Carry On My Wayward Son (lullaby Version) 

Love this 😍😂

throwback to this absolutely iconic and chaotic vid of chris and tom roasting the hell out of each other

I can’t stop watching this 😂😂

i wish somebody looked at me like the way he looked at that onion

Old Man

I’M CRYING

Peter struggles a lot with his memories of Tony’s death. He’s a little ashamed of how much it bothers him. He’s an Avenger, after all. Death shouldn’t leave these kinds of scars.

But it did. It had. The images of Tony slipping away, the smell of his charred skin, the way his breaths had wheezed in, out, then shuddered to a halt, arc reactor flickering into nothingness…

The memory of Tony’s hand falling limply away from Pepper’s was always playing in the back of his mind.

But most of all, he couldn’t stop replaying the fact that Tony hadn’t said anything to him. He’d just laid there, still and silent. Peter hadn’t gotten any last words, final comforts. All he’d gotten was hazy eyes and a bucketful of trauma.

There was no escaping the memories, no running from the horror that bubbled in his throat whenever they resurfaced. And he knew he couldn’t survive like this. Maybe even more so, he knew that Tony would never want him to.

So, he goes to Pepper.

There were only two people on Earth who truly understood. Sure, Steve and the others had watched from afar, but Rhodey, Peter, and Pepper had been on the frontlines. They’d been close enough to hear his last breaths, to see the life dwindle out of Iron Man’s eyes.

He could’ve gone to either Rhodey or Pepper, of course, but he chose her because the memory of Tony’s death wasn’t the only one that he could recall with frightening clarity.

In the settling moments, the ones that came in the shockwaves of that final breath, Pepper had kissed Tony’s cheek. Peter had felt like throwing up. Rhodey had held him back, steel arms around his stomach.

“Rhodey,” Pepper had gasped, “Rhodey, let him come, now. Let him… Just let him come.”

He’d been released, and he would’ve face-planted if Pepper hadn’t twisted around to grab his arm, steadying him as he sunk to his knees in front of Tony’s body.

“Mister Stark?” He whimpered. He’d reached for Tony like a child, hands grasping helplessly just inches from his motionless chest. It was a physical call for action, a plea to be held.

Tony hadn’t answered it, was far past that, now, but Pepper had.

She had pulled him into her chest, chin resting on the crown of his head. “Shh, sweetheart. It’s alright now. It’s over. It’s… It’s all over.”

“Tony?” At any other time, he would’ve been ashamed of how cracked and desperate his voice was, of his entire reaction in general. But then, he’d been strangely detached, out of control. “Tony.”

Pepper had been the one to guide him as he tucked himself against Tony’s chest, had been the one to rub his back as he sobbed. Eventually, she’d been the one who’d rocked him while Rhodey scooped Tony into his arms, to carry him back. To carry him home.

Although the memories were hazy, he knew that she’d stayed with him once he slipped into shock, too. She’d filled the role of May, of Tony, without missing a step. And she’d done it all while struggling under the weight of a loss that even Peter couldn’t begin to comprehend.

And, sure, Pepper had always been kind to him, but she’d taken more of an interest in him after… well, after. He knew it was probably only out of a lingering need to protect whatever Tony loved, but he clung to that connection all the same.

So he skips school, comes to the cabin when Morgan’s at playgroup. The conversation he needed to have wouldn’t feel right with her in the house. It would feel wrong.

As soon as the door opens, he can see Pepper’s surprise, see the reprimand on her lips, but then she takes in the look on his face, the bags underneath his eyes, and she ushers him in.

She makes him sit on the couch, offers him tea. He shakes his head, just curls into himself until she finally sits beside him.

“What do you need, Peter?” She asks, voice soft. Peter wonders if that’s why Tony fell in love with her: because her ability to gentle was good for his rough edges.

“I… I keep thinking about it.”

Pepper didn’t need clarification to at least understand the ballpark of his meaning. “Oh, Peter. It’s normal to feel the… the loss of presence in your life-”

He shakes his head. “No, no. I mean I keep thinking about it. About the.. the moment. It won’t stop playing in my head.”

“That moment that he…?”

“Yeah.”

The moment that he died.

“What bothers you about it?”

It feels like a ridiculous question at first. What bothers him about it? Well, the fact that Tony died, for one. The fact that he was just sixteen and confused and watching something horrific happen without the gravity of the moment really registering until after, until it was too late to really process it at all.

But then… but then he realizes that there was a reason behind why it bothered him so much. That despite the generic awfulness of the whole experience, there was one aspect that stung above everything else. One fact that he was constantly tangling himself up in.

“He didn’t say anything to me,” he whispers, voice breaking. “He… I don’t even think he knew that I was there.”

He would’ve comforted me. He would’ve said something stupid, smiled, cracked a joke. If he’d known I was there, he wouldn’t have acted the way he did.

He wouldn’t have just laid there.

“He knew,” Pepper murmured, and she said it like she never once doubted that it was true.

He wanted to believe it. God, he really, really wanted to believe it.

“How do you know?”

“Because I saw him recognize you, Peter. He… He wasn’t at peace until he saw your face. Didn’t you notice him look at you?”

“I… I don’t know.”

If he was being honest, he hadn’t been seeing much of anything at the time, besides the blur-wobble of unshed tears.

“He did.” Pepper tilts his chin up, the same way Tony used to, when he refused to look at him after a rough day at school or on patrol. “He looked at you like he’d be alright if that was the last thing he’d ever see. And I don’t think… I don’t think he could talk, sweetheart.”

“He talked to you.”

He hated how petulant it sounded, how childish and resentful. Of course Pepper deserved those final words. She was Tony’s wife, the mother of his child, the love of his life. What right did Peter have to resent Tony’s last gift to her?

But Pepper didn’t seem upset. She just smiled, genuine and sad. “And you heard how it sounded, didn’t you? He was trying not to scare you, Peter. At least, not anymore than he already had. You were so frightened. I think he knew that if he said anything, it would just make it harder for you to accept.”

He felt a sob threaten to crawl up his throat. When he spoke, his voice was strained with it. “He just… he used to talk so much.”

“I know. But, honey,” Pepper’s thumb swiped under cheek, caught a tear he hadn’t even known had fallen, “sometimes we don’t need to say anything to tell someone we love them.”

“Did he… Do you really think he…?”

“Loved you?” At his reluctant nod, Pepper laughed. “Peter, look outside. Half the birds, half the children, half of everyone: they’re all there because of you. Tony stitched the universe back together just so that you could live in it. If that isn’t love, what is?”

And for once, Peter didn’t really know what to say, either.

For the anon who asked me for a couple reasons why Cas would be good for Dean, here’s a few off the top of my head: 

1. To Cas, Dean is a role model.  A good person, and Dean needs to be with someone who appreciates this. And reminds him of it. 

2. Cas is forgiving, and Dean needs someone who will be gentle with him when he screws up. 

3. He’s willing to go along with the silly things Dean wants to do

4. Cas is someone Dean can hunt with (he needs that, with everything good that Lisa was, that’s what was missing–the hunting partner aspect)

5. Cas allows Dean to take care of him. To Dean, taking care of people (acts of service) is a way he shows love. 

6. Dean is willing to share, emotionally, with Cas, like he is with few other people. 

7. Cas is willing to walk into death with Dean so Dean won’t have to be alone

8: He’s equally willing to stay behind so that Dean will have the comfort of knowing Sam won’t be alone

9. Dean trusts Cas to do the hard things

10. And most importantly, Cas makes Dean happy

Me basically. And literally.

Idk if this was made already (apologies if so) but I noticed Jensen has a peculiar way of unconsciously allowing himself to let on public displays of affection towards other men - in this case, Misha. And this impacts his performance as Dean. 

Things we know for sure:

Jensen seems to always end up close to Misha, and one way or another finds himself touching Misha (more than he does other people he works with)

Misha is soft and tender towards Jensen (even if he tries to bro-slap Jen, it comes out as a lingering caress)

Jensen believes in a solid traditional concept of masculinity (perceptible by some comments like “real men do this/have this”, etc..) 

I don’t intend to psychoanalyze Jensen or judge him for some of his core beliefs. I do think, however, that all metas in this world are not enough to fully understand Dean and Cas relationship if we don’t consider the dynamics between the actors who play them. In order to understand why Dean acts the way he does in certain situations, we can’t ignore Jensen’s personality, and his relationship with Misha. I’ve found some of the bro-slaps and rough manhandling a bit inappropriate for some of the emotionally charged scenes, and now I’m pretty sure they weren’t scripted at all. I always thought this was Jensen’s way of bro-ing up Dean and Cas’ relationship but I wasn’t aware how much of it was not deliberate/intentional. 

Women are raised to be (more) at ease in what concerns developing intimacy with same gender friends. They’re not scolded or marginalized by saying “I love you’s” and openly showing affection towards one another. Masculinity, on the other hand, traditionally establishes itself by the rejection of all traits associated with the feminine. An anti-femininity, if you will. Femininity - traditionally - includes not only intimacy with other women but liking men. Involves allowing them to touch you in intimate ways (I know it sounds like a bunch of crap in 2017, but gender norms have been shaped and defined by these principles for centuries). 

There’s a part of born-and-raised-in-Texas-Jensen that rejects the idea of having intimacy with other men. His knee-jerk reaction is “hell, nah, I gotta go”. It’s not even about sexuality, it’s about his idea of manhood, and gender boundaries. Here lies, I believe, the reason why we don’t see Dean being as physically affectionate towards Cas as it would seem natural in their story. Jensen sees Dean as the manliest man there is, in some ways he even admires and looks up to him - as a reference. What Jensen - thinks he - has control over, is the definition of said boundaries: Cas is Dean’s bro. He runs with this even though he knows it’s more complex than that. What Jensen can’t see, is how that mask - the boundaries, the effort, the whole thing - goes up in flames with a single off camera (and set) interaction with Misha. 

Most men are raised to only seek intimacy with women, and they crave it with other men, with their friends. Once they feel their manhood is no longer being questioned all the time, once they settle down in a het relationship, have a bunch of kids and their social status is unquestionably secure, they start to allow themselves to experience small portions of intimacy with other men. And I mean, closeness, tenderness, gentleness in the touch. Allowing themselves to feel and be felt by their friend without having to school their facial expression, or recoil from their touch wondering what it looks like from the outside - without worrying about what people will think.

We sure enjoy the show he and Misha put up on every Cockles panel. The innuendos are fun, messy and liberating, but Jensen has shown, more often than not, to actually be drawn to Misha. His body language indicates he gravitates to Misha whenever he can, even if so ever slightly, he will turn towards Misha, look him in the eye, study his reaction after every comment, every remark. There are countless posts on here pointing out just how differently Jensen carries himself around Misha vs everyone else on the set. We can see it. What we don’t always see, so well, is Jensen’s inner struggle to reestablish boundaries with someone who keeps making him tearing them down - Misha. What I’m getting at is that, something as impersonal as a shoulder-slap is charged with meaning coming from Jensen. Dean doing it towards Cas, shows this is Jensen’s definition of love between men, of affection - matter of fact, as affectionate as he can bring himself to be in public. It says “I love him, and were he a she, I would kiss him on the cheek”.

We can’t fully understand Destiel and the feelings involved without looking into certain attitudes the actors (let) bleed out to the characters. The same way, some of the the teasing and - downright - filthy looks Dean gives Cas, actually result of Jensen teasing Misha during shooting. When Jensen allies with Jared and tries to make Misha break character by flirting with him, making R rated comments, sexual innuendos, etc… Which, by the way, is what I call - flirting. One thing is to shove a broom or whatever between Misha’s legs to make him break character like Jared is fond of, another entirely different is to sexually tease and frustrate Misha. Jensen knows the power (and I had to make an effort to not type “influence”) he has over Misha, and he likes it enough to keep using it. The real question is how much he gets off on this bizarre dynamic.

We should discuss more often about how when it comes to Dean and Cas, the writers do not script what we love to gif over here: the longing looks, the sexy tease, the checking out mode… Whereas, the distance between them is planed and set by marks on the floor to fit the camera angles, the mannerisms, facial expressions and looks are mostly Jensen and Misha. 

What I find intriguing about the bro-slap is how it contrasts immensely with Jensen’s body language towards Misha. He wants to touch Misha. Whether in unscripted scenes or off camera, Jensen wants to touch him. No one is making him reach out to touch him every chance he gets, be it a shoulder/back/chest slap, a hand on his shoulder or back, putting his arm around him, or rubbing shoulders… it is obvious that Jensen craves that touch, that intimacy, even if (and probably, I’d say) he doesn’t realize it. So his brain offers him a way out, a coping mechanism to touch Misha in a way he’s comfortable with, he can touch him all he wants as long as he’s rough and manhandles him. Mainly when he’s hyper aware of thousands or even millions of eyes on them. I don’t believe for a minute Dean would bro-slap Cas in private, not at this stage, not with their story, I do believe those scenes are Jensen giving himself permission to have some men-on-men intimacy. Oddly enough, for such a careful actor, Jensen, sure knows how to school his body movements in public but can’t seem to be able to exercise control over his facial expressions, eyes, or his unruly eagerness when interacting with Misha.

In the most graphic of details What is the cockliest cocklesy cockles you've seen or heard about? Take your time. I'll sit here waiting in anticipation:)

OH GOD ANOTHER ANCIENT ASK DRAFTED *seppuku*

I know why I drafted this one, though. It’s TOO FREAKIN’ DIFFICULT!!! How am I even supposed to attempt to answer this? I hope you’re happy for I’m being tortured here!!

But then again it serves me right for forgetting about this ask entirely…

Anyway… I think I’ve mentioned this before, but I prefer the small stuff. Like, moments that are completely instinctive and come so naturally to either of them (although Jensen is the first who comes to mind when it comes to being careless about that stuff xD), that they cannot control themselves and then when they realize what they’ve done, they try to cover it up, but poorly haha

I don’t think I can pick only one. But here are the cockliest ones I can think of right off the top of my head. Be prepared for some horrible feels. (I really do hope you’re still following me because I’m about to go through some serious pain here)

This one, when Jensen was SO FED UP with Sera’s bullshit about Cas and Misha, that he actually used sarcasm and broke his ever cool, ever professional public persona. It’s not, you know, a BIG one, such as the groping and grinding and all, but it seems so significant to me for some reason. And his expressions during the whole bullshit talk are priceless btw.

The way Jensen says hey when Misha interrupts his interview and Misha’s cute little thing he does aND THE LITTLE SHRUG OH GOD SAVE ME

(and when you compare it to Jensen’s reaction to Jared interrupting his interview the same day…

… yeah)

The way Jensen was keeping an eye on Misha the whole time he was dancing. So cute. And not that obvious either. Like, I spotted him looking at Misha in the first gif only after staring at the gifset for like ten minutes hahaha, It’s so brief, but you can tell it’s not a coincidence and that his eyes are glued to him xD

OF COURSE I have to mention the almost kiss. And Jensen holding Misha with the hand that holds the microphone… And totally resting his head on Misha’s shoulder. I mean…. Wow!!

Just….. I have no words for this gif, and I don’t think I need to have any, it speaks for itself. I’ll hate it till the day I die. Thanks for making me look at it again. Really. Thanks.

Of course, the “hahahah Misha I love you so much must touch you oops touch you for too long abort abort solution: clap oh wait no abort not clapping moment touch mouth pretend nothing happened errr awkward” moment in which Jensen is a dork in love and Misha is the composed one realizing he shouldn’t give it too much attention because Jensen already was making it painfully obvious for everyone with eyes. Truly precious <3

THIS little gem we REALLY need high quality video of *sigh* One of the famous reasons the cockles fandom gets frustrated when on cockles sprees *sigh followed by more sigh*

This one that makes it look like they’re hiding something. Which they are, I guess. But not doing a very good job of it. Fuckers.

HAHAHAHAHAHHA no. I hate this one with passion. It’s one of the worst things I’ve ever seen and I was going out of my mind the whole day after I first saw it. Do not watch the video, okay? You can FEEL Misha being caught off guard. It’s GROSS and not recommended for people with weak hearts. Or people with strong hearts. It’s forbidden for everyone actually.

The way Jensen smiles when Misha looks at him and touches him and just leans on his hand… NOPE

Right about now I would mention the one when Misha comes on stage unexpectedly with Felicia Day and Jensen LOOSES it and Jared’s like “Oh you pathetic lovesick puppy” BUT I’m not going to because I’m pretty sure I’ve mentioned it in EVERY single one of my cockles posts so yeah, I’m gonna skip it this time. I just though I should at least mention how much I hate that moment.

This one messes with my heart rate in a serious way. The way Jensen steppes back and just, okay, listen that is TOO quick of a reaction to be an act okay. THAT was instinct. THAT was Jensen. And the way Misha looks so fucking pleased about it, I can’t process that. I just can’t.

This is actually my favorite cockles moment. I mean, you don’t look down if you get caught looking at a friend. I mean, you can’t even really get caught looking at a friend because you don’t need to do it secretly. So, yeah, this is one of the moments that make me scream internally. Fuck you two. Fuck you so very much.

Yeah. I know. I hate it too. U just wish Jensen didn’t have to be on stage with Misha, since he HATES him so much. #pray4jensen

Misha warning Jensen to STOP FLIRTING SO OPENLY by side glancing at him. I find this so precious because WOW. Jensen was going STRONG and then Misha probably just did that so he could tell Jensen he was going overboard. It’s too PRECIOUS REALLY. And then Jensen just walked away, smiling awkwardly. Love it.

Ladies and gentlemen, may I present to you “Did I just cup Misha’s face and playfully pushed him away on stage in front of all these people?” starring Jensen Ackles.

Still don’t know what to make of this. Like ??????????? I don’t mind when my knee is touching a friend’s, but I don’t adjust my leg so that would happen. ??????

I have a few problems with this moment.

Misha saying “we get a tingly feeling so we know it’s you”

Misha’s face while saying “we get a tingly feeling so we know it’s you”

Jensen’s reaction to Misha saying “we get a tingly feeling so we know it’s you”

Misha’s reaction to Jensen’s reaction to “we get a tingly feeling so we know it’s you”

WE GET A TINGLY FEELING SO WE KNOW IT’S YOU

???????????????????????????

Jensen watching Misha interact with kids. BIG PROBLEM.

You know what, I HATE this panel. With PASSION.

This is before Misha says WE get a TINGLY FEELING so we know it’s you, it’s when the fan plays the song, BUT, since it actually causes more pain than that moment, I decided to leave it for last. I can go and cry myself to death now. Goodbye world.

P.S. I’m SO sorry for replying so late. I know you said to take my time but I don’t think you meant over 2 months xD I just hope you’re still around to see it. I mean, I don’t think you’re dead, just maybe you’re not following me anymore. If you do see it, I hope you like it!!! :)

Castiel, Angel of Thursday

I feel like I really need to say this. See, I’m a Casgirl. I am not one of those fans who’s been with the show from season 1, and has been seeing the show airing on TV since its beginnings. The reason why I started watching Supernatural was because of Cas gifs on tumblr.

Because come on, who wouldn’t be taken away, or even slightly intrigued by that?

I just felt that, wow, this is such a complex character. He looked meek, powerful, obedient, calm, strong, formidable, intimidating, unpretentious, and so fucking badass, all at the same time. You kinda get all that vibe from a couple of gifs. Like wtf right?

He is an angel?

he is a warrior…

he is human..

  monster…

a stoned hippie…

a nutcase..

  he is a servant, a soldier, a rebel, a healer, a father, a vessel..

he is god?

And I was just mesmerized, because wow, this actor puts so much into this character, and somehow he seems to pull everything off, in a very convincing way. Like i need to know more about this Castiel. It was just so impressive. And then I remember seeing for the first time gifs of him and dean suggesting a non-platonic relationship, and I was just floored because I really thought that it was canon, and I set off to really watch the show. The chemistry was just incredible, it was just there. It demanded to not be ignored. 

palpable

unintended

but it was there

it fills the gap even in scenes supposed to be filled with contempt

undeniable

and so glorious

You can just tell that this angel is so in love with this human.

There it was in bold letters across his face.

This angel fell for this human and it was so beautiful.

It’s just so sad and beautiful.

There were so many layers to Castiel’s character—so well, and lovingly, and, gently portrayed–that I was in love with this character even before i started watching the show, and even before i knew what a wonderful human being the actor who played him was.

And that was why I watched Supernatural. Because of Cas.

I know that the show is ultimately about the two brothers. And I can understand that the endgame would be about just Sam and Dean, and yes, it would be just the two of them against the world, but I hurt for Cas. Because I want this to be his story too. Because I started watching this, and I am still watching this show. For Castiel’s story.

The Titanoboa, is a 48ft long snake dating from around 60-58million years ago. It had a rib cage 2ft wide, allowing it to eat whole crocodiles, and surrounding the ribcage were muscles so powerful that it could crush a rhino. Titanoboa was so big it couldn’t even spend long amounts of time on land, because the force of gravity acting on it would cause it to suffocate under its own weight.