Ночная рубрика экспериментов. Впервые взялась за масляную

Witcher modern AU where Julian Alfred Pancratz, who has a B.A. from Oxford in Philosophy, minoring in language–earned it all by himself even if his parents did technically pay his way in in the first place. They were hoping he would study law, he didn’t, and they’re vaguely supportive but absolutely don’t understand why he won’t at least go back and get his master’s, maybe teach or something? 

But no. No, this idiot, on a whim one day towards the beginning of college, decided that playing guitar was boring so he went and bought himself a lute off Amazon and taught himself how to play through YouTube tutorials and the second he got his B.A. he fucked off to a Ren Faire and was like, “Behold! In my free time I’ve rewritten all of these pop songs in ye Old English and taught myself how to play them on a lute.” And he’s pretty much hired on the spot because he looks the look and walks the walk and has all of this boundless energy and unrestrained confidence. He goes by Jaskier at work and eventually just starts introducing himself as that outside of work because whatever, he likes it better than Julian. It means buttercup and flowers are pretty and he writes a ballad about it to play on the job. 

His parents just. Don’t understand. He’s young, though, and he’s having fun, and he’s making money, so they don’t actually have a problem with it but they Don’t Get It. 

It just gets worse when Jaskier meets Geralt. 

Yennefer and Geralt are this on again, off again thing and during one of their off periods when Yen isn’t too angry at Geralt to refuse to talk to him, she drags him to the Ren Faire all dressed up in her finished sorceress costume and she’s made Geralt wear this nice doublet and leather pants and pull his hair back. Geralt is like, “Okay, fine.” And he lets Yen drag him around all she wants and Jaskier sees him and is instant heart eyes, spends the whole time following them around with the worst love ballads, and Yennefer finds it HILARIOUS. 

When Jaskier gets the chance to actually talk to them he finds out that Geralt technically doesn’t have a job, he just does odd work wherever he can find it which makes him some weird jack-of-all-trades. Pest problems? He knows weird tricks to deal with that. AC broke? He can probably fix it. Remodeling your home? Geralt can probably rebuild the damn thing from scratch. Radiator broken? Just pay for the parts and he’ll replace it for half the service of a normal mechanic with none of the up-selling bullshit.

Jaskier is like, “Perfect because we’ve actually been looking for a handy man around here since our last once decided that traveling on the road wasn’t for him, SOOO let me sweet talk some people.” 

Geralt’s not sure but then Yen finds out that she would get free admission and demands he does it, so like, sure, okay. 

Then a few months into it one of the knights gets injured and they’re like FUCK who can we train with a sword on short notice who looks like they could actually handle a sword? All eyes turn to Geralt. Who is also like, “…Fuck.” 

He’s not a good performer. The knights are supposed to make all these grand speeches about honor and valor and they give the script to Geralt and he reads three lines and then just doesn’t read the rest, because whatever, this is a temporary thing anyway until the other knight heals so he doesn’t care about fucking it up. He’s only doing it because Jaskier gave him puppy dog eyes and has already written five ballads about his imaginary conquests so when the sword fighting and jousting stuff comes up and the other knight makes their big long speech and it comes to Geralt he just shrugs and goes, “I’m here to fight, not talk.” 

And the crowd loves it. They lose their shit. Geralt does NOT get to go back to being a general handy man, much to his annoyance, and he can’t walk through the Faire without people constantly stopping him to take pictures with him. They go nuts over this stoic, reluctant knight at the Ren Faire who only vaguely smiles if you happen to catch him having lunch with the bard. 

Jaskier brings him home for the holidays. This big, imposing man who their son got hired on at the fair as a handyman because he was unemployed at the time, no formal education, stupidly good with a sword, doesn’t talk much, is all over social media scowling in selfies with people and covered in dirt. These poor middle-to-upper-class parents desperately trying to understand why their Oxford graduate son is so happy living life as a Ren Faire bard dating the gruff handyman turned knight, they just Don’t. Understand.

Part 2

Ну… Пусть эта фотка моей собаки будет моим первым постом здесь. Ибо я совершенно не представляю что тут ещё можно делать. с:

Help me from homework, Doctor!

Sooooo satisfying!

reblog if you are ASEXUAL, support ASEXUAL PEOPLE, or SECRETLY A DRAGON IN HUMAN FORM

Harry and Eggsy, taken by Lee in 1993

What a year this week has been.

I’ve been waiting all year to post this.

Собираюсь плести феньку в 60 нитей. Она будет шириной примерно как эти три вместе взятые. Если я умру в процессе, виноваты MCR, потому что фенечка именно по ним! :D #фенечка #фенька #ящерицы #FriendshipBracelets #frnkieroandthecellabration #handmade #MyChemicalRomance #MCR #killjoy