S1 Jayvik In My Mind

Richard "Took a year of pre-med and still couldn't correctly identify his symptoms of pneumonia and hypothermia" Papen

i think me and every other georgian online has the right to be majorly pissed about americans who mistake the Country for the state ESPECIALLY recently with the ongoing protests and fights. do not complain about how it makes sense that they are mistaken because of the name because that is no longer an excuse, i am very tired, don't be ignorant

A part of Richard's isolation from the group that I would like to put forward is this:

I truly do believe the group care for Richard as a friend, even when their relationships start to spiral out of control near the end. But that care isn't always present throughout their lives, the same way most people aren't constantly obsessing over their friend's feelings 24/7, and he cannot understand it.

It's not just the stuff you would typically think of that proves this to me, like the twins going out of their way to include him, companionable rambles with Bunny, making food with Francis. The most obvious instance of this is Richard being excluded from the Bacchanalia, and yes, this obviously sucks as someone trying so desperately to be included and a part of the group, but also makes so much sense from their perspective.

If Richard had been normal, he would have been so weirded out! This could be a convenient excuse, but it could just as easily be the group showing their own desires to be accepted by HIM, in a kind of reverse of roles that Richard naturally doesn't want to pick up on, because that would be seeing them human, and fallible, and SIMILAR TO HIMSELF. Unthinkable!

Something I've not seen discussed is the little aside when he first falls in with the group proper and relates that they had found him just as aloof as he had found them. Their inviting him to Francis's house was simply an urge to impress him, and I can't see any other way of reading it than that. If they had simply wanted to include him, but didn't care about how he saw them, they could have simply kept inviting him to their houses and out for lunch.

But, it's the moments that also double as little instances of ostracism that really interest me: Camilla saying Henry didn't want to do another pig ritual because he thought it would upset Richard, the group telling him they've already involved him enough and that he shouldn't participate in Bunny's murder. The general reading of this (that I've seen so far) seems to be that Henry did these things purposefully to keep Richard apart from the group, he didn't know him as well as the others, an unknown quantity, someone he didn't care for as much since he hadn't known him as long. But there's a lot of ambiguity there as well, and I think what makes things so compelling is that uncertainty. It could be purposeful, or unintentional, or some inextricable combination of the two.

(As an aside- ironically, I believe Henry may care about Richard the most out of anyone in the group. Helping him while he was sick, worried about seeing Richard drunk during the day, it's all rather sweet, and I don't believe it was entirely some machievellian scheme.)

However, I like to see the isolation as mostly, if not entirely unintentional, because that makes it so much more cutting to me. It's subtle. They don't put any special thought into doing it, they just…don't even think how these things could make him feel.

The worst part is, as far as I remember, Richard never fully engages with his feelings about this, but they are felt so much through the story and his actions within them. They are moments that sunk deep within his psyche like a stone that's dropped into water and swallowed immediately without a trace. It sits very still inside him, unmoveable.

His acceptance of these moments as they are happening to him is likely a result of his history of loneliness and being apart from others. There is nothing unusual to him about this, that it would require further thought from him within his narrative.

A large part of Richard's isolation is due to his glorification of the people he deems worthy, which continues even after he begins to see their flaws. Despite them, he still can't bear to see them torn down to his level, people he can relate to instead of glorify or look down upon. I think there is an element of self destruction to this, not wanting to understand so he has an excuse to punish himself for self perceived deficiencies.

It's very intriguing, this uncertainty of how much of Richard's isolation from the group is imagined, or perhaps even self imposed in a kind of feedback loop, where he feels pushed away and so pulls himself away from them, to anonymous parties with people he professes not to care about, takes pills and sleeps for days, to numb himself from the pain of their rejection.

And in the process, this feeling of isolation is enforced, becomes more a reality through the concrete evidence he has produced by himself. Maybe the group see his behaviour and think he needs space, they give it to him. He feels lonely, he says nothing. Because he would rather freeze to death than ask for help.

richard: …so, what i was saying- i was really upset about john lennon’s death

henry: oh, i’m sorry. was john lennon your uncle?

richard:

no i dont think richard was "not smart enough" for the greek class. but lets not pretend his monetary status is what kept him from fitting in. Bunny was not rich, despite his illusion of wealth/big rich guy persona and his 'friends' knew this. Even the twins weren't well off, lol. Only Francis and Henry were wealthy.

The reason richard never became a core part of the group (unless absolutely necessary) was simply this: he was boring. he was a voyeur whose sole purpose was bearing witness to something greater than himself (nnnot really. all these guys were kind of pathetic and swept up in the tides of their delusions.)

that is part of the tragedy of richard and his entire story: he wanted, so badly, to be a part of this group, this other-worldly phenomenon that could never really accept him. he got swallowed whole and spit right back out by the very people he had built up to be these divine beings of perfection. He becomes doomed to forever feel the grief of a rejection so in-his-face and the only closure he gets is some fantasy he forces in a foggy dream.

Wolfstar hits harder if Remus isn't conventionally attractive.

Because while Sirius is still deep in denial and internalized homophobia, he's convincing himself like "it's okay, i'm not gay, anyone would want to kiss Remus once in a while, he's just objectively hot"

Except Remus is awkward and quiet when not around friends, he's too tall like he grew up too fast and doesn't know what to do with this extra height, his scars scare people away, he wears grandpa sweaters, drinks tea in his free time and goes to sleep at 9 pm, he can't flirt for the life of him (even though he could bc he's witty and sarcastic) because he has no self-confidence and it shows.

He's basically a loser (affectionate) and Sirius is like "it's okay, no need to panic, he's the sexiest man on earth but that's just an astute observation, no gay thoughts here"

and i just think that's funny as hell

my theory for what henry whispered to camilla is "kitten, i'll be honest. daddy's about to kill himself"

you probably wouldn’t like me at all

He makes me crash out, respectfully,,

My existence is a scandal ✎