Coming Out To My Conservative Family Next Year On My 1-year HRT Anniversary. I’m Poised To Lose A Lot

Truly one of the best side-effects 😭

Heck that’s honestly just one of the effects lol, no side- about it!

I love the fact that I can cry like Mary in a pietà for whatever reason now, good or ill.

Mood. Not a healthy one, but mood

“i must be faking this for attention” thinks the girl who isn’t even telling anyone about it

Oh hey, Bingo!

butch as in, “here let me get that for you.”

butch as in, I help all my friends move.

butch as in, “of course I’ll be the DD.”

butch as in, I walk on the outside of the sidewalk.

butch as in, “thank you, baby.”

butch as in, I’m the advice friend.

butch as in, “do you need help?”

butch as in, I’m active in my community.

butch as in, “say that again, I dare you.”

butch as in, I’m a jack of all trades.

butch as in, “will you stay?”

butch as in, a shoulder to lean on.

butch as in, “I can fix that.”

butch as in, I’ll pump your gas and check your oil.

butch as in, “I’d love to make you dinner.”

inspired by @femmefruit :)

As I’ve told my partner many times, a hag is my ultimate transition goal. Can’t beat a creepy, saggy, balding swamp witch who lives in an overgrown hut, cooks out of a cauldron, and has jars full of hell knows what 🧌

A majority of the fears of transition strike me as ultimately being fears of aging. You don't want to get bald, you don't want your boobs sagging, you don't want to get bigger, you don't want your back to get hairy, you hate that rather than resembling an anime character you will look like your dad or your mom. you're afraid of losing fertility, you're afraid of losing skin elasticity, you're afraid of losing hard-ons or vaginal moisture, you don't want to lose muscle you don't want to lose flexibility, you think people will no longer be attracted to you, you fear something will happen to your body from which you can never turn back, and most of all you fear the inevitable winnowing down of life options that actually occurs for all people as time advances, whether they make a decision about themselves or not.

what else have i forgotten here? especially curious on trans feminine perspectives on this (whether they converge with or diverge from or merely complicate what i am saying). this is for a piece

I hate how relatable this is…

Seeing wicked with the fam today and yes once again i was right. Conservative people CAN watch wicked and enjoy it and get the message because they see it differently. On the History scene (which mirrors the government trying to block out history lessons on slavery) and the Something Bad scene (where they talk about animals losing their rights and ability to speak), my mom equated these to us trying to erase the Bible, and (racist) white people being publicly shamed for speaking (racist) things.

Selfish indeed.

But you don’t understand, Mercy. If he had let you guys do it perfectly, then you might be more powerful than him and you might not need him anymore! He wouldn’t be able to control things! How could you ask him to do something like that, when that might mean he ends up alone again?! Especially when you could just kill your very best friend and stay dependent on Jod instead, thereby guaranteeing him company for eternity? Pretty selfish of you…

While I love and personally feel very seen by the allegorical* butch transfem/gnc/non-passing rep we get from Pyrrha, the circumstances that lead to her current gender situation somewhat muddy the waters on this imho….

Functionally*, Pyrrha becomes a butch trans woman who works dig-sites to feed her found family. This is entirely due to G1deon dying to Varun and leaving her behind in his body though, so whether this is her preferred presentation can’t really be called here.

Before lyctoral consumption, Pyrrha was head of intelligence for the Cohort, and a cop long before that. She’s great with guns and swords, and falls for people capable of burning empires down single-handedly. Classic femme fatale shit historically, but slightly gender-fucky given the cavalier dynamic.

On the other hand again, she calls her family “daddy’s treasures” after coming home late one night, and leaves her/G1deon’s hair cropped. 🤷

So in short.. Pyrrha is a woman who died alongside her nerdy polycule in a nuclear apocalypse, got resurrected as the bodyguard of her best friend, got killed again and magically consumed by said best friend, spent the next 10,000 years give or take intermittently regaining consciousness in his body after having part of her soul eaten away, and now lives in his body full time while undercover in an active war-zone. Anyone got a niche gender label and pride flag for that?

….

*While I wouldn’t want someone in these books to just say “Hi! I’m trans and go by -/-” as this would clash with the subtler baked-in queerness of the post-resurrection world building, there are other ways to write explicitly trans characters that don’t require the plot hoops that Pyrrha had to be thrown through in order to be classified as representation.

my daily mental exercise is trying to determine where pyrrha falls on the butch-femme scale

This hits WAY too close to home for me.

Escapism

Low key would LOVE to be able to attach computers to myself like this. Imagine the memories you could store and retrieve with this tech. Plus it just looks cool… that may be the main reason… body modification 🤖

Nerd and jock from yesterday’s illustration

🫂

So much of my gender is wrapped up in what I can do for others. What I can be for others. My gender is anything before it is my own; the helpful young man holding doors open for strangers, the caring grandson visiting his grandmother in the hospital, the protective older brother, the son trying and trying and trying to be perfect for his mother.

I am the son trying to be perfect, and the best thing I can do for my mother is be a daughter. What else am I supposed to do, other than try my best to be a daughter? My gender is a man whose only purpose is what he can do for others, and that means I must be a woman.

I heard someone say, once, that men are taught that our value comes from providing for those around us. We're taught that being a man means taking care of a family, but we never learn that being a man means taking care of ourselves too.

Do I matter too? The best thing I can do for my mother is be her daughter, and the best thing I can do for me is be her son. What am I supposed to do? What's more important? My gender is about taking care of my family, providing for them, and my gender has never been about doing anything for myself.