I’ve Fucked Guys I Should’ve Shot In The Head

if you’ve ever wondered what it’s like to live in the midwest, this is it. 

"to smithereens" is one of the worst things to be blown to. right up there with weezer

want more juice but i drinked it all. this is, i cannot stress this enough, utterly fucked

My fucking cat has figured out how to gently dig his claws into my eyelid and pull my eyes open while I'm sleeping. He does this. It does not hurt. He is remarkably precise and gentle. I however am asleep when it happens and do not appreciate being clockwork oranged by a needy clingy goddamn animal who thinks he needs attention.

you're very pretty. your uniqueness is an inherently beautiful trait. please don't compare yourself to this guy. he's hot but don't compare yourself to him

have i told you guys about the time that i classically conditioned my kindergarten class

I was feeling agitated and artblocked yesterday so I decided to give my brain a rest by watching TV and then the next thing I knew these were in front of me

things that made me stop wanting to die that require no effort whatsoever

change the color used to highlight text on your laptop

move the pictures on your wall

stack whatever clutter is in your room into piles even if you don’t have time to clean it all

slightly vary your commute, even just by one street

change where you sit and scroll aimlessly on your phone even if it’s only to the chair in your room instead of your bed

drink water or juice out of a wine glass in the morning because nothing is real

shower with the lights off, without music

buy $3 flowers at trader joe’s—they look bad next to the more expensive ones but they look so good in your room

start typing things you don’t post into your notes. your thoughts can be worth documenting even if you don’t deem them worth sharing

wake up super early just once. you don’t have to make it a habit it’s just extra satisfying to go to bed that night

listen to the entirety of your favorite album from 2015

did they ever track down the baby born at dashcon?

One of the best things you can do when cooking for yourself is to always double the portions in a recipe so you have leftovers for when you don’t feel like cooking. One of the worst things you can do is trying to fuck the garbage disposal.