I Want To Talk About How Bad I’m Struggling. I Want Help. I Want To Vent To My Friends. I Want To Vent

I am going to kill myself

Tomorrow would’ve marked our 9 month anniversary, and two months since we have been separated from each other.

I cant lie when I say I miss you. I long for you sometimes. I wish that I could relive every single moment we spent with each other so I didn’t take it for granted. You felt like you were my person. I cant say that I’m not absolutely crushed that you aren’t here anymore.

I continuously think that I’m getting better, but I just remember how much I enjoyed our time together and get wrecked again. I dont Even know if you miss me, and I don’t think it matters. I just fucking miss you. I miss that i was able to call you mine. Now I call you an abuser because that is what you are.

I am in a much better place with much better people. Yet I still feel so alone without you sometimes. I wish I could see your face again. I wish I could hear your voice again. I wish we could laugh on call for hours again. I just want it all Back. I miss you so fucking much. I really do.

It just hurts, and I think it hurts more that you don’t really miss me—assuming, at least. I know you, I really do. I know you’d never post how you felt, and how you’d always just dump it onto me because I was always there for you. I know that you miss me, or maybe it’s just my delusion telling me so. I dont know what I want, or who I want, or what I want to do. I dont know anything and just feel lost.

I miss you so much. Theres still a Little Bit of Love for you In my heart. I try everyday to resist looking at your account, texting you and begging you back, etc. I just miss you so fucking much. I do. I cant lie and say I don’t. I don’t miss you ALL the time like I used to. But I am still hurting. The wound is still fresh I suppose, but it doesn’t even feel like two months.

I just wish I could wake up and it was a dream. I wish I could wake up and do things right. I wish that you were right in the head. I wish you weren’t the way you are because then maybe things would’ve worked out. I miss you so fucking much. I really do.

I can’t be too involved in the past, or I’ll miss everything going on around me in the present. But I just miss you. I wish you were in my present. I love you.

I think im going to kill myself

Nobody really loves me anymore. Not even my friends or family or loved ones or partner or fucking anything. I just want to die. I don’t know how to escape this hellish cycle anymore. I don’t know how to be rational or to keep going. There is nothing to live for anymore. I want to kill myself.

Please god fucking help me

RHAT MOMENT WHEN YOUR BEST FRIEND FOR LIFE IS NOW NOT YOUR BEST FRIEND ANYMORE AND WILL VERY SHORTLY MOVE ON WITHOUT YOU IN THEIR LIFE😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

I genuinely believe God isn’t taking me out yet because this is his version of Hell for me which is being but can’t successfully die and purposely he’s dragging me through all of this pain and forcing me to stay alive because he knows I want out he won’t let me out he hates me

This is genuinely Hell I’m already in hell and he shaped it to seem like I’m living an individual shitty life no this is a punishment i don’t know what for but I’m scared and nothing I can do will ever let him forgive me and I’m scared I don’t want to be an awful person

I want to be forgiven in general but I just don’t want this anymore ill be a good person if you just let me fucking go on to a different place please I have prayed asking for d**th and nothjng has fucking happened because he knows there’s nothing I hate more than being alive

Fuck I’m cursed I don’t know if this is psychosis I don’t know but I’m genuinely convinced I’m living in Hell and that this is a punishment for something I did long long ago I am genuinely convinced I’m In hell Icant get out of my own brain what am I gonna do

I am so embarrassed that I made a scene and it’s honestly making all of this so much worse. I feel awful and I never want to show my face again

I feel sick and dizzy and just angry and apathetic tbh

I broke again today.

Well, not really broke. But currently I’m quietly crying.

I do miss you. I really do. I saw a video where it was two people who called each other mama and bunny and it just reminded me so much of you. It reminded me so fucking much of you.

I miss you more than anything. I know that we should go out separate ways and that we shouldn’t be in each other’s lives, but I miss you still. I hate that it ended the way it did. I don’t even know if we still would’ve been friends, I don’t know anything about what could’ve happened because it won’t. And that’s okay. I really don’t need you in my life anyways.

You make me really sad about myself sometimes. I wonder why you treated me the way you do, but also realize you were also facing a lot. Maybe this is the way it should’ve been, where we didn’t even interact with each other at all. I miss you. It feels like such a big piece of me is missing, but I know that the void gets filled more and more everyday.

You did leave me with a lot of things to deal with, but I don’t have to deal with them on my own. I’m getting out more. I got a job. I’m back in school, and am going to attend big school things like homecoming and prom without worrying about you or wishing you were there. I know you projected a lot of your insecurity on me. And I’m sorry that you had to do that.

I’m also sorry that I might’ve added onto your insecurities too. My messages to you were hateful. But I’m not going to block you and apologize. I still honestly believe you deserved to be brutally humbled. It doesn’t make me feel any less guilty. And I still miss you. I miss you a lot, and sort of appreciate you reaching out. It meant you missed me, and that made me feel good for awhile. But I don’t need your validation anymore, you never really validated me anyways.

I gave my all to you, and while you didn’t give it back, I am glad that I was at least able to share my kindness. I am happy that i was kind enough to share my love with someone who I thought was nice. It means I’m a nice person, and you made me feel I wasn’t a lot of the time. But I only know that you were doing that because of your personal issues you took out on me. Maybe you just need to grow up.

I still miss you. I really do. And sometimes I wonder if I should’ve just stayed with you instead of breaking it off. But breaking it off is worth it. I will not hurt myself, I will not go to a mental hospital, I will not attempt nor commit suicide over you. I will handle this right this time. I am allowed to miss you and miss the happy memories we did share while also knowing that this was a good thing for me. I hate you a lot still, but the hatred lessens everyday, and I become neutral about you. I don’t know what I want to happen to you, but whatever it is, I hope it’s far away from me. I hope it never enters my life. Maybe one day we will talk again, and you’ll be better, and we can possibly become friends. But I don’t even want that, really.

I am still hurting, because I spent so much time with you in 7 months. But I was just fine before I met you, meaning I can be fine without you too. I know I can, and I have. Things will look up for me. And me missing you will lessen. Me wishing I could’ve shut up will be completely tarnished. You will not be in my brain anymore. You will then miss me again, you’ll regret what you have done, and I’ll be everything your brain consumes. And I’m glad for that. Just so I can let you know that I am much better without you.

I miss you. But I’m glad you aren’t here anymore.