Vent Post (aka Part Of My Dark Backstory) Lol

Vent post (aka part of my dark backstory) lol

Tw: sexual abuse, physical abuse, emotional abuse, manipulation, self harm, rape, suicide attempts, sucide encouragement/baiting, incest, trans inclusive radical feminist mindset, emotional manipulation, transphobia, fatshaming (Also Anything along those lines)

My step father: he emotionally & verbally abused me. He would also often grope me while I was 9 - 10 years old but the worst didn't happen to me. It happened to my mother and sister but I was still there to witness it all.

I couldn't take it anymore. At 9 years old i made a plan for sucide and failed. So I made another plan in my diray and wrote a sucide note about how everything my step father did was effecting me which my mother found and ended up showing my step father who didn't give two shits. That was what finally got my mum to stand up to him and kick him out.

My bio father: abused me physically (but did it less the older I got) and emotionally abused me. At 6 years old I was raped by my own father, nothing was the same after that. I started gaining weight, I became withdrawn among people my own age and only really talked to adults. I would overeat when stressed and would later get fatshamed for it so much I now struggle to eat twice a day. (My mother was not aware of most of this they had been divorced since I was 2) my father encouraged my sucide attempt and my self harm. I ended up attempting suicide 7 seapreate times. He made sure i felt too guilty to ever tell my mother.

Because of these experiences i distanced myself away from any males, and hyperfemnisted myself. Because masculinity was evil and like all the father figures i ever had, and feminity was my mother, my friends and everyone who made me feel safe.

So unfortunately I ended up down the trans inclusive radical feminist mindset, to specify I included trans women & nonbinary people in radfem mindset but not transmasc people.

I thought trans man were superior to man for their female experiences and feminised them. They were not included in my kill all men mindset and I believed they were nonbinary people in denial. (Which wtf younger me???)

This of course was not good for me. I eventually realised how wrong my mindset was after I had a really caring male English teacher who cared deeply about my well-being, got me a counsellor and helped me heal a lot.

I however made no effort to change this mindset until a few years later. I still have a long way to go towards healing my relationship with masculinity. And i generally sympathise with a fem person quicker than with a masc one still but I'll get there.