while writing the story? if so, you thought you could finally see the reason why everyone in the story seemed enchanted with its divinity and beauty. 

maybe a prayer could work, like it does in that little book you used to read? as silly as that sounded, you closed your eyes, brought your hands together and spoke out loud.

"dear mighty tree of souls, please aid me in finding the "Gandhara Ville" today safely. i'm not sure how many wishes you offer to faraway-land visitors, but for today, just me finding my way would more than suffice. thank you." a warm forest breeze swept past you, pleasantly caressing your skin as it whirled away.

"on a second thought, maybe add a loving boyfriend too while you're at it." you thought to yourself, slightly giggling at the additional childish wish. after all, you used to pray day and night for a lover you'd share your life with. not that Tsaritsa ever provided you with that, though. ironic and slightly unfair, seeing how your god was technically the archon of love. 

you were reminded of the need for you to move fast, so you intended on finding a way to at least make your way to the tree and climb up to see any sign of that mystery of a place you were to find. 

well, until a small piece of... something dropped right on top of your head painfully with a loud thud.

you immediately clutched your head and groaned from the contact- what the hell? you glared at the tree next to you, trying to see where it came from. since it fell right on top of your head, it was probably from the branch above- you came close to cursing out, but you held back and sighed. so much for your luck in praying to your childhood fairytale tree. 

"now what is this...?" what are the odds of a sturdy glass bottle labeled "dhayl oil" just dropping on your head out of nowhere? you picked it up and spun the small brown bottle around. nothing else was written on the sleek surface, the frosted glass body obscuring your vision to look clearly on what exactly was inside of it.

"what in the archons is dhayl, anyways?" you complained to yourself as you contemplated throwing the bottle down the cliff. 

"that would mean "tail", indicating that the bottle you're holding right now is the oil i use on my tail." right after you raised your arm to toss the bottle down the cliff, a voice suddenly broke the silence. your eyes widened at the voice and turned around at the unexpected presence of another... person. he was shadowed behind the tree a bit, it was hard to see just what his... species were. you were quick to realize that this person had to be a hybrid though, from his mention of a tail of his own. 

"plant-based oils are pretty complex to make, i'd appreciate it if you didn't throw my hard work off the cliff." when he approached you a bit, you finally confirmed your thought- this person in front of you was definitely a hybrid. you had never seen someone quite like him before, so you tried your best to examine his appearance as respectfully as possible without making it clear that you were gawking. 

two large ears stood tall on his head, and a bushy tail behind that he mentioned. you narrowed your eyes a bit and tried your best to silence your thoughts but- holy crap this man was pretty. were all hybrids this pretty? though you didn’t remember reading anything about the mere identity of a hybrid enhancing your physical features. 

"sorry, i didn't think it belonged to someone. it dropped onto my head above from the sky, i thought maybe it was a retribution from celestia." you managed to reply as normal while resisting the urge to roll your eyes. you remembered the thud sound it made when the hard glass bottle made contact with your skull. it still hurt, you managed to soothe the ache by rubbing it softly.

to your surprise, the man laughed lightheartedly at you. if he was keeping his distance from you first, maybe he had come to the conclusion that you weren't a threat. he came closer, standing right in front of you.

"you have a pretty big traveling bag. would you happen to be a part of the group of exchange scholars coming from different nations to sumeru?" ah, so he was aware of the program you came for. which means there was high possibly that-

"indeed, i am. are you a forest ranger, by any chance?" you finally felt relieved, running into someone local. maybe he knew the way to where you were supposed to have arrived approximately 5 hours ago.

"technically yes, a forest watcher to be precise." you narrowed your eyes in confusion, you admit you weren't an expert in sumeru's scholar titles and those who work for the Akademiya yet.

"it doesn't matter, i am a part of the crew, yes. you are correct on that." sensing your confusion, the man replied shortly. glancing at you up and down, he took out a small piece of note from his pouch.

"let's see, we have scholars to go to the Akademiya in branches researching the Akasha, the canned knowledge, historical runes and records, elemental incantation based charms, and elemental energy. which one of those are you assigned in? i'll find the location and find a forest ranger to accompany you safely there." the man checked his list again, then looked at you, expecting an answer.

"but i'm not here for the Akademiya." an awkward silence was shared for a few seconds before his ears perked up in realization. 

"ah, so you're that one... peculiar person who majors in a different field, yet applied to train for botany." during your conversation, you barely managed to divert your attention away from his fluffy ears, unsure if it would be offensive to stare. you wanted to touch them so bad for some reason. you’d blame it on the fact that you had never seen a hybrid before but you had a feeling that wasn’t the only reason, it was just to reassure yourself that you weren’t the odd one here.

"you don't get scholars to botany often?" you held up the conversation despite your mind being flooded with his ears. were these fox ears? you wanted to ask. it had to be, it didn't look like cat or dog's. then again, you really weren’t familiar with manners regarding hybrids- the last thing you wanted to do was somehow offend your only chances of finding your way. 

"botany, it does get an impressive number of students. it's just that most scholars choose Akademiya, not our base inside a foreign forest. they usually choose the safer option, unlike someone. highly peculiar indeed." you weren't clear if he was subtly making fun of your choice distinct from your major field, but his latter statement caught your attention.

"our base?" you tilted your head.

"you're headed to Gandharva Ville to experience first-hand botany and the forest ecosystem, correct? that is where we forest rangers live and work." your eyes lit up, finally with the realization that your small wish to that giant tree did come true after all. not to mention, with the help of this ... small bottle in your hand.

amidst your conversation, a memory of your mentor shouting at you about formalities of self introduction and its importance shot through your mind. wait, come to think of it-

"oh, now that i’m reminded... okay. hi, i'm (name), as you know i came here to study botany in relation to my field. i'm sorry for the late introduction." you finished your self introduction awkwardly . you thought of shaking his hand, but refrained once again due to not knowing the etiquette in a new nation and settling for a slight bow-down. perhaps they didn't shake hands here upon first encounter, judging from the way he isn't exactly offering you his hand either. he giggled a bit though, while you were unsure why.

"from the top, i see. hi there. i'm Tighnari, Forest Watcher of the Avidya Forest. my duty is to preserve both the rainforest's ecosystem and the safety of its visitors... that would include you as well, newbie scholar." he tilted his head a bit, looking at you straight in the eye with an amused glint in his amber eyes. wait- were they amber? you could’ve sworn you saw hints of green too. 

"could i please ask you to escort me to your base? i've been lost for a while now, as you see..." you reached out to him to hand him the bottle of his "tail oil", whatever the purpose of that was. the forest watcher gratefully accepted his oil back and slipped it in his pocket securely with murmurs of thanks. his somewhat amused look never left his face, even though it was faint.

"that would technically be my duty, newbie scholar. can i help you with your bags?"

-

2. Mistakes and… Leafmark?

time passed by quickly ever since you came to the forest rangers' basement. every day you would get up, spend time revising and learning about the ecosystem in Avidya forest, sometimes go experience it first hand with the forest rangers in training, then report to Tighnari by briefing on what you learnt that day. it was somehow rigid of a routine but it never got too dull. forest life surprisingly fit well in your living preferences despite the slight hesitation you had before coming here. 

tighnari surprised you in a way. you expected him to be a bit... different than he turned out to be. for starters, he didn't demand for you to submit a paper like your mentor did back home. it was trickier, he claimed that it was easier, and just that you had to simply visit him and prove to him through "civil, organized discussion" sessions that you've spent the day productively and learnt under his watch. unfortunately, tighnari himself is like a walking encyclopedia of every single plant, animals and who knows what more- known to teyvat. you were sure he didn't mean to be that condescending, but holy hell, was it intimidating at times when you failed to answer his questions. perhaps he was never aware, but he asked ridiculously precise questions often and would spend a long time bombarding you with information on the subject at hand. it was interesting, you admit but it turns out he was much, much more brilliant than you in somehow magically absorbing every ounce of facts he happens to encounter. 

of course, you never exactly outright avoided his discussion sessions. but you had to admit that after a month and half being here, some of what you learnt would get mixed or carried on misunderstood until the forest watcher corrects you or somehow tricks you into answering incorrectly or doubting your answer until you're sure enough to not fall for his word-mazes. the worst part was when tighnari suddenly brings up a random mushroom you discussed 2 weeks ago for approximately a minute, then asks what environment it grows well in, what herbs it's best mixed with, and your own personal insight on how you intended to use it in connection to your field if he’s feeling particularly tricky that day. 

it distressed you to no ends when you couldn't remember it as well as expected even if he has never, not even once discouraged or expressed disappointment in you. if anything, tighnari was an extraordinary mentor, always ready for questions, discussions and hands-on examination if you appeared interested enough. when you failed to answer correctly, he’d always nod with a soft hum, and explain from the top to ensure your correct perception on the topic. tighnari also always reassured you when you looked disappointed when you weren’t sure of the answer, claiming that mistakes are the key to success and that you should never be distressed or scared of him of answering incorrectly. 

though you adore him, it still stresses you out when you fail to answer his questions to your capacity. you reminded yourself again, tighnari isn't doing this to spite you- he merely wants to make sure you spent a worthwhile period of learning under him. he has enough work on his hands to begin with, why would he bother to tease you? he awoke well hours before you do, then always remains in his office after you two's little sessions, goes through tons of paperwork, research and whatever else his duty calls for until ungodly hours. come to think of it, you've never seen him sleep before- one time you caught him still doing paperwork at 4am and when you asked if he wasn’t tired, he merely responded with a “fennec foxes tend to focus better during night hours”. in other words, he didn’t exactly deny being exhausted. 

you were really concerned about him overworking himself, but you were frankly unsure if you were someone who could ask such things. sure, you two spent time together alone often, but most times, it was for academic purposes or obligatory meetings. (there were sometimes moments that existed outside of "most times", though.) so, there just wasn't any convincing reason as to why someone who barely has time to sleep would dedicate time for you. 

except, maybe you were wrong- you thought today.

"less with the reciting, (name). dictionary definition-style precise answers are your expertise, i know by now. give me an example on what difference it makes if you squeeze the juice out of Rukkhashava Mushrooms in comparison to pressing it into powder for making first degree burn ointment." your eyes nearly fell out of your socket when you heard the mention of that specific type of mushroom- Rukkhashava? not because you barely remembered any academically beneficial facts about it, but because of a faint memory of you reading it was viewed as an important symbol connected to the Dendro Archon that struck your mind. you opened your mouth to declare that people couldn't possibly make ointments with those almost-celestial mushrooms, but then you hesitated.

your memory wasn't clear enough. what if you answered and if you were wrong? tighnari worded the question clearly, specifying the procedure and even mentioning what purpose ointment it was used for. perhaps you were wrong? why would he ask acutely like that if it wasn't even truly used in the medical field?

before you could mumble that you didn't know, the forest watcher sighed and lightly poked your forehead gently with a book. then poked you again. and again.

"what-" as soon as you opened your mouth to complain, he answered it before it even left your mouth.`

"you're going to end up with wrinkles, you know? i asked you a question about botany, not philosophy. no need to look so distraught as though finding path through afterlife." tighnari really tried to help you be comfortable with him and not view him as an absolute superior, but you often had trouble doing it his way. it wasn't how you learnt it back at home, after all. old habits die hard.

just like that, you were unknowingly furrowing your brows again. your forehead was met with the book again, tighnari gently pushing it as if to straighten your eyebrows and possibly prevent you from getting wrinkles or something of the sort.

"see, that's the face. i keep on telling you over and over to just relax in front of me. tell me what you were thinking of, i know you had something in mind just now." you're on the right track most of the times, anyways. he wanted to say, but held his tongue.

"i... seem to remember that those mushrooms you mentioned weren't exactly the normal species." you analyzed his face to see if there were any hints of positive or negative reaction. maybe he'd look pleased if you were right. except, his face remained completely blank as always, only gesturing you to continue. he was exceptional at keeping his poker face during these discussions, you had to give him that. 

“go on.”

"...you know, with relation to the Dendro Archon and all? i seem to remember that it was a holy crystallization of the dendro god's legacy." you finally finished, slightly worried if your answer was correct. you distinctly remembered something along the lines, you were sure of it. and yet you couldn’t seem to be able to conceal the slight hesitation especially when you couldn’t grasp if you were right or not. 

to your relief, tighnari retracted the book from your face softly, then smiled slightly.

"good job. i could tell you knew." your eyes widened in pleasant surprise, struggling not to beam at him in happiness.

"that's probably the biggest problem i want to help you fix, (name). you're never fully sure of yourself unless you are able to carbon-copy book definitions on a piece of paper. you have exquisite memory, excellent interpretation skills and everything a scholar needs to continue their path, but you lack confidence in your own self." tighnari crossed his arms, still maintaining unwavering eye contact with you. he was being serious about this, and you couldn't deny his words either.

"i- sorry, it's just... a habit. i'll try to avoid it from now on." you awkwardly meddled with your fingers from the sudden memory of tighnari complimenting your learning skills and wit just a minute ago. his praise wasn't something you heard often, it made you feel... content. happy, if you may.

"don't be afraid to make mistakes. it's all part of the learning process. i'll be by your side to help you out if you need." if you were feeling happy before, you'd say you were over the moon now.

"from now on, i want to give you a small assignment." your eyes snapped open and stared at your mentor. already? you had just finished an encouragement talk just now and he's already thinking of your next move. except, what he suggested was very different from what you expected.

"avoid using ambiguous words like "i seem to remember", "i think", and "i guess, i believe" when talking from now on. in front of me, for starters. that's your first assignment from me personally."

"that's... a rather curious assignment, mentor."

"pay no attention to the academic aspect. even in your daily life, you're to practice it until you're comfortable expressing your ideas without outright bringing voice of doubt to yourself." at the mention of this not being a purely academic program, your confusion doubled. tighnari crossed his arms and spoke again.

"i'll explain to you later if you want to know why it's important. but for now, let it remain a mundane assignment you just have to complete. is that clear?" you nodded as confidently as you could muster. at least that was a start.

"alright, you're dismissed for today. but before you leave," he paused for a while, then skimmed through his book as if searching for something.

"ah, here it is." he mumbled and brought the book towards you.

"i remembered that you were talking to collei about not having enough bookmark to use on the parts you found insightful. you see, if you press a leaf between dry sheets of paper, you can make an attractive and handy bookmark. i can't guarantee how sturdy it would be, but it's very pretty isn't it? i call them leafmarks." on the book page he showed you, was a beautiful fresh hue of light green, swirled with brown colored leaf-bookmark as he mentioned. it reminded you of his own unique eye color, almost identical in color palette.  there wasn't just one, he had many of those 'leafmarks' in various colors. you had the slight question if it was intentional that he seemingly picked out a specific one resembling his orbs, but decided not to get too ahead of yourself. 

"you're giving them all to me?" you managed to ask, then took the hardcover book from his soft, warm hands. you barely even reacted to your skin touching his, too busy admiring how pretty the leafmarks all were. you even spotted a pink leafmark, you were positive you had never seen such mystic color of leaf before. although you didn’t seem to notice, tighnari’s hand softly shivered when they came in contact with your skin, seemingly lingering for no more than a second as his eyes softened at the pleasant sensation. 

"indeed i am, young scholar. you clearly are enamored and need it more than i do." you smiled at your mentor's kindness, and bowed respectfully.

"thank you, thank you!" tighnari's eyes widened, then made a conflicted face- almost bordering an offended look at your rigid etiquette even when you were alone with him. 

"i'd also appreciate it if you started treating me a bit normally."

"normally?" you questioned.

"i don't want to be regarded as your mentor back home. you and i are both equal scholars here." your eyes couldn't leave tighnari's face as he explained to you in detail.

"i just happen to have lived in sumeru all my life and my expertise is botany. that's the only reason why i know more than you for now. you came from a different nation, and on top of that you haven't even studied botany prior. you don't need to treat me like a superior, it’s unfair for you." the more time you spent with tighnari, you admired how down-to-earth he was. he was humble and warm, kind and responsible. he practically was the main guardian of the forest, yet remained the least arrogant person you've probably ever met. it was so... endearing in a sense, to see.

"...okay. thanks, tighnari. good night." you smiled, and left his office. tighnari, despite his best efforts to hide it, his ears perked up at the mention of his name. you pretended not to notice how happily his ears jumped and how he looked like he was fighting a small smile. 

that was the first time you called him by his name, not titles.

-

3. about Tighnari - under his care

"are you acclimating to the rainforest? I suggest that you keep your eyes and ears open. take care of yourself, and if anything happens, just flag down a Forest Ranger." the unexpected question took you by slight surprise.

"asking if i'm getting used to the forest after 4 months is a bit too late, no?" you tilted your head in confusion.

"it never hurts to make sure. the forest isn't a playground and i'd hate for you to get hurt." ah, so he was merely concerned about you.

"by forest ranger, would that include you as well, mister forest watcher? i could call you chief watcher, even." you jokingly stated, teasing him as you do often.

"of course i'm included. i'm always willing to take care of you whenever you need me. just a call and i'll be there." he said these words in such a casual tone despite your slight playfulness, yet it brought immense comfort with a wave of warmth blooming in your chest. you were certain that he held no deeper meanings, his duty was to ensure the safety of the people and the ecosystem. still, it brought a smile on your face. maybe, a small corner of your heart wished that just maybe you wished it was more than that. 

'whenever i need him, huh' you thought with a bashful smile you tried not to show.

"that's very assuring to hear, tighnari. thanks." you glanced outside to slyly hide the uncontrollable, giddy smile. 

little did you notice the small dust of rose hue on the forest watcher's cheek, his ear hanging a little lower than normal. he couldn't take his eyes off you, even when you averted his gaze and stared out the window. he had gotten so used to having you in his office, it felt empty and cold the moment you left. and tighnari was no fool, he had a hunch on why exactly he seemed to have difficulty tearing his eyes off you, why he suddenly grooms his tail even more than before, why he hurries to finish his paperwork so he could have more time with you without worrying about them. he knows, but he chose to cast them aside for now.

for now, tighnari opted to just cough, and then avoid your eye contact for the rest of your conversation.

-

4. mornings with tighnari.

you signed up for this yourself, you bitterly mumbled. you did this to yourself when you deliberately found tighnari and offered your assistance first on your own free will, for the morning patrols. you barely even thought it over, or found no necessity to. it was so that you could see first-hand which plants were which instead of burying your head in the books to no end. on top of that, tighnari was possibly the most knowledgeable person in the area to educate you more if you had trouble with anything. he never looked irritated when you asked questions, and explained in great depth within the best of his capabilities. again, he was an excellent mentor, you were grateful you applied for the Avidya forest section, after all.

but despite your blatant admiration towards your mentor, morning patrols were not a part of your duties as an exchange scholar. it was your thirst for knowledge and perhaps, the slight warmth in your chest when you realized you could spend time alone with your mentor that brought you to your conclusion, of course. you tried hard to dismiss the second half of your reason though, even to yourself. you conveniently concealed your lingering thoughts and acclaimed it to be mere curiosity and fascination with the ecosystem. 

unfortunately, you just weren’t expecting the forest to be this deep, with possibly millions of passages and places he was supposed to check. Avidya forest was big and vast, and circling it around to no corner unturned was certainly not written on your academic program before you left your hometown, neither did tighnari warn you about the insane amount of stamina necessity- not even half an hour and you were already struggling to keep up. you attempted to pretend like you weren’t on the edge of passing out behind tighnari, the desperate attempt at grasping your last shred of pride but you could’ve sworn he noticed your wobbly legs a while ago. 

"we already went over this place, right?" you tried your best to sound like you weren't on the edge of collapsing out of breath, but of course nothing escaped tighnari's abnormally huge ears.

“revising the area. you’re that exhausted already? do you need time to catch your breath?” you weren’t sure if you had the leisure to comprehend his playful, teasing tone.

“just a moment… just a moment is all I ask.” you finally swallowed your pride and stopped in your tracks. you held onto a tree next to you, slightly crouching to catch your breath. but just before you plopped onto the incredibly soft-looking soil below, tighnari gestured you to wait for a while and went through his belongings in search of something.

after a short moment, he pulled out a mat. a thick, warm-looking one at that.

“sit on this, the ground is still moist from the morning dew. can’t have you catching cold now under my watch, can we, newbie scholar?” you slightly frowned at his peculiar choice of nickname even after several months, but you still opted to quietly accept the mat.

“isn’t this too small for the both of us?” you mumbled after setting it down on the ground.

“indeed it is. because it’s for you.” he stated like it was the most obvious truth in the world. 

oh. 

you suddenly found yourself conscious of your movements. is this even good manners, to receive your mentor’s mat and then proceed to sit on it alone? then again, you recalled the conversation back at his office. he said it himself clearly, he didn’t like unnecessary formalities between the two of you. you were sure tighnari would sigh and flick your forehead if you put up the formalities again. 

well in that case…

“thank you so much, tighnari” you smiled and gratefully accepted his offer. when you finally relaxed on the ground, you sighed in relief. the mat he brought was as cozy as it looked, you loved how warm it was. Tighnari on the other hand, looked extremely pleased that you accepted his help without the frigid manners you seem to carry. 

“it’s so warm, do you carry this with you every day when you patrol? must be heavy.” you noticed how thick the material was as you ran your fingers over the material.

“…not quite.” i only brought it because you were joining today- he held his tongue from adding unnecessary remarks. you hummed in acknowledgment and enjoyed the small break.

out of the blue, tighnari crouched down to your level, silently reaching out next to your sitting figure to straighten the wrinkled part of the mat below - when you hadn’t even realized it was wrinkled and messy. his sudden actions left you unintentionally staring in awe at his unfairly pretty face and kind gesture. when he suddenly leaned in to finally finish pulling the mat to be as comfortable as possible for you to sit on, he looked directly at you.

you prepared yourself for the playful snarky remark he always shot after correcting your mistakes, but this time he didn’t. when he finished fixing the mat for you, he just smiled at you warmly and stared at you without moving away. you mind seemed to freeze when you noticed how he still kept crouching to your level, his body in a slight close proximity.  

suddenly, you were more nervous than you could’ve imagined from mere eye contact. after all, you weren’t sure if you’ve ever seen his face this up close before. his sunkissed healthy skin, brown eyes with prominent green hue swirling deep near his iris, and long lashes to compliment them. his hair seemed to be naturally straight, you'd never seen him prepare any oil of the sort like he grooms his tail. you huffed internally when you noticed how faintly pink his lips were, how was he this ethereal without trying? it really is unfair.

little did you know, he was having the exact same thoughts about you. his eyes seemed to silently observe the details on your face, pupils dilating slightly from the sight. the two of you looked into each other’s eyes one more time, then noticed on both ends, how heavy-tension the atmosphere was. 

almost at the same time, you two looked away, your head dropping low to stare at the ground as tighnari swiftly averted his gaze sidewards. 

thankfully, tighnari was the first to break the awkward silence, still crouched down to your level. something about him maintaining his stance was endearing, like he wanted to be closer to you despite his uncomfortable position- and who knows, maybe that was the truth. you silently hoped it was.

“listen! that’s the sound of morning dew dripping upon the leaves.” you blinked at the random remark he made. judging from his expression, he looked like he wasn’t making jokes, so you focused on hearing the oddly specific sound he mentioned out of the blue- of course to no avail.

"i don't have extraordinary hearing skills like someone, remember?" you squinted and tried your best to focus on the sound, whatever you could hear. unfortunately, all that graced your ears was the sound of leaves rustling from the calm breeze, and maybe the sound of sunrise if such thing even existed. it was no use, you had never heard dew droplets on the leaves before and was fairly positive that you never would be able to within capabilities of a human ear.

“i keep forgetting how unfortunately small your ears are. must be hard, unable to pick up pretty noises like these, hmm?” he diverted his attention to your ears, tilting his head and leaning in even closer to observe how different yours were in comparison to his own. your brows furrowed and you shot back playfully.

“excuse me, I seem to remember that you are a fennec fox, biologically programmed to have significantly higher sense of hearing. and my ears function normally as a human’s do anyways.” tighnari laughed, he always enjoyed getting on your nerves to an appropriate extent.

amidst your lively conversation, both of you noticed life slowly grow brighter inside Avidya forest. you couldn’t help but notice tighnari’s normally sharp eyes mellow at the sight of an ethereal sunrise. you stared at the rosy hue cast across the eternal sky, shining in its glory unapologetically. amidst the depth of Avidya forest, life awoke alongside the first shreds of sunlight. the strings of liveliness spread vastly from birds chirping giddily, some of the flower petals blooming as if awakening from slumber and curious sounds of the forest embraced the two of you.

and on top of that, you were equally busy admiring how endearing tighnari looked right now, his expression similar to a little boy who’s gotten a good night’s kiss on the forehead after his mother read his favorite bedtime story. the forest watcher looked peaceful, basking in the first rays of the day next to you. it was curious in a sense, surely he must enjoy this breathtaking view every day on patrol. yet, he looked as though he was the happiest one in teyvat at this very moment, like it was his first time experiencing such magnificent scenery. 

an adoring smile made its way on your lips as you rested your chin on your hand. quietly, you continued to admire the side of tighnari you’d never seen before.

perhaps, under the glassy orange skies and glory of sunlight pouring on his skin, was your favorite sight of him thus far.

-

5. afternoons with tighnari.

“catching the chief watcher slack off, today must be my lucky day.” tighnari’s ears did a small twitch at the sound of your familiar voice. 

“i’ll have you know i’m on my lunch break. there isn’t anything i’m slacking off on, young scholar.” tighnari replied as composed as ever despite the way his ears kept excitedly twitching even after he was long aware of your welcome presence. 

“besides, during lunch breaks, I like to sit in a tree and admire the sunlight streaming through the canopy. though if I'm not careful, I'll fall asleep…” his unexpectedly cute concern and habit of admiring the forest like he doesn’t live here permanently tickled at your heartstrings. you bit back a smile when he immediately moved to make space next to himself while looking at your approaching figure with an expectant gaze. a small hummingbird flew past you two, making tighnari’s ears twitch again. no matter how many times you saw that, his ears and the twitches, reactions were quite endearing. 

“you were already half asleep when i saw you, chief watcher” you giggled when he rolled his eyes at your accusation. 

“well, since you’re sensitive to sounds, you could be a light sleeper to begin with, right? maybe resting for a while during lunchtime isn’t so bad.” you continued lightheartedly, your concerns over his health and overworking tendencies showing in your tone.

tighnari seemed to pick up on your caring tone when his brows raised slightly in pleasant surprise. to tighnari, someone taking care of him and not the vice versa was uncommon. he was known to be pretty much the foundation of the forest watchers, chief in almost every branches of what happens in Avidya forest- there was nothing going on in this forest where he wasn’t aware. and maybe because of his “status of authority” he so-badly despised, most people knew better than to pry on their superior’s personal life even if it was mere concern. for tighnari, the way you treated him and regarded him brought warmth and gratitude. and his feelings were clearly evident in his gaze directed to you, if you had the determination to open up your eyes. 

“it’s amazing, really. seeing how much you care for the forest and ecosystem.” you mumbled absentmindedly while making your way next to him and sat down. almost immediately, you realized what he meant by the specific description of “sunlight streaming through the canopy.” it truly did look divine, Avidya forest always did. 

tighnari wanted to answer with a sassy comeback to your words until he realized you were being serious and was currently looking at the tree and the sunlight with a big smile on your face. he didn’t even have the leisure to wonder how close you two were right now, you looked so peaceful, so… beautiful. he felt warmth spread in his chest as he looked at you being so comfortable around him, he quietly wished he could help you release your tension.

“it’s… expected for a forest watcher.” he barely managed to reply, keeping his gaze on you as discreetly as possible. 

“except, it really isn’t. it takes a lot to appreciate the small things in life. you’re quite humble and down-to-earth, it’s refreshing really” you continued as you suddenly felt the urge to let him know just how wonderful company he was. 

tighnari wasn’t one to blush and hide his face at compliments, especially from scholars under his care. well, let’s just say that you were an exception with the way he awkwardly coughed and pretended like he was wiping his mouth as his cheeks flushed rosy red. 

-

6. a very good evening with tighnari.

“good evening! I'm preparing to go observe bioluminescent flora. want to come?” you jumped a bit from the unexpected voice coming from your door.

“tighnari!” you snapped your head to the direction, finally realizing that the intruder happened to be your mentor.

“did I startle you? I apologize, your door was open so I assumed.” tighnari mentioned. sure, your door was open but your original thought was to let fresh air in your room, not invite visitors. you admit that he wasn’t exactly unwelcome, though. tighnari was… different. 

“are you in the mood for a stroll, young scholar?” your ears perked in interest as you met his eyes glinting with evident joy. 

“bioluminescent flora glows every night, but their light is different this time of the year. the color changes, and they shine in an iridescent glow, almost. it’s very attractive for sightseeing.” his idea sounded absolutely beautiful, you nodded quickly in enthusiasm. besides, your mentor himself also looked unusually excited, he must be looking forward to looking at the floras probably even more than you were. his excitement brought a smile to your lips- his giddiness was highly contagious, it seems.     

“oh, I’ll just quickly grab my memo. I expect today will be another day of extended learning from our chief watcher.” you giggled and quickly went through your desk in search of that one small memo you keep visible in case.

except, your search was hindered when you felt tighnari reach out and place his hand on yours softly and slightly hesitantly. your eyes widened at the featherlight soft touch slowly turning firmer until his fingers gently laced around yours. your mouth gaped slightly, then heat flushed your cheeks in realization and the possible implications of his intimate touch- your stare fixated on your linked hands.

one thing that unexpectedly calms your nerves down was when you realized his own hand was shaking slightly, indicating his nervousness. you were no exception, your breath hitched the moment you felt his skin on yours. it was made even worse when he turned your other hand around and proceeded to slip his fingers through yours, entwining them together, now both hands in his. the reassuring squeeze didn't help your racing heart one bit.

you remained positively speechless, unsure how you should even reciprocate, squeeze his hand? speak?

thankfully, he spoke first.

“it’s not… academic, (name). no memo-taking or learning. just… a stroll with me. is that okay?” tighnari couldn’t tear his eyes off you, he had never seen you look this endearing before even when he always found himself admiring you in silence discreetly to you. perhaps he enjoyed your stiff body language out of nervousness and your wandering eyes traveling everywhere but him far more than he assumed. who knew you could look this adorable flustered. 

you finally realized his intentions clearly, still unable to take your eyes off your connected hands because you had a feeling you wouldn’t be able to look straight into his eyes without your heart threatening to leap out of your chest. you couldn’t deny the warmth you felt not only from his hand holding yours but also from how he keeps glancing at you for the slightest concern in case of your discomfort. his grip on your hand was nowhere near forceful, if anything it was tender and comforting, the way his hands wrapped around yours. you could easily pull away if you wanted, but you fought back a small smile as you squeezed his hand softly in response. 

tighnari’s ears twitched in excitement. 

so all along, you weren’t imagining his tenderness towards you. he felt warm and welcoming, you couldn't help but squeeze his hands again gently in response, biting the inside of your cheek in an attempt to control the growing smile. 

"of course. should we go?" you mumbled, gaze still lingering on your hands in his.

neither of you spoke about your still-connected hand when you left your room, and it stayed that way throughout the entirety of the "stroll". 

both of you quietly hoped that the linked hands would become a regular occurrence from now on. 

7. home.

surely enough, holding hands had become a more regular occurrence after your small date observing the nocturnal flowers and bioluminescent flora that one warm evening. you also decided you would accompany tighnari every morning for patrol even though you barely manage to drag yourself out of bed when the sun wasn’t even out yet, but it was all worth it every time tighnari picked you up with a gentle smile on his face and sometimes tucked a small flower he grew himself in your hair. it had become an unspoken habit to patrol with your hand in his, basking in your warmth as well as make sure you didn’t stray too far. perhaps it was his inner protectiveness, perhaps it was his monogamous nature speaking but he silently knew he felt uneasy when you remained out of his sight for an extended amount of time. tighnari knew how deep his feelings had grown, and he found himself more and more infatuated with you as he spent time with you. the feeling was highly mutual, and you two felt more comfort in each other’s company in the comforting depths of Avidya forest. 

come to think of it, your time in sumeru was limited from the moment you set foot into the lands. now, there wasn’t anyone on your trails that would kick you out of the borders should you extend your journey, and you were glad you hadn’t caused any trouble in sumeru as it would possibly make you the unfortunate candidate of general mahamatra cyno’s watch. tighnari seemed to be close friends with him, but from the way he not-so-subtly quizzed you of your intentions and studies you pursued like an interview, the awkward conversation intensified by his stone cold face with absolutely no hint of anything besides blankness. you couldn’t help but be reminded of how intimidated you were on your first encounter with him when you absentmindedly mentioned the occasion. tighnari had assured you with a quiet laugh that he was merely curious, and it made you quietly wonder how to not draw attention to yourself from now on. you couldn’t help but remember his awkward jokes he slipped in to potentially ease your tension but it might’ve had just the opposite effects. tighnari seemed pleasantly surprised and happy you and cyno seemed to be getting along as one of the two dearest people he held in his heart. you couldn’t help the slight hesitation if you actually were “getting along” but at least the general mahamatra seemed to care not to intimidate you too much. you suppose time would tell.  

your mind returned to the peaceful silence you two shared at present, his thumb gently caressing the back of your hand as he kept a soft hold on them. you deeply enjoyed spending time with tighnari like this, but you couldn’t help but be reminded of your soon-to-leave plans every time at moments like right now. time was flowing fast especially now that you had found something- someone worth pursuing here in a foreign land. both of you were silently aware of the fact, and neither of you had the heart to bring it up just yet especially when the fresh start of a new relationship was so, so comforting and full of life. 

you were resting your head on tighnari’s shoulder, sitting on the branch as you looked at the willow tree you two met under. you couldn’t believe how peaceful and right the world felt when you were with him, you never knew your life could be like… this. amidst the comforting atmosphere, tighnari softly broke the silence. 

“(name)” his voice sounded quiet and somewhat unsure, a tone you scarcely ever heard him use. you looked at him in attention. 

“yes?” 

“i…” he spent a few seconds pondering on just how he could bring this up. just from his hesitance, you knew what he was thinking about, and it was perhaps the time to discuss the elephant in the room and hopefully get the slightly hefty conversation over with. 

with a single sigh, tighnari stabilized his voice and looked at you. 

“i think we need to discuss your time left here in your curriculum.” you bit the inside of your cheek at the expected, yet conflicting topic. it wasn’t as though you hadn’t thought about it before, it just demanded both of you to be present and willing to open your heart and opinions for you to come to a conclusion together. this tension perhaps was the reason why you seem to have been unconsciously avoiding this moment. with a soft sigh, you nodded softly in response.  

“less than a month left, yes” you softly replied, your eyes still focused on the willow tree you met him under. in a way, the tree had granted both of your wish. but you don’t seem to remember asking for a loving boyfriend “forever” or anything of the sort. a boyfriend, yes. but the duration… maybe you should’ve added the time while you were at it. 

before you could organize your thoughts and answer what your stance was, tighnari softly rested his head on your shoulder, gently wrapping his arms around your waist to draw your figure closer, to silence the slight hesitancy and worry of potentially being let down if you weren’t on the same page. 

“i can’t ask you to leave behind your life at snezhnaya and accompany me at a foreign land… but at the same time, (name)...” tighnari laced his fingers with you close, the warmth of his hand radiating in your palm as his other arm was holding you tightly in his embrace, his breath softly hitting your neck. 

“i… can’t just bid farewell and thank you for the memories. i didn’t start this relationship with you for lighthearted fun or for some teenage dream.” maybe you could have made a playful joke about neither of you being teenagers at his statement, but tighnari’s proximity, his protective embrace and his mellow voice echoing at the back of your mind, you couldn’t help but softly pat his head as he hugged you tight. 

“i’m not with you just for the thrill, dear.” you replied quietly, resting your cheek on the top of his head. tighnari seemed to let out a slightly shaky breath, an indication of relaxation when he finally got the confirmation he desperately needed from you. that he wasn’t the only one completely infatuated with you. 

“are you aware… of what we are? what we would become, and if you’re ready, if you’re sure?”

“I-” you opened your mouth to respond, then closed it to give him time to express his worries. 

“fennec foxes mate for life, (name). our kind is highly monogamous and i… have to warn you about it before our relationship progresses more than it already has. we aren’t as flexible as some humans prefer.” his soft voice cooed, his somewhat stern tone silently reminding you to listen carefully and give this matter a serious thought. you blinked and finally realized the reason why he was unusually clingy and vulnerable than usual, so he truly couldn’t let you go. 

a small, loving smile appeared on your lips as you snuggled closer to him, still running your fingers through his hair and sometimes gently playing with his ears, making him sigh in comfort. 

“what i mean to say is… you need to have your mind set. i take you very seriously, much more than you may think at this early stage of our bond.”

“... dear…” you softly whispered and held his cheeks with both your hands, carefully lifting him up from your shoulder to meet his gaze. he truly looked lovestruck, his eyes glistened with tender care, devotion and affection all directed to you, and the sight made your chest warm up in overflowing love. 

“tighnari, i don’t regard our relationship in a light manner. i don’t see you as someone less than my partner for life. i take us… very seriously too.” tighnari could’ve sworn he fell in love with you all over again, finally getting your final answer he desperately needed to hear. he loved you, loved you too much to let you go, loved you too much not to cling onto you tight and keep you with him, to care for you. yet, he always had the voice nagging to him about how humans weren’t like him, that you could walk away any time, that humans weren’t as devoted as his kind. and just like that, all of his worries seem to melt away at your soothing, promising words that you whispered. 

“you wouldn’t be asking me to leave behind my life at snezhnaya because i won’t. i’m a scholar here and a scholar back home, and sumeru is the land of wisdom, no?’ tighnari’s ears twitched and perked up beyond control at your positive implication of words. 

“you mean…”

“i wouldn’t be throwing away anything to start with, tighnari. i’ll just be moving onto a new lifestyle. change to my environment. you aren’t asking me to abandon anything, please don’t worry. i’m choosing…” you suddenly halted mid-sentence at your cheesy words, looking away from his eyes to seem as normal as possible.

“i’m choosing… you. on my own will. you aren’t making me do anything.” and with that final confirmation, tighnari all but leapt to embrace you tightly. his hand wrapped around your shoulders, holding the back of your head as he pressed your face into his shoulder. he held you like you meant the world to him, pressing soft kisses on your forehead as he happily caressed the back of your head comfortingly. 

“thank you, thank you… thank you, love…” your face heated up from how he repeated the words, pressing loving kisses all over your face after he pulled away. your lips connected softly, his hands gently holding your face like you were the light of his world, the reason for his existence. you were, from now on to him- his one and only. you smiled into the gentle kiss, placing your hands on his shoulder, tilting your head to move your lips in sync to his sugarsweet kiss. tighnari’s hold on your face was so, so tender, his thumb caressed your cheek ever so softly as your kiss prolonged, the warm rays of the evening sun wrapping you both in its cozy heat. 

you pulled away, smiling at tighnari as he still held your cheeks. you couldn’t help but lean into his hand, placing your own over his. 

“i love you… i love you so much” tighnari couldn’t take his eyes off of you, you looked perfect right now, the golden sun pouring on your skin, your cheeks heating up in his palm from fluster, and the relaxed smile on your lips- the enchanted, lovestruck glint in your gaze as you two looked into each other’s eyes. you were always beautiful to him, but you truly did look absolutely breathtaking when you were in his arms, just where you belong. 

with another soft gentle kiss to your forehead and your soft laughter echoing through Avidya forest, even the sunsets seemed to embrace the young couple hopelessly in love, letting them bask in its ethereal glow. 

finale.

Ou? I got tagged again lmao

I still don't know anyone else to tag lmao I'm too shy to interact with anyone here

@astralnike

New picrew chain idea: yourself vs what you looked like as a kid

Free for anyone to join in

Link

Listen up!

You see a post like this? Where OP might hurt/kill themselves? You hit that button that I circled

Hit that.

Click Suicide or Self-harm Concern

Yes.

Fill in the rest of it, and hit submit. The "content you reported" will fill itself in

Tumblr will follow up and help them.

Warning: this is only for mobile. If anyone knows how to do this for desktop, please add it!

This could SAVE SOMEONE'S LIFE.

YOU HAVE NO EXCUSE NOT TO REBLOG THIS.

I DON'T GIVE A FUCK IF IT DOESN'T GO WITH YOUR BLOG'S THEME.

And yes, REBLOG. Liking does no shit at all. This isn't ig.

You reblog, people see it. You don't, people don't see it. This shit's that simple.

This could save someone's life. It's not a joke.

~ diluc x reader

~ reincarnation/soulmate au, fluff but mostly angst...

the moon is full and silent. her presence is comforting.

"here we are... again," his voice is quiet, steps slow as he sits beside you.

"again," you repeat. the word is bittersweet on your tongue. once, you might have rejoiced at the word. but now, all you feel is nothing.

"do you remember?" diluc asks aloud.

you turn your gaze to him. his hair is out of its usual ponytail, cascading like waves of muted flame over his shoulders and back. in the moonlight, he glows, set alight by the silver beams.

"i remember," you reply.

and you do.

you had been his princess, once. his muse, another. once you had been a sailor. you had been a queen, an artist, a warrior.

and you remember. in each of these lives and countless more you had met him, that crown of vermillion adorning his head as though the sun itself weaved light through his locks. his serious eyes, his baritone voice.

you had loved him in every one of your lives.

and he had loved you.

"i remember," you repeat. "when we promised our eternities to one another."

"when we swore never to love another," his voice is still hushed.

"when we dreamt of all our futures."

"when our hearts would intertwine, and when we would long for each other, and when we swore to meet again."

"when we still loved each other."

at this, diluc smiles. it's melancholy, this smile.

"how tiring."

you laugh, and agree.

"i wrote of your laughter, once." diluc says, holding a hand up as if to cup the moon. "it sounded like the rushing waters. it was clear like a bell, and beautiful like a siren's song."

you shake your head slightly, "and I had written of your hands. how you could hold the world if you wanted, how you could pluck the stars and the moon from the sky and play marbles with them."

there's a pause.

"why are we here, y/n?"

"because we are brought together."

"brought together."

"that is what it is to be fated for one another. but tell me, diluc. how long has it been?"

"too long. our love has already lasted many eternities."

your heart fills. you still love his man, but for a different reason than you once did.

diluc plucks a dandelion at his side. after a second, he blows, the seeds scattering in the wind.

"i will see you again."

"yes. let us meet again, old friend. after all, what is an eternity more?"

two worlds apart

ft— anyone

warning — mentions of character death, angst, pretty much self indulgent lmao

a/n— i just felt angsty today :) also i wrote this like you aren't in teyvat? you're you (obv) in this universe and they're just your comfort character. ik shifting is a thing so this is for my #icannotshiftforthelifeofme girlies. listened to ykwim when writing this as well.

wordcount. 683

sometimes you wish you were dead. it sounds blunt and quite, dramatic, yes. but not really when you remember that reincarnation may or may not be a real thing.

we have all heard of the word "soulmates". the idea of soulmates has been present in various traditions for centuries. the "concept" suggests that there is a special connection between two individuals that goes beyond physical attraction and emotional compatibility.

it is believed that these two people are connected by an invisible thread or string that can never be broken, no matter the distance or time. this thread binds them together, and their souls recognize each other even before they meet.

it is said that when soulmates find each other, they experience a sense of completion and fulfillment that they cannot find elsewhere. love itself is a powerful force that can bring people together, even when they are from different worlds. when two individuals are soulmates, their love transcends time and space.

now, death is a natural part of life, and it is something that everyone will experience at some point. while death is often associated with sadness and loss, while some people believe that it can also be a time of reunion with loved ones or, finally being with someone they have loved for so long in another world.

for those who believe in reincarnation, death is not the end, but rather a new beginning. it is an opportunity for the soul to move on to a new life and continue its journey. for some, the idea of being reunited with their soulmate after death brings comfort and solace.

they believe that when they die, they will be able to join their lover/comfort character from another world and be much happier than they ever were in this world. this gives them hope and a reason to keep going, even when times are tough.

for some, some may think it is absurd to even think about death in this way. you really want to die/are waiting for your death just because you want to be happier with your comfort character? how.. weird.

the heart is a mysterious thing, and sometimes it leads us down paths that we never thought possible. loving someone from another world can be a lonely road to travel, but it can also be one filled with wonder and amazement. our hearts may ache for this person that we cannot touch or hold, but the love we feel for them can give us a sense of purpose.

the pain of loving someone who is not real can be overwhelming, it really can. the thought of never being able to hold them or feel their warmth can be unbearable.

but in times of sorrow, the comfort and solace you find in loving them can be the only thing that gets you through. it's easy to dismiss this kind of love as make-believe, but it's not.

the heart doesn't discriminate and doesn't see boundaries at all. even though they are not real, the love you feel for them is. it's a feeling that is deep and real and can bring joy to your life.

just how long have you been yearning to feel their touch, to know what their kisses feel like, to see them face to face? a long, long time. and you know that. how many times have you cried into your pillow, just because you love them so much and that they aren't real?

sometimes the pain in your heart can become unbearable. The emptiness and the loneliness can consume you entirely, leaving you with nothing but despair. it's in those moments that you start to wonder if death would be a better alternative.

you imagine that if you passed away, you could be reunited with your lover from another world, a place where love is eternal and pure. you know that in that world, you would find comfort and solace, and your heart would finally be at peace.

because even though you two are two worlds apart, the love you hold for each other goes beyond measure.

WHAT IS UP W ME AND ANGST NOWADAYS?!??!

Goodbyes II

• A silent goodbye in form of calming them down when they’re dying. feat Diluc, Xiao, Ayato • Genre: Angst • Warnings: major character (implied) death, mention of blood.

•   DILUC; The Dark Side of Dawn

He never wanted to lose someone close to him, not again - the only loss he had to witness first hand left him broken, with a permanent scar that had healed but never disappeared. Diluc made sure to never have to go through this again - but why seeing you taking this role hurt even more? 

Desperate, fist clenching; fingernails biting the skin, only adding more blood onto his body. Survival instinct was silenced, secondary to his need to see you again; one last time - reasonable side added. Burning desire couldn’t always be enough though, especially when it was already small and weak, burning out as Diluc collapses right by the first line of grapevines. 

That was how you found him, bleeding and pale, mumbling “I’m home.” when you cradled him - head resting on your shoulder, his arms loosely holding your sides, ground dirtying your knees. 

Diluc wanted to hold you closer, skin to skin to feel your warmth, so close it would be suffocating as if his breath wasn’t shallow already. Despite his fire getting dim, why did it feel like he was the one losing you? Only now it dawned on him how little time he gave you - always making sure you had money to spend, a roof over your head and safety in Mondstadt, in any creek and mountain. His side of the bed was always cold, leaving you night after night just to return at dawn with the softest kisses - you felt his warm lips against your neck, followed by cold tears. 

“I’m so proud of you.” Your voice soft and gentle just like your embrace - wound on his chest not allowing you two to be as close as you would like to. “You worked so hard, you deserve to have a day off.” Diluc doesn’t answer, but you feel his lips bending into a smile. “Let’s get some grape juice and rest at Windrise.” Yes, he would like that. Just one day off, just one more day to spend by your side… 

The first rays of the sun sparkle in your tears.

•   XIAO; Vigilant Yaksha

Yakshas were fated to suffer, sooner or later, during or after war, alone; with others. There were many ways Xiao expected to die, only unsure for who or what he will sacrifice himself - seeing your tears-stained face brought him solace, knowing he threw away his life for you. 

“You should go.” His voice was stern as always, but there was no strength left to force you to leave - all Xiao could do was lay on your tights. He loved you, so, so dearly. Your strength, your smile; even when tears flew across it. 

“No, no, I… I’ll stay with you.” There was no more danger, only Xiao’s spears filled the field, slowly disintegrating into black-green particles. It was beautiful - playing with the wind, sparkling in the evening air, but for you, it was nothing compared to Xiao. His golden eyes still open, wanting to look at you as long as he could, and many wounds, seeping with mist, hurt body shimmering with deep green. 

Your thumb ran across one of them, Xiao doesn’t flinch nor groan; only leans into your hand. Your lover was always hard to understand, what he was feeling and needed, but you always knew how to calm him down. 

“You really should—” You shush him, and he complies, seeing how your smile wavers, breaking. 

“You know your karma can’t hurt me, I’ll stay with you as long as you need.” and Xiao allows himself to fall for this lie, blatant but so sweet. He didn’t want to die like his friends - alone, maddened or by a comrade’s hand, he wanted his last minutes to be by your side.

Your humming was like that blessed music from years ago - comforting, warm.

•   AYATO; Pillar of Fortitude

If the roles were reversed, several heads would fall for the mistakes of Shuumatsuban; incompetence, negligence. You could already imagine seething Ayato, whenever his anger would show as a mad storm or petrifying calmness. You would rather experience this than his tear-filled eyes and desperate grip on your clothes. 

“You’re safe… you're…” He whispers, his hand grabbing any part of you, moving frantically as if you were the one splattered with blood. As if you were the one that littered the forest’s path with bodies of Fatui. His body was a collection of angry red lines, most of them invisible, but eager to show by blooming like red flowers on snow. 

“Yes, I… I’m safe.” His head falls on yours with a sign of relief as he hugs you closer, blood mixing with your wet clothes; his technique still creating rain and beautiful water flowers. Although you couldn’t awe at them like you always do, your face was hidden in Ayato’s chest that was moving slowly, heavy. 

“Kamisato… the clan and… and… Ayaka…” You could barely hear what he was saying, his speech slashed by deep breaths and the haziness of his mind. 

“I’ll take care of everything, my love.” Caressing his back, brushing his hair; his body becoming heavier and heavier. “Clan is… is strong now, and I’ll stand by Ayaka and help her.” You sounded confident enough to calm Ayato’s nerves. How will you tell Ayaka? How will you help her when others attack? Ayato worries, unsure if he did enough, if he… 

“You raised Ayaka well, you deserve to have a bit of rest." 

"Just a… just a little…” He mumbles, the same thing he said every time you urged him to bed. Just a bit of sleeping, a moment, just a second - having you by his side enough to lull him to sleep. 

The rain stops as Ayato’s eyes close.

5 (+ 1)

or five times you attempted to pet tighnari's ears and the one time he let you

tighnari x gn! reader rated: t wc: 9k+

a/n: i swear i'm not a genshin writer. every now and again one just really hits me and won't leave me alone. i'm shaking at the prospect of meeting cyno.

|1|

when you had taken up the life of a very luxurious forest ranger, you hadn’t done so with any grand goal in mind. growing up you’d never been enticed by the prestige of the akademiya. the too tight robes warded off any appeal of unlimited knowledge. 

you weren’t much of a haggler either, so market trading had never been much of an option. to be honest, in most cases you couldn't be bothered and would give away something for free if it meant getting the person out of your face.

maybe as a child you’d dreamed of theatre. promises of dancing in front of a crowd. or performing a sincere song of gratitude in honour of your generous archon. but there was a reason why only the children of sumeru dreamt. because it saved you the reality of embarrassment. 

ultimately it made sense for you to be a forest ranger. you were blessed with a vision and had the aptitude for conflict when needed. you didn't mind being outside. sumeru was a beautiful land of bountiful vegetation and fauna. you were proud to be part of the force protecting it. 

so naturally, you were destined to join their ranks. you would fit in splendidly as long as you followed the basic code of conduct.

the rules were simple:

execute every possible strategy to ensure the safety of the public

do not engage in any withering zone excavation without first reporting it

do not under any circumstances attempt to touch master tighnari’s ears.

you believed that honour should be given where it was due, and tighnari certainly earned a bulk of it in sumeru. he was as tenacious in his research as he was in his determination to cull the withering.  

it was admirable. unquestionably gave his subordinates something to look up to. it helped that he made an easy guy to work for. tighnari was an abundance of knowledge, never failing to deliver relevant facts about any form of botany in sight. 

during your initial interview he completely sidetracked himself from testing your competency in favour of dumping the equivalent of a knowledge capsule on the entire forest on you. and during the whole time all you could think was how cute.

those fluffy, distractingly soft ears he had that twitched with every emotion. you noticed that sometimes they swayed unprompted, as if they had a mind of their own. the man himself seemed oblivious to your obsession, or just so immune to the attention at this point that it hardly phased him. 

it was a shame really. 

because by the time he realised you were out of your seat, he had a split second to snatch your offending hand before your fingers to reach the fur. the utterly adorable culprits seemed to tease your failure, flickering invitingly just out of reach of your wiggling fingers. 

at least you had enough integrity to smile in the face of defeat as your future boss leered at you unimpressed. 

he spent the remainder of your now orientation laminating over the very extensive punishment policy to be expected of any broken infractions. 

|2|

it was safe to say the threat of punishment didn’t weigh too heavily on your consciousness. what you did learn, was everything more the life of a ranger had to offer. it wasn’t as though you belittled it to a simple forest guide. you were well aware of how each and every one of your colleagues put their life on the line to protect the gifts from the first of the dendro goddess. 

but you never expected your contribution to feel so satisfying. 

every day your body got stronger, gaining the resilience and stamina to endure long treks through the forest. you became more in tune with your vision, able to protect not only yourself but others from harm. unexpectedly, tighnari’s long winded tangents began sounding more appealing as you absorbed the information rather than repel it. 

with each passing day you grew into the role of a proper forest ranger.

though there was one thing you hadn’t grown out of. 

“you two will be assigned with me. we’ll patrol the southeast canopy.”

tighnari was always so serious when delegating assignments. archon’s bless him. given it was a momentous occasion as it was imperative to understand everyone’s role so that their was a fair opportunity to return home safe and sound. 

it was just he way his ears followed each command. the adorable quiver not at all equivalent to his resolute voice. even after over a year under his command, it was still so distracting. to be fair, you’d learned to control your urges. after the second attempt and a week of making sure the long row of lamps remained glowing, you had at least accepted the pressing issue of testing his patience. 

your respect didn’t go unrewarded either. over time, you learned that under those cute ears was a very interesting man. you always knew he valued his time in the forest and that the publications were not just for show like some of the akademiya graduates. but to witness his unfiltered passion for the forest was … kind of refreshing. 

it made for genuine conversations that allowed you to feed off one another. while you’d never quite match his never ending knowledge for botany, you accompanied it well with your growing love for fauna. 

in short, tighnari had become an unexpected friend. 

with very endearing ears that you still felt the urge to touch after many, many months of barely held restraint. 

it was admirable. 

worth the gained friendship. 

and yet.

collei’s shoulder knocked comfortably into yours as she hopped with glee. her joy made her unaware to the sharp gazes watching her exuberant movements for any signs of fatigue. being around collei had eventually led you to believe that something was different about her.

as a fellow trainee for a time, the two of you had grown close enough for her to feel secure in delving into more of her past. her illness wasn’t necessarily rare but it wasn’t often you met many affected with as much optimism as she had. 

there was no doubt she had bouts of pain. sometimes you would cover her patrols to give her extra days of rest. tighnari was the most observant, always knowing when she needed a break. still the girl was a refreshing take on life in these darkening days. 

it helped that you both shared a fixation with a certain pair of furry ears.

whereas she was more timid in her appreciation, you had yet to shed your bold approach. 

well, maybe you got a little smarter. 

“but i already know about the sweetwater mushrooms,” collei whispered back, confusion staining her voice. there were times like this that her charmingness rivalled tighnari. 

you resisted the urge to pat the crown of her head. 

you all knew about the infamous fungi. upon its discover, tighnari had spent nearly a month after submitting his entry into the new rainforest guide speaking all about its elements; to anyone or anything regardless how responsive. 

if it was a botanical topic the fox found it hard to resist engaging. 

leaning closer, you kept a close eye on the leading man.” i know you do but tighnari always has something more to say. i just need you to ask him about it.” you refrained from using the word distract. 

collei’s ability to lie wasn’t a favourable skill. more often than not she caved in on herself before being able to spin a convincing tail. you’d learned fairly quickly the first time you convinced her to test a new route. the two of you hadn’t found any trouble but the slight delay in return roused a few questions. and of course tighnari had been the investigator. she never had a winning chance. 

“i still don’t get why i have to ask.”

“because i need an opening to try to touch his ears.”

the sharp gasp she left out was enough to shatter the gossip bubble as tighnari turned with a suspicious frown. his gaze fell heavily on you as the culprit. 

“what are you two muttering about?”

laughing sheepishly, your hip checked subtly against the younger girl’s as you took the lead. “just about the dusk birds. their mating season is approaching.”

tighnari raised a brow, but didn’t question further. one of the ways you’d managed to bond with collei had been over the observation of the bird hatchlings. they were one of the safer offsprings you were allowed to track in your earlier days, making you very familiar with their nesting grounds. it was one of the few areas he allowed you both to wander together without supervision. 

“uh huh, well unfortunately i doubt we’ll get many sightings this low. please try to stay vilgint for any threats.”

tighnari rolled his eyes at your comical salute but was unable to hide his small grin. it only fed into your wider one. 

good. he was in an amicable mood today. you’d both need it. 

collei managed to remain cool headed despite your hanging plan as the three of you ventured through the more worn paths. travellers and students alike tended to frequent these parts, fending off most wildlife who didn’t want to be bothered. it was mostly flora that flourished, taking up any available space. 

the perfect conversation starter. 

the green haired trainee squeaked when you cleared your throat and nudged her softly. the noise caused a flicker to tighnari’s ear but he otherwise left the two of you to your devices as he examined the population of fungi. 

your gaze darted to the seemingly preoccupied man and back, to which collei gulped but carefully approached. “um, master tighnari. do you mind going over the procedure for warning travellers about fungi again? sometimes i stumble with the more insistent ones.”

you could hear a bit of truth bleed into the ploy. it was certainly convincing enough as tighnari gestured for her to come to closer as he plucked a few samples. “certainly! it’s always good to familiarise yourself. sometimes they can get a little tricky. like this one, the bell-shaped and conical caps can often confuse people. you have to really pay attention to the arch…”

archons bless him, it didn’t really take much. 

tighnari’s eyes darted briefly to you as you settled near them. his body turned to welcome you into the discussion, but he otherwise continued his deep analysis of proper measurements of cap width. the fleeting eye contact was enough for you to witness the undeniable brightness as he conversed. 

as much as you liked to tease him, the jest hardly had any weight when the man was as serious about his research. he often responded with a chide about the importance of understanding and how it promoted coexistence. and then he would give you editions of his publications for you to study. 

the first few times, after you’d baulked at the depth of the information, you’d actually managed to discover a few interesting elements. despite his ability to drone on, the passion he felt was undeniable when reading through this material. even if you didn’t retain much of the actual reading, the smile you developed lingered. only to widen when you’d witnessed the excited flicker of his tail when you’d returned the books with a few inquiries of your own. 

tighnari took your interest in the fauna populating the forest seriously, cultivating the bud of fascination and furthering it. you hadn’t developed enough academic discretion to attempt a article- not that it would have been credible without the proper education- but tighnari baubles your insights all the same, often using your tracking skills to help develop new routes during various mating and hibernation periods. 

it … really helped you feel at home. valued amongst the other forest rangers. 

so what if you occasionally found your cheeks warming whenever he complimented your new discoveries. 

“when people ask, it's important to point out as many examples as you can to help them identify. in most cases you only have their attention for a few minutes so you need to capitalise.”

you had to give it to collei, she was either fully immersed or integrating very well into the diversion. though when tighnari got like this, it was nearly one in the same. 

rolling onto your knees, you paused as those endearing astute ears twitched in your direction. tighnari hadn’t skipped a beat, however instinct was so inherent. it made for an unfair advantage, however you had desensitisation on your side. the next disturbance you made as you leaned closer hardly got a reaction as his second nature focused on the world outside your bubble. 

it was a flattering downfall that you’d happily exploit as your hand neared your objective. 

“- actually that’s a common mistake. some of the gills look similar but if you notice here..:”

oh no. 

in one fluid motion, tighnari managed to capture your hovering hand, dragging it forward under his arm to come in contact with his other. the motion dragged you flush against his back as he manipulated your fingertips against the underside of the mushroom. 

“-… there’s a coarser distinction. of course, you have to be careful when encouraging other to touch freely as some can still be poisonous.”

naturally you doubted tighnari would use you so freely as an impromptu demonstration, punishment be damned. though the way he kept your appendage hostage implied that you weren’t free from reprimand. 

poor collei chuckled nervously as tighnari held out the fungi for her to try, eyes wondering anxiously between the two of you. from your imprisonment, you were unable to see what expression tighnari was giving off, but if the tight grip was any indicator it was safe to hypothesise that it wasn’t in your favour. 

“i um- see. thank you, master.”

tighnari didn’t appear to have any ill will towards the girl which was a small grace. his tone, however, was noticeably pinched as he directed the conversation over his shoulder. 

“do you have any questions, ranger?”

yep. 

there’s the wrath. 

accepting defeat, your head careened forward into the hollow of his shoulder as you mumbled your negative with the shake of a head. Immediately you felt his posture stiffen in responses to your relaxed submission. the proximity awarded you a personal showcase of the heat crawling up the back of his neck. 

interesting. 

“well then!” tighnari forced a cheerful bravado as he brought you both to an abrupt stand, releasing you in favour of stepping forward to lead. “collei, listen closely as they recite every classification as we finish our patrol. we can make note of their mistakes so that they don’t make them again when they extensively copy them onto the new pamphlets for next release.”

it didn’t evade you how the fox refused to face you as he pressed forward. you dared to guess that the rosy hue of his neck might match the roundness of his cheeks.

perhaps some discoveries were worth the failures. 

|3|

“I really want to feature the spinokrok in my next story but I’ve never really seen one up close. dad says it’s too dangerous though.”

“he’s right. they’re at the very bottom of the ravine.”

“oh…”

“but sometimes i pass through on patrols. if you’d like, i can snap a reference photo for you!”

“really? that would be awesome, thanks so much!”

children’s happiness was truly a unique fruit of motivation, both gratuitous and frankly slightly treacherous to consume. tighnari might liken it to one of the colourful sprouts that populate the banks near the cliffside; beautifully cunning but sure to leave you with a nasty surprise.

—okay, maybe that was a little dramatic. 

but you were certainly going to be in for quite the scolding if tighnari found out that you derailed your patrols for the sake of taking a leisure photo of wildlife. in the defence of safety, the fox wasn’t as easily swayed by a childish promise. 

fortunately, you were adept enough with just about any patrol path through the rainforest by now. your experience often persuaded tighnari to give allowance for you to tend to the paths along the outskirts of the village solo. 

which you were totally doing. 

just from a view a couple hundred metres below. 

the path towards the wetland ravine was a muddy line in the undergrowth, a quieter trail that rarely gathered much traffic: traveller or wildlife. to be honest, you hardly ever saw anything other than the spinokrok’s down here. though given their diet, it wasn’t much of a surprise. 

you carefully neared the bankside, watching the position of the sun in between the treetops. you’d already bartered away a lot of your time venturing this low. while you were known for a bit of wandering, if you took too long to check-in someone would end up alerting tighnari before long. the sky was already beginning to bleed into a light orange, the beginning shades of the setting sun melting into the blue above. 

not your first nighttime return, but the light scolding would be easy enough to shake off. 

the sudden splash drew your attention to the winding river as a crane took flight. the skittish fowl wouldn’t have been alerted to your presence this early which meant that your targets weren’t far off. 

tugging the kamera from your knapsack, you followed the line of the water through the lens. 

“there you are…”

razi would be pleased with the prints of the small brood of three. highlights from above complimented the red scales nicely. curious, you swung the lens further upstream in an attempt to capture a few more. known for their meat, if undisturbed it would be easy enough to find at least another two or three. 

however as the slithering vines stretched norther further, twisting through branches on its congest to conquer vegetation, you found the rapidly darkening view to be concerning. sure enough, the once plentiful flora was beginning to shrink on itself and take on a dull shade. the distinctive red flow of the withering zone was seated right in the apex of the blistering landscape. 

“here too?”

the area was small, but this route was part of the weekly assignments rather than the more frequent. had you not come here in search of fauna, it likely wouldn’t have been discovered for a few more days. unfortunately, locating it yourself was tantamount to giving away your private detour. 

for a brief moment you debated taking the chance to report, weighing the pros and cons. ultimately, the loss of independency once tighnari tracked your impromptu route was too great of a squander. besides, it was a small devastation. you were qualified to handle it.

—except for the corrupted machina lingering just out of sight. 

the narrow lens of the kamera hadn't been able to capture the additional dangers before you neared. had you been aware, you would have attempted to at least down one before you got too close. it was a tight battle, suffering under the thick miasma while trying to cut off the source. 

you’d managed to down the bulkier of the two, but the swindling snake-like projection had been doing an annoying job of evading your strongest attacks. with your hp at threatening level, coupled with low energy regeneration, you were starting to regret your choices just a little bit. 

you briefly wondered if tighnari would scold you through the eulogy. 

the darkness blanketing the forest worked against you, as the remaining threads of daylight faded. the red glow of the withering was the least comforting form of light to rely on as you made a hasty dodge away from the blasting beam. 

“oh, crap.”

a miscalculation saw your foot caught on a fraying vine, careening your forward as you landed heavily onto the ground. the threatening wind of the machina generating energy had you sucking in a harsh breath as you attempted to stand, resulting in a sharp jolt of pain as your ankle protested. a cold chill numbed your body in the worst way as the unsettling realisation of your actions weighed in. scrambling feebly for your weapon, you attempted to shield the next blow though you knew it wouldn't be enough. 

“enshroud!”

your body jerked in alarm as a cloud of green circled the earth around you. the lack of visibility should have been worrying, had you not been very familiar with it’s caster; and the inevitable reckoning that would come. 

the first half came in the form of a series tanglevine shafts trained to track and devastate. the secondary wave wiped out the last of the threats before your savour was able to focus on the bleeding blooms. you’d never been more grateful to witness a successful clearance, as the suffocating effects of the withering abed away. it gave you just enough clear air to breath a grateful sigh of relief before it all soured. 

the second half of your retribution, was a quieter approach of wraith then you were use to. tighnari refused to look you in the eye as he kneeled before your injured limb. not that that you were trying to see the reflection of your guilt staring back at you. it gave you the opportunity to observe that he’d come alone, making you wonder if he’d been informed or had simply stumbled upon you. 

neither option was beneficial. 

the fox was obviously simmering, that much was clear even in his silence. he’d produced a small aid kit from his belt and was examining your ankle. the first sounds of annoyance permeating the air when you squeaked at the firm pressure against the joint. 

it was obvious that you wouldn’t be walking out of here. 

as if you weren’t in enough trouble. 

tighnari’s reticence preserved as he tied a stiff bow at the end of your wrapping before turning to offer his back. sighing, you accepted your fate and looped your arms around his neck. tighnari waited until your knees settled at his sides before he rose to his feet, added a second security under the weight of your thighs. 

at first you hoped to construct a plausible excuse in his silence, but after you’d practised the same redemption for the twelfth time you were starting to become more concerned about his resilience. you dont think you've ever witness tighnari hold back a scolding this long. 

unable to hold out any longer, you poked the hornet’s nest. 

“so razi has this new story idea.”

yeah you were throwing the kid under the bus, sue you. 

the first flicker of his ears was a subtle warning, but you pressed through. 

“he wanted to use the spinokroks as his next character but he’d never really been able to see one up close. and naturally it wouldn’t be safe for a child to traverse the forests. even with his father.”

there goes the second ear. 

“so being the helpful forest ranger i am under your tutelage, i offered to secure a reference photo for him. which of course—”

tighnari’s voice came quiet and strained. “please stop talking.”

you waited for him to say more, sure that he’d have more to tack on, but no other words left his lips. it was disconcerting in a way you hadn’t experienced before. you'd suffered through annoyance, frustration and some rage. 

but rarely disappointment. 

it was bitter tasting. 

it was rather telling when even the wildlife seemed to avoid the pair as you ascended out of the ravine. tighnari managed to not only reach the outskirts of the village, but did so without cracking under the pressure of your culpability. 

unfortunately you weren’t as robust. 

“tigh—”

“for every word, i’m adding a week of lamp maintenance duty.”

you squeezed your arms and legs around him in a hug, seeking out a thread of comfort through the throbbing pain of your ankle. 

“i’m sorry.”

tighnari sucked in a sharp breath as his steps halted. you could see the first glow of the lamps in the distance, no doubt a night crew lingering near to welcome the late returners. 

“you’re an idiot.”

a tight fist squeezed your heart as you shuddered against his back. 

“i know.”

“another week! i cannot believe your absolute disregard for your welfare. not only in straying from your patrols but to attempt to clear a withering zone without reporting it first. what were you thinking?”

your lips parted, voice small,” well i thought given how far off it was that no one would come across it before it spread.”

the fox was quietly shaking under you,” i’m tempted to bench you for a year for this alone. you could have been killed.”

“but i wasn’t.”

tighnari didn’t acknowledge the crackled excuse as he resumed the ascent towards the heart of the village. the conversation was over, at least for tonight. you almost felt bad for those hapless to witness the quiet fury as the leader trudged through the canopy. though the arrangement surely painted a telling story no one dared to stop or question.

upon entering your bungalow, tighnari silently backed into your bed until you took the hint.

as your arms slipped from around him, your fingertips brushed against the furry cartilage. though the action went ignored by both parties.

“rest, we’ll discuss this in the morning.”

|4|

the discussion did not come the following morning, or the rolling day as the sun rose and set. given your ailment you weren't exactly able to seek out your punishment, though the waiting game felt like the precursor. 

for the first three days, your only visitors were collie and one of the local healers. tighnari likely hadn’t banned the nervous girl, allowing her to stumble in at first light to assess your injuries. it seemed as though he also didn’t inform her of much as she tired to glean what she could. 

unfortunately, your mood hadn’t really improved from the night before, nor had your pain levels. you managed a tight smile at best, gritting through a scarce overview. the overhanging rumours were that you finally pushed tighnari to his limits. which was not too far from the truth. 

your medicine came in three intervals, and each visit was just that. umm only offer a genial knowing close-lipped smile as she applied the numbing cream and rewrapped your joints. the only news came from collei with each meal. it was never what you wanted to hear, but the sound of a voice other than your thoughts was welcome. 

you were able to keep up with light chat, the both of you doing an amicable job at avoiding the shaggy sumpter beast in the room. if the flightiness she gave off was anything to go by, then tighnari hadn’t completely cooled off. initially, you’d only probed subtly. asking about her patrols to see who accompanied her. questioning new withering zone reports to gauge who might be assigned. either tighnari had instructed her to be tightlipped or she was on as much of a lockdown as you were because the information gleaned was inconsequential. 

it wasn’t until the fifth day, when you were able to balance on your injured ankle for longer than a minute that you dared to try for more. 

umm had just finished, stepping clear of the doorway to allow collei to maneuver freely with the two bowls of lunch. the younger girl was in a lighter mood, giving you the extra confidence to push. 

you took a bite of the leftover stew first, before testing the waters. “has tighnari taken you on any deeper patrols lately?”

the girl stiffened but otherwise did not show any signs of distress. 

“not really, he’s been kind of strict with patrols lately. only seniors have been assigned to the forest floor. i patrolled the understory with nasrin yesterday though! the dusk birds are starting to nest.”

you could resist a soft smile as the girl lead comfortable into a short tangent about the different locations she’d tracked in her notebook. she loved to watch the hatching process from the birth to first flight. tighnari was often more lenient with her during this season. you were pleased to know your mess up hadn’t resulted in that being taken away.

“hopefully i’ll be healed enough to catch one of the hatchings.”

collei’s gaze flickered to your freshly wrapped ankle, “master tighnari wouldn’t say but he’s been pretty testy about ranger etiquette lately. well more than useful.”

“yeah, i was pretty stupid,” you muttered, quoting the fox’s words from that night. 

collei sat upright on the chair by your desk, responding to your despondent mood. “he’s not nearly as bad as before though. i mean that morning after he was really mad. not like loud angry, but everyone knew not to test him. but he’s calmer now”, she assured.

you assumed as much. avoiding you was likely the best way to keep his temper in check.

you watched as the green haired trainee squirmed in her seat, no doubt uncomfortable at the idea of being between the brewing conflict. tighnari no doubt tried to ease that predicament by withholding information. the least you could do was honour your half to keep from setting her off. 

“umm said i should try walking around more. i got permission to pace the platform if you want to join.”

the girl jumped at the chance, nearly losing her bowl in the process. laughing, you quickly took hers and set it on the desk with yours before standing to your feet. collei was at your side, urging your arm over her shoulder. it wasn’t really necessary but you’d never turn down the girl’s assistance. 

carefully the two of you ambled through the leaves shrouding your entrance. it wasn’t the first time this week that the sun warmed your skin. umm had urged you to test the distance from your bed to your porch on the second day with each visit there after. it helped tp press your limitations while keeping the joint from getting too stiff. but this was the first time you’d been able to venture far enough out to interact with more than the same two people for the last few days. 

collei remained diligent as she led you down the straight path, attention not straying from your gait as you greeted faces you haven't seen in awhile. the reception was overall positive, your health and wellbeing superseding the wraith that had hung over the encampment for the past week. it narrowed down the list of those you’d need to apologise to at least. 

“oh it’s master tighnari!”

your gaze snapped to her extended finger, noting the tall tuff of ears before anything else. his back was turned to you, a fortunate thing as you still weren’t sure how to face him just yet. he appeared to be conversing with a group, though it wasn’t the usual collection of rangers waiting for assignments. 

you recognized the garments however. 

collei groaned as she sagged under your arm. “its the akademiya again. when will they ever learn?”

likely no time soon, as the pressure from both the forest and threat of the ‘scarlet king’ followers continued to rise. the first time you witnessed the prestigious envoy attempting to recruit the fox, you’d been in awe. it was somewhat of an honour to be approached by anyone doning the gowns. next to the archon herself, they were the reigning power. however the prestige lost a light grace, when tighnari scoffed at the invitation. 

it was one of the occasions that you’d really come to appreciate more than just his vast knowledge. of course, you respected him as a leader but it was different to consider his understanding of plant life on a scholarly level. his tangents that he loved to rattle your ear with were published and very popular articles. 

he was something of a celebrity. a fact that you loved to tease just to see the tops of his cheeks grow warm at the admission. 

now, even at this distance, you could see a similar red dusting his fair skin. but not in the pleasant way that warmed your chest. 

no it seemed that an inkingly of your excursion still peaked his heart rate. and this wasn't making it any better.

that wasn’t good.

“collei, please help me.”

“huh? oh, wait! not too fast.”

tighnari grit through a tight smile, barely hanging onto his fangs to keep them from showing. at a young age his mother taught him that human could find it threatening. frankly, right now he wished to find out how much of a truth that was if it got these nuisances out of his hair. 

this was the last thing that he wished to deal with right now. the institution had taken a different route it seemed, sending students under the premise of studying under his tutelage. something he would maybe consider any other time than now. 

his foot tapped irritably as one of the bolder ones spoke his piece, spouting words of prose that meant nothing to him. they were all weak and obvlivious children wandering aimlessly. he had enough of those under his own watch. 

“master tighnari, i've read all your publications intensively and feel that i would be a valuable asset in your further research of the withering zones. i believe that together we can find a cure.”

tighnari barely resisted rolling his eyes. it was almost laughable. the withering had plagued them for centuries and they were still no closer to curbing it. no amount of research at this point was going to factor in. all they could do was contain, and that was a skill the akademiya didn’t teach.

breathing audibly through his nose, the fox attempted to remain cordial. “i appreciate your determination, however, i'm not in a position right now to allocate more rangers to facilitate your safety. the forest—”

“—i’ve also read intently on the local fauna and proper was to track warning signs of predators…”

tighnari really hated when he was interrupted. 

“i’m confident in my ability to spot danger before it becomes a problem.”

especially by know-it-alls who were overstepping in his domain.

the student continued on unware of the growing dangers, “i’ve brought a few of my manuscripts with me if you’d like to browse some of my speculations and hypotheses…”

tighnari's brow twitched as the student droned on. for someone who boasted about extensive research on understanding predators he was rather obvious to the one standing before him. the same couldn't be said about his colleagues who were carefully edging back. 

“if i could just get a few samples—”

the student had sense enough to notice as the plant scholar suddenly flinched, hand coming up to grasp the wrist of the hand threatening to touch the tip of his ear. it was the first time since opening his mouth that he’d taken into account the strained curl to the lips of the botany researcher. 

his gaze then flickered to the more relaxed, if not slightly sheepish smile of the forest ranger behind. they seemed otherwise unconcerned despite the death grip they'd been trapped in for … attempting to touch master tighnari’s ears?

the student felt a shudder wrack his body as the fox’s grimace smoothed into … something that he would one day recognize as a reckoning he’d be fortunate to survive in years to come. 

“apologies, you’ll have to excuse me. it appears one of my rangers feels well enough to venture off their bed rest and is due for some new assignments.” with that, the lead ranger looped the still trapped limb over his shoulder before assisting the injured ranger back up the canopy. 

“you can give your manuscripts to my trainee, collei.”

the green hair trainee in question waved timidly, unsure of how she got in this position but willing to help.” hello, im forest ranger trainee collei. please let me assist you safely out of the forest.”

|5|

“it’s master tighnari!”

believe it or not, forest rangers did get off days. while it was still heavily frowned on to use that time to exploit certain privileges to free roam the forest, there were other activities that some could get up to. 

some would use the opportunity to travel to the city or port for the market or to visit family.

others utilised their freedom to work on personal research. 

then there was tighnari who used the opportunity to research the local flora … via oral experimentation. 

your small project had been tossed aside in favor of darting out of your bungalow at the cry of fright from the green haired girl. it wasn’t the first time you’d witnessed tighnari taking his passion … to the next level. that time, curiosity had thrown him into a rather long slumber that he’d conveniently woken up from after a gratuitous amount of panicking on collie’s part and just in time for you to return with the rescue aid party. 

it was safe to say that was not the last occassion, and tighari had treated you both to several lunches to make up for the scares. 

but it wasn’t often that he was brought back to the village in a state. more often than not the ailments resolved in the time it took someone to find him or simply shaken off with no concern. 

it was enough to have you barreling unannounced through the head ranger’s door with apprehension. firm but fraying hands caught you as you stumbled through, righting your body before you could embarrass yourself. 

“don’t worry, tighnari is fine. it’s a harmless reaction to one of the fungi he consumed.”

umm brought her hands to a comfortable leisure behind her back as you peered over her shoulder. 

tighnari was lain out across his bed. it looked as though he had been tucked away intentionally, but the man had fought away the sheets in a fit. there was a light coat of perspiration doting his forehead and his skin had taken on a rosy flush. it hardly looked harmless. you’d never seen the lead forest watcher look so … unravelled. 

when was he going to learn to stop experimenting so freely?

umm gave a passing pat to your shoulder,“with a bit of rest he’ll be just fine.”

you had hoped as much but it eased some of your worries to see him at least home safe. though his predicament still tested your resolve. you would distract yourself for the time being concocting your own chiding speech. seriously, someone needed to hold him accountable. as it seemed, you were the only one daring enough to challenge the fox. 

heavily a relieved sigh, you turned to leave. collie would likely need a second dose of comfort now that you’d taken your own inventory of the indisposed ranger. umm, bless her soul, wasn’t a very convincing source of comfort. having collie help prepare your speech would do some good for her as well.

“wait, don’t go yet.”

you stiffed at the unexpected plea. the voice behind you sounded a bit stronger than it should be in this predicament, more like the fox you recognized. umm hadn’t left you with any instructions, but it was safe to assume he was meant to rest as not to rile up his heart rate anymore. something you were very good at doing.

you liked to think that the two of you were on agreeable terms thus far. you’d been a textbook ranger over the last few weeks. not testing the limits of your privileges or boundaries. it allowed for the two of you to have some nice conversations. though you doubted anything very articulate would come from his mouth right now. 

it was unfair, how adorable he looked with mussed hair, heavy eyes and creased clothes. umm had taken responsibility to rid him of the more decorative parts of his uniform, leaving him in a simple shirt and pants. the said shirt appeared to have been tugged open, revealing the lean muscles of his chest and abdomen. 

that was decidedly leaning away from cute, as you tore your gaze away and scolded yourself. 

“you should really lay back down, tighnari, i need you to be yourself when i deliver your scolding later.”

“tigh.”

“huh?”

you were shaken out of your stupor when he stood, concern triggering your fight reaction as you quickly huddled him back onto the bed before he fell. he allowed you to do so, however when he glanced up at you his olive eyes showed annoyance.

“i prefer when you refer to me as tigh.”

your mouth open and closed silently at the admission. you could never recall tighnari outright scolding you for the curtail of his name. you used it so sparingly, and only ever in the comfort of just yourselves or collei. 

he never really showed any emotion other than surprise the first time he’d realised what you said. you never assumed he’d catalogued the occurrences to feel any ownership over the name.

you fidgeted under the scrutinised of the fox, unsure of how to proceed from there. it was obvious that he was still mildly effective if the rose of his skin was anything to go by. but there was undeniable clarity cutting through the fog in his eyes. it was enough of a relief to have your shoulders sagging slightly. 

if it got him to comply and rest through the remainder of the effects, you could concede. 

“okay, … tigh. please stop eating flora so carelessly.”

it wasn’t your intention to start the chastising prematurely, but if he wanted you to talk, you’d do so. you weren’t sure what all of this he would recall, but you hoped the echoing nag of your voice would hover like a hangover next time he considered experimenting alone. you knew he only tested things with vague assumptions, just enough to ensure that he wouldn’t perish on sight. but it was still close enough calls for you to worry. 

you thought nothing of the way he snared your hands, too used to having them detained in pursuit of your goal. maybe another time you would be the one to catalogue just how frequently the two of you help hands. certainly enough to suffer from desensita-

your speech cut off with a choke as the fox brought one of your hands to the crown of his head. it was the closest you’d ever gotten to your prize, just a simple flex of your fingers and it would be yours. 

and he was just allowing it. 

“um, tigh…?”

you swallowed as his hold slid to your wrist, thumb caressing the inside. 

“it’s what you want, right?” unintentionally your finger flexed under the strain of resisting, just the casual brush against the ear causing the body to shudder. tighnari managed an even breath through his nose, but you suspected his heart was creating as much of a racket as yours was. “ i want you to. i don’t mind if it’s you.”

you sucked in a sharp breath at the omission.

it took strength that you didn't think you had, and stupidity you’d likely reflect on later that night as you regrettably pulled your hand away. firmly not thinking at all about the soft whine that left the fox’s lips at the action. 

your smile was wobbly, frail under the weight of emotions teetering at the edge. you gave his bicep a comforting squeeze before you urged him to lay back in bed. thankfully he didn’t put up much of a fight as you tucked him in. 

his lashes fluttered closed against the cool caress of his cheek.

“next time, promise.”

between one breath and the next, he fell asleep.

|+1|

tighnari woke to a low hanging sun and a heavy head. despite the warnings he opened his eyes, then immediately shut them. though blurry and out of sequence, the master ranger was able to piece together the majority of his last coherency. 

he’d been experimenting with the effects of the moonshade mushrooms. there had been reports of unaware travellers losing consciousness in the middle of the forest and waking in a fevered state. naturally, he’d taken it upon himself to test the outcome in order to properly assign warning labels in his next publication. 

the initial bout of slumber had been brief, broken by a wave of nausea and the sensation of his body overheating itself. he then recalled umm stripping away his uniform in order to help him cool down.

and then there was you.

he remembered the sound of your concern and the inkling of berating though he couldn't exactly call back the wording. he was sure to get an encore either way; well deserved. 

there was a gaping absence in his recollection, but the sensation of your hand settled between the space of his ears hadn’t escaped him. when had he gotten bold enough to daringly reach out like that? sure you’d done the same on multiple occasions but it had been in pursuit of a singular goal while he—

tighnari stared at the leaf drawn entrance of his chamber, face burning. 

but surely that could not have all occurred before noon. 

“oh good you’re awake. that mushroom managed to down even you for a full day. it's certainly something to be aware of.”

the elderly woman peered briefly through the cut of the door before granting herself entrance. tighnari sat obediently still as she flittered over his vital signs, ensuring his temperature and heart rate were within agreeable boundaries. 

she scribbled the notes like clockwork into the parchment on his desk. while his methods weren’t often agreed upon, umm saw the value in the repercussions. her diligence had help assist in multiple breakthroughs. tighnari would be sure to deliver a nice basket of her favourite tree sap candies once he was back in working order. 

amir would have certainly taken initiative to oversee assignments for the day. he would certainly owe collei a visit as well to assure her fears. he vaguely remembered her putting up a fuss when he’d been carried in, shortly before she’d been directed out leading to her alerting you. 

tighnari’s cheeks grew hot again. he refused to acknowledge the rising blush even as umm chuckled quietly while gathering up her kit. instead, he kept his eyes on the entrance as he pinned his sashes in place and equipped his vision. 

it wasn’t as if the two of you weren’t already rather close. it was safe to say he gave you more allowances than most. sure, your futile attempts to touch his ears could be frustrating at times, but more so because of the opportunities you took than the actual actions. 

despite popular belief, tighnari didn’t truly hold his ears in that high regard. it was more out of proprietary that he shied away from strangers acting out of curiosity. to be honest, he really wouldn’t mind too much if a ranger asked to pet them. but it seems as if their own misconceptions had fed into the unspoken rule that his fox-like features were out of the question. 

except for you. 

over time, the two of you managed to lapse into a comfortable game of cat and mouse. tighnari knew if he’d shown any true signs of anger you would have backed away from the start. but his tolerance had permitted you to try again and again. 

so what if the occasional punishments he placed on you deterred the others, it never snuffed your fire and that was all that mattered to him. 

it was only natural that over time constant exposure would ignite his own interest. he could recall with vivid memory the way it felt to have you pressed against his back that time in the forest when you attempted to claim your prize in the middle of his lecture. he’d made you wait there while he finished the lesson, all the while relishing in the heat permitted his back. 

had it been just the two of you, he would have let you. 

yet when he finally caved and gave you the permission you'd been seeking all this time, you’d backed out. 

‘next time’ you’d promised. 

“if you’re done laminating, once you've finished eating you can go find them. i  believe i saw them returning not long before i came here.”

umm didn’t wait for a response as she saw herself out, her amusement audible even as she descended the ramp to her own domain. 

tighnari didn’t rush the act as he finished his meal and the provided water. once he finished, his lips turned at the dimming sunlight. his schedule was all but thrown out the window for the day, though he doubted anyone expected him to contribute much. still it stung his consciousness as a leader to leave his subordinates hanging , even if they were all self-sufficient adults. at least the headache had disappeared with proper nourishment. there would be time to salvage his routine later.

the sun was positioned late in the afternoon, but the dim light still irritated his eyes. he blinked through the sting as he welcomed the sight of the quaint village operating adequately in his absence. 

he returned any passing waves and gave brief responses to their questions. for the most part everyone seemed confident that he’d make a full recovery, though he still harboured the guilt of worrying them. 

brow pinched, he waved nasrin closer. “have you seen collei?”

the purse of her mouth didn’t spell anything good. tighnari hoped her illness had not acted up in his absence. “she had trouble sleeping last night so someone swapped patrols with her. she just set off not too long ago.”

the girl sometimes had trouble sleeping when plagued with anxiousness. tighnari settled that he would confront her upon her return, for now he had one more stop. he had a feeling he knew who offered to adjust their schedule to accommodate the girl.

he found your bungalow with practised ease, delivering a single knock before you offered entrance. he found you seated at your desk, no doubt detailing the report of your finding before submission. it was a relief to see that you took a break from your typical mischievousness to conduct a seemingly uniform patrol while he was indisposed. 

“i don't suppose you came across any new interesting flora on your patrols?”

tighnari watched as your shoulders stiffened at the unexpected sound of his voice. your head whipped around, eyes assessing him carefully before you gave a timid, relieved smile. 

“i think we can all agree that you’ve had enough adventures for one week,” you noted with light scolding. 

grinning, tighnari cared little if his fangs showed, knowing you wouldn't find them threatening. your gaze followed him as he secured the leaves behind him before approaching your desk. he leaned comfortably against the wooden structure as he browsed the report. it had been routine indeed, not a single withering sighting. 

“are you sure you’re alright? you had me worried for a bit.”

tighnari’s brow rose,” only a bit?”

scoffing, you rolled your eyes,” it’s not the worst thing you’ve eaten but seeing you down for so long was concerning. collei will be relieved to see you back on your feet.”

tighnari braceed his palm against the dest and leaned into the posture,“and you?”

“i owe you a scolding. you always get onto me about being aware and careful of my surroundings. yet here you go testing unknown fungi alone in the forest. at least bring it back before you test it out so we can be there if you need us.”

tighnari waited for you to finish, eyes shining with thinly veiled amusement. you seemed to recognize it as well, huffing as you realised your scolding didn't have as much weight as the seasoned scholar. 

unable to resist, the fox reached out to run is fingers along the side of your face before letting them rest against your shoulder. he watched as your chest expanded to take in the small gasp of surprise. it was a rare moment for him to initiate contact like this, especially given the recent occurrence only yesterday. while his recollection was misty, yours was clear as day. 

“i think you owe me something else too.”

tighnari watched your reactions carefully, from the flutter of your lashes to the rapid thrum of your heart beat against the pulse under your jaw. he never shied away from a discovery the promise of a satisfying understanding driving him from one revelation to the next. 

admittedly, you’d been a gradual observation. the question at the tip of the scale all this time while he’d unknowingly researched you thoroughly with each new interaction. day and day again, you prompted him with new variables both under his control and not. it was only today that he managed to form a working hypothesis. a hesitant theory that he knew would shift everything.

tighnari watched with growing fascination as the initial shock meddling into purposefulness as your hand came into view. impatient, he couldn't resist ducking his hand to meet you halfway. the first careful touch was equally inquisitive and hesitant. each time in the past, your hand had darted out with such certainty. yet now with it all willing at your fingertips, you allowed yourself the time to explore.

he hadn’t realised his head had come to rest against your collar bone until he felt the rumbled of your laughter. you didn’t simply just touch his ears, you caressed the length form the widest part to the tip. your fingertips tickled the tufts of fluff at the base. and the light scratched you delivered against the firm cartilage had him all but melting into your hold. the burst of new stimuli tickled his nerves and left pleasant sensations.

later he would analyse the data but he was already certain about his conclusion. 

your words mussed the top of his head as you spoke, humour bleeding into your intrigue. “can’t believe it took you a year to crack, tigh.”

tighnari sagged further at the uttering of the name. you flinched, not expecting the words of response to be mumbled into your skin. gratefully, it didn't cause you to pause.

“what was that?”

your touch slid from his ears to the curve of his jaw as his head rose to meet your gaze. 

“i actually had two hypotheses I wanted to test.”

though he didn't speak more than that, he could tell you were well aware of the implications. your lips parted to respond, but no words could pass the lump in your throat. tighnari tested the waters, leaning closer enough to brush the tup of his nose against yours. when you didn't pull away, he leaned down and pressed your lips together, firmly but briefly. as he breathed in deeply,  the smell of lush forestry, sweet flora and you invaded his scenes. the scent of familiarity minding with the aroma of what he called home was intoxicating. 

your eyes shone bright with mischief as tighnari pulled away, no doubt observing the rosy hue spreading across his face. 

“i think we need to experiment a little more before we can come to a confident conclusion.”

tighnari leaned back in and nuzzled you affectionately. 

“i agree.’’

tagging upon request: @lott-the-otter @uhohitsemmy

Mikko Eerola on Instagram

Whispers

Tighnari x Gn!Reader

Synopsis: Guessing game with Tighnari

What's in the web: Fluff, established relationship

Reblogs are Appreciated!

There was no doubt that his ears could hear you from lengths away, but what made it even more fun was the guessing game. Whenever the work was slow or none to be dealt with, you and Tighnari would settle on a guessing game.

Basically, you'd go somewhere far enough for him to hear you and basically whisper a word or a statement and he had to guess what you said. Simple, right? Well, you like to make things more difficult, often standing next to someone speaking and letting whispers out.

Sometimes he'd get annoyed by the fact that you 'cheated' but none of you specified the rules beforehand. So, that leads to both of you in a room discussing rules for him. Sometimes he'd ignore the rules and often guess if he's gonna check on his hearing. Convenient for a person like him.

For you, not so much. You look insane whenever you whisper and run back to his home. People had to start asking around for the purpose of your insanity, only to be told the most sanest and cutest thing. This was kind of a gateway for both of you to torture one another with compliments.

"Oh, let me see. Going off the pauses of the words, I'd say the correct answer was you look beautiful."

He looked at you with adoration in his eyes while holding your chin. Pulling away to cover your face in an attempt to hide the smile he just pulled.

So, your revenge?

It mostly consisted of you going to the quietest place and whispering:

"I love you."

Tighnari blushed as the words entered his large ears, his hand covering his mouth. You were bold with that one, and he didn't have enough time to hide from you as seconds later you were there with a teasing grin.

So, his revenge?

Him giving you an abundance of work with him and him only. He's not possessive or anything he just wants to annoy you the whole trip, talking about nonsense. And, maybe kissing you along the way to throw you off and then jokingly scold you for not paying attention.