Tomorrow was supposed to be our 8 month anniversary.
It sort of hurts thinking about it. Obviously I’m grateful it’s not, but man, what could’ve been….I don’t need to focus on what could’ve been. If I didn’t get what I want that’s because the universe has something better for me—and I’ve received that better already.
Its just going to take some time to heal. I’ve already been healing pretty nicely I think. I still kind of miss you because like … we spent so much time together. And I just hope you miss me too. I hope you eventually mourn you like how I do, and realize you’re missing something from your life that was wonderful.
I still love you so much I’m sorry please come back I’m about to snap and beg you to come back I love you so much I’m sorry please forgive me I’m so sorry I miss you so fucking much I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry
I’m not even happy with my relationships or friendships anymore. I’m just so depressed. Nothing makes me happy anymore and I just can’t live life normally anymore.
I can’t see my loved ones the same anymore. I don’t see them in any sort of negative or positive light. I just see them as strangers. They’re all now strangers to me. My own mother feels like a stranger. I don’t have a family and it fucking hurts so much.
I can’t tell anybody the struggle I go through because they don’t understand or won’t even attempt to. They’re all so selfish. My problems aren’t their’s of course but fuck can’t I at least have some help? Why do I always have to do this shit myself? Why do I have to suffer alone?
I need friends I need help I just need somebody I am drowning
Why have I been in sk many near death situations and haven’t gone away yet why do I have to do it why can’t I just be taken out god praying for death DOESNT work and it’s obvious Everytime I try I fail I can’t take it god please whoever is up there get me out of here I don’t care if it’s Heaven or hell I deserve to rot in hell I’m disgusting oh my god I’m going to die alone even in the afterlife L.O.L😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂I am miserable and venting about it like this makes me feel even more selfish
I want to die so bad fuck
You wonder why I feel unloved you aren’t even responding to my messages why the fuck are you making me being suicidal your problem why are you making it about you fucking bitch you’ve been so fucking rude about everything for a couple days and im fucking sick of it asshole you make me feel sick to my stomach
My head hurts
I feel so empty. I don’t know if I can pretend to be positive or anything anymore. I’m so tired of this cycle and I can’t keep going. I don’t want to keep going.
Everything is failing. I’m pushing everyone away. Nobody fucking cares about me or loves me anymore. I don’t even know the last time I’ve actually felt loved by someone else, not even my own partner.
I don’t even deserve that love anyways, and I don’t say that in the self pity type of way, but I sincerely believe im just an awful person. I don’t deserve the support or the love that I have.
I feel like a shell of a person. I feel like Everytime it almost gets better it just crashes down and it fucking sucks. It sucks so bad. Nobody fucking understands and nobody cares about me enough to even willingly try to understand. I’m so hurt about everything.
I’ve been distancing myself away from everyone besides one friend of mine, and that’s only because he’s readily available and is okay with me staying the night all the time. And now I have a weird dependency problem, now I feel weird when im not at his house or not around him because I can’t be by myself anymore.
I was by myself yesterday and I cut myself. I cut so deep in my skin that I almost reached the third layer of it. I broke my glasses and now they don’t even fit me anymore, they’re crooked. I broke my guitar stand so now I have to lean my guitar against my wall. I threw so many things, I slammed so many things, I cried until my throat was raw from screaming about how much I want to die in my pillow.
I want to die. I haven’t felt so suicidal in so long. I’m so tired of living. One of these days I’ll make my final posts on here because I can’t keep doing this anymore. I don’t know if anyone is reading these or even following me, honestly, but I’m not doing it for them. I’m just venting because I have never felt so fucking alone in my life. I’m not going to be here much longer
Kill me im so fucking done I’m so done i can’t take it anymore
I will be rid of the world. I will be erased, eradicates, removed, and forgotten about. Everything I’ve done would’ve been for nothing, but I think it is suitable karma for wasting other people’s times and dragging them along by the ankles through Hell. My creations will be destroyed, my legacy will not be enough to be withheld, and everyone can rest in peace knowing they don’t have to deal with it anymore. They can be at peace with themselves without having to adapt to my rapid mood swings and empty threats. Not anymore. It will be what I deserve
TW FOR EXTREMELY HEAVY VENTING I CANNOT STRESS THIS ENOUGH. PERSONAL VENT AND INTRUSIVE THOUGHT DIARY
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